Could @ MindSay 
you
ANY PERSON CLAMING TO BE UNDECIDED IS AN IDIOT. HOW IN THE HELL COULD YOU BE UNDECIDED AND YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO PUT GAS IN YOUR CAR? PEOPLE ARE SO FULL OF IT THAT THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT THEY ARE POOR. EARLY VOTING STARTED YESTERDAY 10/20/08 IN MOST STATES AND I PRAY THAT EVERYONE VOTES FOR PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA. YES I SAID PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
Good eveninz.
Today was pretty fantabulous. I woke up this morning with the urge to use my inhaler. I'm asthmatic you see, I gotta take them. The thing is, the one I use gives me the shakes. It's a common side effect, but I prefer to use the spray-type ones rather than this turbuhaler whatever it is. It's horrible and I hate it. I end up shaking for a few hours.
The morning was pretty cold too, and I couldn't relax because of my overreactive nerves, so I decided to play some FFXII on my DS. It's an awesome game, by the way. :) This was from 6-8. So at 8 o clock I went and got some breakfast and turned the hot water on so I could go in the bath, because I had a college interview. I didn't wanna be all messy and smelly!
I spent most of the morning learning what buses to get. You see, I don't get out much. I had no problem getting to the town, but I didn't know WHERE the bus station was (well I did, I just couldn't remember) and what bus to get from there. Luckily I had bought myself a daytripper on the way to the town, so if I got lost I could just hop onto a bus. :) It cost me £3.70 and that's an adult's fare. I dunno if you can get a child's version... but I wasn't bothered.
So there's me, strolling through Middlesbrough town centre looking for the bus station until I caved in and phoned my dad where to go. He pointed me in the right direction and I ended up trolling up and down the "wings" in the bus station looking for a bus I could get. I felt like a right idiot, to be quite honest. I looked like I didn't know what I was doing. But I didn't! It was quite a horrifying experience for me.
I managed to find a bus, though. However, I still didn't have a clue what to do. My dad rang me up guiding where I am on the bus. It was embarrassing, but I didn't really care. I was concentrating on actually managing to get off at the right spot! I managed to get off close to Hall Drive though, even though I stopped a bus stop too late. ¬_¬ But I managed.
So I carry on walking down Hall Drive, until I find a fence saying "property of Middlesbrough College Foundation". So me being a fool, thinks that that was the way. It was pretty scary. It was just a long walkway with high fences where I could easily get raped or what. I could see the college behind loads of bushes (there was a lot of holes in the fence) but no actual route TO the college. So I retraced my steps and carried on going down Hall Drive, until there it is in full view.
However, there was only a road for cars, and no such path to walk on without fearing getting run over. Nevertheless, I walked on the grass next to it, all hot and sweaty, and wet (because it kept raining all the time!!!).
I enter the college, looking for reception. It was nowhere to be found! I see this woman doing stretches so I just think "Aha... okay... where's reception?" Thankfully she guided me through the doors into reception, whom to the woman there I informed her of my arrival. She told me to sit down, so... I did.
A man eventually comes and asks if I have an interview, to which I complied. He takes me through some doors into this wicked hall. He asks for my name and he cannot look for my paper thing. I was kind scared because I thought they'd lost it. :( But he ended up going off with some other dude getting an interview and the really nice lady asked for my name and found it straight away.
The interview went pretty well. She mainly just asked a few questions and made sure I knew what's what. It was only 10 minutes. It took me an hour and a half just to get there! Though I'll be quicker next time.
Getting back home was easy, since I just retraced my... BUSSES!
However, on the bus from the bus station to home, the bus driver only went and got his gear shift stuck. So I'm sat there, with a woman panicking over not being able to get her son home from school on time, sat on a bus with the engine turned off. Luckily some dude came on the bus and sorted it all out, and the bus driver looked/felt like a complete arse because he tried his hardest to get it working.
Nevertheless, I got home. I tidied my room and went back to my DS, had my tea and played on it some more. Went on the computer and... started blogging! :D
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I kept writing in different styles so forgive me for that. I dunno how else to blog so I do it strictly in chronological order. Never mind. I intended to update the next day, but it ended up being a week or so later. :S
So I figured since nobody uses mindsay anymore that posting here would be argumentatively the same as a personal expression of thought like for example a diary. and for a second I doubt myself thinking " Tony you dumbass nobody keeps a diary anymore these days..." but after I think about it I wonder how much of that is true. I mean my whole life if I heard the word diary I would have laughed and thought it was silly. I think of a young teenage girl pouring out her emotions about her boyfriend, or the fight she’s having with her best friend. and I think its safe to say the whole concept of having a diary is much more reasonable and acceptable if the keeper is a female.
To be honest if one of my friends from the football team a.k.a the "pain train" were to admit during team dinner that he wrote in a diary each day it probably would have been followed by an awkward moment of silence and a quick change of subject by a watchful teammate attempting to dampen the embarrassment.. The night would have gone on like nothing ever happened. but maybe that’s not the end of the story.
Maybe that boy was still embarrassed at himself now. maybe there was a sick feeling in his stomach at how much time he had wasted with his silly childish diary. maybe he would throw it away or even burn it, discarding every record of his history and how he has felt as though it was a sickness. like it was holding him back. when the truth is that book full of paper was the only written proof that he existed. that he was more than just a name.
After thinking about it for a while I determined that even though I have never kept a "diary" or any form of documentation to represent my feelings... I cannot deny that I have questioned myself in other ways besides literature. Several times I have asked myself who I am. what I believe in. what I stand for, and so forth. Each time the answer I come up with was slightly, but not dramatically different. I will keep the details quiet because this is surely not a diary, and I have no reason to express my internal feelings. I am simply taking a little time to explore this lovely place I live in from a broader perspective.
My conclusion tonight came surprisingly quickly. my poor fingers could never dream of typing anywhere close to as fast as I think., when I actually take a little bit of time out of my day to do so..[2:44 am] .
Nevertheless I decided that every good thing I have done in my life followed a decision. Every choice I ever made had a ending. every cause had an effect. every night had a dawn. and every day had a new opportunity for me to do something great. this is what disappoints me because from my point of view I have not done anything great. I’ve only done good. clearly, this is what I started thinking about some days ago. and it might not make any since to the 2 or 3 people who might actually take their time and read it. however this is my general, non personal beginning, of a story that I can't tell. I cannot simply because I don’t know the ending.
P.S. ... my intention was to write a blog about the crazy dreams I’ve been having and the spooky windy noise and the anonymous postcard that brought me to writing this "broad perspective" today.. but I have reasons for not continuing thins rant. one because I ran out of time [3:02am] and another because this is once again, surely not a diary and I have no reason to express my personal thoughts literally, however if anybody was actually interested in my story [ doubtful because if I was talking to anybody I probably wouldn’t be on mindsay in the first place] can feel free to start a conversation, which could be considered an excuse for discussing personal things.
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