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Resume Elite - The Proven (Unfair) Advantage To Landing The Job!

Your About To Discover  Job Getting Resume  Secrets  That Your Competition Will  Never  Want You To Have, Employers Are  Afraid  You Will Have, and Your Friends Only  Wish  They Had!   Never Before Revealed ...

Until Now!   

Warning & Disclaimer! The following information on this page will give you a substantial advantage over your competition and will make you the Top Candidate in your next job search. This information has NEVER been revealed before...until now!

Consumption of this information is at your own risk! Do not use if you are concerned about being the Top Candidate in your next job application process, or if you feel uncomfortable that you have an unfair advantage over your competition. The system that will now be revealed to you is completely legal. However, due to the fact this system relies on heavy (hidden) psychological persuasion techniques that captures the minds and attention of hiring managers, it is advised that you use this system ONLY when you are looking for a new job! Usage in moderation is recommended on your next job search in order not to feel too guilty about having so much attention brought to you and your resume.

From: The Desk of Paul Woodley

Date: Friday, November 20, 2009

Re: Why Your Resume Isn't Good Enough To Get The Job!

Dear Friend,

Are you still looking for a job? Do you feel like you're in the movie, Ground Hog Day... every day?

Same story. Different day!

Still...unemployed!

Are the job opportunities not coming your way?

Has the phone stopped ringing with offers to interview for open job positions?

Are the only offers you are receiving coming from recruiters just trying to get you to submit your resume into their database (with no real intention of helping you out), or from insurance companies saying they "like your resume?"

Are you sick and tired of being "sick and tired?"

Then give me a few moments of your time so that we can take matters into our own hands and fix this dilemma right now!

Problem #1: Expectations and Self Reliance

Do not rely on anyone to help you get the job. They can't. Anyone that says they can is a liar. Only you can get the job! You just need the right tools!

Problem #2: Your System

Your "system" is broken!

I'm talking about the "process" you are using to find, locate, isolate, and apply for jobs.

Are you still being "traditional?"

Are you just sending in a cover letter and resume and waiting by the phone for the calls to come through?

Are you just leaving your resume "active" on the job boards waiting to be "discovered" like a naive actress hanging out at the bus stop on Hollywood Boulevard?

If so...you're doing it ALL wrong!

Problem #3: Lack of Interaction

Your resume needs to be "interactive." It needs to possess a little "internet" functionality if you will. It needs to tell a "story."

It needs to sell your character and personality, not list just "experience." This is the #1 reason why people fail!

Your Solution...

Very quickly, (as I don't want to waste any of your valuable time) this is what you need to do to create the proper resume and deliver it the right way. If you want the details then feel free to continue reading past these points:

Email your "email resume" to whomever you get an email address from. Whether it's from a job board or any other source you were able to get this information.

Note! The "email resume" is the most important of the three resumes and should always be option#1!

This is your "system" in a nutshell.

When all areas are completed you just press "Go!" (In your mind and in action).

Your Lack of "Personality" Is Holding You Back!

That's right! Your personality (or lack of) is actually holding you back.

And, obviously your resume too! Because, it is not "showcasing" your personality and reinforcing the idea you are the top candidate.

Now  I don't want to come across too harsh here. I mean, I'm sure you're a nice person, and I'm sure you have a good resume with some good accomplishments too!

But that's not what the issue is here.

The issue is your mechanism for delivering the information on your resume and how it makes you look!

Let me repeat that...

It is "the mechanism for delivering the information on your resume and how it makes you look!"

The "Job" Storm of the Century Is upon Us!

There are two paradigm shifts that are occurring in today's job market that no one seems to be talking about!

And it's like the perfect storm!

Throw in some greedy "experts" on "how to get a job" or "send us your resume" and the storm just grows worse with you spending more and more time and money on things that will never help you in the end!

And this is what makes me mad and why I literally quit my day job to create THIS system!

Because as an insider myself, it hurts to see the greedy continue to beat the needy!

I'm not greedy! And I'm sure you're not either!

So, no more Mr. Nice guy! I'm digging deep on this one, and for the first time ever revealing the secrets that not only gets me the job every time (I needed one) but those I shared this formula with as well (my closest of friends and family).

But First...

But before I go into who I am and why I am an authority on this stuff let me finish my thought on this "mechanism" and "paradigm shift" thing as it's very important to understand.

