Co-dependency @ MindSay 
I mean, if we weren't somewhat dependent upon others, we would be all alone. We would choose to be all alone. And you know what they say about loners... If you aren't dependent upon someone, hopefully co-dependent for a 2-way friendship, then you are not social and might be dangerous. Ergo, people not in co-dependent relationships are dangerous... Ok, there are some leaps there in the logic, but there are points to be made here.
We choose our friends. We may or may not choose whom we love, but we do choose whom we hang out with. Aren't we drawn to people who satisfy our needs, wants, and desires? Aren't we drawn to people who have the opposite interests and opinions, as well as people with common interests as our own? We want the comfort of the common interests (which can be co-dependency). We want the opposite or different interests and opinions for the challenge, interesting conversations, and for help with things we cannot do as well, and to feel good from helping them. The latter (liking opposite or different people) is more likely the co-dependency aspect, but it helps make us whole and to achieve the best that we can be. We learn from those people.
Why is co-dependency expected in friendships, but not in relationships with significant others (spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends)? The phrase, "what else are friends for?" muttered after a friend helps you, is so common and so constricting at the same time. If that phrase is muttered at you, and you never mutter it to your friends, then you must not be doing your part in the co-dependency relationship; you must be lazy or selfish if that is the case, and you are taking advantage of the friendship. The phrase is also constricting because it sounds like friendship is only meant to be an exchange of favors, and nothing more. Is co-dependency really the only reason for friendship?
Co-dependency has gotten a bad rap, in my opinion. In a significant-other relationship, it is a word spoken carefully because it has such rotten undertones. I have a spouse with just enough similarity for the comfort level, but enough differences to keep it interesting. Together, we could take over the world, because whatever I am not good at, he excels, and vice-versa. "United we stand" kind of thing... He also makes me want to be a better person.
This brings me to the topic of friends with benefits. "Friends with Bene's" if you will. Why is this becoming so common? It is not restricted to any age group [anymore]. Is co-dependency growing beyond the needs of non-sexual favors, to include all kinds of favors, to satisfy all kinds of needs and desires? Do we label it as friends with benefits, because that can remove the stigmatism of the "socially"-accepted negative term "co-dependency" that is easily attached to significant-others relationships?
Are we becoming more co-dependent as a human race? Is that because we are becoming more needy, helpful, ... what?
Co-dependency can be good for a long time. Just remember the rules. "All things in moderation..." and "As long as nobody feels hurt by it". Simple rules, but so difficult to follow... You may need a friend to tell you if you are in a co-dependent relationship. Irony intended.
Kelli did go over and see her the other night, and called me back afterward. We talked for quite a while about her aunt's situation, and she's in agreement with me that there's a lot of co-dependency at play in her current actions. Kelli said that Lor apparently was not aware of just how much she hurt me last fall, and her guilt over that was behind her abrupt ending of our call.
The following day, Lor apologized to me for her behavior on the phone. (But not, you'll note, for her behavior last fall. I guess she's still not owning up to that.) Nevertheless, over the ensuing day or two, we talked more, and I can't say much has improved. Or maybe it has. It's really difficult to tell.
I'm just not going to worry about it, really. That's easier said than done, of course, but I can't be an enabler for her. She's got to learn the coping skills that a normal person needs to survive in this world, and she just doesn't have them. Relying on me isn't going to give them to her.
Then I noticed that one of my websites doesn't display normally in it. And no, it has nothing to do with my scripting. It appears just fine in previous versions of MSIE, not to mention every other browser on the planet. The site uses a three-frame interface, with the top frame holding a banner logo, the narrow left frame holding the table of contents list, and the large main frame holding the body (including the display of whatever table of contents list item you click on.) But something about MSIE 7 causes the contents to display in that narrow left frame, rather than the main body frame.
That is, of course, fucked up.
So I've put a disclaimer in big-ass letters telling visitors that the site will look retarded in MSIE 7. And then I switched to Firefox.
