Call @ MindSay

Are you searching for something exciting and new?
Do you firmly believe it's there waiting for you?
When you sit and you ponder the "how" of it all,
Does it sometimes appear you're to answer a call?

 

>>A call?  Like a phone?  Are you nuts?  That's bizarre!
>>Yet it feels very much like it's not very far...
>>...like perhaps I'm just missing that one little piece,
>>That elusive detail, almost mocking, a tease.

 

You're creative; You know it.  Your life so attests.
But you cannot quite grasp that ultimate quest.
It's direction you seek, something firm, something true.
How will you know when you've clutched the right cue?

 

>>How will I know?  By the way that it feels.
>>When no longer is there a nag at my heels.
>>A calmness will come, bringing with it a rush,
>>A settling excitement, like a hug, then a push.

 

You know how to detect it.  You'll welcome the truth.
And you've known where to find it, e'er since your youth.
We're each one a creator, born with that gift.
The direction for none of us wanders adrift.

 

>>When I search from the inside, in quiet repose,
>>I learn secrets it seems that nobody else knows.
>>Why is it so easy to fall out of touch
>>With that innermost guidance that gives me so much?

 

And so you've recalled from whence it all comes --

Creative direction in all of its sums.

Nurture it, grow from it, bring from within

The wonderful wisdom...let vision begin!

Yesterday I was puking and now I'm very dehydrated, my uterus is actually a bit smaller than it has been and my belly button has returned to being an innie (baby is moving though)...I am waiting for a call back from my doctor to say whether I should come to her or go to the emergency room....ugh

I am resigned to the fact that I might not get through the day without an IV in my arm, I just hope it's not too painful...bleh.

So, I was going about my day.  I had finally stopped procrastanting (sp?) and got off of chat, neopets, mindsay, and a few other sites and got busy.

 

I finally finished dejunking my room.  And while cleaning out my closet, I found one bat, one 12 inch softball and one 11 inch softball, my first catching pud, my last pair of highschool softball cleats, six batting gloves, one lefty mitt, and an equipment bag.  With a suprise!:O  I always wondered where that dayum box of condoms in my senior year had gone too!  Now I know!  At the bottom of my softball equipment bag!:D  Looks like my mom only took the main equipment bag of my softball gear and handed over to my diabetic counselor.  I put all the gear in the bag and it is sitting next to the mudporch door so I can hand it over to my mom's to give to my diabetic counselor.  Once I meet my goals, THEN I can have all my gear back!

 

I changed my bed sheets (the bi weekly changing!:D), rounded up Randy's and my dirty laundry, put away clothes and had just gone down stairs to start a load of laundry when I got the phone call from the school!

 

Secratary:  "Jackie?  Can you come up to the school?  DeLaney smashed her fingers into the class room door somehow!"

 

Me:  "Dayum!  Is she bleeding?  Can she bend her fingers at all?"

 

Secratary:  "No blood, but lots of swelling and discoloration.  Hold on let me see if she can bend her fingers.  It is on the first knuckles that got it.  She can bend all her first knuckles with out pain but her left ring finger."

 

Me:  "Dayumit all to hell!  Okay, let me get dressed, call the doc's office to see what they want to do and I will be up."

 

I got dressed (it was cleaning/lounge day so I took the kids in my jam jams and was still in them!), put a call into the doc's office, called my mom and asked if she could look at the finger before I decieded to drive to the city with DeLaney.  And got on the road.

 

Luckly by the time I got there, (they were icing the finger down) the swealing had gone way down and according to the Mission Secratary not the school Secratary, the discoloration had gone from angry deep purple down to a angry pink color.  She still couldn't bend that left ring finger though and she had a good size dent in the finger with a bit of dried blood but nothing major.  I signed her out of school and we headed down to the Tribal Clinic so Granny could take a look at her finger for me.

 

I didn't think it was broke but I wasn't taking any chances.  My mom agreed with me that she didn't think it was broke but suggested I take her up to the doctor anyway.  I again called the doctors office to let them know we were coming up, stopped back at the school and signed Coltin out.  (Randy is on the road, my mom didn't get off of work till 6 this evening, and yay not really an emerency so my dad wasn't going to go pick my boy up for me!)