First, as you probably already know, a paradigm shift occurs when society starts to move away from common practice and theory. Usually this occurs because of inventions aka "agents of change" or new sciences dictate that newer thoughts and practices are better than the old, and people tend to agree, and eventually it becomes the norm.

An example of an "agent of change" affecting how society thinks and changes is the printing press. Because of the printing press information and knowledge became more readily available and thus this sparked the scientific revolution.

Rotary Printing Press in 1863

Another example is the home computer and the internet which changed the way we communicate today and sparked the information revolution.

Other examples of "agents of change" that influenced how society acts, thinks, or lives are: the microwave, the car, the wheel, the telephone, fast food restaurants, cell phones, and space exploration to name a few.

So, what are the "latest" paradigm shifts that are affecting you and your job getting abilities? They are these:

1. Social Media aka Social Networking, and

2. Behavioral Interviewing

You Can't Hide Anymore!

Everyone can be "found" on the internet or by other means by employers.

Did you know according to a Careerbuilder.com survey in 2006 that 24% of employers purposely try to find out more information on candidates by searching for them on social networking sites or by search engines?

And that survey was taken THREE years ago!

If I were a betting man I BET you have either a MySpace page, or Facebook page, or Twitter account, or have even posted in a forum or chat room before!

Am I right?

So  what does your internet information say about you?

 

So...Just Feed Them!

Whether you have presence or not on the internet are really irrelevant when all is said and done.

It is a "catch-22!"

Opinions will be formed about you regardless.

It's going to either be, "this guy is not interesting enough", "we can't decide nor trust" (because lack of internet presence), or "no way" (too much "negative" information).

The point is employers are going to look for you on the internet!

So, if they're going to do it anyway then give them what they want!

Lead them to the Honey Pot!

This is why making your resume "interactive" is important. And one of the main reasons you will be called for an interview!

By actually telling the recruiter WHERE to find the information they seek you are in essence CONTROLLING the information they read.

Failure to share with employers what you want them to see leaves the whole scenario up for grabs and unfortunately opens up the possibility of them having to find (or not) the wrong kind of information about you!

This is where a little "mind-control" begins to take place!

Then There's The Dreaded Interview

On top of the Social Networking paradigm shift, there is also an HR (human resource) paradigm shift that is occurring too! And what's at the forefront of the new way of hiring candidates is this little thing called "behavioral hiring."

The concept is asking behavioral related questions so that the employer can fairly estimate what type of person you truly are. And they can ascertain all this based on past behavior.

In the eyes of employers (whether it's true or not) past behavior predicates future behavior.

Put the two paradigm shifts together and you have (depending on your situation) a recipe for success or a recipe for disaster!

It all depends on how you constructed your "story" using these "agents of change."

Because what the REAL DEAL is all about is people are trying to figure out who you are and what you're about on a more personal level and they are using social media and behavioral sciences against you!

It's Kind of Like..War!

"If equally matched, we can offer battle; if slightly inferior in numbers, we can avoid the enemy; if quite unequal in every way, we can flee from him." - Sun Tzu

I love the book, Art of War, by Sun Tzu as there are many practically military strategies that one can apply to everyday living. One such piece of advice is the quote above!

You must start to look at getting a job like a commander looks at going to war. In both situations there needs to be preparation.

Like the statement above, "if equally matched, we can offer battle" you too should find the tools that will LEVEL the playing field so that you have a chance of becoming he Top Candidate in any job opening situation.

Without being AT LEAST equally matched you do not get the job!

 

So let's prepare for War...

 

Are you ready to kill your enemy? Good. Because it starts right now with a commitment to yourself that you no longer will stand on the sidelines but that you will not only play but you will WIN!

So, who am I besides some random guy who happens to really know his stuff?

Well as you know already my name is Paul. And I have been a hiring manager for some of the largest and most famous hotels in the world. Most recently I became a brand trainer for the largest hospitality company in the world before I "retired" to create this product to help others get jobs.

You see I'm no "guru" or "human resource specialist" but I am an EXPERT on personal branding and marketing oneself to get the job because I was once a part of the establishment for many years delivering results day in and day out.

 

Paul training an associate

I have interviewed hundreds of candidates and I have hired dozens and dozens personally.

