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thomas
Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
(found in an old email)
===
Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, while driving her car, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing
===
Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, while driving her car, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing
ACADEMIC COMEDY, CHAPTER TWO
The real truth has emerged. Steve Bitterman was fired not for what he said but for how he said it. He was acerbic, brash, sarcastic, and made his students cry and feel like crap. Every opinion—expressed by teacher or student—must be treated with respect. Here’s the update and the real truth as reported by Des Moines Register reporter Megan Hawkins:
Students of a fired Iowa community college instructor say they were offended more by his brash teaching style than the remarks about the Bible that he claims led to his dismissal last week.
Adjunct professor Steve Bitterman said administrators at Southwestern Community College in Red Oak sided with students who became upset when he called parts of the Old Testament a fairy tale that should not be interpreted literally.
He made the comment in a class last Tuesday and was fired two days later.
But students in the class, which was transmitted to a classroom in Osceola over the state fiber-optic network, say Bitterman also told them to question their religious beliefs and at one point in the heated debate told one of the Osceola students, Kristen Fry, to “pop a Prozac.”
Fry said she left class in tears.
”I talked to a lawyer and was told that what he was doing was illegal,” she said. “He was not allowed to be derogatory toward me for being a Christian. I told my adviser I would sue if I had to.”
Both sides say the conflict arose from remarks Bitterman made in a Western Civilization class about the biblical story of Adam and Eve. He said he approached the topic from an academic and symbolic standpoint, rather than a factual one. Bitterman maintains he wanted to spark debate. But he instead sparked a controversy over academic freedom and the perceived lack of support from administrators for part-time teachers.
Bitterman said the Prozac comment was a joke meant to disarm a student who “was screeching at me.”
”Sometimes you say something outrageous just to see if you can provoke some discussion.... I can be a little acerbic at times, I don’t deny that,” he said. “I certainly take students’ viewpoints seriously in the sense that I encourage them to express it, and then I will challenge that viewpoint, regardless of what it is, to see how well they can back it up with reason and critical thought.
”Often, these students are essentially right out of high school and they take things so personally,” Bitterman said. “They really can’t distinguish between a critical assessment of their argument and an attack upon them personally.”
Casey Overton, 19, who also was in the Osceola classroom, said Bitterman spoke “very crudely and made us feel like crap.”
”I think he was trying to start a debate, but it came across as insulting and offended everybody,” Overton said. “After some of the comments he made, I didn’t expect him to be fired, but I’m kind of glad he’s gone. There’s no way I could have finished the class.”
Bitterman said that when he was fired over the phone, he was told it was for teaching religion instead of history, and no mention was made of how he treated students.
Southwestern President Barb Crittenden declined to comment on many aspects of the situation, but did verify that this section of the class has been canceled for the rest of the semester.
”Generally, we see it as our mission to provide educational services to students,” she said. “Both faculty and students must be treated with respect. We do believe in academic freedom and the exchange of ideas. There are going to be differences in opinion, and in order to have free exchange, there has to be respect shown for opinions on all sides of issues.”
She declined to comment on what procedures are in place for student complaints or for professors to explain themselves, but said that in this case, the employee is part-time.
Some part-time community college professors in other parts of the state said the Southwestern situation does not surprise them. One referred to their lives as “adjunct hell.”
James Ralston, a math instructor at Hawkeye Community College in Waterloo, said he has been fired twice for political reasons or false accusations from students.
”All adjunct teachers are under the same pressure that they cannot teach, because if they offend, no matter how crazy the students are, they are going to be fired,” he said. “It’s a huge problem.
------------------------
Megan Hawkins, ”Students: Teacher’s Style, Not Faith, Led to Firing,” Des Moines Register 25 September 2007.
-------------------------
Every opinion deserves equal respect. I certainly aspire to that ideal in my classroom. Never do I crack even a smile at student opinions. Never do I employ irony to indicate my skepticism! Student opinions expressed, past and present, in my classes have included the following:
I'll keep adding to this list of opinions and keep you informed so that you, like me, can practice receiving and responding to each opinion with the respect both it and its expresser deserve. Oh, one more—how did Jonah escape the belly of the whale? He ran around and around and around inside until he got pooped out.
Students of a fired Iowa community college instructor say they were offended more by his brash teaching style than the remarks about the Bible that he claims led to his dismissal last week.
Adjunct professor Steve Bitterman said administrators at Southwestern Community College in Red Oak sided with students who became upset when he called parts of the Old Testament a fairy tale that should not be interpreted literally.
