Child Abuse @ MindSay 
abuse
Something I've known for a long time now.. 
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/7587780.stm
Hurt feelings 'worse than pain'
The old adage "sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you", simply is not true, according to researchers.
Psychologists found memories of painful emotional experiences linger far longer than those involving physical pain.
They quizzed volunteers about painful events over the previous five years.
Writing in the journal Psychological Science, they said evolutionary brain changes which allow us to work better in groups or societies could be key.
| | The cerebral cortex may also have had an unintended effect of allowing humans to relive, re-experience and suffer from social pain Zhansheng Chen Purdue University |
The volunteers, all students, were asked to write about painful experiences, both physical and emotional, then given a difficult mental test shortly afterwards.
The principle was that the more painful the recalled experience, the less well the person would perform in the tests.
Test scores were consistently higher in those recalling physical rather than "social" pain.
Psychological scoring tests revealed that memories of emotional pain were far more vivid.
Social evolution
Researcher Zhansheng Chen, from Purdue University in Indiana, said that it was much harder to "re-live" physical pain than to recall social pain.
He said the evolution of a part of the brain called the cerebral cortex, which processes complex thinking, perception and language, might be responsible.
He said: "It certainly improved the ability of human beings to create and adapt, to function in and with groups, communities and cultures, and to respond to pain associated with social interactions.
"However, the cerebral cortex may also have had an unintended effect of allowing humans to relive, re-experience and suffer from social pain."
The researchers now plan to repeat the experiment in older people, who are more likely to have experienced chronic pain.
Michael Hughesman, a child psychologist based in Germany, agreed that it was likely that emotional pain was handled in a different part of the brain from physical pain, and likely to be longer-lasting.
He said: "There is something very intangible about emotional damage - with physical pain, you can see the bruise, but in emotional abuse there is often fear and anxiety which remains.
"If someone tells you in the playground that they are going to get you after school, then you tend to be anxious and afraid about it far more than if someone just punches you there and then."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/7587780.stm
It's because I don't want to be like you.
Today was supposed to be amazing. I was so confident and ready to get my road test done and hear that I could get an official junior driver's license.
...
None of it happened today. All because I refused to take out my piercings, my step dad made a big deal about it and started yelling at me. I didn't even yell back, I just wanted to go but he kept complaining and started to yell. So I just say, "I'll get mom to take me." He gets fucking pissed, and so I just walk to my room and he chases me down the hall way and tells me how stupid and what a piece of shit I am.
"You can ask your mom to take you but I won't give her the fucking insurance card."
He acts like nothing hurt my self esteem, or that taking my drivers test was something I really wanted to do. I was so anxious and excited to get it.
So he leaves me alone for a while, and mom comes home. It saved me a bit because she doesn't usually get home until four and my test was supposed to be at two thirty... I hurt real bad. No one would really understand how much I wanted to get my test done. I was pretty much drenched in my own tears and everything at this point, I wanted to cut myself because I hate crying so much and I was sobbing. I felt like a fucking baby.. I wanted to do more than just cut myself, I wanted to tear my skin off and just make the crying stop. I only have a scratch because my mom walked in and she was saying somethings I don't even remember.. but I had a utility knife in my hand and she took it from me and then my step dad walks back in my room to yell at me some more. My mom showed him the utility knife and he freaks out even more on me, he throws the knife at me and it breaks all over my new wood floor... Then he throws a pair of scissors at me that I had on my bureau...
"Go ahead kill yourself right in front of me, I don't fucking care! I'd rather go to jail than see your fucking ugly face! I don't care if you stab yourself in the stomach or slit your throat go ahead do it, fucking kill yourself you fucking idiot! You're nothing but a piece of shit, YOU ARE FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD!!"
He says it to me...I remember it exactly like that. My mom did nothing. She just kept bothering me for my mobile and wanting to talk to me. There's nothing to talk about, she couldn't even do anything for me since the day I was born. She even admits it. I just stayed sitting against my door crying some more, crying from two in the afternoon until now, I'm still a little teary eyed and tired as fuck.. I just left my room because everyone is asleep. No one can tell me what to do or judge me at this time of night.
I just want to leave, I just wish I had more of a choice of where to go. I don't want to live with my real dad because he lives in Boston and I'd just feel even more empty and alone. Living with someone--practically a stranger that hasn't ever wanted to support me growing up... Leaving Pennsylvania would kind of be tough too.. all of my friends. I wouldn't even know how or even if I could say goodbye if I moved to Boston. But I'd consider it just to get out of this place. I'm too old to stand for verbal and physical abuse anymore, I've lived with it for too long. That's why I'm probably so fucked up in the head.