I have been trained in behavioral interviewing and I have been a trainer in sales and customer service.

I have hired and trained entry level folks and have seen them flourish into high level managers and directors including Directors of Human Resources for some of the most famous companies in the world.

To say I know how the hiring process works is an understatement!

And so you see I was already happily employed when this whole recession thing started to make some news last year.

It wasn't until last Christmas when the company I worked for started laying off my friends that I realized this recession was hitting closer to home and possible was "real."

When I found out that my good friends at other hotels were either getting laid off or taking pay cuts I really knew the recession was here!

 20 Years down The Drain. For Nothing!

But that's not what REALLY bothered me!

What really moved me to create a "tell all - secrets revealed system" was when I personally witnessed the termination of a few ex-colleagues with over 20 years experience and then found out later that they never recovered or got back on their feet.

I mean here they were one day feeling pretty secure in their skins because of their tenure and the next day unemployed, struggling, with mortgages to pay, tuitions to pay and food to provide for their children.

Maybe it was because these workers were a little bit older or perhaps it was the conclusion that there was no such thing as job security that got me upset?

It just bothered me that good people whom were loyal to the company were in essence screwed by no fault of their own and because they were clueless to the paradigm shifts going on around them they were not prepared to quickly get back on their feet and that's why they struggled.

Some say when you are terminated after working many years for a company that it feels like a divorce. And there you are in the end trying to find a new relationship but not knowing how to date again!

I haven't been divorced but I have had my share of relationships that felt that way and it sucked!

So, I took a chance and fired my employer last January and hired myself to help others that could use the help! And here we are! Me, you, this page, destiny on the other side!

 Why This System Is the ONLY System You Will Ever Need?

So, in January I began putting together my system which I now call "Resume Elite - The (Unfair) Proven Advantage."

The system is delivered by eBook with links to my video sites explains from A-Z how to set up your personal marketing system using this formula:

 J = C + R +SNSNo, I'm not going to be uncool and NOT tell you what that means...  It means Job = (C)haracter + (R)esume + (S)ocial (N)etworking (S)ite

In laymen's terms it means create your character, add skill to that character with your resume, and use a social networking site sell that character to the employer in a favorable light.

Now, of course, I will show you how to set up each component properly but more importantly I explain how to brand yourself so that employers are "attracted" to you like a magnet.

You see, social resumes (a growing popular concept) is not really that new! What my system shares and teaches that NO OTHER system in the world does (you can call it the secret sauce) is HOW to put it all together and sell your "story" with you being the main "character." (When I mean character I mean character as like a character in a movie).

  What's The Secret...?

The Secret Is Your "Story!"

 There is no one on the earth with your looks, experiences, character, and story!

This is what differentiates you from the rest.

No one can take that away from you!

You just need to tell your story in a very constructive way and you use tools like your resume to tell it.

Look at This Way!

Think of your life and the experiences you have personally and professionally as raw data.

Just like you, everyone possesses raw data!

But some people do something with that data and some people don't.

Like a gun it is nothing but metal until used for its intended purpose. If it can't be used it is just a metal object that will in time rot.

Like your skills, your experiences, your character, and story it is all there but unless you frame it and sell it, it is nothing but some faceless "person" when it should be you the warm and projecting "character!"

The Resume Elite system teaches you how to showcase your personality (aka character) and innocently "tricks" the employer into liking you and wanting to learn more about you.

Naturally, that leads to an interview which is what you want!

It's all about "character" development and branding your image. We're going to create a movie (if you will) and that movie will be seen through the lens of your resume, cover letter, and social networking site.

How well your movie does at the box office all depends on how well you directed it and if the character (you) is an Emmy award winning character

Start looking at your "story" (resume and experiences) as a movie and more importantly as a brand like "Star Wars."

 So Just What Is the Resume Elite System? 

Within seconds, you will have in your hands the never before seen Secrets used by less than 1% of the Top Candidates today. Available ONLY as long as I can keep this page away from the Gurus.

The information you discover here will change the course of your life forever! Complete Step-by-Step Blueprints to get you the job... This Week... With Free Resources!

These secrets have only been disclosed to my personal friends and colleagues and are the Reasons behind their Amazing Success... This blueprint has never been seen before, and is only available for a very limited time. This is the exact formula you can use to create for yourself unlimited job opportunities so fast you will think its Illegal!

