Catholic School @ MindSay

I feel it necessary to write about the semi-breakdown I just had about an hour and a half ago, mainly because I want to write about why I'm bounced-back from it.

I had a CIP meeting tonight.  CIP is the Critical Inquiry Project, a group designed to help teach social-justice education.  This group is comprised of a favorite professor of mine, Bree, and 5 other people who I graduated NYU with:  Dan, Emily M (As I am Emily E in all conversations since we're both there), Val, Veronica, and Symone.  The first 4 I mentioned are first year teachers:  Dan and Em have 5th graders, Veronica is a K teacher in a Catholic school, and Val is sort of teaching a mix of pre-k and k at another Catholic school.  Symone had a semester at NYU to finish up but is now a pretty full-time sub at the pre-k center SHE went to all those years ago.  I am the only one who is not teaching; I am in a classroom (well, THREE classrooms/FOUR classrooms at THREE schools technically if I count my fun week with Seth's class) 5 days a week, but I am there as an observer, a student teacher, and a tutor.

CIP has been everything.  We hear how the classroom teachers (5) implement these amazing complex units (Val teaching her kids about poverty, Dan and his fair-trade chocolate, Veronica teaching her kids about gender) that aren't part of a typical curriculum, we plan how we can go next, we share resources, we learn from Bree who is infinitely wise and helpful and straightforward, and we support each other through tough times.  First year teaching is notorious for breaking people down, and I hate knowing that my friends are going through things like this, but they all agree going to CIP is helpful not just because it helps plan the SJE (social justice education) stuff or make them stick to it, but it's a gathering of 6 other people we respect and trust and know care about our well being.  Many times 'check-in' becomes a bitch-fest, a spot to talk about what's wrong, a chance for all of us to offer a hug, a tissue, or a suggestion.  Sometimes it's just the only place we feel safe admitting certain things, and don't need anything more than the chance to say whatever it is we're thinking.

Tonight, Bree gave us an article about the stages first year teachers go through, and she asked us to read it, see if it was true, and how the group affected (effected? will I EVER learn when to use which?) these figures.   Well, everything about this article rang true for me, even though I am not a first  year teacher (see above).  The anxiety, both good and bad, the fears, the doubts in my ability, the impending pressure, the hard moments, the changes in or deviations from the plan...these are all things that make my heart freeze up.  I am a worrier.  I do fret about things that aren't a big deal (like the time I let it slip to David that GPI had left?  I didn't sleep that weekend, and it was never addressed ONCE), but they are real fears of mine.  This has been a dream of mine for so long, but you can dream all you want, it doesn't mean it will come TRUE.  I don'yt want to just be in a classroom.  I'm idealistic; I want to make a difference.  I want my kids to actually get things...more than just math or how to write an essay.  That's what CIP is.  But then I get so frazzled because I know I'm a pushover and if an administrator questions me and my planning, I AM going to take it to heart, I am going to redo everything, I am going to comply, and I'm not going to embody what the group is...and if I don't teach SJE my first year, will I the second?  Will I ever?

All of this pressure, the whole being sick thing, the fact that Relay is SATURDAY, the fact that I don't have a job lined up, the fact that I have huge final projects looming (one is due MONDAY AFTER RELAY) that I have no idea where I'm going with, the fact that CIP's trip to Chicago I won't be at 2 meetings leading up to it and also as a non-teacher contribute so little to it as it is... I just started crying.

This is not new.  I am a cryer.  I have been a cryer my whole life; NEVER for attention like 'oh if I cry, someone will look at me', or to get out of trouble.  It's just what happens.  There is something in my body where things, happy, sad, depressing, stressful, hilarious, sentimental.... I feel them stronger than other people, or different, or whatever it is, but I start welling up.  And I was trying to not make it obvious (this was just eye-leakage and a little need to wipe my  nose, no noise) because I didn't want to focus on that, but Bree kept asking if I was okay and I nodded.  But we finally shifted the attention to it, and I cried more, and let the group know my fear; that I'm going to cave to the administration and do my kids a huge disservice in the process, as well as let my groupmates down.

And they were amazing.  I knew they would be.  To start, if they weren't in my top 5 people when we graduated (the way I hung out with Val all the time, or had my strange but perfect relationship with Dan), I have grown closer to the people in this group than other people a  year ago who I don't get to see now.  They pointed out that things I was feeling, thinking...they're universal.  And Dan had things to say about me carrying him through undergrad, and my scheduling, and Val mentioned my classroom plans which Em said was a good thing to have planned already, and Bree mentioned that when she went to Dan's class the day after I was there, the kids were like 'oh, you're not Emily'...and while I don't think that's all going to prove I'm going to be good at this (what it proves is I focus on details too much and that kids LIKE me, a fact I've known since I was 5), but hearing that these very capable, very honest people believe in me...it means a lot.  It really does.  Even if they were just being nice and trying to calm me down (they've all dealt with crying Emily of various stages/reasons), they did it.  They were the best support group anyone could ever ask for.  And that's probably why CIP is so critical for us; not just instruction (which I will need a LOT of next year), but people like Val to tease me, Bree to somehow make what I was warbling an intelligent, justifiable thing, Dan to give me a hug and threaten that if I cry again he'll kill me, and someone to squeeze my hand and let me know I'll be okay.

So I'll be okay.