I'm fucked up because you made me this way. You're way of "teaching me what's right" is the worst method ever. I can teach myself what's right because society creates it's own morals and ethics.
My piercings aren't out to offend anyone. I did them for my own reason, for my own self confidence.
...
None of it happened today. All because I refused to take out my piercings, my step dad made a big deal about it and started yelling at me. I didn't even yell back, I just wanted to go but he kept complaining and started to yell. So I just say, "I'll get mom to take me." He gets fucking pissed, and so I just walk to my room and he chases me down the hall way and tells me how stupid and what a piece of shit I am.
"You can ask your mom to take you but I won't give her the fucking insurance card."
He acts like nothing hurt my self esteem, or that taking my drivers test was something I really wanted to do. I was so anxious and excited to get it.
So he leaves me alone for a while, and mom comes home. It saved me a bit because she doesn't usually get home until four and my test was supposed to be at two thirty... I hurt real bad. No one would really understand how much I wanted to get my test done. I was pretty much drenched in my own tears and everything at this point, I wanted to cut myself because I hate crying so much and I was sobbing. I felt like a fucking baby.. I wanted to do more than just cut myself, I wanted to tear my skin off and just make the crying stop. I only have a scratch because my mom walked in and she was saying somethings I don't even remember.. but I had a utility knife in my hand and she took it from me and then my step dad walks back in my room to yell at me some more. My mom showed him the utility knife and he freaks out even more on me, he throws the knife at me and it breaks all over my new wood floor... Then he throws a pair of scissors at me that I had on my bureau...
"Go ahead kill yourself right in front of me, I don't fucking care! I'd rather go to jail than see your fucking ugly face! I don't care if you stab yourself in the stomach or slit your throat go ahead do it, fucking kill yourself you fucking idiot! You're nothing but a piece of shit, YOU ARE FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD!!"
He says it to me...I remember it exactly like that. My mom did nothing. She just kept bothering me for my mobile and wanting to talk to me. There's nothing to talk about, she couldn't even do anything for me since the day I was born. She even admits it. I just stayed sitting against my door crying some more, crying from two in the afternoon until now, I'm still a little teary eyed and tired as fuck.. I just left my room because everyone is asleep. No one can tell me what to do or judge me at this time of night.
I just want to leave, I just wish I had more of a choice of where to go. I don't want to live with my real dad because he lives in Boston and I'd just feel even more empty and alone. Living with someone--practically a stranger that hasn't ever wanted to support me growing up... Leaving Pennsylvania would kind of be tough too.. all of my friends. I wouldn't even know how or even if I could say goodbye if I moved to Boston. But I'd consider it just to get out of this place. I'm too old to stand for verbal and physical abuse anymore, I've lived with it for too long. That's why I'm probably so fucked up in the head.
I'm fucked up because you made me this way. You're way of "teaching me what's right" is the worst method ever. I can teach myself what's right because society creates it's own morals and ethics.
My piercings aren't out to offend anyone. I did them for my own reason, for my own self confidence.
Lost Innocense Poem
Lost Innocense
There is no freedom or way out
From the fact this child was raped
While the guilty man is running free
This child is sentenced to eternity
Locked away with all this shame
Feeling she was to blame
She can’t keep from having these thoughts
All the questions entering her mind
Going back to those dreaded days
Was there anything she could have done
Why didn’t she scream or try to run
She was frozen with fear
Shame and fear forced her silence
Kept her from telling anyone about the abuse
Over and over she was hurt
None of them caring who they hurt
A part of her died with each and every touch
Entering in a prison with no gate
Each man sealing her fate
There is no freedom or way out
From the fact this child was raped
While the guilty man is running free
This child is sentenced to eternity
Locked away with all this shame
Feeling she was to blame
She can’t keep from having these thoughts
All the questions entering her mind
Going back to those dreaded days
Was there anything she could have done
Why didn’t she scream or try to run
She was frozen with fear
Shame and fear forced her silence
Kept her from telling anyone about the abuse
Over and over she was hurt
None of them caring who they hurt
A part of her died with each and every touch
Entering in a prison with no gate
Each man sealing her fate
Superstition and Jehovah's Witnesses
Jehovah's Witnesses often like to pride themselves on not following the "silly" superstitions of men, but as I grew up in the church, I found that attitude to be quite hypocritical.