And Yes - You will have everything you need not just land the job... but to advance rapidly in your new company! Until you reach the top or until a better opportunity comes along!

 This is just the smallest Fraction of what you will discover inside...

	Chapter 2: You = Your Brand
	Chapter 4: Controlling the Information That Makes Your Brand
	Chapter 5: Turn the Bad Publicity Off!
	Chapter 7: How to Build Your "Character"
	Chapter 10: The Different Faces of Your Resume (Email, Fax, Internet)
	Chapter 12: Finding the Jobs
	Chapter 14: The Interview Process - Lights, Camera, Action!

This is just the tip of the iceberg of what you'll find in my Exclusive Blueprint... There just isn't room or time to show you everything!

But as soon as you download this you will not only have unlocked the Ultimate Door to Job Security... but more importantly...

You Will Have Unlocked The Door to The Life You Always Dreamed of!

 Click Here To Buy the Resume Elite System  Act Now and Get the FULL Original Resume Elite Video System from My Uber FAST Cloudfront Video Servers.You Also Get...

	Video 1: Introduction to the Resume Elite System
	Video 2: Cover Letter Writing (Part 1)
	Video 3: Cover Letter Writing (Part 2)
	Video 4: Resume Transformation and Hot Linking ($99.00 Value)
	Video #5: Getting a Name (me showing how to get a TLD and using a vanity URL)
	Video #6: Finding Jobs
	Video #7: Interviewing (me explaining the "do's and don't" section)
	Video #8: Getting the Job (me explaining what to do next just before you sign the dotted line)

You Have Finally Discovered The Ultimate Personal Job Marketing and Promotion System On The Net... The Single Resource That Will Help You EXPLODE Past Any Obstacle... Any Hurdle... And Make Your Job Candidacy Amazing!

 You Will Never Again Have Anything To Fear... And Without Fear Your Income Can Grow beyond Anything You Ever Dreamed... Remember: I have been where you are now. I truly understand the questions you have, the hurdles you face, and I am here to help and make it all way too easy!  Click Here To Buy the Resume Elite System

 

What They Say...

"LOVED your book! It was really good...I don't like reading, but I enjoyed this one...good job!" - BV, Los Angeles, CA

"Thank you..thank you..thank you! Your book is Awesome...I got the job! Thanks again!" - JP, NYC

"Paul Woodley IS the NEW Guerilla in job coaching! LISTEN to him, BUY his book, AND you'll make MORE $ than you EVER did BEFORE!!" - DC, Austin, TX.

 

Are You Worth A Million Dollars?

Your employment is your "life blood" and it is a revenue stream and profit center to you.

You want to keep it alive!

If you think about it your job will easily earn you more than a million dollars in time.

How quickly you get to that level is dependent on your strategy from the get-go!

Remember treat your job with respect (current or future) and treat this process with equal respect. You are a lot closer than you know right now to getting that great job! Actually, you're just a click away!

 Click Here To Buy the Resume Elite System No really...I Mean It How Much Is This worth to you?

By now you should be convinced that the system in front of you is truly the very best job preparation system known to man.

 Let me ask you a question?

How much money do you want to make in your next job?

$24K? $44K? $64K? $80K, $100+?

Now, how much did you make in your last job?

Now, if you're currently unemployed how long it has been since you earned a pay check?

1 week? 2 weeks? 4 weeks? 4 months? Over a year?

Now imagine, if you absolutely knew you would get a job making AT LEAST what you are accustomed to making next Friday how much money would you earn?

Now, if I were to tell you that this system costs you $299.00 and it could get you that paycheck would you buy it? Would you call it a success at that price?

I mean really, if you knew 100% that the key your about to get would get you that paycheck not only next week but for as long as you had that job. Would it be worth it?

Of course it would!

Would you spend $299.00 in order to make $40K-$100K + per year?

Of course, that would make sense!

And the best part about it all it's an investment in you and in your job security! (Unlike some stupid product that doesn't benefit you at all.)

 But guess what?

The system doesn't cost $299 or even $199.

It costs $99.00 and that's with all the cool bonuses that's included inside (a $199.00 value alone).

But...

 

For a Limited Time Only! (And because I want to be cool)

You can get the System (Valued at $299) and the never before released bonuses ($199 value) for only $49.95 as a new customer and friend of mine! (Just promise me you will give me a testimonial when the system works for you and you get the job okay?)