He made the comment in a class last Tuesday and was fired two days later.
But students in the class, which was transmitted to a classroom in Osceola over the state fiber-optic network, say Bitterman also told them to question their religious beliefs and at one point in the heated debate told one of the Osceola students, Kristen Fry, to “pop a Prozac.”
Fry said she left class in tears.
”I talked to a lawyer and was told that what he was doing was illegal,” she said. “He was not allowed to be derogatory toward me for being a Christian. I told my adviser I would sue if I had to.”
Both sides say the conflict arose from remarks Bitterman made in a Western Civilization class about the biblical story of Adam and Eve. He said he approached the topic from an academic and symbolic standpoint, rather than a factual one. Bitterman maintains he wanted to spark debate. But he instead sparked a controversy over academic freedom and the perceived lack of support from administrators for part-time teachers.
Bitterman said the Prozac comment was a joke meant to disarm a student who “was screeching at me.”
”Sometimes you say something outrageous just to see if you can provoke some discussion.... I can be a little acerbic at times, I don’t deny that,” he said. “I certainly take students’ viewpoints seriously in the sense that I encourage them to express it, and then I will challenge that viewpoint, regardless of what it is, to see how well they can back it up with reason and critical thought.
”Often, these students are essentially right out of high school and they take things so personally,” Bitterman said. “They really can’t distinguish between a critical assessment of their argument and an attack upon them personally.”
Casey Overton, 19, who also was in the Osceola classroom, said Bitterman spoke “very crudely and made us feel like crap.”
”I think he was trying to start a debate, but it came across as insulting and offended everybody,” Overton said. “After some of the comments he made, I didn’t expect him to be fired, but I’m kind of glad he’s gone. There’s no way I could have finished the class.”
Bitterman said that when he was fired over the phone, he was told it was for teaching religion instead of history, and no mention was made of how he treated students.
Southwestern President Barb Crittenden declined to comment on many aspects of the situation, but did verify that this section of the class has been canceled for the rest of the semester.
”Generally, we see it as our mission to provide educational services to students,” she said. “Both faculty and students must be treated with respect. We do believe in academic freedom and the exchange of ideas. There are going to be differences in opinion, and in order to have free exchange, there has to be respect shown for opinions on all sides of issues.”
She declined to comment on what procedures are in place for student complaints or for professors to explain themselves, but said that in this case, the employee is part-time.
Some part-time community college professors in other parts of the state said the Southwestern situation does not surprise them. One referred to their lives as “adjunct hell.”
James Ralston, a math instructor at Hawkeye Community College in Waterloo, said he has been fired twice for political reasons or false accusations from students.
”All adjunct teachers are under the same pressure that they cannot teach, because if they offend, no matter how crazy the students are, they are going to be fired,” he said. “It’s a huge problem.
------------------------
Megan Hawkins, ”Students: Teacher’s Style, Not Faith, Led to Firing,” Des Moines Register 25 September 2007.
-------------------------
Every opinion deserves equal respect. I certainly aspire to that ideal in my classroom. Never do I crack even a smile at student opinions. Never do I employ irony to indicate my skepticism! Student opinions expressed, past and present, in my classes have included the following:
Negroes are more closely related to great apes than to Caucasian humans.
Slavery was God's curse on the descendents of Ham.
Women are too emotional to be president.
Stars are tiny lights in the heavens, not suns.
Bitches are women who just need a good f---.
The universe is 7011 years old.
Iraqis hijacked airplanes and crashed them into the WTC.
Homosexuals should be executed.
If a woman is raped, she should just lie back and enjoy it.
Every opinion is just as good as another.
Karl Marx is alive and the present dictator of the Soviet Union.
The total number of people on earth may be as many as one million.
Chinese and Spanish languages are gibberish.
Child molestors, rapists, and homosexuals should be castrated.
The ark of Noah has been found on Mt. Ararat.
Jesus will return to earth in the next seven years.
St. Theresa ate no food and lived only on sunlight.
The Kaaba in Mecca levitates in mid-air by the will of Allah.
Nine Jews rule the world.
Jews murdered God.
Jews planned the 9/11 attacks.
God chose Jews to be his special people.
God promised Jews the land of Canaan for perpetuity.
God speaks only to men; women learn God's word from men.
Legalizing marijuana would save the planet.
If everyone took Extasy, there would be world peace.
The peak experience of human life on earth is orgasm.
Reading is a waste of time.
Satan rules the world.
All Mexicans secretly carry knives or razor blades.
