Christmas @ MindSay

well, its been awhile again...I haven't been myself since July-August probably and I didn't feel like writing any.
The Dixie Classic Fair was fun though,but I got very tired that day.. That it how its been . I get so tired doing anything and stomach problems too. I was glad when my Doctor appointment finally arrived over a week ago now. All my blood work came back with great results. No thyroid problems or Liver problems and I'm not perimenopausal either... Cholesterol levels were great as were blood count, etc.. so, Dr. said it sounded like depression. All the stress from this year...Yes, worry is a sin..I don't handle it very well and I give it to God, but I always manage to pull it back..Not what you're supposed to do...so now I'm back on my Zoloft after being off it for well over two years..Starting to feel like me again. Last friday at the West/Reynolds game I had the best time. My friend I haven't seen in a long while, Trace' Cave Cunduff came. and wonders of all we saw John Sherrill too! We haven't seen him in years! Long years! LOL He has not changed a bit! He's still John! haha.. we had a great time picking and carrying on..just like the old days again! I knew I was gonna be okay then..
I can almost pinpoint a time when I really felt lowest...The day we got that Certified letter from our mortgage co..I had to sign for it and my heart sank...I prayed so hard while opening that letter, and called James crying my eyes out...That was hard, as I have written before. I just kept praying though, and I knew God would answer in His time, but I was being honest with Him and asking Him to hurry up. :)  Not what you're supposed to do either, but He knows me and we are all human and live in this imperfect world.
Meanwhile its been getting cooler and having crisp nights. There have been some Indian Summer days though. I was able to not turn our heat on for almost 2 whole weeks.
Then Monday came. I was working at home on Quickbooks trying to get it straight for Biogreen. I get a call and answer it. It's Lynn. She's been helping us deal with our mortgage co..She said"They are sending you a package out Fed Ex and you should get it tomorrow.. Your interest rate dropped to 6.375% and your new payments are like $848.00"... My skin started prickling and I cried... I felt relief wash over me.. She didnt know the rest of the details..we'd find out from the letter.. I stayed home again on Tuesday and worked on Quickbooks again,finishing it....James came home for lunch like he always does...I see the Fed Ex truck back into the driveway... James goes to meet him and signs for the letter... we sit together and open it. I read it...
"James, it says that this is for the next 365 months!"  Oh my! Here come the pricklings again!!! We look at each other.. "So this is the new payment for the rest of the loan?" "Yes!!" Hallaluha!!  after trying 3 times with them to get this Loan Mod, we get it and it's great! we didnt know if it would be just 6 months as most are or a year, but the life of the Loan!! That was such a blessing !!! A burden lifted!! I thanked God all the rest of that day and still am....
another prayer was answered too on Tuesday. Ariana was able to trade her Jeep and her $2500 for a 2002 Saturn! It only had about 75000 miles on it. Her jeep broke down over a week ago and it was a pain trying to get her to College and picked up and to work and me to work.... it was a mess but we did it.. and she had to buy the $84 dollar part and Jeff fixed the jeep for her, but it still needed a battery...she'd go somewhere and have to get a jump to start it... Not good..plus it was eating gas and ate oil like crazy too. She had to put 3 quarts in every two weeks or so.. she did cry though...The jeep was her first car... She didn't really want to give it up, but she knew it was for the best. Now she 'll have a good car when she goes to UNCC in a year or so..
and Morgan. He had to buy a new car too. Late September his old car starting acting up and stalling out on him, so James looked around here and found him a "97 Grand Am with only about 65000 miles on it.. and Morgan could afford it. he just had to borrow $1300 from Grandma to do it and he'll pay her back in Jan. when he gets his financial aid $ again. It cost him $2800.00. Both of the kids cars are white now! That is odd! I wont know who is who until I can see the whole car coming in!! LOL
So many blessings this week..... I am feeling better on my medicine and getting things done now that got neglected over the summer...Whew..now on to the next problem..figuring out how to pay our taxes of $1800.00!!! since we inherited that 7 acres of land, our property taxes went up...big time!! 
We signed the papers from the Mortgage co. and Fed ex'd them back all on the same day...we should hear soon about when payment is due and all that... 
There's still the matter of Christmas too. I told James we could not afford to buy for everyone this year... We will get the small ones something, and try to figure out how and what to do for Morgan and Ariana... I just want us to be together...I don't need one thing! After all what is Christmas all about anyway? -The Birth of our Lord and Saviour!!!! When you realize that, nothing else matters. Enjoy the season of Love!
Thanksgiving coming soon! Time to Thank the Lord for all our blessings! But we should thank Him on a daily basis... He does so much for us..look for the small things and the big things..There's always something! I remind myself of that daily...