 Click Here To Buy the Resume Elite SystemAnd I put my $$$ where my mouth is with my Satisfaction Guarantee!  

How comfortable do I feel about my system? Comfortable enough of course to offer it to you RISK FREE!

For any reason you are not 100% satisfied with the advice and strategy found in the Resume Elite system I will refund you 100% of your money. Guaranteed!

And if that were NOT enough I will continue to give you support through my members only blog where you can ask me ANY question regarding any of the areas of my expertise included but not limited to:

Behavioral Hiring Training Customer Service Management Internet Marketing Job Hunting How To

 It's Decision Time...Order the Resume Elite System Now or Get Ready To Be Trampled By Those Who Do!

You can both stand up now and pick up this limited time offer of The Resume Elite System now for $99 the deeply discounted price of only $49.95... Or be slaughtered by your competition.

 Click Here To Buy the Resume Elite System

Right now you are standing at the doorway of decision, it's still early in the game... you can still stay ahead of the massive wave of change that is coming... but only if you take action now.

Statistics say you only have a few months to stay ahead of your competition... Are you going to let them get a hold of this first? Are you going to let them have the insider's secrets to becoming the Top Candidate? Will you be able to compete against them then unarmed? Are you going to let them control the market place?

The question is simple: Are you going to wake up and not only protect yourself, but remain a player in your industry? Or are you just going to lie down and quit?

 I suppose there really isn't much of a choice. But you must act quickly. This offer will not last much longer...

 Click Here To Buy the Resume Elite SystemAll Transactions Handled via Secure ClickBank Servers

INSTANT DOWNLOAD

To Your Success!

Paul Woodley

P.S. You have 2 choices before you - Keep doing what you're told by your "Gurus" and keep loosing money and/or time. Or... take action. If you are tired of seeing terrible results you owe it to yourself to buy now.

P. P.S. If you go for it now you could be seeing the rewards and an amazing new lifestyle almost instantly! But if you pass, everything stays the same... In fact, if you pass in just a few months you will be washed out of the job market for your industry completely.

P.P.P.S. I have done everything in my power to make this system as affordable as possible. Step by step, even to show you how to get your next job for free! Don't you think it's time to start living the life of your dreams? Employed and Secure? But that's not good enough for me. I want to eliminate ALL risk. Backed with my Iron Clad 100% no Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Take advantage of this special offer and discount price while it lasts.

"Only for a Limited Time.".. 

Buy Now and You Will Instantly Unlock:

	Every Trick 'They' Never Taught you...
	The Complete Job Marketing Blueprint...
	Exactly How to Write Your Resume Letter and Cover Letter...
	The Most Amazing Life You Have Ever Seen...
	and Much...Much...More!

 

* Get Your Copy!  

Regular Price $99 Today $49.95!

* Instant Download Even If It's 2am In the Morning!

 

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Now for my 96th video, and an all time favourite song. I'm so pleased I got around to this one. A few years ago I got into a band called Muse. After hearing a selection of their songs, I rushed out and snapped up all their CD's :)

The song I've covered in this video is from the excellent album "Absolution", and the title of it is "Blackout". I happen to think that it is one of the most beautiful songs ever written. The music is relatively simple and so are the words, but the message is so powerful and well put across. I hope I've managed to get that through.

Here is my take on "Blackout".

Jeffstunes singing Blackout by Muse

It's back to the Youtube numbers.

Subs are up at 1,619.

My channel has been perused 36,499 times.

The total viewing figures for all my videos now stands at 831,005.

I haven't yet planned my next video upload. I might try and cross another off my massive request list, or maybe one of my original songs from my album!

The 95th video was yet another of my requests. I was recently asked by one of my subscribers if I could sing this and dedicate it to her boyfriend, who is, as I discovered, also a subscriber of my channel, and apparently a big fan of me. The requested number was "Swallowed in the sea" by that great band Coldplay. This is one of many requests for different Coldplay songs. My youtube channel already has a good number of them.

Now to the song. Here is my rendition of this wonderful tune from the album X&Y.

So it's back to the stats for my Youtube channel, and so far my Subscribers have climbed to 1,414.

