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[Blog #304] --- Depressed --- [Tuesday] - Meaningful Tuesday?
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There's one easy way to tell if a session with Dianne was meaningful: I'll end up crying.
I try so fucking hard to stop myself, this time I was bending my fingers and squeezing my wrists - but as I said to her, if I start, I don't end up stopping.
I spoke to her a little bit about "5 to 15" - I recollected a few events. Those that I didn't think were majorly important, or that I don't think would have affected me that much in the future - but Dianne seemed to think they were useful information.
I got my first draft of the film studies coursework back today - Sarah said it's A-grade standard, but the fact I missed out a few chunks of information in places, it's only a C/B. So I'll be adding to it shortly - she's told me I ought to get an A overall for the coursework. I hope so. I want an A for film studies, seeing as how I managed to get one in media studies last year too.
I sat on the 2nd floor of the LRC in my break between the session with Dianne and my English lesson. I listened to Spieluhr on repeat for a while, until it started getting on my nerves - then swapped to Silverstein and Blind Guardian. I updated the blogs I'd left blank for Tuesday and Wednesday and had a mooch about on some randomers' blogs.
I've always hated English since I came to college - loved it before I came here, then it suddenly just got shit. I despise it even more now that Adam has been put into D block with me. He sits with Siobhan - he was sort of adjacent to me on the tables today, I was in a shit mood and he kept saying random shite to make me smile. I did smile at some of them, but I didn't feel smiley inside. I feel uncomfortable in that room as it is with all the arseholes in there, but it's gotten worse now Adam's there too. Sigh.
Hannah pissed me off too. I was simply asking Angela what it was we were supposed to be making notes on, and she goes: "We did the pragmatics yesterday... YOU KNOW, THE STUDY OF SOUND?"
I just gave her my psycho glare and growled: "I KNOW WHAT FUCKING PRAGMATICS ARE."
I'm surprised she didn't retaliate, she looked more surprised than offended at my response. Oh, I fucking hate her. She's always riles me because of her fucking ridiculous nasal-voice, but as soon as someone treats me like I lack intellect, they become hatred targets. Inconsiderate shit-sniffers!
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On the bus home, I was listening to Blind Guardian louder than I should have done - and this random old woman kept turning around and giving me weird looks. Fucking slag. You'd think sitting behind an aged person, they'd be too deaf to hear your music. I don't have it THAT loud!
It just sounds louder in small spaces, such as lifts... :)
I'm a proper arsehole in the bus station though - I was bounding off to catch up with the bus that was due to leave the bay - and there was this huddle of dirty chavs standing by the railings that just didn't want to move - so I just SHOULDERED one out of the way - the look she gave me was proper funny. I didn't even look at her, I just carried on, fueled by my full-blast Rammstein. :)
When I got in, I made myself some of those chicken & bacon motzarella wraps and ate them while I watched Spongebob Squarepants. Nickelodeon seriously couldn't time it better - it always seems to be on whenever I get in. I like watching cartoons after college, it re-fills my happy levels. My happy levels are usually always below centre, but they drop to negative figures when I'm at college. The shithole that it is.
Well, not the building or the tutors or even the lessons - it's the arseholes that are there.
I went upstairs, set up my Wii and I finished off Spyro: Enter The Dragonfly.
Good fucking riddance, that's one game I'm not re-playing in a hurry. Thankfully, it was only £3.50, so I didn't waste that much on it. It's not a TERRIBLE game, but compared to the other Spyro games, it just doesn't even compete. And they're on PS1 - this is a GC/PS2 game!
It's just the overall glitchiness that ruins it. All the disappearing floors, voice lags, control reversals, camera freezing and general jumping about makes it a chore. It's also WAY too easy. Having different breath attacks instead of power-up portals is NOT Spyro! The time limits on the power-ups is what makes it fun!
And the lack of the locate gems feature doesn't make it harder - it just makes it goddamn tedious. And WHY do you collect DRAGONFLIES? Not eggs, not baby dragons - ach.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's wank though - GameFAQs reviewers all only give it 2/10 and 3/10.
I've completed all of the PS1 Spyros at least twice each, because they have excellent replay value - but as per fucking usual, as soon as a mint PS1 series gets ported to PS2, it FAILS.
It happened with Crash, it happened with Parappa The Rapper - it was obviously going to happen to Spyro. :(
Tee hee, bad game rant is over. :D
So, with that pile of crap removed from my to-be-completed games wallet and put back into the box at the bottom of the stack, not to be played again in a hurry - I replaced it with Resident Evil.
