Consideration @ MindSay 
Awhile ago he made a stew and he put pork in it, no big deal whatever I made potato soup later and it was epic win. I asked him about it and he said we would make other stews that we could all eat. Cool! So I came home today after being absolutely exhausted and starving and having a pounding headache and I wanted some food to eat and none of the dishes were done, whatever, everyday shit. I was going to make food anyways. Butt informed me that there was stew to be eaten, but OH WAIT, it has venison in it. Well fuck....now I'm a little upset....never mind. I look in the fridge, nothing to eat, nothing to cook with....whatever....I am seriously kind of ticked about the stew thing because he said we could make stew that I could eat. I wasn't going to say anything but Butt said I should say something. Not to be a dick about it, but to say something...
so I went into the living room and the conversation went like this:
"What's with the stew"
"What about it"
"It has venison in it"
"So?"
"I can't eat it."
"So, I bought all the shit for it"
He always talks about how this is a communal living situation. That means it should be about that everyone is putting in as much as they can and doing their part. Not who is putting how much in and how that adds up in the long run. I got pissed about that so I went into the kitchen to try and calm down and I told him I couldn't be in the same room with him. He comes in the kitchen and wants to know what my problem is and a big hullabaloo ensues where I say that it's not fair that he makes food that not everyone can eat when I make dinner for everyone all the time and I am considerate enough to make meat for them when I don't eat that. He tells me that its different because "I'm a vegetarian, I can eat it if I want to" and then I am livid. I can't even talk I am so pissed. We yell at each other for a minute and I end up being so pissed I am shaking, and for those that know me well enough, I cry when I'm fairly pissed.
that's about it. basically, i want someone other than my parents and my boyfriend gave a rats ass about me.
p.s. chaddi/marles, if you want to say something about it, say it on here. I don't want to make it into a house discussion just yet. thanks.
So I spoke to my mentor at about 3:23am this morning my time. I think it was a bout 5:23am hers and she was up and getting ready for a day of teaching the ivy-leaguers a thing or three about teaching. We talked about how cliches and over used platitudes may seem lame but do indeed carry pounds of meaning. She was right of course.
Think about these phrases--
1. Never Look A Gift Horse In the Mouth
2. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink
3. Don't bite the hand that feeds you
4. Be careful what you wish for
5. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
6. Don't shit where you eat
7. Dont burn your bridges
8. What's good to you aint always good for you
9. A closed mouth doesnt get fed (funny because in many cases, when you finally open your mouth you dont get fed, you get a handful of disdain)
There is a reason these phrases and others are still floating around in the world. Words, however over-used, have meaning. They carry tone, inflection and attitude. So even when the phrase is filled with sugar you can still taste the bitter.
Some things are said in anger, I have done this. I have Said things when I was upset and hostile and later wished that I could have gotten my point across more constructively. Sure my message was conveyed (basically the message is "Hey! I am angry, Hear Me!) but I wish that I had exercised some decorum in the delivery.
I do apologize when I am wrong though, which, believe me, is a very lost lost art.
So I spoke with her and realized that she had every opportunity to say "I told you so" but didn't. Thanks for that.
But also that we should pay attention to what is said and notice how the unsaid language of the body might sync up with the former.
To See what is there and isnt there and decide what is or isnt for yourself.
I know this is a little all over the place but I am still piecing it together and I didn't get much sleep. Plus I gotta get to work soon.
Anyway, when people refuse to hear us they are telling us that respect and consideration may not be applicable in their exchanges with us. We are props to them. Period.
Now in gender relations how does this translate? I notice that women, (yes even the ones claiming that they don't take this or that from no man) tend to reinforce the negation they get from others. If someone wants something that is counter to our own happiness we tend to go along. Not all of us of course but from what I know of black women and women in general it seems to be so. We get so conditioned to be "nice" because it's "lady-like" but then when we need something and have to assert ourselves, all of our niceness is forgotten in an instant.
In the words of Beyonce of all people "The first time I say No it's like I never said yes." That is it in a nutshell and yet another apt phrase. A lifetime of saying yes is worthless if you ever have to say no to someone who is used to your affirmations. I knew that but for some reason didn't notice until she pointed it out.
Anyway she talked to me about her plans to travel to Africa and suggested that I apply for a summer in Africa program through her university. I think I will apply just to see what happens. We talked about my magazine and she offered to help yet again, she is a published and well received writer so I intend to think about it.
I hope we all get what we need and not necessarily ALL of what we want.
Maybe all we want is a "fucking ticket to leave Monday" or some consideration for what we give to others. I know that I want to learn lessons from the things I encounter and the circumstances I land myself in. Hopefully the universe will hear our requests and grant them out right. At any rate I think that in the last few hours that I have heard a mouthful.
That's all for now!
Goddess Bless
They announced this week that they were going to keep my husband longer in Iraq. BUT their is still a catch 22 going ... I was told 4 extra months, so far they have not announced that. Call it they want individuals to calm down or that they want families to calm down.
But facing the truth the best way to do this. You do not tell a group one time & know that you will be adding an extra month to it. That's gonna anger them even more ...
Supposidly there was a "leak" on this matter. Honestly, they only "leak" that should have happened was them notifying all families, but some decided to keep it to themselves. They reason they did not announce it, money. "Would they get this money or not?" Who really cares, we all want them to come back, We all deserve to know the truth on this matter ... you could have announced it without mentioning the anything financial. That would have prepared them.
In the end, you could have dealt with that when it happened. You should have getting individuals in there for the families & especially the kids. Someone they know will be there & know will help ... bring them to that group & get them talking. Once you do that, it will help ... it will give them something more to consider.
Instead, we watched a wife crying on the news. Talking about this or that death in front of her children. That is not exactly what should have happened ... not for those children.
