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Crazy @ MindSay


The itch
Man, I've got an itch. You know the one. The one where you want to get shit faced drunk and wander down the road at night, or get a tattoo, sing loudly, pick a fight, roll around on the floor and scream. I've got a death wish. Not the ones where you slit your wrists, I've been suicidal before but obviously I'm not dead. One of those that sit under your skin and make you do crazy, dangerous, stupid things. I've had the itch for days, I haven't even been able to eat, just been drinking tea and smoking and shaking. Went all the way out to this coffee shop just to get a sandwich and I stared at it for 20 minutes and got a to go box. I don't even know what to do with myself. I just want my stomach to stop hurting. I guess I'll drink and smoke some more.

Ever gone to bed at your normal time (11:50 - 12:00 range, maybe 12:05), woken up at 2:20, and then woken up again at 4:40? (I am very used to not sleeping the whole night through, especially this year)

And then sort of laugh to yourself, "Ha ha, maybe next time I'll wake up, it'll be 6:60" (7:00 in the real world) ....

...and then stay up until about 5:30 freaking out that you really WON'T wake up to your alarm and WILL sleep in and will be terribly late to work (for your crazy standards) and that life will be OVER?!?!?!?

Welcome to Emilyville :).

(Oh, and if you think I didn't get out of my nice warm bed to walk over to my alarm clock to recheck it being set TWICE and made the volume a little louder to be sure I'd get up at the right haven't been reading this journal long enough :)).

Yep, It's Official - I'm Crazy
As much as a loathe and detest the blazing heat of the summer sun, I decided to have a garage sale this weekend.  What the hell am I thinking?

Saturday Forecast:

97°F | 76°F


March 16th, 2009
Whoa! A Monday! That hasn’t happened in a while! Today was my first day working my new schedule, and was also crazy because Claudia called in sick. Deb Andrews filled in for her. So basically, it was her and Parker on the three. D started out AGAIN with inappropriate talk (“I peed on that tray”), and was off a bit, but started to settle down. A and I were playing Money Bags, and E joined us, and then D came in to play (after he FINALLY brought his lunch tray down to the caf). Then I went to my writing group, but apparently, that’s from 9:30 – 10:00, not 9:00 – 10:00, so yay, I have more time in my room with my boys!

When I went back, reading instruction was NOT happening, but I cracked the whip a bit and got most of us started. I think next time Claudia’s out, I’m going to NOT follow my schedule so I can be there to support the others. Overall, the day was okay; incident when A threw a book at E during silent reading and E hit him (but didn’t REALLY because when E is mad he is a powerhouse and would have left welts, so he just used his hands on him which isn’t better but is), but otherwise, nothing really big was reported to me. A had an issue at lunch, and was mad when I wouldn’t let up/wouldn’t talk to him while he was whining/flailing around, but he slowly realized I meant business and started to talk to me…like an 11 year-old should. I feel like a bitch; I know he’s NOT an 11 year old except for that he’s been alive that long, but at the same time, you’re going to middle school next year, kid. You are going to be in a building of 7th – 12th graders and you need to learn how to act when you’re frustrated or upset.

I felt so bad for Parker today. The sub was really sweet and helpful, but she doesn’t know our room and its crazy preceedings, so today was pretty much JUST Parker. And he mentioned that the difference between when at least one of us is there versus not is tremendous, and “when you guys are here, I feel like I do an…85% good job. When you’re not, I feel like I do an…8”. Aw! He’s so good, but it IS really stressful when you’re used to a team and 2/3 of the team aren’t there. He said he put in for a personal day for tomorrow, which he deserves, I guess, but I’m kind of hoping he doesn’t.

Because I’m not going to be in tomorrow morning. Or, we’re 99% sure I’m not going to be. I mean, not in the building; if I were in the building, I’d be following my schedule. But Pat came in at the end of the day to ask if I’d checked my email, which I hadn’t because the internet was broken all day. Basically, Claire or she or someone told Julia (Z’s mom who has been blowing us off for a long time) that we could hold the meeting AT her house, and she jumped on the idea. She was like ‘well, what’s your schedule tomorrow?’ and I told her I just had to take A to gym from 9 – 10 but C or P could take him or a sub could, so she said that if she could get Jerry/Claire to agree, we’d all go to the house tomorrow. Strange. So I need Claudia to call me so I can let her know tomorrow’s a good day to get to work if she can. And I’m hoping Parker wants to go in, too.

*PS, what a boring entry title!  I need to get creative with these.

Spring, Please

                So…I GOT THE PHONE CALL TODAY!  They called my cell, apparently at 5:31 and left a voicemail.  It ended with Michael saying, “and everyone please…think spring”.  WHAT A TOOL.  He reminds me of my HS principal. Namely, the day he got on the intercom to say, “let me tell you all what’s going on right now:  It’s raining”.  Unfortunately, I had my cell phone off (my phone is pretty much ALWAYS off), so I missed Michael AND the ever diligent/amazing Claudia calling to say those dreaded words:  TWO HOUR DELAY.  So let me wrap my head around this:  snow day Monday, whole day Tuesday, two hour delay on Wednesday, and then half days Thursday and Friday for parent/teacher conferences?  Why did we even come in this week?  AGAIN I didn’t get to start my new routine.  I went to sit with AB in Sue’s room from 10:54 ‘til 11:08.  She was much warmer to me today; rubbing my arm and joking a little.  She doesn’t hate me, yay!  AB was good; gave him his check-list book.

                Wish there was more to report. A had a pretty big tantrum; they’ve been a lot more severe lately.  Conversely, D has been pretty much comatose all week; quiet, unresponsive, unwilling to leave the back table; eerie.  He had a few flare-ups this afternoon, cursing/splashing at A at recess and then storming inside, and then during Jerry’s group, trying to control and yelling at everyone (especially E) for not going with his idea immediately/not understanding his non-explained plan.  Got a little heated, but eventually, we did it! We got the toxic waste over to the bucket and poured it out!
                Bonus, today when I went to consult with Grace today, she'd brought her daughter in for the 45 minutes of school before lunch, and I finally got to meet the amazing and talented Rose!  Ohhhhhhhhhhh my G-d she's amazing. She's small and adorable and oh yeah, she can read and decode and comprehend on a 2nd grade level.  She's 3 years old.  Incredible.  She's a little book worm; when she started to act up today, Grace sat her down in a chair and said, "if mommy has to count to three, you're going to bed tonight without any books!".  THAT was the punishment.  Wow.


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