Counselling @ MindSay

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I was standing at the bus stop by Eston Baths this morning waiting for the college bus - a 22 came by and Adam got off it. I thought it was a bit strange, considering he'd probably paid a full fare to Middlesbrough but decided to get off early. Either way - he sat with me on the bus into college. Shakira was on the radio and Adam was singing along with it - fairly amusing. :)

I was hoping Sarah wouldn't be in college today - but she fucking was. Gah.
I took 25 video stills as the precautionary measure, incase the video goes tits-up. Sarah came to hassle me - she twisted my arm and made me show her some of the raw clips. She asked to see the ones I liked - but I told her I didn't like any of them - so she re-worded it to 'the best ones'. Sigh.
She set me the task of doing a bit of the editing - and it's only thanks to Rammstein that I managed it. I had Pussy, Reise Reise and Spieluhr playing on Lisa to motivate me a little.

And Sarah's a cheeky cow - when I asked her to guess how many seconds I'd done - she said five. In effect, I've done 30 - but they're like a work-in-progress, I'll probably end up deleting it anyway...

I played Pokémon Diamond in my breaks - I got the 6th gym badge and released the three legendaries from the lakes. I've saved it at Snowpoint City - I fucking hate sinking in the snow.
3 Inches Of Blood fit oddly well with Pokémon battles... :/

I was so restless in my session with Dianne.
I had the cushion from the chair on my lap and I was playing with the zip.
I've lapsed into that mood where I sit there and do fuck all - and I kept yawning. We'd previously discussed this - but we made the link that when I'm embarrassed during a discussion, I'll yawn a lot. But we weren't really discussing anything that would make me feel that way.
I naturally told her about the recent events - mainly about the problem with the film sequence editing - but unlike most times, I didn't have anything major on my mind. I just feel generally shitty and pointless and I want to hurt myself all the time.

In English, I officially wasted 90 minutes of my life.
Angela gave us an old exam paper and told us to write an answer. My hand seized up, my mind flashed and paralysed itself and I just gave up before I'd even written the title.
I spent most of the time drawing little cartoon dudes on my folder. I think I might have created a new cartoon doodle dude to accompany my old creation, Angry Man.
I'll post a picture of him when I can be arsed scanning it - he starts off being a smiley face - then I give him an open mouth, slanted in a grimace, drooling on his chin. I give him floppy blonde hair with a fringe, side layers and long locks at the back - big round ears and a V-necked shirt. I need to think of a name for him.

I also need to fucking write something before the English exam - if I can't write a sentence when it comes to coursework/exam - I'm throwing away 80+ UCAS points.

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Today's session with Dianne just seemed like an hour of whinging about Shelly.
Well it's not my fault - I'm supposed to talk about things that are on my mind and things that are bothering me recently - and at current, Shelly is being a bit of a twat at times.
Either way - even if it seemed I was whinging about her and nothing else, it did help a little. I got a chance to think about things I'd been putting off for a while.
 
Afterwards, I met up with Adam in the LRC.
Well, he met up with me - I was already there. He came bearing a bag full of Pringles - so I snaffled some. It's difficult to eat them quietly like. I was trying to suck them until they went soft so I could bite them and not cause a great disturbance via crunching - but that was easier thought than performed.
 
I was stressed out in English when Angela had her mini-rant about personal statements - and after she'd given me the 'stare-into-your-soul' glance, and I'd admitted I hadn't started mine - and the reason why - she said she'd help me with it if I stayed behind after the lesson. Fair do's - I would have just went straight home afterwards and continued to procrastinate and put it off anyway.
 
Oh, but Angela's a proper babe like. :D
She didn't write it for me as such - but she dictated a few starting sentences to me, giving me a clue of the type of things I needed to write.
And the fact Angela assured me that you DON'T actually need to blag about all these "positive qualities" you supposedly have as a person (naturally, I don't have ANY, so I find that task in itself impossible) - it was a lot easier than I expected it to be.
 
The majority of mine does come from writing about my interests. And because I'm so epic - most of the relate to the course I want to do at university. Hmm, now to have it critiqued by Sarah. :/

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There's one easy way to tell if a session with Dianne was meaningful: I'll end up crying.
I try so fucking hard to stop myself, this time I was bending my fingers and squeezing my wrists - but as I said to her, if I start, I don't end up stopping.
I spoke to her a little bit about "5 to 15" - I recollected a few events. Those that I didn't think were majorly important, or that I don't think would have affected me that much in the future - but Dianne seemed to think they were useful information.
 
I got my first draft of the film studies coursework back today - Sarah said it's A-grade standard, but the fact I missed out a few chunks of information in places, it's only a C/B. So I'll be adding to it shortly - she's told me I ought to get an A overall for the coursework. I hope so. I want an A for film studies, seeing as how I managed to get one in media studies last year too.
 
I sat on the 2nd floor of the LRC in my break between the session with Dianne and my English lesson. I listened to Spieluhr on repeat for a while, until it started getting on my nerves - then swapped to Silverstein and Blind Guardian. I updated the blogs I'd left blank for Tuesday and Wednesday and had a mooch about on some randomers' blogs.
 
I've always hated English since I came to college - loved it before I came here, then it suddenly just got shit. I despise it even more now that Adam has been put into D block with me. He sits with Siobhan - he was sort of adjacent to me on the tables today, I was in a shit mood and he kept saying random shite to make me smile. I did smile at some of them, but I didn't feel smiley inside. I feel uncomfortable in that room as it is with all the arseholes in there, but it's gotten worse now Adam's there too. Sigh.
 