Living in the world of Jehovah's Witnesses is to live in a haunted world. A world not haunted by ghosts, or spirits of the dead, but Satan and his evil demon army. To a Jehovah's Witness, demons are around every corner, and relish inhabiting inanimate objects, hoping to "trojan horse" their way into a Witness home.
I remember nights where I was paralyzed with fear. I would break into a cold sweat, feeling an eerie presence in my room. Random, everyday noises would confirm my fears. I would pray silently to God, even whisper "Jehovah" out loud, as many Witnesses believe that uttering the divine name will "scare" demons away.
These irrational beliefs evolved into full-fledged urban legends shared exclusively by the witness community. Us kids were constantly warned with stories of the couple that went to see The Exorcist at the theater, how they tried to leave and felt in invisible force holding them down. There was another tale of the Smurf doll that was taken into a Kingdom Hall, lept up from the child's hands, and ran out of the building, much to the bewilderment of the congregation. The most famous stories of all, of course, were of the Ouija Board. After playing the game and deciding it was "demonic," the Witness family would attempt to burn it. Surprisingly, the board resisted burning, but when it finally succumbed to the flames, a chilling, audible scream came from it--proof positive of demon inhabitation.
My personal favorite is the one obviously designed to be a stern warning to rebellious young Witnesses. An elder is getting his hair cut at a new barber shop. As the barber is cutting his hair, the shop empties, and the barber's personality completely changes. He asks the elder if he is a servant of Jehovah, to which the elders responds affirmatively. The barber replies, "Your God Jehovah killed our children with the great flood, now we're going after your children!" The elder flees the barber shop, hair half cut.
Often in Jehovah's Witness folklore, there are a set of rules regarding demon/human interaction:
Every once in a while, I still have episodes. My rational brain turns off and I regress back into the world of demons and angels. I sweat bullets and freeze in my bed. I close my eyes, and crack them open half expecting to see a ghoulish, tortured face staring back at me. It never happens. It's happening less and less, but the intense fear of these creatures still haunts me, and still will for years to come I'm afraid.
Whenever I have an episode and force myself to snap out of it, to realize that I'm just in my bed and it's dark, I vow to never raise my children this way. I'll never try to scare them into a belief system with threats of physical attacks by demonic spirits. I will teach them that Satan and his demons are just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny: pure mythology.
Living in the world of Jehovah's Witnesses is to live in a haunted world. A world not haunted by ghosts, or spirits of the dead, but Satan and his evil demon army. To a Jehovah's Witness, demons are around every corner, and relish inhabiting inanimate objects, hoping to "trojan horse" their way into a Witness home.
I remember nights where I was paralyzed with fear. I would break into a cold sweat, feeling an eerie presence in my room. Random, everyday noises would confirm my fears. I would pray silently to God, even whisper "Jehovah" out loud, as many Witnesses believe that uttering the divine name will "scare" demons away.
These irrational beliefs evolved into full-fledged urban legends shared exclusively by the witness community. Us kids were constantly warned with stories of the couple that went to see The Exorcist at the theater, how they tried to leave and felt in invisible force holding them down. There was another tale of the Smurf doll that was taken into a Kingdom Hall, lept up from the child's hands, and ran out of the building, much to the bewilderment of the congregation. The most famous stories of all, of course, were of the Ouija Board. After playing the game and deciding it was "demonic," the Witness family would attempt to burn it. Surprisingly, the board resisted burning, but when it finally succumbed to the flames, a chilling, audible scream came from it--proof positive of demon inhabitation.
My personal favorite is the one obviously designed to be a stern warning to rebellious young Witnesses. An elder is getting his hair cut at a new barber shop. As the barber is cutting his hair, the shop empties, and the barber's personality completely changes. He asks the elder if he is a servant of Jehovah, to which the elders responds affirmatively. The barber replies, "Your God Jehovah killed our children with the great flood, now we're going after your children!" The elder flees the barber shop, hair half cut.
Often in Jehovah's Witness folklore, there are a set of rules regarding demon/human interaction:
- Demons cannot invade the home of a Jehovah's Witness without the Witness's consent. Thus, they often look to inanimate objects as their "trojan horse," waiting for a Witness to unwittingly buy it at a garage sale.
- Demons have a strong aversion to the audible pronunciation of "Jehovah." Often, repeating it enough will cause them to run away from you, as they are afraid you will attract Jehovah's attention.