Now is the time for me to complete the scenario with Chris. Seeing as how Chris is supposed to be hard mode, I'm very surprised at how easy it is. I'm not sure if it's got to do with the fact I already know my way around due to completing it with Jill - but when I played her scenario, I must have died a good 10 times. I'm at the guardhouse currently and I've not died once. The snake didn't even hurt me, and Chris only gets a shitty shotgun, Forest's bazooka just doesn't seem to be present.
I still shit myself when Lisa Trevor came in the outside hut - even though I knew she was coming - she scares the shit out of me. She's what makes the Resi 1 re-make so much scarier. That and all the graphical touch-ups, crimson heads, insane puzzles, extra rooms and the general darker overtone and detailed environments.
I should stop talking about games, otherwise I'll just end up turning my blog into a games review. :)
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #304
Meaningful Tuesday?
Meaningful Tuesday?
There's one easy way to tell if a session with Dianne was meaningful: I'll end up crying.
I try so fucking hard to stop myself, this time I was bending my fingers and squeezing my wrists - but as I said to her, if I start, I don't end up stopping.
I spoke to her a little bit about "5 to 15" - I recollected a few events. Those that I didn't think were majorly important, or that I don't think would have affected me that much in the future - but Dianne seemed to think they were useful information.
I got my first draft of the film studies coursework back today - Sarah said it's A-grade standard, but the fact I missed out a few chunks of information in places, it's only a C/B. So I'll be adding to it shortly - she's told me I ought to get an A overall for the coursework. I hope so. I want an A for film studies, seeing as how I managed to get one in media studies last year too.
I sat on the 2nd floor of the LRC in my break between the session with Dianne and my English lesson. I listened to Spieluhr on repeat for a while, until it started getting on my nerves - then swapped to Silverstein and Blind Guardian. I updated the blogs I'd left blank for Tuesday and Wednesday and had a mooch about on some randomers' blogs.
I've always hated English since I came to college - loved it before I came here, then it suddenly just got shit. I despise it even more now that Adam has been put into D block with me. He sits with Siobhan - he was sort of adjacent to me on the tables today, I was in a shit mood and he kept saying random shite to make me smile. I did smile at some of them, but I didn't feel smiley inside. I feel uncomfortable in that room as it is with all the arseholes in there, but it's gotten worse now Adam's there too. Sigh.
Hannah pissed me off too. I was simply asking Angela what it was we were supposed to be making notes on, and she goes: "We did the pragmatics yesterday... YOU KNOW, THE STUDY OF SOUND?"
I just gave her my psycho glare and growled: "I KNOW WHAT FUCKING PRAGMATICS ARE."
I'm surprised she didn't retaliate, she looked more surprised than offended at my response. Oh, I fucking hate her. She's always riles me because of her fucking ridiculous nasal-voice, but as soon as someone treats me like I lack intellect, they become hatred targets. Inconsiderate shit-sniffers!
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On the bus home, I was listening to Blind Guardian louder than I should have done - and this random old woman kept turning around and giving me weird looks. Fucking slag. You'd think sitting behind an aged person, they'd be too deaf to hear your music. I don't have it THAT loud!
It just sounds louder in small spaces, such as lifts... :)
I'm a proper arsehole in the bus station though - I was bounding off to catch up with the bus that was due to leave the bay - and there was this huddle of dirty chavs standing by the railings that just didn't want to move - so I just SHOULDERED one out of the way - the look she gave me was proper funny. I didn't even look at her, I just carried on, fueled by my full-blast Rammstein. :)
When I got in, I made myself some of those chicken & bacon motzarella wraps and ate them while I watched Spongebob Squarepants. Nickelodeon seriously couldn't time it better - it always seems to be on whenever I get in. I like watching cartoons after college, it re-fills my happy levels. My happy levels are usually always below centre, but they drop to negative figures when I'm at college. The shithole that it is.
Well, not the building or the tutors or even the lessons - it's the arseholes that are there.
I went upstairs, set up my Wii and I finished off Spyro: Enter The Dragonfly.
Good fucking riddance, that's one game I'm not re-playing in a hurry. Thankfully, it was only £3.50, so I didn't waste that much on it. It's not a TERRIBLE game, but compared to the other Spyro games, it just doesn't even compete. And they're on PS1 - this is a GC/PS2 game!
It's just the overall glitchiness that ruins it. All the disappearing floors, voice lags, control reversals, camera freezing and general jumping about makes it a chore. It's also WAY too easy. Having different breath attacks instead of power-up portals is NOT Spyro! The time limits on the power-ups is what makes it fun!
And the lack of the locate gems feature doesn't make it harder - it just makes it goddamn tedious. And WHY do you collect DRAGONFLIES? Not eggs, not baby dragons - ach.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's wank though - GameFAQs reviewers all only give it 2/10 and 3/10.
I've completed all of the PS1 Spyros at least twice each, because they have excellent replay value - but as per fucking usual, as soon as a mint PS1 series gets ported to PS2, it FAILS.