Hannah pissed me off too. I was simply asking Angela what it was we were supposed to be making notes on, and she goes: "We did the phonology yesterday... YOU KNOW, THE STUDY OF SOUND?"
I just gave her my psycho glare and growled: "I KNOW WHAT FUCKING PHONOLOGY IS."
I'm surprised she didn't retaliate, she looked more surprised than offended at my response. Oh, I fucking hate her. She's always riles me because of her fucking ridiculous nasal-voice, but as soon as someone treats me like I lack intellect, they become hatred targets. Inconsiderate shit-sniffers!
 
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On the bus home, I was listening to Blind Guardian louder than I should have done - and this random old woman kept turning around and giving me weird looks. Fucking slag. You'd think sitting behind an aged person, they'd be too deaf to hear your music. I don't have it THAT loud!
It just sounds louder in small spaces, such as lifts... :)
 
I'm a proper arsehole in the bus station though - I was bounding off to catch up with the bus that was due to leave the bay - and there was this huddle of dirty chavs standing by the railings that just didn't want to move - so I just SHOULDERED one out of the way - the look she gave me was proper funny. I didn't even look at her, I just carried on, fueled by my full-blast Rammstein. :)
 
When I got in, I made myself some of those chicken & bacon motzarella wraps and ate them while I watched Spongebob Squarepants. Nickelodeon seriously couldn't time it better - it always seems to be on whenever I get in. I like watching cartoons after college, it re-fills my happy levels. My happy levels are usually always below centre, but they drop to negative figures when I'm at college. The shithole that it is.
Well, not the building or the tutors or even the lessons - it's the arseholes that are there.
 
I went upstairs, set up my Wii and I finished off Spyro: Enter The Dragonfly.
Good fucking riddance, that's one game I'm not re-playing in a hurry. Thankfully, it was only £3.50, so I didn't waste that much on it. It's not a TERRIBLE game, but compared to the other Spyro games, it just doesn't even compete. And they're on PS1 - this is a GC/PS2 game!
It's just the overall glitchiness that ruins it. All the disappearing floors, voice lags, control reversals, camera freezing and general jumping about makes it a chore. It's also WAY too easy. Having different breath attacks instead of power-up portals is NOT Spyro! The time limits on the power-ups is what makes it fun!
 
And the lack of the locate gems feature doesn't make it harder - it just makes it goddamn tedious. And WHY do you collect DRAGONFLIES? Not eggs, not baby dragons - ach.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's wank though - GameFAQs reviewers all only give it 2/10 and 3/10.
I've completed all of the PS1 Spyros at least twice each, because they have excellent replay value - but as per fucking usual, as soon as a mint PS1 series gets ported to PS2, it FAILS.
It happened with Crash, it happened with Parappa The Rapper - it was obviously going to happen to Spyro. :(
 
Tee hee, bad game rant is over. :D
 
 
So, with that pile of crap removed from my to-be-completed games wallet and put back into the box at the bottom of the stack, not to be played again in a hurry - I replaced it with Resident Evil.
Now is the time for me to complete the scenario with Chris. Seeing as how Chris is supposed to be hard mode, I'm very surprised at how easy it is. I'm not sure if it's got to do with the fact I already know my way around due to completing it with Jill - but when I played her scenario, I must have died a good 10 times. I'm at the guardhouse currently and I've not died once. The snake didn't even hurt me, and Chris only gets a shitty shotgun, Forest's bazooka just doesn't seem to be present.
 
I still shit myself when Lisa Trevor came in the outside hut - even though I knew she was coming - she scares the shit out of me. She's what makes the Resi 1 re-make so much scarier. That and all the graphical touch-ups, crimson heads, insane puzzles, extra rooms and the general darker overtone and detailed environments.
 
I should stop talking about games, otherwise I'll just end up turning my blog into a games review. :)

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If I was at college this week, I'd have been seeing Dianne today.
Since I've agreed to attend another block of sessions, I really need to think about some issues I'm going to address.
As much as I'm going to despise it, I'll have to talk to her about that period of time that must not be discussed - 1996-2006. Or "5 to 15" as I call it when it's mentioned.
 
Regardless, there's a lot of things that are bothering me.
Though I'm starting to realise causes behind some of them - I'll get an idea, but then I'll doubt it - I'll ponder if it truly is the real reason behind something. Despite the fact I'm right about virtually everything, I have doubts if I'm right about this or not.
 
If only I could express my feelings through my creative assets like I used to.
I can't write, I can't draw - I haven't made any wav. mixes for ages, I'm starting to suck at Photography - the only thing I really have left are videos. Yes, I haven't lost my skill when it comes to writing scripts - but all these ideas I have, all the scripts I've written and planning sheets I've done - will they all be wasted?
 
If that's the case, I won't have anything left. Sigh.

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I shouldn't have been so worried about going back to see Dianne.
I did tell her I'd done a lot of thinking. I'd pondered about why last year she hadn't helped me as much as she ought to have. It was because I wasn't open about certain topics - there were some that I'd purely flat-out avoid. That and the fact we hadn't really used a basic "structure" to our sessions - so we'd just been all over the place with everything.

I did start off when I went in by telling her that I didn't feel I deserved to see her again, what with all the time I wasted last year - but she cleared all this up for me.

So now we're going to have more structure to the sessions. And apparently she's going to be more direct when I refuse to talk about subjects that upset me but are important.

We'll see how it goes, shall we.