The other upgrade I got was Windows Media Player 11. (Yes, beware... another Microsoft product.) And this version is such a radical departure from previous versions... I dunno. Its main upgrade is that it's very graphic intensive. If you're looking at your library, it'll show you album art for each of the groups you've got in there. You might be thinking, "Well, that's cool!" Yeah, it is. Unless you've got more than 4000 songs on your computer, as I do. Then it gets ridiculously cumbersome. So I turned off that feature.
But here's something else I think is idiotic. When you've added songs to the "now playing" list, it doesn't tell you what the total running time of your list is. This is something very important to me, and if there's a way to display that, it's certainly not intuitively found. (Hell, it should be automatic; I shouldn't have to turn it on as a feature.) This is such a big issue for me that I will almost certainly be rolling back to WMP 10.
I did something unusual for me. An attractive young lady that I'd been observing for a while came up to the bar (not near me) and ordered a drink. Kevin, the bartender who took her order, had to come over my way to get something for it, and I instructed him to put her drink on my tab. In walking back to her table, she thanked me. Without stopping, I might add.
And it occurs to me that this little cutie was probably thinking, "Oh, gross. That creepy old guy just bought me a drink."
I guess in my mind I just think, "Hey, she's in a bar. Obviously, she's not too young." Then I remember (after a moment) that the legal drinking age here is half my current age. But I so don't feel my age that I just don't think about it. And while I'm told that I don't look my age (some people say I look nearly a decade younger than my real age), I'm still not going to be confused for someone in his late 20s.
And not that I focus on appearance, mind you, but I have to be honest about something. I've browsed personals ads and such, and nine times out of ten, the women who are my age in those photos appear to be in at least a dozen years older than they're claiming. I'm not kidding. It freaks me out. No, I'm not implying that they're lying about their ages (despite the stereotypical belief that women do this). I'm just saying that they look far too old for their years. Maybe the worn out look is due to having raised kids (because let's face it, by the early 40s, most women have done that). Maybe the wrinkly face is from getting too much sun. Maybe they just posted really shitty photos of themselves in their ads (in defiance of conventional wisdom on the subject). I really don't know. But I do know that it's so startling for me to see a picture of someone my age who looks to be more like 55 that I don't even read the ads, half the time. Call me shallow, but that's just how it is.
Wow. I digressed.
Anyway, I didn't get home from the bar until about 1:00. And then... well... I had to feed my addiction. Yes, City of Heroes. I played until 3:30. (Hey, Thursday night I played for five straight hours. I have no life.) And then I woke up Saturday morning at 7:30, having to pee. And I decided to just stay up.
Grocery shopping at 8:00 A.M. is wonderful. No lines. No crowds. The deli wasn't open, yet, but I didn't care. I almost never buy stuff there, anyway. I should also have done laundry in the morning, but instead I talked to a couple friends on the phone until I had to go to the Sac-Poly lunch at Cafe Bernardo.
It was a very low turnout; only six of us. Two had to leave right afterward, but the others came over to my place for a couple hours afterward for conversation. We talked a lot about intentional communities, and of our mutual feelings of "give me the city or the country, but suburbia is hell."
Interestingly, the couple I stayed with in VA also were very into the idea of starting up an intentional community. (Oh, and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, go here.) It's always been a very intriguing subject for me. I'd love to live in one, I think. Maybe one day, when I get rid of my current debt.
What are my chances? I have no idea. Certainly, I have an impressive amount of work experience to put on the application. And I could, I'm sure, get killer letters of recommendation from people at my current employer. But one of the things that'll stand in my way is that I don't live there right now. And I'd be asking them to start me toward the higher end (or at least middle) of the pay range for the position. Starting at the low end (which the app says is what they do) would be taking a pay cut of nearly five grand. And even though I'm sure I could get an apartment up there for less than I'm paying now, it wouldn't be half what I'm paying now.