- An object inhabited by a demon must be removed from your home and burned in order to keep it away permanently. A tell-tale sign of a demon-possessed object is it's resistance to burning, especially if the material is normally very combustible.
- Another common avenue for demons to enter your home is through heavy metal or rap music, or by drug use. Often, young people are said to have had to burn their "bad" music and tape collections in order to curb the demonic harassment.
Every once in a while, I still have episodes. My rational brain turns off and I regress back into the world of demons and angels. I sweat bullets and freeze in my bed. I close my eyes, and crack them open half expecting to see a ghoulish, tortured face staring back at me. It never happens. It's happening less and less, but the intense fear of these creatures still haunts me, and still will for years to come I'm afraid.
Whenever I have an episode and force myself to snap out of it, to realize that I'm just in my bed and it's dark, I vow to never raise my children this way. I'll never try to scare them into a belief system with threats of physical attacks by demonic spirits. I will teach them that Satan and his demons are just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny: pure mythology.
Please Help! National Campaign against abuse and it's fatalities. 
"Stop~Watch & Respond (SWR) is a traumatic abuse prevention organization specializing in the combined uses of print, media and technology to advance our efforts in traumatic abuse awareness and prevention nationally. Our organization is based in Savannah, GA. We are a genuine coalition to bring the war on traumatic abuse and it's fatalities front and center so that America pays continuous attention and makes greater intervention. As a non-compete good will organization, we serve as an additional vehicle for infield service and national activism. United, we will link and mend the societal disconnect associated with traumatic abuse and Socioeconomic depression, in doing so, each allied organization’s resources can be used for maximum effectiveness." ... In loving memory of my sister, Heather Smith.
N E X T~ V I G I L: WEDNESDAY, February 27th, 2008 ~ 9PM~10PM Eastern Standard Time.
HOW TO PARTICIPATE: Light the Fire of Awareness once a month by placing a vigil candle in the front window of your home, on your porch or in the window of your place of business OR on your office desk. This symbolizes your support of our national efforts for greater abuse awareness, prevention, intervention and a demand for immediate victim recovery. The actual vigil hour is from 9pm-10pm Eastern Standard Time. Now is the time to unite together for the sake of those who can not help themselves. We need campus crusaders, child advocate groups, local communities and national businesses will vigil with us. We will persist until this nation is moved into greater awareness and aggressive action on this matter. Vigil Candles are available at the STOP~WATCH and Respond web site.
N E X T~ V I G I L: February 27th~ 9PM~10PM Eastern Standard Time.
PLEASE NOTE VITAL INFO:
STOP ~WATCH & Respond! Now is the time! Witness Change... Do something more! We saved 5 lives in August 2007! We need NATIONAL Volunteers to get involved... The children of America NEED you adults to protect them! It is our responsibility. When we reduce crime against children, we produce children who become adults against crime! Be one of the many who offer greater hope for the children of tomorrow. We can't let them down! We MUST do something more.
Please... I am shamelessly begging!
H e l p ~ T o d a y.
www.stopwatchandrespond.com
N E X T~ V I G I L: WEDNESDAY, February 27th, 2008 ~ 9PM~10PM Eastern Standard Time.
HOW TO PARTICIPATE: Light the Fire of Awareness once a month by placing a vigil candle in the front window of your home, on your porch or in the window of your place of business OR on your office desk. This symbolizes your support of our national efforts for greater abuse awareness, prevention, intervention and a demand for immediate victim recovery. The actual vigil hour is from 9pm-10pm Eastern Standard Time. Now is the time to unite together for the sake of those who can not help themselves. We need campus crusaders, child advocate groups, local communities and national businesses will vigil with us. We will persist until this nation is moved into greater awareness and aggressive action on this matter. Vigil Candles are available at the STOP~WATCH and Respond web site.
N E X T~ V I G I L: February 27th~ 9PM~10PM Eastern Standard Time.
PLEASE NOTE VITAL INFO:
The #1 Killer of Children Under the Age of 4
STOP ~WATCH & Respond! Now is the time! Witness Change... Do something more! We saved 5 lives in August 2007! We need NATIONAL Volunteers to get involved... The children of America NEED you adults to protect them! It is our responsibility. When we reduce crime against children, we produce children who become adults against crime! Be one of the many who offer greater hope for the children of tomorrow. We can't let them down! We MUST do something more.
Please... I am shamelessly begging!
H e l p ~ T o d a y.
www.stopwatchandrespond.com
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