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[Blog #215] --- Depressed --- [Wednesday] - WTF?!
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Dixie currently feels:
Smiley Depressed

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Blog #215
WTF?!


Compared to how epic Monday was, today was just a pile of shite.
I don't know what the difference between today and Monday was, but...

Perhaps I'd had the epic mood carry over from Saturday and it's just been decreasing as the days went by...
Or maybe Monday was such a blur of Cherry Coke and nachos and Tuesday was a whirl of intimacy and randomness, I hadn't noticed how shit I was actually feeling.


Shelly rang me, woke me up.
I didn't really want to talk to her - I'd woke up feeling shit and I wanted to sleep more.
So I was sort of relieved when the phone cut off.

She kept ringing me back though - but I was ignoring it.
I just felt like crying and hurting myself, so I really wanted to be left alone. I'd have turned my phone off, but I needed to leave it on for my alarm and to get the texts from Adam telling me when he'd be here.

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When I eventually woke up, I straightened my room, went for a shower and got myself ready.
Then I played a few gigs of Guitar Hero: World Tour before switching to online face-off matches.

When Adam arrived, I was playing face-offs against some prick who played on Medium called Nuclear Bombs.
They beat me at first - but I fucking hate gloaters who play on stupidly easy levels and buzz when they beat someone who is clearly so much better than they are.
This soon stopped - we played about 12 songs together - and I won 9 of them. So there. :P

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We were so fucking bored today.
Adam suggested we play Brawl, but I didn't want to - on the account that I don't have much else left to do on it. I don't like doing something if it doesn't feel like I'm making any progress.

So we played a few songs on WT, before I changed my mind and decided to play Brawl.
We played for around an hour, playing 2 VS 2 team matches.
We started out against level 6s, but we slowly moved up to level 8s - finding the lower numbers simply too easy for us. As always, I was Peach, Adam was Shiek.
We're a pretty epic duo.

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I'm not sure what actually caused me to snap - but I was bored, as we both were - I also felt very shit.
Brawl pissed me off, due to one of the ridiculous challenges, so I threw the remote and lost one of the batteries - so I couldn't use it.
So, the combination of depression, boredom and anger made me snap, I'm guessing.

At one point, I actually suggested to Adam that he just go home.
I was laid on my bed, trying to stop myself from either screaming or crying - so as a result, Adam and I didn't speak for about 45 minutes.

He was on my computer - occasionally turning around and trying to make me smile, but it never worked. :/

Mam came up at one point - asked why I was ignoring Adam.
I said I wasn't - and Adam backed me up, telling her I wasn't, which was sweet of him - although it was so obvious that I was.

Not purposely of course - he hadn't done anything to upset me, so I shouldn't have done - but I couldn't really help it, I felt that shit, all I wanted to do was hurt myself, but I had to fight that.
I apologised to him later though. I hope he understood that much.

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Ian came round later on the night - I'd lightened up ever-so-slightly by then.
I was talking to Adam again, at least. Perhaps even cracking the odd smile.

Ian, Adam and I held a short discussion about games and The Backloggery.
I told him I'd beaten Ruby and Emerald WEAPON on FF7 - gloated a little bit because he hasn't beaten Ruby. :D

I went downstairs and said to mam I wanted a parmo.
This was the best move ever - Ian and dad backed me up and they ended up ordering a meal deal.
Pizza, parmo, chips, salad, donner kebab, garlic bread and Coke. :D

So we shared it out between us - Adam didn't eat much, but he ate most of the salad and I gave him a bit of parmo.

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The two of us finished off the night with some Resident Evil: Code Veronica X.
According to Ian, Adam and the guide - I'm very close to the end.

I got pretty far in - but due to my refusal to save when it's vital, I got killed by the bastard boss, and now I've lost a lot of the progress I made...
Grrrraaahgggh!!!

Either way, I forgot to pick up a vital weapon I would have needed to kill it, so in effect, it's a good thing...
At least I know what I have to do next time. There shall be less blundering about.

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I've added an old friend on Facebook. We're currently talking on MSN.
A huge year gap really does give you plenty to talk about.