It happened with Crash, it happened with Parappa The Rapper - it was obviously going to happen to Spyro. :(
Tee hee, bad game rant is over. :D
So, with that pile of crap removed from my to-be-completed games wallet and put back into the box at the bottom of the stack, not to be played again in a hurry - I replaced it with Resident Evil.
Now is the time for me to complete the scenario with Chris. Seeing as how Chris is supposed to be hard mode, I'm very surprised at how easy it is. I'm not sure if it's got to do with the fact I already know my way around due to completing it with Jill - but when I played her scenario, I must have died a good 10 times. I'm at the guardhouse currently and I've not died once. The snake didn't even hurt me, and Chris only gets a shitty shotgun, Forest's bazooka just doesn't seem to be present.
I still shit myself when Lisa Trevor came in the outside hut - even though I knew she was coming - she scares the shit out of me. She's what makes the Resi 1 re-make so much scarier. That and all the graphical touch-ups, crimson heads, insane puzzles, extra rooms and the general darker overtone and detailed environments.
I should stop talking about games, otherwise I'll just end up turning my blog into a games review. :)
[Blog #245] --- Neutral --- [Wednesday] - RAGE.
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Dixie currently feels:
Neutral
Neutral -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #245
RAGE.
RAGE.
FUCKING COLLEGE.
SERIOUSLY.
Are the A2 students like an overlooked minority?
Yeah, tell all the shitty little AS students that the college buses AREN'T running, but totally let it slip your mind that there's still fucking A2s who get them as well!!
So on top of the fact I was TOO early for it - I was too early waiting for a fucking bus that wasn't even coming.
So I ended up sitting in this random bus shelter before a Leven Valley bus ended up coming.
Dixie wasn't pleased.
She let her rage out on the people and old biddies on the bus by playing the loudest and heaviest Metallica songs she could find on Lisa on full blast.
When I got to college, I was still too fucking early for Media Studies, so I sat about playing Solitaire. I drank my entire bottle of water in RAGE.
Media Studies also, was seemingly pointless.
It was a recap lesson of everything I'm never going to fucking forget because of my photographic memory - and because it's been RECAPPED so many times before, it's fucking ENGRAVED on the inside of my eyelids.
Sarah did get me thinking about my coursework though. I'm looking forward to the fact I have to make two films this year, and I'll never have a camera out of my hands due to A2 Photography.
At the lunch break, I walked into town with Lewis.
I bought a Greedy Joe's epic sandwich. I wasn't actually going to eat because I wasn't very hungry, but I ate out of rage. Grrrrrrrrr...
Then we went over to Gamestation to see if they sold N64 games. They don't, because they're pricks. So we went to Chips instead. They do sell them, but they have a really small selection. There was only one that caught my eye - which was Turok. I ended up buying the Little Britain game for PS2 instead. It looks mildly amusing.
If grandad gives me any more pocket money this week, I'll re-consider Turok, and maybe look into the others. Sometimes shitty-sounding games turn out okay.
We went back to college for our last lessons. I had Photography.
We started this shitty little mini-projecs about icons.
I ended up taking some really random but reaonable compositons made from piles of almost-carefully arranged metal objects I found lying about the art rooms.
Easel clips, compasses, paint brushers, stanley knives, cans of spray paint, cans of board cleaner, mirrors, metal rulers and paper clips.
When I was mooching, I found this piece of hardened modelling clay. It was a little dude that Ash had had on the desk beside her to use as a reference when she was painting one of her final pieces. It made me feel proper sad and nostalgic like.
Are the A2 students like an overlooked minority?
Yeah, tell all the shitty little AS students that the college buses AREN'T running, but totally let it slip your mind that there's still fucking A2s who get them as well!!
So on top of the fact I was TOO early for it - I was too early waiting for a fucking bus that wasn't even coming.
So I ended up sitting in this random bus shelter before a Leven Valley bus ended up coming.
Dixie wasn't pleased.
She let her rage out on the people and old biddies on the bus by playing the loudest and heaviest Metallica songs she could find on Lisa on full blast.
When I got to college, I was still too fucking early for Media Studies, so I sat about playing Solitaire. I drank my entire bottle of water in RAGE.
Media Studies also, was seemingly pointless.
It was a recap lesson of everything I'm never going to fucking forget because of my photographic memory - and because it's been RECAPPED so many times before, it's fucking ENGRAVED on the inside of my eyelids.
Sarah did get me thinking about my coursework though. I'm looking forward to the fact I have to make two films this year, and I'll never have a camera out of my hands due to A2 Photography.
At the lunch break, I walked into town with Lewis.