Communists do not value human life as we do.
Chinese do not value human life as we do.
Arabs do not value human life as we do.
Africans do not value human life as we do.
Mexicans do not value human life as we do.
Koreans do not value human life as we do.
Moslems do not value human life as we do.
Socialists do not value human life as we do.
Liberals do not value human life as we do.
Atheists do not value human life as we do.
Agnostics do not value human life as we do.
World war is good for our economy.
Poor people has poor ways.
Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.
God never gives you more than you can handle.
Slavery was kind to Negroes; they hadn't the skills to survive in the real world.
If we cut off the hands of thieves, theft would stop.
If we castrated rapists, rape would stop.
If we decapitated killers, killing would stop.
Every American should be required by law to carry a gun.
If we enforced a dress code, learning would improve.
People with the wrong belief will be tortured forever in hell.
Prayer cures cancer.
Faith cures cancer.
Every Christian has a guardian angel.
Exactly 144,000 Elect will go to Heaven.
Black skin is thicker than white skin.
Carpeting Iraq with nuclear bombs will solve the problem.
Dropping a nuclear bomb on Mecca will solve the problem.
The Ten Commandments should be posted on the wall of every classroom.
We should begin every class by facing the American flag and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
We should begin every class by reciting the Lord's Prayer.
The human soul weighs twenty-four grams.
Class attendance should be optional.
Students who attend half the classes and do half the assignments should get B.
An open mind is the most dangerous thing on the face of the earth.
We are all racing down the wrong path to Oblivion.
Women who have abortions are murderers who should be executed.
Doctors and nurses who assist abortions are murderers who should be executed.
Tehran is in Russia.
I'll keep adding to this list of opinions and keep you informed so that you, like me, can practice receiving and responding to each opinion with the respect both it and its expresser deserve. Oh, one more—how did Jonah escape the belly of the whale? He ran around and around and around inside until he got pooped out.
The Mistress of the Blatantly Obvious speaks....
Hey you -reading this-if you have been here more than once or twice, add me! 
(no subject)
I HATE it when people call me at work and the first thing they ask is "What are you doing?"........
Common Sense (or a list of those who shouldnt breed)
Hello Purveours of cynical humor, Friends, Family, and just silly people!
Today I Finally got fed up enough to blog about how America has destroyed common sense! ( If you believe you have common sense still give yourself a hand as your one of the few it seems)
Anyways, I feel it a sad state of affairs when we as a people,race,species, has to go around putting little tags, warnings, and labels on every thing we create or find on this planet! How really stupid does one have to be to not understand that putting a chainsaw next to ones genitalia is not conductive to a long life??!(yes he will be the first on my list btw)
So now I have decided to create a simple list of people who shouldnt breed, as if they stop I feel all these silly labels warnings and stupidity markers (lets face it folks thats what they are, stupidity markers) will stop as well. On a side note I have patitioned the proper channels to create a moron breeding alert system, whereas an alarm goes off whenever a moron drops their pants with the intentions of breeding , and a swat team arives on the scene and beats said culprit with dead salmons till they get all notions of breeding out of their cobwebed fogged brain cavatiy.(sad to say it but funding for such an alarm system is poorly under funded please donate!)
So I present to you a list of those who should be marked for non breeding, until we either develop a brain transplant procedure, or they die!
1: If you have ever wore chainsaw panties to see if it "tickled" please dont breed! (not that you can but just in case!)
2:If you ever sat on a jury, and decided Yeah! that dumb old lady who spilt coffee on herself does deserve a million or three! Please dont breed!
3:if you agree with one of those jurours, once again , please dont breed!
4:If you think this Country was founded to protect your right to shop! please dont breed!
5: If after seeing Jackass you decide its your patiotic duty to launch rockets out of your ass, again I say, dont breed!
6: If after your 5,672 visit to Hot Topic you decide that vampires do exist,they all live in California,(L.A. doesnt count as everyone there is a vamp of some sort trust me on this one folks) , and,you might be one.Please dont breed!
7:If you drive a 4x4 S.U.V and slow down for a speed bump. please dont breed!
8:If living in Iowa(be glad I am not saying Iwoans dont breed period.come on its IOWA Folks!) Anyways, if you have ever visited those purina stock feed/porn stores or are known as a reg at one.You probably arent breeding, but why take the chance eh?
9:If your the type to blame all our problems on tv, video games, and music.If you did breed shame on you!
10: If your any type of Wasington Politician DONT F'in BREED!
Feel free to add to this list and if its good enough I will add it in !
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