Crap @ MindSay

I had a dream last night. It was pretty straight forward; I don't think I want to go into details right now anyway.

I was at school and the gyms were open for some testing and this kid was harassing me and  did something to me, I forgot, I think he broke some of my stuff and or punched me in the face. Well After the testing was over I was outside the gym and saw him and started beating the crap out of him because I felt justified but I ended up killing him. This was to be followed up on the cops showing up a few minutes later because of the schools camera systems. I was on trial and I tried to explain how unhappy I was and how this kid had given me shit for so long and no one would help me but the one day I decided to do something he hits his head in the beating and gets killed. No one would sympathize, not the jury, not the judge, not the media, not the cops. Very few people believed me but those people were in no position to help me. I new I would have been executed but they wanted me to know. I told them to do it now but they felt obligated to tell me just what I had did even though  I was set to be killed. I felt like The Stranger

Ergh, I feel crappy. I'm not going into details but it's a combination of a few things: Other people's drama, work tomorrow, and that I'll be spending most of tomorrow night putting up with Carl while we're all out for Christine's birthday. What is his appeal?

 

Or rather... why him and not me?

 

I've no idea what it'll take to make me feel better but all I know, tomorrow night I'm gonna feel like crap (I promised Christine last month I'd come to her birthday, there's no way I'm dropping out as she has her heart set on a great night out) and work being work doesn't help things. Less than five months left, hurry up August.

 

I'm obviously going to try and enjoy myself but probably won't. I think the one saving grace is that, for once, it won't be three couples plus me and Christine going out. It'll be four couples, a couple of people I know, and a couple of people I don't know.

 

Oh well.

I'm tired. I have cramps and for some reason I can't seem to get warm. It's that cold-on-th- inside feeling. I have things to do, but all I want to do is stay in bed. I don't have to go to work today, but I'm wondering if I'd have more energy if I did have to go to work.

 

'The husband' thinks I'm depressed. I am inclined to agree.  Someone once said it's the little things that pile up on us and kills us, not the big stressors.  I agree with them, too.  As bad as I feel about Aunt Harriet Ann's death, I know it's the constant worrying about finances and everyday life is weighing heavy on me. Losing Aunt Harriet was just the icing on the cake. That woman was a pistol and it is still hard to believe that she couldn't beat cancer again.

 

*sigh*I come from a legacy of strong women on both sides of my family. I need to start acting like it  Snap out of it Myclette! Sorry about the rambling folks.

Apparently I'm going to have to squat in the woods to have this baby...

I started seeing a new doctor last month. I don't like her.
She told me that a scheduled cesarean was inevitable, that it was more convenient for her and the hospital. I was ridiculed over wanting a VBAC, or at least trial labor. She didn't ask me any questions, about how I was feeling or anything. After the dating ultrasound, she failed to tell me that estimated due date. She continually eluded to the fact that her office lets patients go if they are considered high risk, or due in certain months. Every time I spoke up I was cut off by her BIG LOUD VOICE.
After the appointment, I was told not to call for scheduling, that they would call me. (My last doctor's office always scheduled the next few months in advance, just to make sure they could get you in. It was really nice.)
So, it's been over two weeks, and no call from them. I have been wondering if they decided not to accept me as a patient.
Just now, I went to check the mail, and there was a bill from her office for the whole amount from the visit.
They don't accept my insurance!!
No one told me that! I was told by her office staff that it was all fine!
(This is on top of the fact that when I went in for the visit, they had the wrong social security number on my file. All my information, someone else's social security number. It makes me wonder where my number has ended up.)

I began looking for new doctors yesterday, when I decided that I cannot stand the idea of seeing this woman for the next 6 months, and having her be the one to rip my baby from my unwilling body.
However, s ome of the offices I called were leery to accept me because I am 15 weeks along already. Apparently they like to be there from the beginning. Other offices are not accepting my insurance, others are not accepting new patients.

While I don't believe that constant medical supervision is necessary in a normal pregnancy, I would still like to have a doctor. Occasional monitoring to make sure that everything is okay would be nice.

Frick. I'm not quite sure what to do, minus calling Planned Parenthood or one of those Christian clinics to get advice.