I bought a Greedy Joe's epic sandwich. I wasn't actually going to eat because I wasn't very hungry, but I ate out of rage. Grrrrrrrrr...
Then we went over to Gamestation to see if they sold N64 games. They don't, because they're pricks. So we went to Chips instead. They do sell them, but they have a really small selection. There was only one that caught my eye - which was Turok. I ended up buying the Little Britain game for PS2 instead. It looks mildly amusing.
If grandad gives me any more pocket money this week, I'll re-consider Turok, and maybe look into the others. Sometimes shitty-sounding games turn out okay.
We went back to college for our last lessons. I had Photography.
We started this shitty little mini-projecs about icons.
I ended up taking some really random but reaonable compositons made from piles of almost-carefully arranged metal objects I found lying about the art rooms.
Easel clips, compasses, paint brushers, stanley knives, cans of spray paint, cans of board cleaner, mirrors, metal rulers and paper clips.
When I was mooching, I found this piece of hardened modelling clay. It was a little dude that Ash had had on the desk beside her to use as a reference when she was painting one of her final pieces. It made me feel proper sad and nostalgic like.
[Blog #237] --- EPIC FUCKING DREAM...
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Last night's epic dream:
My dream started out with Ash and myself walking around what was apparently Hemlington - but it certainly didn't look like it. It looked very similar to that of Ambleside town. We wandered around for a while, then went back to Ash's bungalow.
When we returned, Ash says to me: "Didn't you notice that shop at the end of the avenue? You'd proper like it."
I responded: "No, I didn't see any shop..."
Ash says: "Oh, it was a wheelchair shop."
I say: "Well why would I like that?"
Ash replies: "Because they had a sign up outside saying they were closing down and all stock was reduced..." -she puts up three fingers - "To THREE QUID!"
I proper had a spazzy fit and shouted: "OMG, LET'S GO BACK THEN!"
Ash goes: "No way, you're not getting one. Why would you want one? To trick people into thinking you're crippled?"
I say: "No! For artistic things, films, photos - the like."
Ash says: "Well you could borrow mine for that."
I scream at her: "NOOOO!!! I WANT A FOLDING ONE!!!"
I ended up having a proper tantrum fit, and this resulted in both of Ash's parents and a shitload of randomers all shouting at me.
Following this, I was sat on the floor in their living room - everyone and these randomers were all sat around on the sofas watching films and talking PROPER loud. I was playing on a GBA with headphones in so I didn't have to listen to them.
Then we all ended up going out to some random church hall where everyone was sat around on wooden tables, listening to this random bible-bashing woman having a proper orgasmic rant about the power of Jesus and Christianity. Whenever anybody yawned or somehow looked distracted, she'd run up to their table and yell things at them about them going to hell and they'd be eternally damned.
I started daydreaming and gazing out of the window.
This woman runs up to my table and shouts: "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT?! YOU SHOULD BE READING YOUR BIBLE!!"
I shake my head at her and calmly respond: "It's because of over-enthusiastic, Jesus-fucking bible-bashers that people can't decide their own path in life anymore. Stop wasting your time trying to convert atheists. We'll all go to hell with you and sodomise you with pitchforks."
Then this woman proper bursts into tears and runs out crying and everyone in the hall proper started cheering.
Ash looks at me proper shocked and says: "How the hell do you get people to agree with you?! I can proper never do it!"
Following this, nobody seemed to move from the tables, but instead everyone took out GBAs and started playing this random game where you had to swim underwater as a shark and collect sunken pirate ships.
I beat everybody at it on the first round, but the scores for the second round weren't revealed and that we had to wait until tomorrow to get them.
I woke up laid on the floor of a bus - next to the bus driver, a random gadge sat on a seat beside me and a pile of my shoes next to me.
The gadge said I could only save two pairs, so I put a pair of black Converse on and picked up a pair that were identical to the new pair I got the other week. The black, white and red patterned ones.
I asked him when the bus was going to stop, and the driver responded that it wasn't going to.
So the random gadge and I started ramming our shoulders against the bus doors until they burst open. Then we both leapt out and did like an epic-slow-motion dive out across the road and we landed on a patch of grass infront of Ash's house.
(Which is odd, because there isn't grass infront of Ash's house, it's paved.)
Ash comes out and she starts whinging on at me.
I yell at her: "OMG YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE MY EPIC DIVE OUT OF THE BUS! YOU FUCKING CUNT, I'M NOT DOING IT AGAIN FOR YOU!!!"
Then she shakes her head and says that I scored 125 points in the pirate ship GBA game and the gadge behind me scored 180.
I proper fell to my knees and started screaming - before I woke up, wondering what the bloody hell that dream was about. :)
Last night's epic dream:
My dream started out with Ash and myself walking around what was apparently Hemlington - but it certainly didn't look like it. It looked very similar to that of Ambleside town. We wandered around for a while, then went back to Ash's bungalow.
