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Stress
I feel like I just got the shit kicked out of me.
I got back from my trip at 2:40; trip, overall, was very good.
While on the bus in the parking lot, I saw the parent of M; M usually has afterschool until 5 or 6, so seeing 'mom' was not a good thing. I got off the bus, left my suitcase and stuff behind, and ran in.
Inside, I see a little boy laying on a beanbag. I think it is An. Then, An walks up to me to show me a picture he's been making, so clearly that's not him. Who is he?
Oh, just my new student. J, but since I already have a J, I'll call him NJ for New J. Know nothing about him except that he's been here since Tuesday.
How is J doing, btw? Got written up on the bus again.
And then, at about 2:55, Li comes flying back into the room, livid. Someone laughed at him and he attacked him in the 2nd grade room, and then Cathy L restrained him to get him out, and he and Kathleen flew back here and he proceeded to kick her, throw things/at me, destroy 2 timers, take everything out of my cabinets, stomp on them, flipped 5 chairs, told me he hated me, threatened the lives of his classmates, and spit.
Oh, and I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon to officially get T as a student. HOLY FUCK.
I am leaving this because seeing it in writing is making me start to bawl again. I am never taking a trip again. I am never doing ANYTHING again.
I got back from my trip at 2:40; trip, overall, was very good.
While on the bus in the parking lot, I saw the parent of M; M usually has afterschool until 5 or 6, so seeing 'mom' was not a good thing. I got off the bus, left my suitcase and stuff behind, and ran in.
Inside, I see a little boy laying on a beanbag. I think it is An. Then, An walks up to me to show me a picture he's been making, so clearly that's not him. Who is he?
Oh, just my new student. J, but since I already have a J, I'll call him NJ for New J. Know nothing about him except that he's been here since Tuesday.
How is J doing, btw? Got written up on the bus again.
And then, at about 2:55, Li comes flying back into the room, livid. Someone laughed at him and he attacked him in the 2nd grade room, and then Cathy L restrained him to get him out, and he and Kathleen flew back here and he proceeded to kick her, throw things/at me, destroy 2 timers, take everything out of my cabinets, stomp on them, flipped 5 chairs, told me he hated me, threatened the lives of his classmates, and spit.
Oh, and I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon to officially get T as a student. HOLY FUCK.
I am leaving this because seeing it in writing is making me start to bawl again. I am never taking a trip again. I am never doing ANYTHING again.
Realizations...
I've really changed this summer. Much more than I have ever changed actually. I experienced so many new things and I've realized some things.
I started off the summer by teaching some grade 12 English and I was channeling Mr. Keating from Dead Poets Society the entire time. The kids really seemed to respond and they all did well, save for that one girl who didn't show up for the last few days, thus missing out on 30% of her grade. The day summer school ended, I was on a plane to Scotland. I didn't know what was waiting for me when I got there but I was ready to face it. The plan was to spend a week in Scotland, 10 days in England, and a week in Ireland. I would joke around with my friends before I left, saying that I would find my destiny there. I found something much better. I found joy.
Scotland blew me away. Every time I had planned my trip to the UK in my mind, I had always envisioned walking around in museums and libraries. I was finally there and I spent the majority of the time hiking through the highlands, looking out over the water, hearing stories about the locals and the bloody history that is marked across the country, drinking with friends until the wee hours of the morning. It was beautiful and the best moments were the free ones. The first glimpse of Glencoe was enough to take your breath away. Watching the salmon jump at Rogie Falls was another moment that will stay with me forever. I made many friends in Scotland and they all helped me realize something- I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can take chances and take that ever scary leap of faith.
From there I took the train to England. It broke my heart to leave Scotland but I knew that I had many more exciting moments ahead. In Nottingham I stayed with a friend (and got to have a hot shower!!!)and learned about cricket (which is really nothing like baseball in any way). It was nice to just relax and see a friendly face. After that, it was off to Cambridge. Cambridge is a beautiful city. I truly loved it there. Walking around the city was fun and I'm really glad that I went punting down the river Cam. The universities are beautiful and the people there seemed to be nice. I got lost many times though, and that was a little frustrating. I managed to find the Catholic church there and went to mass before getting instructions on how to get back to my hotel. After Cambridge, I took the train to London. I arrived at Kings Cross, took the Victoria line to my hotel, saw Wicked (which was my favourite thing about London), saw Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament, Big Ben, St. Paul's Cathedral, the Tower of London, the Tower Bridge, and many other places. I didn't really enjoy it there though, mostly because I was alone, and partly because the people there don't actually talk to people. From there, it was off to Oxford. Oxford is also a beautiful city. I took a walking tour through the colleges and while it rained for the majority of my time there, I did manage to find something very important/valuable. I found, in the bottom corner of a little basement bookshop, a 1905 copy of Emma by Jane Austen. After Oxford, I took the train into Bath. Bath was my favourite city in all of England. It's beautiful there and it's safe. Also, the people there are really nice and helpful. I experienced as much as I could there, including the theatre, the Roman Baths, the culture, the Jane Austen Centre, the Assembly Rooms, and many other places. The next morning, I was off to the Bristol airport to catch a flight to Dublin.
