Comon @ MindSay

communication... a two-way street... a double-edged sword... etc... expression is half the battle... comprehension is the other half...  good luck with that shit y'all...

sometimes i feel like i know everything...  everything, that is, that doesn't require any specialization or expertise whatsoever...  everything to do with people...  life even...  people and life are full of surprises however, as any half-apt observer will note...  the future is way out of my league, obviously, though probabilities are doable...  like, for example, the fact that the above statement will lead most who read this to a number of dubious assumptions...  take note of the words though, people, i pick and choose them carefully (ie: "sometimes")...  anyhow, moving right along...  there's this thing about people that's been chafing my brain recently (and by recently, i mean for several years now)...

people-- everyone i know in one way or another-- disappoint the hell out of me.  have i griped of this already?  if so, it is worthy of another...  there is not a single member of my family, a single friend past or present, or even a potential idol of mine (Neil, Fyodor, etc) who has not disappointed me massively and consistently (inconsistency, from a moral standpoint, disappoints me a great deal, for one...)...  i couldn't find a fucking idol to save my life (not in the ranks of humans at least)...  i've tried, i guess, i've felt the roots of human-invoked awe and reverence, but NOTHING is eternal...  i can't even find an acceptable role model out there...  not that i feel i need one, fiction serves me well enough, but the children, the little poofters, surely they need someone, something to look up to, don't they?  (maybe not...)  the best i can do is piece together some imaginary virtuous person out of the bits of virtue that all of us have...  my buddy Dwch is wholly, innately honest...  my compadre Asshat is selfless...  my friend Hertzbag is earnest...  blah blah blah capiche?  take any group of people, put their good bits together, and you have yourself something decent...  take any one person, observe and analyze that person, and you will come to observe a dwch...  is the embodiment of virtue, the human of virtue, a myth?  it appears to be so...  fuckin douche-bags, all of us...  i don't expect perfection, just consistent common courtesy and common sense...  show me that in human form and i'll eat a fucking hat....

it IS easier to love those you don't really know all that well, or see with a great deal of frequency...  I've never met someone who doesn't eventually make me nauseous, in one regard or another, just as i've never met someone who doesn't evoke some reverence and love in one way or another (ahhh, go the foggy minds, so he isn't just cold and bitter--  he bleeds!  he loves!  of course i fucking do...  all anger comes from love, and nauseousness doesn't equate to hate (though it can come close))...  sometimes i think love is just nature's way  of keeping us interested , fueling our will to live and our drive to kill, conquer, and consume (oooh, that's like, so gloomy...  suck a dick)...  every crime is a love crime...  love is the ultimate excuse, the ultimate justification for being stupid dwches (pronounced "douches" btw-- don't ask)...  think about it.

 we are tribal beasts, but ideally we live in huge fucking tribes so we don't all have to see each other every time the sun's a blazing...  the spaces between us bring us closer together, i'd say...  there's one for those Hallmark cocksuckers...  someone asked me awhile back if i'd rather live by the ocean or in the mountains...  i said the mountains cause there're fewer fucking people there...  do people remind me of my own shortcomings?  sure, sure...   but they also feel compelled to frequently remind me of their own...  i don't have time for that...  doting on such things would be like soo super gloomy... 

humanity needs some fucking standards...  a code of conduct of sorts...  all this pleading ignorance is driving me nuts...  ignorance of common sense is no defense...  how is virtue taught/learned?  we each teach it to ourselves, with careful consideration, with knowing thyself so as to know each other...  with humble, sincere, reflection, and with a little lack of regard/reverence for the self...  and fuck time...  if it takes you eighty years to learn one worthy thing, take eighty fucking years...  our emphasis on timeliness arose out of selfishness...  we each want to do it all, live it all, feel it all, breathe it all...  and we want it NOW...  we each want more than each other, or at least as much as we can chew...  but the all is everywhere, in everything...  ah fuck, i went and got hungry, and doubt and grumpiness always grip me when i'm hungry...  but doubt is fucking good, people, indulge in it some more, please...  i doubt whether or not anyone will read this...  i doubt whether or not anyone will "get" where i'm coming from...  i doubt that any of this is in any way novel to anyone...  i doubt if there is any point at all in writing such things, i just know that doing it makes me less angry at the end of the day...  anger is a gift?  ha-ha

ps:  i've recently concluded that nature as we know/knew it is a total write-off...  i will write of that and other fabulous and fantastical things later, assuming i can once again bring myself to stomach my own tripe...