When we returned, Ash says to me: "Didn't you notice that shop at the end of the avenue? You'd proper like it."
I responded: "No, I didn't see any shop..."
Ash says: "Oh, it was a wheelchair shop."
I say: "Well why would I like that?"
Ash replies: "Because they had a sign up outside saying they were closing down and all stock was reduced..." -she puts up three fingers - "To THREE QUID!"
I proper had a spazzy fit and shouted: "OMG, LET'S GO BACK THEN!"
Ash goes: "No way, you're not getting one. Why would you want one? To trick people into thinking you're crippled?"
I say: "No! For artistic things, films, photos - the like."
Ash says: "Well you could borrow mine for that."
I scream at her: "NOOOO!!! I WANT A FOLDING ONE!!!"
I ended up having a proper tantrum fit, and this resulted in both of Ash's parents and a shitload of randomers all shouting at me.
Following this, I was sat on the floor in their living room - everyone and these randomers were all sat around on the sofas watching films and talking PROPER loud. I was playing on a GBA with headphones in so I didn't have to listen to them.
Then we all ended up going out to some random church hall where everyone was sat around on wooden tables, listening to this random bible-bashing woman having a proper orgasmic rant about the power of Jesus and Christianity. Whenever anybody yawned or somehow looked distracted, she'd run up to their table and yell things at them about them going to hell and they'd be eternally damned.
I started daydreaming and gazing out of the window.
This woman runs up to my table and shouts: "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT?! YOU SHOULD BE READING YOUR BIBLE!!"
I shake my head at her and calmly respond: "It's because of over-enthusiastic, Jesus-fucking bible-bashers that people can't decide their own path in life anymore. Stop wasting your time trying to convert atheists. We'll all go to hell with you and sodomise you with pitchforks."
Then this woman proper bursts into tears and runs out crying and everyone in the hall proper started cheering.
Ash looks at me proper shocked and says: "How the hell do you get people to agree with you?! I can proper never do it!"
Following this, nobody seemed to move from the tables, but instead everyone took out GBAs and started playing this random game where you had to swim underwater as a shark and collect sunken pirate ships.
I beat everybody at it on the first round, but the scores for the second round weren't revealed and that we had to wait until tomorrow to get them.
I woke up laid on the floor of a bus - next to the bus driver, a random gadge sat on a seat beside me and a pile of my shoes next to me.
The gadge said I could only save two pairs, so I put a pair of black Converse on and picked up a pair that were identical to the new pair I got the other week. The black, white and red patterned ones.
I asked him when the bus was going to stop, and the driver responded that it wasn't going to.
So the random gadge and I started ramming our shoulders against the bus doors until they burst open. Then we both leapt out and did like an epic-slow-motion dive out across the road and we landed on a patch of grass infront of Ash's house.
(Which is odd, because there isn't grass infront of Ash's house, it's paved.)
Ash comes out and she starts whinging on at me.
I yell at her: "OMG YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE MY EPIC DIVE OUT OF THE BUS! YOU FUCKING CUNT, I'M NOT DOING IT AGAIN FOR YOU!!!"
Then she shakes her head and says that I scored 125 points in the pirate ship GBA game and the gadge behind me scored 180.
I proper fell to my knees and started screaming - before I woke up, wondering what the bloody hell that dream was about. :)
blog #12
ive decided that im going to take the bus to work today.
i dont want to have to deal with liz and this is the only way i can think of getting to work...
so i have to leave my apartment at 3:50 to catch the bus around the corner at 4:00. then i switch buses at the downtown transfer station. by the time i get to the mall i have like 20 minutes until my shift.
the only bad side to this plan is that the buses stop running at around 7:00 and i clock out at 9:00... so i dont know what im going to do after work...
i went on mapquest and google maps and calculated how long it would take me to walk home
1 hour and 56 minutes apparently
fml
i dont want to have to deal with liz and this is the only way i can think of getting to work...
so i have to leave my apartment at 3:50 to catch the bus around the corner at 4:00. then i switch buses at the downtown transfer station. by the time i get to the mall i have like 20 minutes until my shift.
the only bad side to this plan is that the buses stop running at around 7:00 and i clock out at 9:00... so i dont know what im going to do after work...
i went on mapquest and google maps and calculated how long it would take me to walk home
1 hour and 56 minutes apparently
fml
[Blog #164] --- Depressed --- [Tuesday] - Feelings Haywire... LOL, HAYWIRE.
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Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #164
Feelings Haywire... LOL, HAYWIRE.
If I'd just judged today on everything that happened BEFORE 9PM, I'd have marked today as neutral - even bordering on being content.