Dublin was my second favourite city I visited on my trip, the first being Edinburgh. Ireland is a beautiful and enchanting country. Everyone who visits understands why everyone wants to claim a bit of Irish blood. I took a 5 day tour through the republic of Ireland (there's the ROI and Northern Ireland) and I truly fell in love with the place. I can't wait to go back. While I was in England, I saw many beautiful sights but they were all man made structures. In Ireland, much like it is in Scotland, the beauty is in the natural world, taking your breath away at least once a day. Our first day saw us walking on the Hill of Tara, amongst sheep and, well, more sheep. The next day we found ourselves spending the night in Galway, a charming, seaside city, bustling with activity. We watched Irish dancing at one pub and ended the evening at another, sharing pints and laughing. I formed some very strong friendships that night. The next night was in Doolin, home of traditional celtic music. We all sat around, sipping our pints, while we listened to a few of the locals sing and play. I wouldn't trade that memory for all the money in the world. We then went to Killarney and our bonds of friendship strengthened even more in that small town. When we got back to Dublin, none of us wanted to say goodbye. I was glad when I ran into a friend from the tour that night, while walking down the street. I saw some things that blew my mind in Ireland. I saw the Cliffs of Moher (aka the Cliffs of Insanity in The Princess Bride), I walked in the Atlantic ocean, and I stood on the most western point of Europe, arguing with Kevin, our tour guide, over the correct pronunciation of Newfoundland (he said that because it was discovered by an Irishman, they get naming rights. I told him that it's my feckin' country. I get naming rights. He said, "fair enough.".
Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and with a heavy heart, I boarded a plane the next morning bound for Canada.
So I learned three important things about myself on this trip, one for each country.
Scotland- If I try new things and strive to accomplish things, I will find that I (a)like it and (b) will succeed.
England- I can survive on my own and make my way through cities on foot.
Ireland- I'm actually a pretty cool person and I just need to remember to let go and have fun with life.
Apparently I have come back as a changed person. I can see it at times but not as much as everyone else does. All I know is that I'm planning on going back to Ireland next summer.
I started off the summer by teaching some grade 12 English and I was channeling Mr. Keating from Dead Poets Society the entire time. The kids really seemed to respond and they all did well, save for that one girl who didn't show up for the last few days, thus missing out on 30% of her grade. The day summer school ended, I was on a plane to Scotland. I didn't know what was waiting for me when I got there but I was ready to face it. The plan was to spend a week in Scotland, 10 days in England, and a week in Ireland. I would joke around with my friends before I left, saying that I would find my destiny there. I found something much better. I found joy.
Scotland blew me away. Every time I had planned my trip to the UK in my mind, I had always envisioned walking around in museums and libraries. I was finally there and I spent the majority of the time hiking through the highlands, looking out over the water, hearing stories about the locals and the bloody history that is marked across the country, drinking with friends until the wee hours of the morning. It was beautiful and the best moments were the free ones. The first glimpse of Glencoe was enough to take your breath away. Watching the salmon jump at Rogie Falls was another moment that will stay with me forever. I made many friends in Scotland and they all helped me realize something- I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can take chances and take that ever scary leap of faith.
