Celebrating @ MindSay 
So yesterday, May 5, I celebrated being 6 months single. Although, by my own admission, I have not had great success with relationships in general, there has not been a period like this where I have been without one. So I celebrated accordingly, I think. That is, over the weekend I had some 'no strings attached' sex and then, because it fell on cinco de mayo, yesterday I got snookered and slept like a baby. (side note- it was very weird to get drunk on only 3 or 4 beers but, at the same time, good in a way)
I don't know exactly what to think about it though. Although in some ways I am torn, for the most part I am happy that for the first time in my life I have no one to worry about but me. Some of my friends say that this is a by-product of not yet being over Laura. That I can't move on so instead I stay single. I don't see it that way though. I don't want to be with Laura, for sure, but I don't want to be with anyone else either. I want to worry about me and just me.
Now, I have also used it as an excuse, to be sure. Since my weight loss and attitude change, I know that I am more attractive. Some women/girls who I know or who I've been friends with a long time have suddenly become interested in me. My policy is, if I wasn't good enough to date then, then I am not good enough to date now; and I have used the excuse of wanting to be single to keep them at bay. But, truthfully, I am not closed off to a relationship. If I were to meet someone that was worth giving up the single life for, I would. But I haven't yet. And I am not sure I will in the near future.
Is there something wrong with thinking this way? Should every person be looking out for Mr./Miss Right all the time, even if you don't believe in that? Am I just compensating because I am not over Laura?
Laura took the route of becoming involved with someone immediately after we broke up. Of course, she had been lining someone up for that position for sometime before hand and I had not. But I think after a year and a half together- I needed time for me and to get over her and to move on. And I took that time. But I found that I liked who I was and how I was during that time, so why not just continue it on. Not because its getting over her or moving on, i.e. because it is necesary, but rather because it is fun and its what I want right now.
Makes sense to me.
Would you waste a second chance at LIFE ? If you had been dying, and someone in their ultimate kindness gave you the gift of a heart, now beating strongly in your chest, how would you spend the time? I know my answer to that would be to celebrate every breathe I get to take. I'd also know I was here for some very special reason if I was chosen to be the one blessed with such an opportunity.
The reason I ask is I know someone. And this someone spends a great deal of her time focused on the fact that her life may only be another 20 years. She also cuts her wrists and takes overdoses and nothing seems to help her.
I roll around all kinds of ideas in this crazy mind when I enconter this person. Perhaps if death is somehow predetermined, "your number is up" so to speak, and you cheat it, one is unhappy being alive ? Maybe once your heart is stopped on the table for a transplant the "other side" looks so good one wants to return. Or maybe one just needs a kick in the ass!
I don't know the answers, and it's really not mine to know. But I can't help but wonder as an organ donor myself, if the family only knew, would they have loved so much as to give the gift of life to another?
Someone I love was saved by a Bone Marrow transplant by an anonymous donor 25 years ago. He is still alive and well and spends his time cherishing his gift and his second chance. He loves life and all it offers. After being so close to death he knows the true meaning of feeling well.
I wonder about the difference between the 2 people? It's a bit mindbending isn't it - to fight so hard to live, only to want to die ?
I'm working on this with my Buddhist friends and teachers, it's an interesting question. Perhaps my MySpace Zen friend will have some interesting thoughts for me once he's off his motorcycle and out of the sun! 
Namaste'
Heather
Yay! I made reservations for tonight and I am so happy that we got in last minute. I made reservations for the Melting Pot for Mark and I tonight at 10pm. They serve all these different kinds of fondue, and tonight they have a celebration meal for couples. It's expensive, but you get all kinds of stuff included with your meal. Mark and I haven't done anything big for ourselves in a long time, so this will be our big dinner probably for the year. We have to get dressed up, which I love to do. I didn't think we would do anything for tonight, so it's nice to have plans. I hope Mark likes it. I think he will, he is easy to please. What are everyone elses plans for tonight? I hope everyone has an awesome time and be safe. Happy New Year!
I'd like to start celebrating it again, but I don't think I'll have the chance to do it this year. I haven't really had the time to do anything, lately. Maybe next year.
But in the meantime, I'll at least let you read one of Dave Barry's columns on Halloween. It was originally published in the Miami Herald on October 27, 1996.