But no - it says CURRENTLY feels, be that as I write the blog, or as I post a blank one to update later.
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I actually thought today would be semi-decent.
Fair enough, I wasn't looking forward to having English first thing, but I was looking forward to my Photography lesson.
But no - all lessons had been cancelled, in favour of bastard Key Skills.
So I went on a wander, eventually found Adam - I gave him a birthday hug. I didn't have his card yet, as I actually hadn't been given much of a chance to get into town. I was planning to get one for him later in the day.
I saw Paul mooching around - so I asked him to show me where the new Key Skills room decided to be.
So I ended up in some random corridor that doesn't ever seem to be mentioned. Wah, it was TEH FORBIDDENZ CORRIDORZ OF TEH COLLEGE.
Even so, when I got there, I was being ignored, pretty much.
The tutors seemed to be focusing on signing off those who'd finished, instead of focusing on the ones who DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE...
Thankfully, I had Michelle sat beside me - and I remembered some stuff Lewis had been rabbiting on about last week - so I managed to get a bit more done.
I couldn't be arsed staying for much longer though - so I sloped off downstairs at 10:30.
I was pissed off, so I bought a sausage sandwich.
They keep giving me sachets of ketchup - which I can't stand.
I want to set up squishes in the ground floor toilets.
(Hiding folded-over ketchup sachets under the nubs on the toilet seats, so that when a victim sits on it, the packets explode and squirt sauce all up their legs.)
Why yes, I am very immature. :)
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I met up with Shelly - a few seconds after I'd sat down and was about to eat my sandwich.
She goes: "...What ARE you doing?"
I just smiled and waved my sarnie at her.
She cuddled up to me for a while, waiting for her tutorial time.
When she actually went, she was gone for half a year - so I started sketching out the drawing I wouldn't actually get finished until 4:50 - thanks to defective fucking pencils... [But that's for later.]
When Shelly came back downstairs, the two of us wandered off into town.
I was still stressed out due to bastard Key Skills and my deprivation of wonderful Photography lessons - so I went into Home Bargains and bought crisps, Pepsi and a mini Toblerone.
This is the 2nd day in a row I've forgot to bring my bastard water-bottle.
When I start getting dependant on my water, I get really annoyed if I don't have any to-hand.
We sat on the black bricks outside Debenhams and nommed together.
They're bloody freezing in the winter, but they're quite comfortable in the summer.
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Shelly had another exam when we returned - so after we'd chilled out for a while on the 4th floor stairs, she went off to that, and I returned to Key Skills.
This time, there was less people in the room - so Paul actually paid me a bit of attention.
I got a little more done - he's told me that we'll finish it off tomorrow in Photography.
...Does that mean ONCE AGAIN, I'm losing my Photography lesson to Key Skills?!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
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I would have been officially finished after this - but Shelly, being a dozy cow that she is - she'd told her dad to pick her up at 5, instead of 3:30.
So I decided I'd hang about with her.
Adam joined us - and I gave him his card.
It was blue with a teddy bear on the front, holding a bottle of champagne.
The choice of cards in Card Factory were a bit shite, but I chose that one because it made me piss when I read it.
On the bottle, it said: "LOVELY BUBBLY" - and I was just like LMAO.
I followed our usual tradition of writing a ton of random shite on the blank spaces in the card inside too. :)
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Sitting around, we were soon joined by Kayley and some randomers.
I was informed that the "knob" sitting with us was Paul - he was eating BBQ rib crisps and daring his mate to shout "OW, SCRUFFY TITS!" at passer-bys.
Kayley then asked him, very calmly, in the greatest composure voice ever: "How can you have SCRUFFY TITS?"
Adam, Shelly and I absolutley pissed. :)
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During this time of muchos randomness, I finished off this drawing:
[DeviantArt link...]
Why yes, it IS #1263!
It's been such a long time since I've drawn her.
She doesn't look different, but I think she looks a little cuter than other times I've drawn her.
Oh, and about the background....
The colour on the end of the pencil looked BROWN - but when I actually drew with it, it came out FUCKING PINK.
I also didn't realise HOW pink it was until I'd finished.
I wanted it to be more of a red colour, but noooo... FUCKING PINK.
And the bastard pencil had a dodgy lead - so by the time I'd finished the whole background, I'd used the whole pencil, practically.
I lost count of the amount of times I had to sharpen the bastard thing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adam got the 64 bus with me.
I was glad to sit with someone I knew and liked instead of sitting with some randomer.
(Like that woman who smelled like sausage rolls and gave me a craving for Greggs...)
When I got home, I ate spaghetti and meatballs.
Birds Eye meatballs are fucking lush like. I didn't burn the little cunts this time, either.
By now, it was like 6:30 - so Shelly rang me up.