Today, a few days after all this has occured ... my children are doing fine. Because I had time to get them adjusted & time to deal with it myself. I knew last month, so I was able to deal with this myself & once I had I was able to sit my children down. Once we did that, we were able to talk & discuss this, to get over the angry, and shock. So when they did that horrid announcement, my children were prepared.
That is the only thing I want for my kids, to be prepared & to know ... so they can deal with it in all ways. Children are acceptable to angry, shock, disappointment, sadness & everything that goes with it. Between them & my husband, those are my main concerns. To get this done & make it though this deployment.
After that we will work on recovering from the deployment ... it's just going to be a few more months longer than we expected.
A note to self,
A weak animal in the wild will not survive. What I choose to make public is from my heart and that is it. What comes out is a representation of who I want to be tomorrow, furthering myself from the selfish person I was before. I will not be perfect, but for right now, I will simply be me. If you cannot accept that then do not read any farther!
Little bit about me. I am the oldest and have a younger sibling. My father worked in law enforcement and government. It was normal to have less privileged people in and out of our house. My parents never wanted my sibling and me to think we were better than anyone was. My parent’s beliefs were so strong that because we attended catholic school my father decided we only needed six pairs of clothes outside of what was required for school. That meant while everyone else had nice jeans, sneakers, shirts, jackets I wore bo bo's the cheapest jeans to be found and one pair of cotton sweats...the dorky kind! I think I went through a phase of almost hating the very people that my parents wanted us to understand. It was because of them that I was suffering. It was not until I was no longer being pointed at and having spit balls hurled at me (because I could buy my own clothes) that I saw that this was the same walk they went through. I appreciated the lesson learned and I keep that close to me until this day. I love nice things, but I am not a huge fan in plopping down a huge amount of money when it could go towards something else. Why am I bringing this up?
On my last visit to see my grandmother at the senior citizen care program she attends, I was reminded of those forgotten. After talking to the staff, I was advised the holidays are the hardest for the seniors. Those that do not have family members have. Imagine having to go from day to day knowing that you are alone and on special holidays having to watch your bed neighbor or the neighbor next door to you have visitors and you having no one saying ”Hey I care or I remember you". Imagine giving your life to a job and your loved ones and on those special holidays someone saying, "grandma/grandpa I am just too tired". A visit to one of these senior programs would not simply be appreciated it would lift spirits that have been pushed aside for years. Spirits lost in the seats of wheelchairs with arms no longer able to push its occupant, leaving them waiting for someone with a gentle hand to remind them that they were still among the living. Your reminder can be both brief and inexpensive. To my surprise the elderly return where we al came from, that of a child. As I walked through the building, I was surprised to find toys, stuffed animals and dolls being used by people well in their eighties. Their eyes showed the joy that these simple items were able to bring, along with the strangers that brought them. The items don't have to be fancy, go to the dollar store. Spend twenty minutes there, whatever you do is going to be more than what they might have received in a long time. The same can be said and done for terminally ill children in hospitals and Ronal McDonald clinics whose families have more than enough on their plates to find time for Christmas gifts, or simply lack the finances to afford it. Don’t forget children in orphanages and foster care programs. As I said earlier I am not a hippie chick or a free love child that dreams of everything being perfect, what I am is someone that started caring about other people. What I am is someone that began to say one day that could be me, one day I will be without the people that watch my back right now. What will I do then?
Take the time to go to the dollar store. Yes the holidays are busy, but there are days before the big day and those days are just as important...Be special to an elderly woman that has no one. Be an angel to a child whose parents cannot buy her that doll. Be an inspiration to someone that saw the job as caretaker as just a job until a stranger came to see someone. BE YOUR BROTHERS KEEPERS...IF NOT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THIS WILL AND COULD BE YOU!
"Why?" I was a little annoyed.
In an "as a matter of fact" manner, MJ said: "I needed the points."
"I want my points too." I negotiated with her in a polite tone.
She got out her card, and handed it to the sales with a BIG smile. "Charge it all on mine."
I grabbed my basket, "Stop! Wait! I want to pay for mine."
She turned around to face me, with such determination! Gritting her teeth and said: "I need the points for the parking fee."
Fair enough, I thought, since I came with her, in her car.
That was incident number 1.
Incident number 2:
Yesterday, MJ and I were shopping again, this time, everything were in the same basket/trolley. But I had seperated mine, all of mine were at the bottom. We were walking towards the counter again, and she declared that she NEEDs to pay for it all with her card again. Hey, I do not want to owe you money, I can pay it with my dad's card. I AM SUPPOSED to...
Getting a bit annoyed, I asked her: "Why?"
She, with her "as a matter of fact" tone, replied: "I better pay it with my card. I RATHER pay it with mine."
That was not an acceptable explaination, it baffled me. SHE baffled me.
I do not want to cause a comotion in public and I know if I insist on opposing to her weird ideas, she will most likely start to cause ONE. So, she paid for it ALL.
We sat down to tea, and I got out my calculator, mine all added up to $567.80 HKD, and her's was only $130 HKD! Now, this is what I do not understand. Might it be the Asiamiles points on her card that she wanted? If that was the case, then I don't want to be her friend anymore. It's not that I am being petty. It's just that, through small matters, one can get to know how other function, and I needed to know if she really is "that" selfish.
Trying to sound as casual as possible, I asked : "Why did you want me to owe you $567.80? your's only $130? Are you shot of Asiamiles points for a journey that you are about to embark on?"
J shot me a look, " I wanted more points. I just wanted MORE points."
That was the look of GREED.
Now, I want to ask Bonniegirl, Lo (Max_x), Blackmamba and anyone else, what would you do? if stop shopping together, and quit being with her isn't a choice?
