Childish @ MindSay 
pissed
Ok so I was way too excited yesterday to go over the full story so here go's
I received a call from my dad last Monday advising me that I had received a legal document from the State of New Jersey. Now this has been going on for quite some time, because my mother and I have the same name as well as middle initial it seams that my most important mail gets forwarded to my parent’s home in Mississippi. Dad starts giving me the speech as to why I shouldn't have changed my name and how things would only get worse as I got older. If you don't change the subject dad can go further than the energizer bunny and forget what the actual rant was about. I say rant because he always closes out by with "I am not mad at you, I am mad at the post office" He finally tells me mom will send the letter by ups until I beg him to open it. Uh I can't read it. So for 3 full days I wait and I wait for the letter to come in and nothing. I call my dad and grandma’s nurse tells me in the nicest southern drawl that the letter was sitting in the kitchen after being returned. Now I lose it. I'm driving past a golf course with the convertible down and scream as loud as I can, look over and see at least 12 golfers looking at me as if I have just driven on the green instead of screaming in the air. I have no choice now but to call the township and find out if I need to be in court. Now this is the same township whose officers have come to my house well over 20 times and done nothing, so I am already preparing myself for the worse. The secretary answers and I explain my situation and she answers with as much attitude that you would not expect "well if you look at your summons it has it on there!" I breathe and breathe and breathe before I answer that I don’t have the summons and if she would look it up it would help. She starts slamming the keyboards and finally tells me that the summons is for Mike Howard and only Mike Howard.
Fast forward to the following day...court day. I signed harassment complaints almost 3 months earlier and while he had been served numerous times he never showed up. I remember looking at the floor and asking God to please put a judge that would see through Mr. Howard’s deceit and maybe force him to admit to himself as well as the judge that he had a problem. I will never know if the judge did read him the riot act or if he plead guilty, but either way something happened. Mr. Howard returned home that night and nothing. Not a peep, not a slam, not a sound. Now this is the day before the eviction and while I prayed he would not lose his temper in the house silence was a little scarier. The following day came and went with the hours ticking slowly. Just as I was about to give up hope and let the worse of the worse float in my mind the horizon of a white box truck crept in the corner of my bedroom window. Not only was he moving...he was throwing everything into the truck as fast as possible, with as little noise as possible.
I cried as quietly as I could into my pillow and gave thanks for this moment of freedom. It not only surprised me that I did not live with the snake with its neck cut off wildly thrashing until it realized it was dead, but he actually cleaned the room!
I have been to hell and back and learned several lessons the hard way
1. Cartoon-Tunes
2. URL Alarm Clock
3. Joke Site
Im still trippin over the words pretty bad that it even hinders me to walk. No matter what I always fall. it seems to me i spend more time on the ground or the process of picking myself up. You can only fall down so many times before i get injured or i simply don't have the strength to get up anymore. Im still torn, pulled in two directions and the hardest part is....I hate commanding of myself to conjecture clamorous decisions such as this. Some things are worth brushing off, patching up the hurts and reviving the heart but iono if its worth it. She seems like a great girl even till this day. In fact the same girl that wouldn't mind gettin her skirt a little dirty at recess playing tag and tossing the pigskin. The same girl next door you grow up with your whole life but never notice until now but that perception assumes nontranslucent from gathering everything that I have come to know about her. I just can't look and at first glance retrospect those old childish memories. Well not even that but even the moments we shared in high school. When I see her I think of what she's done. Not her actions mind you, I could care less but the way she advertised such things is berserk. Its like a package deal, I see her and I automatically think of him. If i were to kiss her, I would put myself in the shoes of her ex in a far-fetched notion like in movies when reality comes to a blur. You know when the moment that flashes where I am present but when I kiss her i transform into her ex and after the kiss I appear to be myself again. I fathom it was a weird way of putting it but thats what I imagine. That instead of me doing those things, even if it is indeed me doing them, i feel like I am that other guy. I feel I am dirty like a young boy playing in the dry dirt field with sand on his face and hair looking up at the scorching summer sun without any pop to alleviate his thirst. He doesn't want to get up or move. He's exhausted and the moment seems hopeless. Home appears to me 100 miles away and at this moment its just best to lay there and suffer. Thats what I feel in my heart. Here is the punch line Open Journal...she says that she contemplated being with me the whole time while with him for the past 5 years. The holding of hands, physical touch, kissing, sleeping naked together, writing love poetry and blog entries of each "precious" moment together, screaming and moaning during the hottest passionate sex she would ever experience, settling down and having a family...being mindful she did these things with him.....BUT SHE MEANT THEM TO BE WITH ME. SHE THOUGHT ABOUT ME WHEN SHE WASN'T WITH HIM. SHE SAID IT SHOULDA BEEN ME THAT SHE WAS WITH THE WHOLE TIME. THAT SHE TRULY DEEPLY WHOLEHEARTEDLY LOVED AND DESIRED TO BE WITH ME AND ONLY ME....Some kicker huh
No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8
we were doing good me and him...
until one ill fated night happened...
We celebrated Christmas Party with a group of Teeners...
when i got there, everybody seemed to be either a little tipsy or drunk already...
the Stupid DJ played a stupid song...
although the floor was empty...
which gives me the edge to see everybody in the dark...on sight...
The Unchained Melody...now don't get me wrong...personally i think it's a great song...but the way people at a party reacted to it being played sounds stupid to me...
so i was there...on one of the dark corners of that Stupid Place...drinking... when one of the cute female Teeners, about 5' 7", slender waist, white complexion, sexy and petite body (which fits her for her age) and a pair of beautiful China Eyes i have seen in my whole miserable life...
a little tipsy already, due to the white champagne we had provided for the Party,
stood up and kept looking around as if she was eyeing somebody, who, in her young mind, thought was especial that she saved herself just so she could dance with that person...
one of her friends, pointed me on the corner and all her peeps started yelling, doing their little girly giggles and "see-i'm-cute" moves...
so she asked me to dance, right?
which i happily accepted...
i could have said no but then, i would'nt want her to lose face in front of her friends and the rest of my stupid friends who happens to be older than me...whose attention was caught by the gleeful cheers of her friends...
the Teeners are around 15 to 17 and i was 20 at that time...
with my friends age ranging from 25 to mid 30's...
so we danced...sweet, so to speak...
with me being so cautious to every eye that was checking us out while being such a Gentleman...when all of a sudden she rested her body against mine with her head on my shoulder...and her boobs which is perfectly shaped for her age against my body...
then she shifted her body a little that got me a little uncomfortable down south with both of my arms carrying the weight of all her body towards her slender waist...
i asked if she wanted to sit down but she told me NO and that we should finish our "Dance" and so we did...
the dance was okay, she tilted her head upwards mumbling to my ears, telling me of some silly things a girl her age would tell to a man of her dreams...which for some reasons i cannot tell you, her heavy breathing against my neck and my face pressed against her...i can't remember if it was me or her that made the first move...but anyway, we kissed...
and then, i guess we felt the world just drifted apart...like there was nobody there but just us two...
the passion was so intense...the kisses was so discreet yet so...
enticing....
we parted our lips with her eyes still closed and me just looking at her...
memorizing the every detail of her facial expressions...
the red rosy cheeks...the tight closed China eyes...
and the smell of perfume and White Wine mixed in the air...
when all of a sudden...
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