She gave me the urge to play Guitar Hero, so I played through a few quick gigs while I had the phone on loudspeaker, resting on my leg.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ehhh, and this is when my day turned shitty.
I was in a fucking weird mood to begin with - my mood had been slowly getting worse from when I'd gotten home.
I was feeling really depressed, but managing to hide it really well.
When I was on the phone to Shelly, Ty rang her up - so that sparked off my paranoia as usual.
All I said to Shelly was - I didn't think she could love me as much as she used to love him, as we've only been together for a short time. Compared to those two - who were together longer.
Shelly took this the wrong way, of course, but as usual - she doesn't fucking say to me: "by the way, what you just said upset me" - to which I'd say: "oh sorry dear, I didn't mean to" - or something to that effect.
Instead, she holds my FEELINGS against me, starts being an ABSOLUTE bitch to me for the next 30 minutes - making me feel like shit.
She has a rant on about my mam and moving out - which is talking about the future. This made me feel worried and scared, so I cried.
Shelly thought she'd upset me - or more to the point, I was crying to make her feel guilty.
No, I was crying because I was upset to begin with, and what she'd said triggered my tears off.
So she turns things around - saying I'm crying deliberatley and all this shite.
She makes really violent threats at me sometimes too - the way she was talking, it was as if she wanted to meet with me tomorrow in town to announce she was going to dump me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But anyway - after I laid on my bed in silence for a few minutes - listening to her screaming and panting on the other end of the line - she says to me that when we're in that mood, it's because our similarities clash.
I knew I was right, she thought she was right.
(I said this and she had another whinge - but it didn't seem as serious because she was calming down by now.)
Either way - we seem to be alright now.
It's weird though - what Shelly classes as an "argument" between us - it's what Emily and I would have done on a regular basis.
I've known Shelly for about 7 months - and we've only had about 3 or 4 major fights.
I spoke to cuntarse Emily for nearly 2 years - and I'd say we had over well over 150 arguments.
The proof is in my arms too.
Since meeting Shelly and Ashleigh, leaving slagface behind me - the amount I've cut myself has dropped considerably.
The amount I do it now - I'd do it about 4 times more when I spoke to Emily.
I do it monthly - if that - now. It was several times a week when stupid slag used to upset me.
Feelings Haywire... LOL, HAYWIRE.
If I'd just judged today on everything that happened BEFORE 9PM, I'd have marked today as neutral - even bordering on being content.
But no - it says CURRENTLY feels, be that as I write the blog, or as I post a blank one to update later.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I actually thought today would be semi-decent.
Fair enough, I wasn't looking forward to having English first thing, but I was looking forward to my Photography lesson.
But no - all lessons had been cancelled, in favour of bastard Key Skills.
So I went on a wander, eventually found Adam - I gave him a birthday hug. I didn't have his card yet, as I actually hadn't been given much of a chance to get into town. I was planning to get one for him later in the day.
I saw Paul mooching around - so I asked him to show me where the new Key Skills room decided to be.
So I ended up in some random corridor that doesn't ever seem to be mentioned. Wah, it was TEH FORBIDDENZ CORRIDORZ OF TEH COLLEGE.
Even so, when I got there, I was being ignored, pretty much.
The tutors seemed to be focusing on signing off those who'd finished, instead of focusing on the ones who DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE...
Thankfully, I had Michelle sat beside me - and I remembered some stuff Lewis had been rabbiting on about last week - so I managed to get a bit more done.
I couldn't be arsed staying for much longer though - so I sloped off downstairs at 10:30.
I was pissed off, so I bought a sausage sandwich.
They keep giving me sachets of ketchup - which I can't stand.
I want to set up squishes in the ground floor toilets.
(Hiding folded-over ketchup sachets under the nubs on the toilet seats, so that when a victim sits on it, the packets explode and squirt sauce all up their legs.)
Why yes, I am very immature. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I met up with Shelly - a few seconds after I'd sat down and was about to eat my sandwich.
She goes: "...What ARE you doing?"
I just smiled and waved my sarnie at her.
She cuddled up to me for a while, waiting for her tutorial time.
When she actually went, she was gone for half a year - so I started sketching out the drawing I wouldn't actually get finished until 4:50 - thanks to defective fucking pencils... [But that's for later.]
When Shelly came back downstairs, the two of us wandered off into town.
I was still stressed out due to bastard Key Skills and my deprivation of wonderful Photography lessons - so I went into Home Bargains and bought crisps, Pepsi and a mini Toblerone.
This is the 2nd day in a row I've forgot to bring my bastard water-bottle.
When I start getting dependant on my water, I get really annoyed if I don't have any to-hand.
We sat on the black bricks outside Debenhams and nommed together.
