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Crying
So, here's what I know so far:

- NJ (JJ) is moving/moved to Amherst, and I've gotten TWO phone calls from the counselor/director there (I THINK it's the guy I did de-escalation training with, not sure) because they thought he should be there already.  He was absent on Tues, but showed up here today, so I have NO IDEA if he went there on Tues or was having another asthma issue or ... great.  He could be gone for good tomorrow (his mom is NOT communicative).

- I was having a cup of tea after school today when the secretary, Millie, came in to tell me I had a call.  I was hoping it was JJ's new director, but it was Judy, our school guidance counselor.  She said that Kenya is in trouble because she lied to get M to our school still by saying her foster mom, Gina was transporting her (Gina doesn't have a car, btw).  Kenya told us she found a loophole where M could stay with us until the end of 2009, but apparently that isn't true, especially because she did it really sneakily.

So Judy was talking to the head of Kenya's service, who asked, "Well, should her last day at your school just be tomorrow?" and Judy called Gwen (my principal) and Gwen said, "Yes; she's not doing very well here anymore because of all the changes and it's going to happen eventually".  So unless Judy calls my cellphone at some point tonight (it's on now and my phone is NEVER on before 7 when I leave the building) ... M's LAST DAY IS TOMORROW.

I am absolutely devastated.  I can't bear the thought of her not being my student anymore. I love her so damn much; I love all my babies, don't get me wrong, but there's something about M... she's a challenge and a half, but she's also so smart and funny and creative and grown-up and simultaneously a little girl and ... these are real tears.  And I feel like I need to call Paula (her E.S.P.) to warn her just in case this really happens.

And if both M and NJ are gone... will they fire Paula??  I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed her.
 
 
   
 

Flying

It's only 4:30, and I am ready to collapse.

 

Here's some of the stuff that was on my plate today:

 

-- One of my ESPs (Educational Support Professional, aka a para or an aide at other schools), Kathleen, was taking a personal day today. That's totally fine.  Yesterday, my ESP Stacey's daughter got sick at her school and Stace had to leave at like 1:30 to take care of her, so I thought she might be absent today.  I gave this info to a fellow teacher, Susan, who runs another 'program' in the building.  She told me one of her ESPs was going to be out. 

Each day, a fax comes to the main office from the sub caller saying who is absent.

Imagine my nausea when Susan came to my room and said, "they're both out, and there are no subs".  I almost had a heart attack.  THANKFULLY, she meant Kathleen and her ESP, NOT Kathleen and Stacey.

-- However, Kathleen works with a kid who needs CONSTANT supervision (T), so there was no option of 'okay, he'll be on his own today'.  'Shit' I say to myself, 'I'm already understaffed when all of them are HERE, being down another one will kill me!''. 

It did NOT kill me, btw.  We did an experiment where Sandy left X alone all day, and she went around as Kathleen, and I'd be her at his lunch period so she could eat.  OYYY.  It also F'ed up Paula and Dot's lunches.  I can't wait to have enough staff.  It will never happen, though.

-- M had TWO bathroom accidents today.  The day before we were going to throw a blow-out party for her for being dry for an entire month.  I thought we should have it anyway, because we were at ALMOST a month (this was after the 1st, just-pee accident :-/), but Paula alerted me that earlier M threatened her with, "If you don't _____ I'll pee my pants".

-- Speaking of M, her foster-mom just stopped in here (it's 4:40) to see if I was in.  We talked a week ago about how she never intended to adopt her and that their time together would be ending soon but M doesn't know HOW soon it really could be.  Well, mom just told me they've found a prospective family in West Springfield, and she's actually going to be having an overnight with them...TOMORROW.  As in, if this goes well, and this is for real, she could be leaving NEXT WEEK.  I'm devestated at the thought of it.

PS, she's going to tell her about it tonight, so that means tomorrow might be HELL, and also, the behaviors like bathroom issues and defiance are probably going to spike.  w00t.

-- I got to have another interaction with ZF today.  He is not my student, but probably will be soon.  The child is out-of-control, makes-other-behavior-kids-look-like-angels outta control.  He has an ESP who has NO IDEA what to do with him.  Twice this week, I've had to escort him into the break room because he's been kicking and scratching her. Not that he hasn't been doing it to me when I am the one getting him into the room because she doesn't.  He left some good marks today. 

