Change @ MindSay

...when you stay true from beginning to end.

I was supposed to write this thing up on the day my blog was officially one year old, but I'm late to the party by several days. That's alright though, I can still get the same point across in this post. The two pictures are to show me from now and me from a year ago. The first of me in the purple was taken today just for this post, and the second is from almost exactly a year ago at the Miami-Georgia Tech game. I can't really tell, but I don't think I look any older now.

So much has changed since my first blog post here, it's ridiculous. I had a girlfriend named Jordan when I was first blogging, and I was in a really shaky relationship. I was in total denial of how bad things were, and I'd  let the relationship continue on even though it was completely unhealthy. I've been single for a year now, and it feels pretty great. I'm having an amazing time with it. I kind of lost any sort of interest in girls I had, and honestly did not want to date this entire past year. Just recently I finally had my knees buckle on me with one girl, and though I'm not entirely sure about her, I guess it shows I still have plenty of time to enjoy my single life.

Blogging has been a very therapeutic experience for me, it's awesome. I really love the community here, I never had a place to lay out all of my thoughts, and it's made my life a little easier a lot of the time. I'm really thankful for all of you guys I talk to on a [semi] regular basis. This is a place where I can really express myself, and I'm glad there are people out there who appreciate that through my whining and my good times.

I'm still in school at Georgia Tech and learned a lot from my first year. I have a solid group of friends here now, and I try to hang out with them as much as I can. I'm as busy as ever here though and things haven't gotten any easier. I'm trying to pull my GPA up as high as I can before the end of spring so I can be eligible for a scholarship. As hard as things are academically, living in an apartment with 3 guys [2 I didn't live with last year] can have it's toll too. It's alright though, things are working out well this year, and I've been doing great.

2008 was a terrible year for the Alex Sohani saga, but 2009 has treated me fairly well so far, and I hope the trend continues. I've learned now the steps I needed to take towards living a more consistently happy life, and I'm really grateful for Mindsay being part of that picture. I think I've finally started getting a grip hold on the miserable, bummed dude that came here, and am working on improving myself to the best I can be. I can't believe it's already been a year that I've been blogging, and while I haven't met a lot of people on here even still, I've met some great friends.

I'm still the same old guy as before.. just with a much more mature mentality on the world, I've cut down a lot on how sensitive I can be sometimes, and don't wear my heart on my sleeve like I used to. I'm still the same rock loving musician as always, just much wiser. I hope this next year of change for me is as rewarding as the first, and I plan on being here next year doing a similar post to this. Love you Mindsay.

Cold weather means a real shift for me art and fiber wise. Gone are those warm days when i could wash wool on the garden level patio, or felting away while Nina  Simone sang in the background. Winter brings a need to hunker down in front of  the wood stove with a book or a hank of wool. The loom gets moved to a space facing the tv. so I can weave while a Ralph Fiennes movie gives me the rythm one need to get the weft and warp so even and smooth and not have selvages that look like the cat has been chewing them.

It's a more inward time where ideas continue to perk but just as the metabolism of small animals changes so does my artistic metabolism. It's a good time to dye batches of wool as they need heat and I want heat. and it's also a good time to actually sew because the studio temperature invites the steam iron to be on for long periods.

Abigail;s going back and forth between the house and studio gets cut off because the door has to stay closed for the heat to stay in  but I find that  just as I enjoy the smell and comforts of the warm fibers, she makes small nests in the fabric caches and goes to sleep quickly.  Which is good that most of my wool and silk starts white because  as she sheds all over them it's not as obnoxious as when she decides to roll around on a piece of black linen  or velvet.

The fiber group I began this summer I  hope will continue. we have shifted to a sundat after noon as up here in the NW it gets dark quite early. and I have come to look forward to the company of these women. funny how binds can form quickly when one comes together over something passionately central to one's life- creating something from  nothing. our number is up to six. I am considering letting in one more woman because I  lean towards the asymmetry of seven.... but she might be a little anal. even for me. So time will tell. I have invited her. no response. and tomorrow is our next get together. so lulu and louise and beth and pat and kim and I will munch, sip tea, play with fibers and talk about our lives.  doesn't get much better when you want to bounce ideas around. shalom.

