Committed @ MindSay 
But I can’t vouch for everyone on my suicide. I’ve never cut. I’ve never lowered myself to drugs and alcohol. I’ve never physically hurt another person. I’ve never done half the things considered suicidal. But I attempted, a few years ago. I had my depression medicine with me while I was in the car at my mothers work. I couldn’t tell you what was on my mind, nor could I tell you why I had done it, but I did. I tried drugging myself. Before I took enough to be sent to the hospital, I ran out. I was disappointed then, but now I’m quite relieved.
Ever since, I’ve thought more about life and what reasons there were to continue it. If someone saw a movie about my life, they’d wonder why I haven’t succeeded at suicide. Physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse, as well as emotional neglect is a lot to deal with for one person. There are definitely times I’ve wondered why I haven’t succeeded either. After all, I have major depression, social anxiety disorder, disability to trust anyone and a tendency to think ‘heinous’ acts. And that’s the least of it.
I have four reasons why I haven’t committed suicide: My mother, Joshua, life and myself. I don’t have the ability to leave my mother. She’s the only one who’s been there for me because I needed her, not just because she’s my mother. I don’t have the ability to leave Joshua. He’s become my future, my love. This would be quite long if I extended into why he’s a reason I live. But in short, if it weren’t for him giving me a friend and new hope, I wouldn’t be able to see any part of the path I should be taking. I don’t have the ability to leave life. It’s difficult, depressing, cliché and one of the worst things that seems to happen. But it’s full of surprises and I don’t want to miss them. I don’t have the ability to kill myself because there are things I want to do. I have dreams that need to become reality. I have wants that need to leave. I have needs that have to be taken care of. I have reasons to live.
I want to kill myself, but I don’t want to die. It may not make sense to you, but it does to others and myself who’ve been down a similar path. Suicide is a hot topic. But to understand it, you’d have to find someone willing to talk about his or her experience. The biggest cliché I could tell you, ‘Don’t take those around you for granted.’ I’m not a fan of cliché’s, but that’s one cliché that speaks the truth. You don’t truly know who the next person around you is that’s going to try such an act. But don’t push God onto them either. For the most part, someone who’s suicidal is more likely to not believe in a God.
After all that has transpired
After all thats taken place
After all the stab wounds
And just just before my death
I rise a pheonix, like anew
From the still burning ashes of false hearts lies
To fly once again, to shine from within
Dismember myself
Severe my veins
Poison myself
A heartless joke
Slash at my neck
Gouge out my eyes
Screaming in agony
You pacify me.
Bleeding hearts shed no tears
Soaked all the way through with remorse and regret
Fire to purify my soul and blood to replenish it
I search in hopes of completion to justify my love for you
Nothing ever ends where our souls begin
Nothing can save me from myself
You keep me safe
Resurrecting my love
An angel like you
Can never fall
Heaven i found
Right in my arms
I found love in you
I find truth in you
I see light in you
And it horrifies me.
A long time ago (Before last November...) I was a cutter. Some of you may not know what a cutter is. It is a person who cuts themselves with a knife or any other sharp object. People who do other things to mutilate themselves are also under the 'cutter' catagory.
These people are usually misunderstood. They cut to release stress. Most people think they want to die or they are just practising for their real suicide. Some cutters undergo therapy while others are committed to an institution.
Most younger cutters get started by accident. They get angry and lash out at themselves and realize that lashing at themselves is a lot better and feels a lot better than lashing at other people. Cutting usually becomes a habit or an addiction that is hard to get rid of. Some other cutters get started because it is a trend. We don't count the trend cutters as real cutters.
Tobacco is an addicting product that also kills. I like to think of it as a slow suicide.
My mom smoked for over 30 years. She now has primary pulmonary hypertension (PPH). Incase nobody knows what this is: The blood pressure in the lungs rises and not enough Oxygen gets into the blood stream. Therefore, not enough oxygen reaches the heart. She has stopped smoking and is now on liquid oxygen. Being on pure oxygen doesn't help completely so she is also on medications. In January, we lost my grandma to the same disease after she smoked for so long.
Smoking leads to may diseases and it does and will kill. You choose to smoke, knowing the affects.... that is suicide.
My question to you:
How come cutters are labeled insane and are committed to asylums and what not when smokers are actually killings themselves and are just considered addicted?
Is that fair?
*please nominate so the word gets out*
| Comitted Lover You scored 86 Comittment! |
| Like the "lover" below you, you have many attractive qualities and the opposite sex is likely very eager to be with you. Not only are you open and honest but you are also tolerant and patient. You likely have all the pre-requisites of a healthy long-term relationship! Don't fret if you run through a few unsuccessful relationships, some people won't realize what a great person you are and only want a good time! Take things slow and your true love will appear eventually! |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Relationship Comittment Test written by ayhthanaeus on Ok Cupid |