Plus, I wouldn't be able to keep teaching at The Learning Exchange, obviously. I don't know if there's a similar outlet for such things up there. But if not, that's an additional bit of income (albeit a small bit) that I wouldn't have.
So all in all, it's one hell of a long shot that I'd even accept the position if it's offered to me. But I can't not look into it, y'know?
Next Saturday is what'll probably be a full day of Dungeons & Dragons. It'll have been a month, by that point, since we played last.
Hm. City of Heroes. X-Men 3. D&D. Yeah. I'm a geek.
Friday night, Lorelei asked me point blank, "If I could learn to deal with my jealousy issues, and be okay with the polyamory thing, would you want to get back together?"
Now, I've known all along that this conversation was bound to come up. Despite that, I wasn't prepared for it. So I sort of stumbled through it. I told her that this was somewhat of a turnabout for her, because just a few months ago she was going on and on about how she could understand polyamory on an intellectual level, but could never accept it on an emotional level. All the while, of course, trying to make me feel guilty for "choosing polyamory over our marriage." (Not how it went down, of course, but whatever.) And now here she is saying she can "work on it."
And it was sounding to me like she wanted to reunite now, and save the "working on it" until later. I told her flat out that I thought that was a bad idea... that I felt she and I both need to heal and become strong as single individuals before we give serious thought to being a couple again.
I could tell she wasn't happy with this analysis, but we changed the subject and moved on. And I'd hoped that she'd accept this logical response.
No such luck.
It came up again today, and it wasn't pleasant. It was a two part conversation, with about four hours in between. I wasn't up to talking about it at first, so I sort of ended the call quickly. I could tell, though, that she felt put off. Can't blame her, I guess.
Then later, when I called back, I could tell she'd been crying. There was a lot said, but the gist of it was that she was trying to get me to say I wanted to get back together, unconditionally. And that's simply not true. I told her I had doubts about it, because of my doubts about turnaround on the poly subject. She said I should feel flattered by the fact that she was willing to make such a change for me. I told her I was, but that I couldn't help but also feel guilty about it, if that's what she chose to do. And that I'd always fear that, some day in the not-too-distant future, she'd again decide that it wasn't a lifestyle she was comfortable with, and we'd be right back where we are now.
And finally, I admitted the biggie: that I was concerned that her whole reason for bringing this up at this point in time, her whole reason for wanting to get back together, was because she didn't want to be alone. She very quickly said that wasn't it. True, she didn't want to be alone, but she wanted to get back together because she loved me and wanted to be with me.
Again, I brought up my "sensible" approach... of us becoming healthier apart before reuniting. She said, "Why does it have to be sensible? Can't you just follow your heart?"
"Well, honestly," I said, "my heart's still a little sore."
She paused for a moment. "Because of me?"
"Well, yeah," I said, remembering the rather brutal stomping she gave it last fall. And at that point, she said she felt worse than before I called her, said she had to go, and hung up. 
After a minute, I called her niece, Kelli, who happens to live in the same apartment complex. She said she'd pop over to see her, then call me back later.
To me - and of course, I could be wrong - this sounds like the co-dependency talking. Oh, I'm sure she misses me, even still loves me... but as I've written before, I really don't think she "gets" polyamory, so she's grasping at anything that will prevent her from having to live and function alone. It's really sad, honestly. I just wish she'd acknowledge this problem and get help for it. She has a counseling session tomorrow. Hopefully the doctor will be insightful enough to come to this realization quickly.
But what really kills me is how could she not think my heart would still be hurting? Her actions last fall were very hurtful. Looking back over entries from that period, I realize I've shared very little about these particular actions. Why? I'm not entirely sure. Probably because I didn't want to reveal a whole lot about what she was going through, out of some sort of courtesy. But the truth is, she treated me like shit for a while, and I've never felt as though she's totally acknowledged that, let alone apologized for it.
So yeah... I'm a bit hesitant to get re-involved, as you might expect. And no, I'm not going to feel even the least bit guilty about saying so.