Now that there are so many of us with no jobs and lots of spare time on our hands it would be a good time to do some "house cleaning". It is time we march to Washington and fire every last politician! We are the people, their employers and they are not doing their job! They are employees who lie, cheat, steal, corrupt and fail completely to do their job. They rage war everywhere as they war amongst themselves in an never ending battle. It's one pissing contest after another and it is time we gave every last one of them their walking papers!
Let's fire every single Republican AND Democrat and start a new party...the peoples party.
Let's lay every issue on the table and let the people vote on it. We'll register everyone 18 and over,stop the country for the day, have everyone vote and majority wins....period. After 2 years we'll see how it goes and vote again.
No lobbyists, no special interest, just  votes.
I am so sick of both these parties I could scream! And we all sit back watching and waiting hoping something will change. Well, it's never going to change folks. It has always been this way and will never get better until we say "ENOUGH"!!
Off with their heads!!!

It has been so long since I posted on here.

And so much has happened.

Of course.

So like...

Wow.

 

I'm currently completing my Diploma of Music Studies at Orange Tafe.

We are currently rehearsing for the Orange Theatre Company's production of The Wedding Singer, in which I play George.

 

And... Yeah...

Let's see, the last thing you all heard was that I was working at teh Orange Ex-Services Club and doing Jekyll and Hyde, plus having issues about life love and everything...

 

Since then (in chronological order):

I have left the club; done Cats with the OTC; met this guy named Mat (different to me, I am Matt); been the Manager of Boost Juice; moved into a share house with a group of friends (Mat included); started dating Mat; got fired; started a Cert IV in Music at TAFE; done You're a Good Man Charlie Brown as Snoopy (hella awesome that was); moved out of share house and into a flat with Mat; completed a Cert IV in Music at TAFE; started a Diploma of Music at TAFE; broken up with Mat; moved back to Canowindra with Mum and sisters; taken up Tai Chi; and got the role of George in The Wedding Singer... All in 2 and a bit years.

 

So yeah. Things are going along better than ever, and I have found a great deal of peace within myself.

I am pleased to be no longer as emo as I used to be. lol

I am more in touch with myself now than I think I have ever been. I dont fight things so much, I go with the flow a lot easier, but I also work hard to create the reality I want for myself.

I'm proud of myself for the things I've done and do, and I've healed a lot of crap from my past.

I enjoy my life and I love my friends so much, they have helped bring me back from some of the darkest times in my life.

Being with Mat was toxic, I loved him and sorta still do, and he loved me as much as he could, but it wasn't a healthy relationship, too many drugs, too much stress and depression and shit.

I understand that everybody hurts and every couple has rough patches and stuff, but it just wasn't healthy. Everyone who knows me saw me change so dramatically in the 2 years I was with Mat, and now they see me and can see me smiling again and laughing again. It's good.

I miss him, but at the same time I'm glad. I hope he finds his way out of the darkness, I sincerely do, but I just couldn't let him bring me down anymore.

And I didn't want to be responsible for not being good for him anymore, and thus being responsible for making him worse.

So yeah, that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it was necessary and I was definately being the grown up in that situation. I think.

So I moved back to my mum's. lol

My family will always be there and I hope they realise that i will always be there for them no matter where I am. I love them so much, my sisters are so awesome. *hugs for them*

 

My plans for the future?

Well, for tafe this year we have to record an album, so once I do that I can sell it, and next year I'm going to get another job and work my ass off earning money, while getting vocal training and dance lessons so that I can try out for WAAPA (Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts) in Perth. They do a Bachelor of Arts in Musical Theatre. Sweet!

That's what's motivating me for the next three years, but I'm open to that changing.

 

Anyways. I'll try to update this more often now, and the appearance of the page will probably change.

I also wanna go back and delete old posts that are full of angst and stress.

 

So cha.

Peace and love all.

 

Matty D.

Ok, this might sound absolutly mental, but I actually am scared of time. Not like, "OMG!! ONE MINTUE PASSED!!!"

I mean, I freek out when I realise how things have changed. I try not to think about how many years has passed but I think not thinking about it on regular basis might do more harm than good.

 

I was just remembering back when I was 5. How it was 10 years ago. And I completely freeked out. I started shaking and I had to put music on to calm me down.

 

It's hard for me to talk about the past. I like remembering good times and I like sharing them to my friends, but I haveto be careful of thinking of how old I was or how long a time ago it was. I can control myself infront of people. But it hunts me down when I'm alone.

 

It is SO hard to explain. I just wish I would be ok with the fact that things change and I get older and that people change. So I quess I am scared of change also..

 

Is this normal, or have I invented a completely new fobia? Is there anyone suffering with the same thing?