 

We were right.  It isn't broke just badly brused.  Doctor didn't even order xrays but we are going to buddy wrap the left ring finger to her tall man finger for a week.  If her nail turns black or if she complains that she can't move it at all, then we are to take her back up to get the nail taken off and then get some xrays.  The doc did clean out the dent and put a small gauze wrap around that and suggested we keep that on for about 3 or 4 days so it doesn't get infected.

 

What a day. 

 

I treated the kids to what Randy calls "Dog Food" aka McDonald's for an early supper.  When we got home, I dosed DeLaney up with some Motrin and made her ice down her fingers again.  Then we went about our afternoon/evening chores. 

 

I did manage to get a few more loads of laundry done, fiddled with my sewing machine (it is acting up) and managed to get one panel of a set of bottom curtains done for my kitchen. 

 

I am keeping my fingers crossed that we have no more incidents of injuries at school this year.  DeLaney is really worried about testing now for our next taekwondo rank.  We have a couple of finger tip punchies that we have in our form and have to demenstrate on the bags.  I told her not to worry if her fingers are still hurting when it comes time for testing we will let Mr. Johnson know that she can't punch with her left hand and he would understand.  He is allowing mommy to forgo the jump kicks and take steps instead so I dont' injure my knee.

 

She seemed okay with that.

 

Now I am off to procrstanate some more. 

One of life's greatest satisfactions is patience.  Patience will make you stronger. People wait for years for others to repent, to forgive, or to love.  The best part of it is when it comes and you are completely over the situation that you can be proud to say that you dont find the person in the least bit appetizing.  My ex calls me yesterday. Note;his current girlfriend lives in my block.  He says he has tried to call me a few times but none were executed properly.  So last night, i was on my way home from work. I get home and check my phone to make a phone call to only find that my ex had called me about half an hour ago leaving a voicemail.  When i listen to the VM he says that he just wanted to know how his friend was since he hasnt seen me around. um ok, w/e last time i checked i dont care about your being. So i reminded myself that life is too short for me to have any resentment towards him.  I disregard the call and go about my business. Then my phone begins to vibrate; I get excited.  My heart is pouding hard because Im hoping its the call Ive been waiting for, but it was not that call. No no no, it was my ex again. The wrong "ex" is calling me.  So i pick up the phone unconscientiously, just a habit of picking my ringing phone.  Then he speaks.  He starts telling me how come i dont speak to him anymore. Im behaving as if he were my enemy. Then he brings up the past of why we broke up and how i just threw everything we had away treating him like garbage.  OMG, honestly, i did what i did for a reason. I broke up with him because i was not into that relationship anymore as well as the fact that he just disrespected me.  He rattles on more about how i disrespected him even more by diss-ing him in front of everyone especially my other ex which he dislikes. If he thought he was going to get away with that little stunt,boy you have got another thing coming for you.  Besides i wanted my ex to know that there was nothing going on between me and that other ex( the one who disrespected me).  so then my ex( the one whose call ive been waiting for and also the one who im having the WC issue with) and i reconcile.

 

Anyways, so then we engage in a 2 hour conversation as im trying to pack for my departure again about the past and how much he misses me. Then he starts demanding things and thinks that the way he spit game to me when we first started dating was going to work this time.  HEllo, i have been through alot of emotional distress for him to think he can win that naive small town girl.  No sir.  Then i explain to him that im not in the least grain of salt interested in him. I dont miss him, ugh!, nor do i desire to see him. I told him that the only thing im willing to compromise with him is that i would say hi to him if i see him around but before that he doesnt exist to me. One less person on earth, especially if the break up was bad. I was willing to do that but anything else, no.  Then he i tell him that he and i arent friends. We are only semi- associates meaning that i acknowledge his presence he is around but im not going to be buddy buddy with him.  After he starts asking demanding questions about my travels. whom am i going with? where am i going? when am i coming back? please, i dont owe any explanations to you. THen he says yea i know. After that I tell him that im changing topic, i ask him about his current girlfriend and how are things doing? then he tell me that they are ok, thats all i need to know. I reply sacasticly as usual, "Good, i dont care to know anything else."  Then he says that he will tell me more about his relationship if i tell him my whereabouts. Then i remind him of what i was once told by a wise man.  "If you are going to give something you are giving it all without expecting anything in return. You dont give to get back."  I have yet to forget those words.  So i summarize for him and tell him that " If you are going to tell me something its because you are giving it to me not because you are expecting me to give you anything back. Soon after he calms down with all the questions and continues with his nostalgic memories of our relationship past.  How he wants to go ice skating with me and go to the park and go eat vegetables ( vegetarian food i took him to eat with me once).