From there I took the train to England. It broke my heart to leave Scotland but I knew that I had many more exciting moments ahead. In Nottingham I stayed with a friend (and got to have a hot shower!!!)and learned about cricket (which is really nothing like baseball in any way). It was nice to just relax and see a friendly face. After that, it was off to Cambridge. Cambridge is a beautiful city. I truly loved it there. Walking around the city was fun and I'm really glad that I went punting down the river Cam. The universities are beautiful and the people there seemed to be nice. I got lost many times though, and that was a little frustrating. I managed to find the Catholic church there and went to mass before getting instructions on how to get back to my hotel. After Cambridge, I took the train to London. I arrived at Kings Cross, took the Victoria line to my hotel, saw Wicked (which was my favourite thing about London), saw Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament, Big Ben, St. Paul's Cathedral, the Tower of London, the Tower Bridge, and many other places. I didn't really enjoy it there though, mostly because I was alone, and partly because the people there don't actually talk to people. From there, it was off to Oxford. Oxford is also a beautiful city. I took a walking tour through the colleges and while it rained for the majority of my time there, I did manage to find something very important/valuable. I found, in the bottom corner of a little basement bookshop, a 1905 copy of Emma by Jane Austen. After Oxford, I took the train into Bath. Bath was my favourite city in all of England. It's beautiful there and it's safe. Also, the people there are really nice and helpful. I experienced as much as I could there, including the theatre, the Roman Baths, the culture, the Jane Austen Centre, the Assembly Rooms, and many other places. The next morning, I was off to the Bristol airport to catch a flight to Dublin.
Dublin was my second favourite city I visited on my trip, the first being Edinburgh. Ireland is a beautiful and enchanting country. Everyone who visits understands why everyone wants to claim a bit of Irish blood. I took a 5 day tour through the republic of Ireland (there's the ROI and Northern Ireland) and I truly fell in love with the place. I can't wait to go back. While I was in England, I saw many beautiful sights but they were all man made structures. In Ireland, much like it is in Scotland, the beauty is in the natural world, taking your breath away at least once a day. Our first day saw us walking on the Hill of Tara, amongst sheep and, well, more sheep. The next day we found ourselves spending the night in Galway, a charming, seaside city, bustling with activity. We watched Irish dancing at one pub and ended the evening at another, sharing pints and laughing. I formed some very strong friendships that night. The next night was in Doolin, home of traditional celtic music. We all sat around, sipping our pints, while we listened to a few of the locals sing and play. I wouldn't trade that memory for all the money in the world. We then went to Killarney and our bonds of friendship strengthened even more in that small town. When we got back to Dublin, none of us wanted to say goodbye. I was glad when I ran into a friend from the tour that night, while walking down the street. I saw some things that blew my mind in Ireland. I saw the Cliffs of Moher (aka the Cliffs of Insanity in The Princess Bride), I walked in the Atlantic ocean, and I stood on the most western point of Europe, arguing with Kevin, our tour guide, over the correct pronunciation of Newfoundland (he said that because it was discovered by an Irishman, they get naming rights. I told him that it's my feckin' country. I get naming rights. He said, "fair enough.".
Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and with a heavy heart, I boarded a plane the next morning bound for Canada.
So I learned three important things about myself on this trip, one for each country.
Scotland- If I try new things and strive to accomplish things, I will find that I (a)like it and (b) will succeed.
England- I can survive on my own and make my way through cities on foot.
Ireland- I'm actually a pretty cool person and I just need to remember to let go and have fun with life.
Apparently I have come back as a changed person. I can see it at times but not as much as everyone else does. All I know is that I'm planning on going back to Ireland next summer.
The Speed of Societal Change and our Ability to cope with in.
We, In the US, seem to be asked constantly to accept, adjust, realign, embrace and move on without missing a beat whenever change transpires. We are really not asked to consider the propriety of the change. No one really seems to be concerned abiout whether we are pleased or displeased by the change. Any disruption or disadvantage that we personally experience due to the change is written off as a mere personal problem.
Yet, It seems that examining, considering, discussing and debating the change and phasing it in over time is more the way human beings seem best "wired" to work. Yet, It is often, and not inproperly so, that disadvantage, rights and resources denied, opportunity that is unfairly stilted trump our ability to well-adjust as we desire to so, Easy or not, This is how things must immediately become and we "just have no choice but to deal with what NOW !! must be"!
I believe that a lot of societal anger, angst, anxiety, displeasure and malcontendedness can be traced to crashing tidalwaves of change without a break or slowing down to allow us to properly and sanely re-align.
I See Changes Have been Happening
hmmm I see some changes have occurred while I have been busy elsewhere. Are we HAPPY with these changes, friends and writing fanatics? Are the changes REAL or just cosmetic? Kinda checking things out like I've just arrived for the first time! :)
Hi & Hello! Happy SPRING ... sometimes life sucks, but hang on a minute, cause just like the weather, it will change shortly! (Deep thought for today! lol)
Hectic Life
Friend suggested I came here to vent about things since I have been pretty stressed last few weeks since I made a big move in my life.