They're bloody freezing in the winter, but they're quite comfortable in the summer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shelly had another exam when we returned - so after we'd chilled out for a while on the 4th floor stairs, she went off to that, and I returned to Key Skills.
This time, there was less people in the room - so Paul actually paid me a bit of attention.
I got a little more done - he's told me that we'll finish it off tomorrow in Photography.
...Does that mean ONCE AGAIN, I'm losing my Photography lesson to Key Skills?!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would have been officially finished after this - but Shelly, being a dozy cow that she is - she'd told her dad to pick her up at 5, instead of 3:30.
So I decided I'd hang about with her.
Adam joined us - and I gave him his card.
It was blue with a teddy bear on the front, holding a bottle of champagne.
The choice of cards in Card Factory were a bit shite, but I chose that one because it made me piss when I read it.
On the bottle, it said: "LOVELY BUBBLY" - and I was just like LMAO.
I followed our usual tradition of writing a ton of random shite on the blank spaces in the card inside too. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sitting around, we were soon joined by Kayley and some randomers.
I was informed that the "knob" sitting with us was Paul - he was eating BBQ rib crisps and daring his mate to shout "OW, SCRUFFY TITS!" at passer-bys.
Kayley then asked him, very calmly, in the greatest composure voice ever: "How can you have SCRUFFY TITS?"
Adam, Shelly and I absolutley pissed. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During this time of muchos randomness, I finished off this drawing:
[DeviantArt link...]
Why yes, it IS #1263!
It's been such a long time since I've drawn her.
She doesn't look different, but I think she looks a little cuter than other times I've drawn her.
Oh, and about the background....
The colour on the end of the pencil looked BROWN - but when I actually drew with it, it came out FUCKING PINK.
I also didn't realise HOW pink it was until I'd finished.
I wanted it to be more of a red colour, but noooo... FUCKING PINK.
And the bastard pencil had a dodgy lead - so by the time I'd finished the whole background, I'd used the whole pencil, practically.
I lost count of the amount of times I had to sharpen the bastard thing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adam got the 64 bus with me.
I was glad to sit with someone I knew and liked instead of sitting with some randomer.
(Like that woman who smelled like sausage rolls and gave me a craving for Greggs...)
When I got home, I ate spaghetti and meatballs.
Birds Eye meatballs are fucking lush like. I didn't burn the little cunts this time, either.
By now, it was like 6:30 - so Shelly rang me up.
She gave me the urge to play Guitar Hero, so I played through a few quick gigs while I had the phone on loudspeaker, resting on my leg.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ehhh, and this is when my day turned shitty.
I was in a fucking weird mood to begin with - my mood had been slowly getting worse from when I'd gotten home.
I was feeling really depressed, but managing to hide it really well.
When I was on the phone to Shelly, Ty rang her up - so that sparked off my paranoia as usual.
All I said to Shelly was - I didn't think she could love me as much as she used to love him, as we've only been together for a short time. Compared to those two - who were together longer.
Shelly took this the wrong way, of course, but as usual - she doesn't fucking say to me: "by the way, what you just said upset me" - to which I'd say: "oh sorry dear, I didn't mean to" - or something to that effect.
Instead, she holds my FEELINGS against me, starts being an ABSOLUTE bitch to me for the next 30 minutes - making me feel like shit.
She has a rant on about my mam and moving out - which is talking about the future. This made me feel worried and scared, so I cried.
Shelly thought she'd upset me - or more to the point, I was crying to make her feel guilty.
No, I was crying because I was upset to begin with, and what she'd said triggered my tears off.
So she turns things around - saying I'm crying deliberatley and all this shite.
She makes really violent threats at me sometimes too - the way she was talking, it was as if she wanted to meet with me tomorrow in town to announce she was going to dump me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But anyway - after I laid on my bed in silence for a few minutes - listening to her screaming and panting on the other end of the line - she says to me that when we're in that mood, it's because our similarities clash.
I knew I was right, she thought she was right.
(I said this and she had another whinge - but it didn't seem as serious because she was calming down by now.)
Either way - we seem to be alright now.
It's weird though - what Shelly classes as an "argument" between us - it's what Emily and I would have done on a regular basis.
I've known Shelly for about 7 months - and we've only had about 3 or 4 major fights.
I spoke to cuntarse Emily for nearly 2 years - and I'd say we had over well over 150 arguments.
The proof is in my arms too.
Since meeting Shelly and Ashleigh, leaving slagface behind me - the amount I've cut myself has dropped considerably.
The amount I do it now - I'd do it about 4 times more when I spoke to Emily.
I do it monthly - if that - now. It was several times a week when stupid slag used to upset me.
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Re: Mindsay Blog Reunion Tour (Day:007): I missed Day:006 - Mine is more boring. ;)
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