well, again I haven't written in awhile...
After I last wrote, we were getting ready to go see my mom in Jacksonville,NC where she is in a nursing home...That morning we got up to a flooded basement...so, we had to stay,, called insurance, and plumber...Both came out that day and next day...with the insurance check we got we made an extra house payment..God works in mysterious ways! now we are only one month behind...but they continue to not want to help us..just this week we were again denied for the loan mod...they told us as long as we were behind and in the hole each month we would never qualify!! What??makes no sense...we were told that was why people like us could qualify for it..job loss, behind on payments,etc...That's what Obama said!!  its so frustrating!! Our second mortgage co. gave us a loan mod in 2 days!!! and we were behind with them too!! what's up with that??  who do you contact to find out if your mortgage co is jerking you around??/ they have to report to someone do they not?? sigh----
Good news is I got a job yesterday...Its part time like I wanted, no nights and no weekends..and only about 3-4 hrs a day, but every bit helps..I'm on Emergency unemployment now and my understanding is that that runs out in Oct... so we are still fighting to save our house as it stands now... oh and our first mortgage told us we needed to pare our bills down since we are in the hole every month..ok, well, we went to a credit manager and He told us there was no where to cut back!! we are paying only what we have to right now-utilities,insurance,gas,food,stuff like that that you cant pare back.. other good news, my husband  and my daughter got some help to be able to go to Doctor and get meds now...Ours is no cost to go to Doctor and daughter has to pay $5 each visit.Husband is diabetic, so he got his meds for free and my daughter is on a couple of meds that are free now too..that is a big help there..and our past doctor bills were covered and paid also which was almost at $1000.00.....now just owe the dentist $500.00...dont know when that will get paid...as no extra money at all. And here in NC taxes went up!! are they trying to kill us??? Our property taxes we owe this year are almost $2000.00!!!!! and sales taxes went up too... and now Duke Energy is wanting to raise its cost??? great...people are struggling..what do they want?our blood??? Christmas this year will be bleak..I just basically want my family together.. still trying to figure that out..with property taxes due right in Jan. that kills us..Christmas isnt about getting anyway..its about Christ and his birth.. we love each other and have fun as a family..that's what matters..The Black Friday list has already come out...those that have $ to spend-have at it...we don't.... yesterday in the mail we get 3 different letters from the county ..we owe $5 per cat we now have ..taxes on our animals!! I thought we came to America to flee Taxes on everything !! and for Religious freedom!!  good grief... tax this, raise this, what next???
have I said enough??? No wonder I was depressed earlier this week...
I was going to leave for the beach today with 3 good friends. they were going to take care of me so I could go.yesterday evening we get a call from one of them, my really good friend(I call her my Sis!) and her Dad was in ICU.. She had to call 911 earlier as he fell twice...so weak.... he had been sick all week but thought he was getting better... he was so dehydrated that they had to use a force bag to get the fluids in him. he took 4 bags I think..anyway, the rest of us told her we were not leaving her behind to go on to the beach..She wanted us to go on..can you believe that??She is so unselfish..I told her to shut up!! we were staying to be with her and the beach would still be there whenever...She couldn't help it that her dad got so ill...they weren't even sure he'd pull through last night! and she wanted us to go on.. No way!!my husband and I went over to hospital after she called and stayed. we took her to get something to eat. she went to be with her mom last night. her mom is diabetic and confined to the house..She has to be carried several times a week to receive dialysis. And she needs constant care..my friend is an only child so everything falls on her. She is a wife, and mother to two teens herself and works.. talk about having a full plate.. she does..
anyway I talked to her about 9 this morning and her dad stablizied during the night. they want to move him into a room out of ICU and regulate his meds. he lost so much weight...Will find out more later this afternoon..

my daughter started College in late August and she has adjusted well. Its our local community college, but she is doing great!! She has already aced a couple of tests! next fall she will transfer to UNCC. She has a new "Boy friend" lol says she doesn't want to be involved with anyone right now and they are just friends. I like him he is very nice.
Son has new girlfriend this year at Appalachian. he loves his apartment and having his own room!
I'm glad they are both settling in well.
well gotta run for now..maybe I will post again before another month rolls by! or two!

I'm putting the link here as the embed doesn't want to work.

This was an exciting time.  I am definitely changed and invite others to be challenged to be their personal best.
It feels divine ;O).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Coty_o7L0w

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Tonight was definitely good - glad we went with being social. I got lost on the way to Jaymi's again, I don't know how. But, arrived to see two of my favorite guys in the world. There are friends you have fun with, and friends who make you feel happy - and when you've got people who do both, life is wonderful. I was well-nigh frustrated with the events of the day when I came in, but I was laughing again within half an hour. Okay, and I was borrowing body heat from Tony again. Yeah, it's partly just an excuse to be in contact, but seriously, he is WARM!

We were working on decorating Jaymi's place for Christmas. My traditions refuse to believe that people all get together and decorate without playing Christmas music, so Micre put the stereo together, I darted out to my car to grab music, and life was good. My Rivertribe cd, and a cd I put together early last December - Jaymi confirmed that my music tastes are rather eclectic.