The channel views have now topped the 33k mark at 33,008. My total video viewings is creeping ever nearer to 700k at 687,830. I'm hoping that figure will be passed before the end of the month.

Now, just a little info on the next post. I've already recorded the song, and in my opinion, it is one of the most wonderful modern compositions I've ever heard. My lips are sealed at the moment, and I hope I've created just a little anticipation. Until next time :)

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Dixie currently feels:

 Neutral

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Blog #65

Blood, Bloody & Bloodier!

Today has been the most meaningful session I've spent with Dianne yet.

I brought along a copy of Regenbogen Streifen and let her read it.

Together, I've discovered even more ambiguity and double-meanings to a lot of the sections.

For instance - the part I wrote about crossing the road mindlessly and being saved by a stranger before I was ran over - this actually refers to February 2008 where I attempted suicide by walking out into main road.

Though, the day I wrote Regenbogen Streifen, I was walking to the bus station - there was a disabled boy walking in front of me. I've seen him in college, I think he has Down's Syndrome, or something similar.

Either way, we got to a crossing, and I looked at him as if to say: "Hey, wait until I go over, then it'll be safe."- and he did; because I knew he'd have just went straight over otherwise.

I continued on, he still walking in front of me - until we came to a second crossing. He went to cross as traffic was still going by and the red man was still displayed - a woman behind us grabbed him by the arm and stopped him.

Also - the sections about sex - I refer to my hands as "useless appendages" - although the narrator is not gendered, the people they desire are clearly gendered as female. Obviously, it's written as myself, so it's from the perspective of a lesbian - but it could be viewed as a male desiring these females, and the "useless appendage" could refer to his penis.

We both agree that I'm far better in writing than I am verbally.

I know this myself, I communicate myself and my feelings across far better in writing than I do speaking.

This is why I'll only ever use text speak shorthand for comedic effect. Everything I write is written in continual prose - even on MSN and online forums I write in fully punctuated sentences.

I know my punctuation has a spazzy fit on my blog though - I use dashes in proper random places.

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After my session, I went and sat on the square tables - took out my sketchbook, plugged in Lisa and the "NEW PLAYLIST" (which I've recently updated), and wrote 3 pages of analysis to stick into my sketchbook.

When they're stuck in, I'll have completed around 10 pages.

My "NEW PLAYLIST" now has 170 songs, instead of the previous 150.

I deleted it totally and started again - this time adding some overlooked favourites.

Ashleigh and Shelly came into college not long before their A block lesson - sat with me for a while and talked.

One of the chairs was taken up by my tuppaware box - containing my 3 litres of fake blood.

Today was the day of my Photography exam, and I was absolutley shitting it.

While those two were in A block, I resorted to Solitaire.

I'd been distracted from my sketchbook work - and once that happens, it's difficult for me to get back into the right mindset to continue with it.

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After they'd came back - we all walked into town, first stopping off at the Dundas Arcade so I could buy an ox heart.

£1.70 - which isn't bad. Pig's hearts are about 35-45p, and ox hearts are considerably bigger.

And considerably HEAVIER. They must weigh about 2 stones.

Thankfully, Ashleigh said I could hang it on her handles as I was pushing her. This took a bit of strain off my arms.

We stopped off at Home Bargains and Greggs - then went and sat in a different place yet again.

We sat by the text tower in the centre, on the black stone bricks.

THEY'RE FUCKING FREEZING.

I sat on it and squealed as the cold penetrated my arse cheeks. Shelly did the same, rofl.

I did vow to myself that I wasn't going to eat a lot of chocolate, incase nerves and squeamishness got to me during my exam shoot and I ended up vomiting - but I changed my mind and ate a Terry's Chocolate Orange bar and a chocolate bunny with praline in the middle.

I bought two of those, but I did save one for later on.

I'd bought Sprite today - a variation on my usual Pepsi.

Sprite makes me feel funny inside.

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Walking back to college, I was pretty close to "bottling it", as Shelly puts it.

I had bus fare in my pocket, I could have skipped off the exam and just got the Leven Valley bus back to nana's.

Shelly tried reverse psychology on me. She knows I'm almost as childish as she is - so she was like: "Alright, you just go... Come on Ashleigh, we'll leave her..."

So eventually I did end up following them with my tail between my legs.

I hadn't actually gone anywhere - they'd just started walking faster in front of me.