I love Halloween. It reminds me of my happy childhood days as a student at Wampus Elementary School in Armonk, N.Y., when we youngsters used to celebrate Halloween by making decorations out of construction paper and that white paste that you could eat. This is also how we celebrated Columbus Day, Washington's Birthday, Lincoln's Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, New Year's, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Armistice Day, Flag Day, Arbor Day, Thursday, etc. We brought these decorations home to our parents, who by federal law were required to attach them to the refrigerator with magnets.
That was a wonderful, carefree time in which to be a youngster or construction-paper salesperson. But it all ended suddenly one day -- I'll never forget it -- when the Soviet Union launched the first satellite, called ''Sputnik'' (which is Russian for ''Little Sput''). Immediately, all the grown-ups in America became hysterical about losing the Space Race, which led to a paranoid insecurity about our educational system, expressed in anguished newspaper headlines asking, ``WHY AREN'T OUR KIDS LEARNING IN SCHOOL?'' I wanted to answer, ''BECAUSE ALL WE EVER DO IS MAKE DECORATIONS OUT OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER,'' but I couldn't, because my mouth was full of paste.
But getting back to Halloween: It's still one of the most fun holidays of the year, as well as one of the most traditional, tracing its origins back more than 2,000 years to the Druids, an ancient religious cult that constructed Stonehenge as well as most of the public toilets in England. The Druids believed that one night each year, at the end of October, the souls of the dead returned to the world of the living and roamed from house to house costumed as Power Rangers.
And thus it is that to this day, youngsters come to our door on Halloween night shouting, ''Trick or treat!'' According to tradition, if we don't give the youngsters a treat, their parents will sue us. That's why most of us traditionally prepare for Halloween by going to the supermarket and purchasing approximately eight metric tons of miniature candy bars, which we dump into a big bowl by the door, ready to hand out to the hordes of trick-or-treaters.
The irony, of course, is that there are no hordes of trick-or-treaters, not anymore. We in the news media make darned sure of that. Every year we publish dozens of helpful consumer-advice articles, cheerfully reminding parents of the dangers posed by traffic, perverts, poisoned candy and many other Halloween hazards that parents would never think of if we didn't remind them (''Have fun, but remember that this year more than 17,000 Americans will die bobbing for apples'').
The result is that many children aren't allowed to go trick-or-treating, and the ones who are allowed out come to your house no later than 4:30 p.m., wearing reflective tape on their Power Rangers costumes and trailed at close range by their parents, who watch you suspiciously and regard whatever candy you hand out as though it were unsolicited mail from the Unabomber.
So for most of Halloween, your doorbell is quiet. This means that you pass the long night alone, hour after hour, just you and the miniature candy bars. After a while they start calling seductively to you from their bowl in their squeaky little voices.
''Hey, Big Boy!'' they call. ``We're going to waste over here!''
As the evening wears on they become increasingly brazen. Eventually they crawl across the floor, climb up your body, unwrap themselves and force themselves bodily into your mouth. There's no use hiding in the bathroom, because they'll just crawl under the door and tie you up with dental floss and threaten to squeeze toothpaste in your eye unless you eat them. At least that's what they do to me. By the end of the night, my blood has the same sugar content as Yoo-Hoo.
But eating huge amounts of candy allegedly purchased for youngsters is only part of the Halloween tradition. The other part is buying a pumpkin and carving it to make a ''jack-o'-lantern,'' which sits on your front porch, a festive symbol of the age-old truth -- first discovered by the Druids -- that there is no practical use for pumpkins.
Here's how to make a traditional jack-o'-lantern:
1. Cut a lid on top of the pumpkin.
2. Pull off the lid and peer down into the slimy, festering pumpkin bowels.
3. Put the lid back on and secure it with 200 feet of duct tape.
(This is also the traditional procedure for stuffing a turkey.)
But however you celebrate Halloween, make sure you remember this important safety tip: (IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP GOES HERE). Otherwise, you will not survive the night. I'd give you more details, but right now I need to do something about these tiny Milky Ways crawling up my legs.
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I think I like this set up and will enjoy it a while. At least until the fall colours really get going.
This lucky shot will be replaced if I manage a better one of the baby goldfinches, it was too rainy today with remnants of Ernesto coming to town! I'll promise to share if I do manage a good one!
But this is a cute shot just the same! ;)
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