I have a confession: I like cookie dough. Jaymi set down the law that I must wait to have cookie dough until everyone had an opportunity to have cookie - as soon as they came out of the oven I was munching. :)

Working on the tree with Tony, working on the upstairs 'loft' with Micre, wearing a Christmas tree skirt ("It looks good!" "Really? I thought it was a little revealing."), listening to Christmas techno and Christmas pipes, waiting for cookies, laughing and trading jabs and joy.

For two instants tonight - once while we were both working on the tree, and once while we were standing in the kitchen with cookies (I resent that sippy-cup comment, by the way, love :) ), I caught myself wondering again. A good deal of it's Christmas everywhere, and being raised that Christmas is about family - but I started wondering what Christmas would be like if we were a family. I quickly erased that and went for the less-confusing being-happy-in-the-moment part of life. It's good to be in love during Christmas.

Caught in the circle we'd created with the couch, the chairs, the tree, and the piano, the only light coming from the tree Tony and Sara had lit, we were sitting against the couch where Jaymi and Dan were sitting (one giving the other a foot massage, I believe), I was almost falling asleep on his shoulder, Micre was tapping out the rhythm of the Aborigine carols on my knee, Sara was looking beautiful and for once distantly quiet in the low light, we were talking about music and memories, laughing and thinking - and I remembered - Friends are the family you choose for yourself.

A merry Christmas it shall be - it has already begun.

I've decided to write a blog today because I've suddenly got this mood I can't shake off.

Let me firstly tell you how I got it, or at least, how I think I got it: I've just finished listening to Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds. It got me thinking that there's so much I'd like to do, but I don't think I'll ever have the time, or the money to do, for one reason or another. I'm not going to spend the time listing them, as they're just places I want to visit, or shows I want to see, so that part's really unimportant.

I guess I'm just in a state of mind where I feel I should be going out and experiencing things, and I'm not entirely sure why I'm not. Mum says I should get some of my holiday destinations done whilst I still have the money. She has a point, and I can't deny that, but I really want to move in with Mena this year, and as that's more important to me I dismiss what's said. A second point to add is that I wouldn't feel comfortable going on holiday on my own. Sometimes I feel lonely when I'm in my own bedroom, so I can only imagine how I'd feel if I went to a different country, so I'd rather have a companion to go with.

Herein lies the problem, and the only possible solution. For years now, I've always had this feeling that I should be doing more with my life, that I should be stretching my legs and doing something different, something new. Yet, despite this constant feeling, I've never gone ahead and actually done it. I've always put it off, or found a reason/excuse, and I'm getting to that age where I start to wish I'd done it. Sure, 22 and a half isn't old, but when I'm looking at moving in with my girlfriend and starting a family with her, and the various costs assorted with it, you naturally start to restrict your spending. At least, I start to restrict my spending.

So I'm finding myself waiting. I'm waiting to move into my own home, and I'm waiting for Mena to move in with me. I'm waiting for these things because I believe that they will release me from my self-imposed shackles, and allow me to finally go do the things I've wanted to do, and experience something different. Different countries, different cultures. I'm waiting for these things because I can take Mena with me, and we can experience them together, and I wouldn't feel quite so lonely, because I'd have somebody familiar beside me.

I know I said I wouldn't list any of the things I wanted to do, but here's the two main ones, and why I want to them. First of all, I'd love to go to Australia during Christmas. Now, you may or may not know that I hate hot countries, and if you know this then you're surely wondering why I'd want to do something as weird as going to Australia at Christmas time, a.k.a. the middle of Summer. Two reasons, really: One, it'd be weird to have December as the middle of Summer instead of July (and even weirder to have a hot Summer), and Two, how awesome would it be to be sat on Bonzai Beach on Christmas Day and ringing home, informing your freezing cold family that you're sunning yourself and having a Christmas barbequeue? That has always appealed to be, because it wouldn't just be a holiday, it would be something entirely new.

The second thing I want to do is visit Las Vegas. I'm not a gambling person, and I wouldn't visit Las Vegas to gamble, though I spose I'd spend an hour or so in a casino purely because it'd be crazy not to. I certainly wouldn't go crazy though, and I'm sure Mena would be very eagle eyed about that. No, the reason I want to go is because everything sounds so epic. I mean, they have hotels with shopping centres inside them, and everything is so large scale. There's even one with a roller coaster. A hotel with a fucking roller coaster! Of all the places I want to go in America (and there are a few), Las Vegas is the first place I intend to visit. The rest can wait.

Writing this blog is making me sit back and sigh, dreaming about things which could be years away yet. You never know, though, they may happen sooner, but whether or not I do them before I get married...I don't know.

I'm going to head off now, as I need a shower. I also need to start thinking of some ideas for a project I may be starting, but it's early days yet, so I'm not going to talk about it except in private to people who need to know. This time next week, maybe.

Till whenever,
-=Gavvie=-