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Arriving back at college, we had around 20 minutes before E block - so we sat on the benches in front of Hair & Beauty.

I didn't say much, I was drowning in my own fears.

When the time came, Ashleigh practically took me by the arm and pulled me to the lift.

Once inside, I pressed ALL the buttons - and when it got to first floor, I mashed the ONE button, so that the doors kept on opening.

I did the same on 2nd floor, until Ashleigh grabbed me by the arms and pulled me away from the panel.

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I will say that in Photography - thanks to me - Shelly, Danny and Ashleigh all did NO work.

Shelly helped me tape the tarpaulin to the wall below the projector while Paul was setting up a tripod.

Danny was proper facinated by the heart. He was only too happy when I asked if he'd help me get it out of the bag, as I couldn't at the time - my hands were covered in blood.

One mint thing though - Amara wasn't in lesson, and Danni-slagface was too squeamish to stay in the room, so she went and hid in the art rooms next door.

Even Jonathan and those two emo slags seemed interested - those who I thought didn't have a high opinion of me. I still think they don't, but at least they weren't arseholes.

The first few photos, I'd just tipped blood over my shirt as I held up the heart or a meat cleaver I'd brought along.

Then of course, Shelly tipped the blood over my head - as much as she didn't want to.

(She later admitted to me that she'd felt so guilty about it, she'd gone and cried in the 4th floor toilets.)

Ashleigh wasn't as remorseful - she was manning the tripod, taking all the photos. I could see she was secretley enjoying watching me writhe.

GOLDEN SYRUP FUCKING HURTS WHEN IT GETS IN YOUR EYES.

That happened TWICE - it started dripping down my fringe and running into my eyes. We had to stop twice so I could wipe my eyes down with a baby wipe.

I don't really like the taste of it either, but yeah...

Tanya and her friend from Art came in.

They said the printer was broken - they take a chair - they both sit on it, directly behind the tripod and stare at me.

"We're coming in to watch."

"Am I honestly that interesting?"

"No, but the printer's broke and we're bored."

"That's nice."

Here be some photos:

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Rofl, then came the task of cleaning myself up.

It's a good thing that the toilets all have locks to the actual outside door.

Ashleigh rinsed out my shirt and my trousers while Shelly mopped my face down and rinsed off some of my hair.

I put on my clean clothes and wiped down my feet and my chest. My hair wasn't totally clean, so I'd thought ahead and brought a baseball cap to wear to the bus stop.

I trust them both enough. They've seen me practically naked before - and I them, so what be the problem?

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I nearly broke my back walking to the bus stop though.

The heart and the remaining blood was BEYOND heavy.

I had to carry it slung over one shoulder, but even then, it was breaking my back. I sort of alternated between shoulder and arm.

Very thankful when I got to the bus stop and I could put it down.

There was this ginger chav sat next to me in the shelter - he kept giving me dodgy looks. Probably because I smelt of golden syrup. Lmao. :)

The bus was proper late as well.

I killed time with Lisa and texting Adam.

They were all like: "LOL GINGER CHAV SNIFFING ME." and "OMG PROPER NEED A SHOWER MATE."

When I got back to nana's - she'd made me chicken dippers and spaghetti, but I'd proper lost my appetite earlier. I scraped some of the spaghetti, so she put the chicken in the fridge for me.

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I was so fucking thankful to get in the shower like.

My hair still felt a bit strange afterwards, but at least it wasn't sticky - and it hadn't gained a pink tinge from the food colouring like I'd expected.

I bought a Wii Points card yesterday - I bought two songs on World Tour (Gimme All Your Lovin' and In The Shadows), Streets Of Rage and Super Mario RPG on Virtual Console.

I keep missing ONE note on In The Shadows - on both Hard and Expert... Annoyed.

Gimme All Your Lovin' is a cover - HOW DARE THEY GIVE AWAY COVER SONGS AS DLC.

It's not an amazing cover either - it's by Wavegroup - and Line 6 do FAR better ZZ Top covers than them.

But I bought it becuase it's a mint song. I'm practically a lifetime ZZ Top fan. :)

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I spent the rest of my night playing Streets Of Rage.

I got to the 7th level - the stupid level with the lift, and I got killed.

GAH.

I'm going to play the 2-player mode with Shelly on Saturday. She loves this game too. :)