 

He is really that machisto minded that he believe that by reminding me of all our good times together and how he wants us to get back together is going to make me want to return with him. Please that just made me more repulsive towards him.

 

I simply ask him" well why dont you take your girlfriend, im sure she has never done any of that. she might just like it." then he tells me how she doenst know what he wants.  What he hasnt been paying attention to is that i have been analyzing all of his questions and tone of voice while he speaks to me.  Then i suddenly i begin to realize that he might of broken up with his girlfriend because she lacks what he had with me and all his questions arent the real questions he has been trying to ask me. 

 

So one, his girlfriend and him must have had some kind of fight or broken up.

two, his wants to know if im going to Atl with the ex or a new flame.

 

So then i  ask him, what is the real question but he still hasnt picked up my drift. He thinks that i know his other most important question which is whether i miss him or want to get back with him? NO NO NO NO. Then he says that he already knows the answer to the question and the answer is NO. So i said in my head ( very well my boy youre finally getting the picture) so then i remind him that he has class and has to wake up extremely early so i dont want to keep him up any longer plus i have some packing to do. Then he assumes by that i care for him because of my worries over his well being and state.  I remind him that i am no where near caring for him but for him as a human being who needs rest. I dont have time to reminisce with him any longer. Suddenly, he begins to blow kisses at me over the phone. ugh...ugh..ugh.. with every kiss he blew i just got sicker with nausea.  im telling you, i get repulsed. then he wants to call me tomorrow but i dont make any promises of returning the call if i get it. He'll just have to take a chance.

 

well thats about that..

Welcome to the new AT&T.....for Mass Surveillance

"In an unusual ceremony today on the west lawn of the White House,
 President Bush officially named the telecommunication corporation
AT&T the Federal Department of Private Communication Signals.


This new department, tasked with both providing communication technology
 to American citizens AND monitoring the communications of those same
American citizens without their knowledge or consent, was given a broad
cloak of immunity from angry customers when President Bush declared
that all of it's activities were protected by National Security
and Executive Privilege.

In brief comments to reporters afterword, AT&T's chairman and CEO said,
 "It's great to be in such a unique position. We're not sure if were
a corporate entity, or part of the government. We're still discussing
what name should appear on our billing statements."

sorry, a joke., funny. well maybe no..


However...
AT&Ts Program for Mass Surveillance developed to mine gigabytes
 of the company's telephone and Internet records crunch's through
tens of millions of phone records a night to draw up what
 AT&T calls "communities of interest", calling circles that show
 who is talking to whom.


 The FBI has been requesting "communities of interest" records
 from all the phone companies under the USA PATRIOT Act without a warrant.
Records on customers out to two generations, not just the people that
communicated with an FBI target, but also those who talked to people
 who talked to an FBI target.


Accused of giving the NSA billions of Americans' phone records
AT&T is currently defending itself in federal court from allegations
 that it installed, on behalf of the NSA, secret Internet spying rooms
 in its domestic Internet switching facilities.


You said you didn't do anything wrong
 well nether did some people in Germany
back in 1939. whose only "crime".........

Don't worry, you don't have to.
The powers that be just have to think you did, or just call someone
 who did, or if they know or called someone who did.
Personally I think you did

 "We don't care, we don't have to, we're the phone company" Lilly Tomlin

If AT&T is using software to help the u.s. government spy on us,
 than this is what corporatism (fascism) looks like.
There couldn't be a clearer example than this.


Don't worry it's probably all just for surveillance purposes.
Form the government you must trust blindly and never question
 if you know whats good for you.