-- This one made me laugh.  I guess you'd have to know the student to laugh along with me, but there is a boy in Susan's program, H, who is quite a handful.  He is very violent and hands-on as well - he's also really sweet, but if you spend time with him, you see a lot more aggression than the sweet side.  Anyway, while watching T at recess today, I turned around and saw H on all 4s behind another kid, squeezing him.  I told him to let go, and surprisingly, he did without incident.  I have heard one of his ESPs, Ashley tell him, "no contact" as in, hands off, so as he and the boys ran away, I yelled, "Boys, no contact".  I didn't single HIM out, I made it the whole group.

Either way, H stops, cocks his hip out and goes, "You know what I want? (beat) To kick you".  I was TEMPTED to say, 'thank you for not' but I clamped my mouth shut.  HOWEVER, H not hurting someone is big news.  Of course, he broke a kids glasses today, but ... he didn't kick me when he wanted to :).

-- Oh yeah; Stacey came in this morning and told me she's applying for a transfer back to her old school because she hates working in the program.  Not her student, not me or my staff, but the program itself.  I knew she was unhappy from the get-go, but ... seriously?  You're going to fucking do that to us after you made a huge fucking deal about us NOT splitting the days up so you'd always be with that student?

I can't tell if I'm hoping she gets it or not. 

Apparently, I'm madder about that than I thought I was. 

 
 
 

   
I left my Longboard in Jersey.
Some places just shouldn't exist. As they do not being imaginary and all.

Fuck. I saw a car today. On Craigslist. I am going to snatch this up quickly if i can. 86 coupe Deville Cadillac.
And I am not going to be a dumbass next time. I killed buzzbomb single handedly. The cops know it. My family worried. But more than anything my best friend in the whole world and her mom, they are dear to me, were scarred to death because they heard but didn't hear from me until a little while after. Melanie gave me her word that she would personally beat my ass if I did that again. I hate crashing cars. Fucking rain.
Boy I want to be a father. It may be a bad thing now. But I do. blah blah blah.  But eventually i do. I want to be with someone important to me. Hold dear. Someone I can call a close friend. With all that in mind I know, there are plot holes but I don't want to explain myself fully right now.

I gotta shave my fucking sideburns off. They are rediculous right now.
 
 
   
 

Obama talks to the kids
Those right wing nut jobs are at it again, complaining about everything Obama does.  The poor guy can't use the restroom without being suspected of painting it red while he's in the stall.

He just wanted to talk to the kids in elementary grades and give them a positive message about staying in school and working hard to achieve their goals.  Is that so bad?

Not on the surface, no.  Ordinarily, it would be fabulous to think that at some elementary school, kids were going to have a personal, in-the-flesh visit and a message from...the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES!  How cool is that?  He's someone who NO ONE can get a personal audience with unless they're pretty much a head of state, so this is great.

Bush did it, didn't he?  In fact, where was Bush the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001?  In a Sarasota elementary school reading a book to the kids.  So presidential visits to schools are not unheard of at all.

But Obama comes with certain, oh--how you say--"baggage"?  First, there's the "Wow factor" I've already mentioned.  He is POTUS, after all, so he carries with him a certain "gravitas", to recall that term of an earlier time.  All presidents do.  But BHO also brings with him a troublesome (to traditionalists) personal history and a kind of "cult following" that, while it's fading now, seems to catch people--especially kids--with their jaws open, ready to swallow whatever he tosses out.  He could tell some people to eat their own poop, and they would condemn themselves if they didn't comply.

So it's not the message he brings; it's that he is the one bringing it.  And I cannot feature that he would not do everything he thought he could to make sure his message of revolution/change/upheaval/"social and economic justice" would shine through to these kids.  

Just as I wouldn't want David Duke to address little kids--even if all he wanted to say was "Work hard, stay in school, and you can achieve what you want in life"--so, too, I'd rather not have Barack Obama swoop in and capture this audience.  He might give a simple message, but he might also want to do a bit of massaging, too--of young minds.

Sorry, I don't trust him.  He's already hired one communist and one other guy who thinks animals should be represented by lawyers against people.  Anyone who thinks that makes sense shouldn't be anywhere near other people's kids.
 
 
 

   
Why I Want to Have Kids
My phone call with Claudia just ended with her telling me, "Sorry, I have to go get these guys (Enzo and Winter) to bed" and before she hung up, getting to hear, "Honey, we poop in the potty (not on the floor, like Miss Winter was apparently doing)".

DELIGHTFUL.

New-found appreciation of all you parents out there who survive(d) loveliness like that.  I just actually thanked my parents for putting up with me.

Can't wait to see them this weekend :)

(this phone call started because she came into the store today, apparently, and my dad was able to tell me her toe-nail color and that she had a toe-ring, but ... apparently, Claudia's brown hair is ACTUALLY black.  Oh daddy...)
 
 
   
 

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