About a year ago I met my friend on a game we chatted just ya know goofed around talking had a good time. We slowly became friends and she became a person who I can trust with my life and she opened my eyes to a whole new world. See when we met I was involved with a girl that went bad and I was in a bad stage of depression and she helped lift me up out of those depths and start improving things.
Well this time together we created a close bond and as we learned more about each other I learned we had a lot in common. Well she started explaining things about her life to me to get to know her. Shes a part of the polyanomy world in which a person can love more than one person. Well where i came from that was never really even considered or talked about and I couldn't see myself ever being like that before I met her. We started talking and I seen so much of myself in her it made me wonder if the part of my life that was missing was the things she believes in now.
Well as we got to know eachother I we got really close. I helped her with things on her wedding we were really good friends and I noticed I had started to feel things for her. Well knowing I shouldn't I bottled those up so that it wouldn't cause problems, even tho knowing her belief I didn't she could feel that way about me. This went on for months then one night we just let things all come out for about a week and things where great.
Well few months forward things were still ok we had our ups and downs but long distance and little time made things hard and she had earlier months offered me to move there well things came up and it never happened. Then about a month ago it finally happened we planned it and planned it. 2 weeks ago finally made the move to and we now all live in the same house.
Well see problem comes in I am a shy person and I shut down easy well last 2 weeks have not been the easiest becuase I don't feel like I have my friend anymore let alone the person I care about. I know shes there but we are both having issues opening up and I been having drastic mood swings which makes things even harder.
It's just this girl was one thing to me all these months someone very special to me. Now the only time I feel we are friends is when we talk online. Things are slowly improving but its going to be a while before we are at same stage as we were online. The feelings are there still for both of us but I don't know we are having troubles progressing anything..
I am also starting to get homesickness becuase I'm barely eating, pretty lonely atm and feel lost I guess you can say at times. So here I am venting out my life for the last few months to help calm myself some maybe get some advice or opinions from people.
I just can't figure out why I can't be who I really am, why I shut myself out and isolate my friends. I am a good/funny/ outgoing person and I know it because I get along with almost everyone. So why am I so self conscious that im scared to make friends, or scared of what future may bring with the friends I do got..
About a year ago I met my friend on a game we chatted just ya know goofed around talking had a good time. We slowly became friends and she became a person who I can trust with my life and she opened my eyes to a whole new world. See when we met I was involved with a girl that went bad and I was in a bad stage of depression and she helped lift me up out of those depths and start improving things.
Well this time together we created a close bond and as we learned more about each other I learned we had a lot in common. Well she started explaining things about her life to me to get to know her. Shes a part of the polyanomy world in which a person can love more than one person. Well where i came from that was never really even considered or talked about and I couldn't see myself ever being like that before I met her. We started talking and I seen so much of myself in her it made me wonder if the part of my life that was missing was the things she believes in now.
Well as we got to know eachother I we got really close. I helped her with things on her wedding we were really good friends and I noticed I had started to feel things for her. Well knowing I shouldn't I bottled those up so that it wouldn't cause problems, even tho knowing her belief I didn't she could feel that way about me. This went on for months then one night we just let things all come out for about a week and things where great.
Well few months forward things were still ok we had our ups and downs but long distance and little time made things hard and she had earlier months offered me to move there well things came up and it never happened. Then about a month ago it finally happened we planned it and planned it. 2 weeks ago finally made the move to and we now all live in the same house.
Well see problem comes in I am a shy person and I shut down easy well last 2 weeks have not been the easiest becuase I don't feel like I have my friend anymore let alone the person I care about. I know shes there but we are both having issues opening up and I been having drastic mood swings which makes things even harder.
It's just this girl was one thing to me all these months someone very special to me. Now the only time I feel we are friends is when we talk online. Things are slowly improving but its going to be a while before we are at same stage as we were online. The feelings are there still for both of us but I don't know we are having troubles progressing anything..
I am also starting to get homesickness becuase I'm barely eating, pretty lonely atm and feel lost I guess you can say at times. So here I am venting out my life for the last few months to help calm myself some maybe get some advice or opinions from people.
I just can't figure out why I can't be who I really am, why I shut myself out and isolate my friends. I am a good/funny/ outgoing person and I know it because I get along with almost everyone. So why am I so self conscious that im scared to make friends, or scared of what future may bring with the friends I do got..
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