Canada Day @ MindSay

Yesterday was Canada Day: happy belated Canada Day:P

I went to the marina and hung out with my friends from 3pm to 1am, basically. I spent $40 all on food and bus fare. What a waste of money:P(I didn't spend all of it on myself, haha). Yesterday was the beginning of summer for me, because before this for the past week I've been reading, watching movies, and using the computer. Oh, and going to work.

 

In other news I now have physiotherapy for my knee. The doctors belive I have Patellofemoral Syndrome which is when the knee cap moves in weird ways due to inflamation under the knee cap or something. A factor of that might be caused by the way I walk: due to my pigion-toed-ness I walk with my feet cuved in and on my toes as opposed to heel-toe. this might cause extra stress on my knee. At least that's what my physiotherapist says.

Today was supposed to be my first "real" appointment (last week was just an assesment), but they cancelled, so my first appointment now is 10:20 tomorrow morning.

 

Oh ya. I failed grade 12 Chemistry. That's hat happenes when you stop giving a crap about school and don't do anything. *Sigh*, I really do wish I cared though. I hate being stressed. Next year I guess I'll do better, hopefully. Instead of re-taking Chemistry though I'll take anthropology, since it seems more interesting. Humm...

 

All for now.

 

-Kristal

 

So yesterday was Canada day. I decided to spend it with my family (well mother and brother, since father not going to go anywhere), John and Kat did nothing for the day and didn't really seem like they wanted to.

so we left around noon to go to this Downsview park. Apparently free food was promised.  Lots of people there. And sunshine. And both me and mother forgot about sunscreen so now sporting a sunburn >.<
I dont mind it when people promote stuff at large events like that, but I wish they would stop shoving little booklets into my hands. It's always about religion and charity and I am interested in neither. Promote it, but don't bother us.
Anyways, they did have free food, but they had Giagantic lineups for that too. We got our free hot dog and water and didnt wait for the ice cream and cake.

The Canada Day cake was HUGE. But we didn't get to taste it, not only we didn't want to wait in line under the burning sun, but it was too hot for cake.

There was a petting corner with goats and sheep that included creepy crawlers. I got to hold a tarantula. I love the expressions of the people looking at it in this photo. Especially the little horrified kid.  Another photo of me giving the spider back to the guy. And in this one it looks like the father is saying to the little boy "see? even a girl held the spider and you going to chicken out?"

They also had battle re-enactment. They actually did shoot from the guns. From the other side I thought the middle gunman which is blocked in this photo was a young man compared to the old farts around him. turns out it was a woman! I liked that a lot ^^

Dark Knight movie got fancy advertisement. Perhaps I am just not as big of a fan, but for me this is a rent out movie, not one I am looking to watch in the theaters for some reason. Maybe because it lacks the colourfulness of the previous ones (despite being a little embarrassed in general of watching the older movies, they were FUN, and this one being of too dark for me like all recent movies). On the other hand, I won 2 cineplex tickets, which means I can watch 2 movies for free Or one movie and I can treat someone (probably will end up being the second option with me treating kat).

After that we hang around. I lost 5$ trying to play one of those games where you can win a stuffed toy. and didn't get even one ball into the basket. I had no idea why it made me feel like such a retard or a loser and made me feel down in disproportionate extend. performing in front of people makes me nervous (throwing balls is doing something in front of people, for me), so I couldn't even learn from mistakes lol.

we went home for a short intermission. I ate some cookies with green tea and browsed the forums (the NiGHTS forums) and then we left early because we wanted to park our car at the free parking lot at Finch station and walk our way to mel lastman square. As usual my brother was hungry when we arrived so we had to stand in line for a hotdog. I got a hotdog too =p (and ended up dripping mustard on my jeans and my brothers shirt when we were watching fireworks). The fireworks themselves were beautiful. But I gotta say compared to the first years when we came to canada and now , it became lamer. they always play O Canada at the end. Always. They did it at the victoria day fireworks at wonderland. This time they didnt. WTF? also it was very very short. like less than 10 minutes short. It used to be half an hour. And the song selection was uber lame and hardly fit the fireworks (Avril lavignes girlfriend?! c'mon...). Taxes go up, yet quality of life and actual city event's quality going down? LAME! Its canada day, the one day you should totally bling it up.

Do you ever watch people watch you?

Do you ever catch a glimpse of what you look like to them?

Can you see yourself through other people's eyes?

 

My friend Emily has very high standards that she expects those who are close to her to meet. This results in her befriending truly good people. She doesn't judge, and she doesn't discriminate, she simply demands goodness and honesty from people.

She has several truly religious friends. She herself is not religious in the slightest, I suppose it is simply the people she attracts.

 

The two of us were walking down by the ocean, waiting for the Canada Day fireworks to begin when we bumped into these friends of hers. Their religion forbids the women from wearing pants, makeup, or cutting their hair. I cannot even imagine some of the other guidelines.

As Emily chatted easily, I became increasingly aware of myself. Of my lowcut shirt, of my tight jeans, of the fact that my makeup had been smudged to resemble that of a crackwhore before I'd even left the house and I hadn't bothered to fix it. Of my demeanor and my beer breath.

Sitting with these people, I could have drawn a line in magic marker between them and me.