I called the Catholic school yesterday to see about the posibility of a vacancy for teaching 6th grade English.  I was told there is no vacancy.  I was also given the number for the diocese which I called.  There are apparently no teaching vacancies in the region for the Catholic schools.  I also learned one must be Catholic to receive an application, although she admitted there are non-Catholics who hold positions in the schools. 

 

So ... not sure what that was all about.  I am certainly not ANTI- Catholic, but ... I am also of th ebelief that nothing is without purpose, so ... I wonder what this was all about?  May be as simple as this woman and I re-connecting ... Beth ... which we certainly did. 

 

Time will tell ... but, until then, patience rules!  huh!  ;)

 

~ B

Urf. Junior retreat, junior retreat.

 

Did I ever mention that I HATE going to a catholic school?

 

Well, we were all hauled off on a bus to some strange place in PA to be recruited to become priests and nuns because they apparently have nothing better to do in their spare times, so they decide to brainwash us. First off we all had to name different virtues and things we value. 0.o

 

Then it gets better and we "auctioned" off those values with play money. One group bought nothing and another group saved all their money so they could but "Abstinance/Virginity".  Then we had to make up skits showing different values, and some of them were pretty damn funny. (We had Maggie in our group, so you know ours had to be good =p) Especially "Mercy" considering everyone was in a gang in that skit. Even funnier is that ND is a preppy, nearly all-white school for rich kids. Well, that's really just a stereotype cuz not everyone at ND is rich.

 

Anyway, the priest then attempted to recruit us to join the Church. He made us write down what we wanted to be when we were little, what we wanted to do after high school, if reality were no obstacle, what would you want to be and a question you had always wanted to ask a priest.

 

I said that I wanted to be Pocahantos, go to the university of Cardbordia Boxia, and if reality were no object, I would be Dr. Phil. We made fun of the priest and all that. After lunch we had a meditation with Mrs. Roy *shudder* Everyone was chuckling through the whole thing, I was just dying. Then we had to draw what we saw and say what animal described us best. I think a little piece of me died on the inside.

 

Finally, it was time to go home--THANK YOU JESUS!

Intelligent Design vs. Evolution has been beaten to death. I know that.

So instead of going into [great] detail about the pratfalls of teaching Intelligent Design in class, or the hypocracy of teaching that but no other religion's view of how the earth was created, or the clear breach of the whole "no religion in public schools" thing, I will simply ask all you Believers out there, in all sincerity:

What proof do you have that Intelligent Design or Creationism exists? What exactly would be taught in school?

Seriously. I'm not trying to attack you here. I honestly want to know. What will the class entail? Would the teacher read that section of the Bible and then that's it, school is over? There's nothing else to learn?

Evolution is a scientific theory. That means it has facts to back it up and facts to disprove it. There are fossils. There are bones. There is evidence.

Evidence that the earth existed millions of years ago. Evidence that monkeys slowly evolved into man. Evidence that Creationism is not possible.

What evidence is there for Creationism? The only evidence I see is evidence against the theory. For one, if we all came from Adam and Eve, then why are there white people, black people, Asians, Hispanics, Indians, Native Americans, and everyone else? Where did all those races come from if every human is from the same two people? Plus, think about that concept for a second - every human is from the same two people. That means every human on Earth is inbred. You, and your sibling, and your parents, and your best friend, and your spouse, and your neighbor, and George W. Bush, and Adolf Hitler, and Unclenasty, and Tom Cruise, and Pablo Picasso, and Moses, and Harvey Weinstein, and that dude on the corner with the trash in his beard who talks to himself, and everyone else who has ever lived, are all related to you. That doesn't make you feel dirty?

But ok, people don't want Creationism taught in schools. They want Intelligent Design. And that states that sure, evolution might exist, but it is governed and controlled and planned by a higher power. I buy that. That's totally buyable.

But here's the thing - that's a belief. You believe that evolution is so complicated it must be controlled by God. You can't prove or disprove that. It's a belief. A hope. How can that be taught in school? What would the lesson plan be? What would the test exist of?

"You believe that there is a God who set evolution into motion. True or False?"

Kered wrote a great blog in which he identified the truth that there are essential characteristics which must be present in order for something to be considered science. Those characteristics are:

1 - It is guided by natural (physical or biological) law.

2 - It is testable against the empirical world.

3 - It has to be explanatory by reference to natural law.

4 - Its conclusions are tentative, i.e. are not necessarily the final word.

5 - It is falsifiable - or, more accurately, makes predictions that can be tested by observation.


Sadly, Intelligent Design does not meet the criteria, thus it cannot be considered science. It is a belief, and, more accurately, it is a religious belief. Therefore, if you want to teach Intelligent Design in schools, create a religion class and teach all the different religious beliefs. Otherwise, if you're just teaching Intelligent Design, you've got a Catholic school. It is no longer a public school.

Because if you remember, you aren't allowed to have religion in public schools.

Thus you shouldn't be allowed to have Intelligent Design in public schools.

I'm at work, however, so I didn't do any research on the subject. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's more than just a belief. If that's the case, please prove me wrong.

Please tell me where the evidence is. Please show me that you can actually teach kids facts instead of just beliefs. Please inform me that a class on Intelligent Design would consist of more textbooks than the Bible.

Otherwise, what exactly is the argument?