It was a good start though - we both like the same type of music, we're both gay and we both hate chavs - there's a few hours worth already. :P
 
 
   
 

Spring, Please

                So…I GOT THE PHONE CALL TODAY!  They called my cell, apparently at 5:31 and left a voicemail.  It ended with Michael saying, “and everyone please…think spring”.  WHAT A TOOL.  He reminds me of my HS principal. Namely, the day he got on the intercom to say, “let me tell you all what’s going on right now:  It’s raining”.  Unfortunately, I had my cell phone off (my phone is pretty much ALWAYS off), so I missed Michael AND the ever diligent/amazing Claudia calling to say those dreaded words:  TWO HOUR DELAY.  So let me wrap my head around this:  snow day Monday, whole day Tuesday, two hour delay on Wednesday, and then half days Thursday and Friday for parent/teacher conferences?  Why did we even come in this week?  AGAIN I didn’t get to start my new routine.  I went to sit with AB in Sue’s room from 10:54 ‘til 11:08.  She was much warmer to me today; rubbing my arm and joking a little.  She doesn’t hate me, yay!  AB was good; gave him his check-list book.

                Wish there was more to report. A had a pretty big tantrum; they’ve been a lot more severe lately.  Conversely, D has been pretty much comatose all week; quiet, unresponsive, unwilling to leave the back table; eerie.  He had a few flare-ups this afternoon, cursing/splashing at A at recess and then storming inside, and then during Jerry’s group, trying to control and yelling at everyone (especially E) for not going with his idea immediately/not understanding his non-explained plan.  Got a little heated, but eventually, we did it! We got the toxic waste over to the bucket and poured it out!
                Bonus, today when I went to consult with Grace today, she'd brought her daughter in for the 45 minutes of school before lunch, and I finally got to meet the amazing and talented Rose!  Ohhhhhhhhhhh my G-d she's amazing. She's small and adorable and oh yeah, she can read and decode and comprehend on a 2nd grade level.  She's 3 years old.  Incredible.  She's a little book worm; when she started to act up today, Grace sat her down in a chair and said, "if mommy has to count to three, you're going to bed tonight without any books!".  THAT was the punishment.  Wow.

 
 
 

   
. . . . . .
the good thing about not having any friends is that you don't miss many calls.
 
 
   
 

phone call
No one really calls me anymore... I start to wonder if I gave them the wrong number or something?
 
 
 

   
Do You Accept?
That was just weird.

I'm waiting on a phone call from my friend Shelley to see if we're going to go snowboarding tomorrow (it's not looking good in my mind, because she's not calling back and also tomorrow is a holiday and watch, the mountain's closed), so my phone is in my pocket.  A few moments ago, it rang.

"You have a call from (unintelligble male voice, speaking for less than one second)".  The message repeated twice.  Then the automated voice says, "Do you accept this call? If so, it will be at a rate of $9.99 for the first 20 minutes.  To accept this call, press 1 on  your phone.  If you do not accept, please hang up".  So I hung up.  But I looked at it, and it was a 561 number not stored in my phone.

I have a word document (okay, it's an excel sheet, don't judge) of everyone's phone #s from when I got my new phone and the old one didn't transfer them over and I realized 'hey, I might want to have that stuff written down somewhere in case my phone ever craps out and I need a phone number'.  Then I used my Master's Degree and said, 'why don't I check that since I never put all the #s into the new phone?'.  So I did. 

I knew instantly that 561 was a Florida area code (weird tidbits like that stick with me:  area codes, zips, birthdays...), and when I looked at them, they were indeed Floridian friends' numbers that showed up.  Unfortunately, this particular 561 phone number wasn't one I knew.

Then, very briefly, I said, "oo! Ryan lives in Florida!  Maybe it was Ryan!".
Ignore the fact that Ryan lives in Miami, which is not in that area code.  Neglect for a minute the fact that Ryan and I stopped communicating in...August.  Also neglect for a minute that we never exchanged phone numbers, and though we're friends on facebook, I don't list my number on there so he didn't randomly write it down.

If you DON'T neglect all that, you might be with me at the right level of disappointment when I realized 'hey, that wasn't Ryan calling me (collect) to talk'.  Yeah.  Sucked.

::sighs::
 
 
   
 

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