 

On the way back up to the car, we bumped into a few friends of mine that I used to get drunk and take ecstacy with. When I looked at them, I felt as if I could draw that same line, over again. I saw them weaving predictably from one too many, I heard the same old banter and saw the same old glazed over look in all of their eyes.

Emily tugged me along, half to keep up with the flow of people and half to escape the uncomfortable conversation. She said "those people have nothing to offer to enrich your life" and she's right.

 

But I've lost something along the way. Oh right... my place in the world.

It's difficult to see where I fit now.

 

But I feel as though I sorta fit with my lovely friends who send me cards in the mail (even though they see me daily) and bake me cookies. I feel as though I fit with Paul because he never once asked me to change, it has always been me who has decided to better myself.

 

It's funny though. How we all grow up. How we all make decisions about who we will grow up to be. How we can decide to be wholesome or decide that's not for us. We can decide to drink or decide not to. We can give our bodies to people or we can cherish ourselves. We can choose to marry or we can choose not to. We can decide to be parents or decide we might not be the right type of person. We can read through to the bottom of an entry, or we can just skim the first few lines and move on.

It's funny how every little decision shapes us. How we don't really realize this is the way it is, but it is.

Well this weekend has been good to me again..kind of. All of this weekend all ive been doing is hagning out with friends..constantly. On friday Kara and Cassy came and slept over...good times:P I must of listened to the song "discovery channel" by Eifel 65 30 times:|:P lol but thats okay i like that song anyhow:) We ended up sleeping in my tiny room..i ended up pulling the matress off my bed and onto the floor. Kara slept on the bottom part of the bed, which is mainly compased of boards on the bottom, which was uncomfortable for her, unfortunately. Cassy slept on the matress, and i slept on the floor between the matress and the door..i had a 3 feet wide space to sleep in that night lol. It was all good though..i actually got around 6 hours of sleep  

 

On saturday everyone went over to mitch's mom's place to sleep over..it was so weird:P His mom called me "Emo" even though she doesnt know what it means:P:| I wasnt really offended though..cause like i said she doenst even know what it means. All of saturday the main part of the group (which conmsists of me, cassy, kara, nigel, mitch and kyle) hung out then slept over at mitch's place. The guys slept down in the basement, and the girls slept upstairs in mitch's sister's room. It was really funny becaus ein the morning when the girls work eup we went downstairs and talked to the guys for a while, then mitch's mom came down and said "It's weird..I was worried about the girls and guys mixed together being a problem, but I should have been more worried about all of the guys!:P" lol. She said that cause the guys always joke around and say sexual things about each other:P Also, we were playing truth or dare at 2am and nigel and kyle ended up having to strip down to their boxers and dance around:P lol.

 

Sunday was Canada day (happy Canada day by the way..even though its a little late:P) The group ended up going to the marina to watch the fireworks late at night, then sleep over at Cassy's. The group had to take the bus both to and from the marina, which was kinda of nerve racking for most of us when we had to go home, because we were afraid of getting mugged or soemthing. I was a bit scared, i must admit, but I knew i would be okay because Nigel has ty-kwon-doe (sp?) training and he could kick the living shit out of anyone..seriously. lol but in the end we all made it to Cassy's alive. When we got there we watched saw 2 and 3, and then at 5am  me, kara, nigel, and kyle got up and went to the baseball feild to watch the sun rise. It was really nice, but we didnt really watch it...we ended up making up a country song...well actually mainly nigel did lol. It was abput how kyle was nigels dad/neice/nefew and hopw he had sex or soemthing with kara who is ni9gels mom/sister/boyfriend lmao. You had to be there i guess, but it was funny:P Thats night i only got about 2 hours of sleep..when all of us got back we hung out for an hour but at around 7:15 am nigel left to robins donuts for a coffee and all of us fell asleep. Once eveyone got up we jsut talked and stuff..and just before i left all the guys were having a marshmallow fight:P lol. so that was prertty fun.

 

However, despite being there with my friends, i still am suffering from depression. I have done very little thinking about it (usually i think aboput my depression so i can better understand it) but because ive been hanging out with friends so much my depression can interfere at times. Sometimes ill just sit out rom everyone sitting down somewhere and try to think about it. I end up bumming people out which i really dont want to:( Today im just spending the day to think about this and to try to understand why i am feeling like this, cause even i am confused.

 

Anyways thats all for now, byebye

 

-:(Kristal:)  

Days are like markers in time. Holidays are even better markers. I sat on the grass on Canada Day, feeling amazement yet again over how lives can change so much in a mere 365 days. But they do.

It's wonderful and scary all at once to marvel over where you were last year, and wonder where you will be next year.

Paul pulled me up from the grass and into the laundry room, the one where we kissed for the first time. An entirely different set of memories washed over me, feeling him kiss me and run his hands over my body in that laundry room. Listening to him whisper things to me that every girl desperately wants to hear from the one they love.

And of course the entire night is capped off with a few beer and a few too many shooters andI never do make it home. It is inevidable that I wake up in some strange bed, trying to piece together the night before. But for close to a year now, I've always felt him laying beside me in that strange bed, and know that he will piece it all together, and then he will take me home and make me soup. Now that's love.