Brother @ MindSay 
family
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WTF?!
Compared to how epic Monday was, today was just a pile of shite.
I don't know what the difference between today and Monday was, but...
Perhaps I'd had the epic mood carry over from Saturday and it's just been decreasing as the days went by...
Or maybe Monday was such a blur of Cherry Coke and nachos and Tuesday was a whirl of intimacy and randomness, I hadn't noticed how shit I was actually feeling.
Shelly rang me, woke me up.
I didn't really want to talk to her - I'd woke up feeling shit and I wanted to sleep more.
So I was sort of relieved when the phone cut off.
She kept ringing me back though - but I was ignoring it.
I just felt like crying and hurting myself, so I really wanted to be left alone. I'd have turned my phone off, but I needed to leave it on for my alarm and to get the texts from Adam telling me when he'd be here.
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When I eventually woke up, I straightened my room, went for a shower and got myself ready.
Then I played a few gigs of Guitar Hero: World Tour before switching to online face-off matches.
When Adam arrived, I was playing face-offs against some prick who played on Medium called Nuclear Bombs.
They beat me at first - but I fucking hate gloaters who play on stupidly easy levels and buzz when they beat someone who is clearly so much better than they are.
This soon stopped - we played about 12 songs together - and I won 9 of them. So there. :P
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We were so fucking bored today.
Adam suggested we play Brawl, but I didn't want to - on the account that I don't have much else left to do on it. I don't like doing something if it doesn't feel like I'm making any progress.
So we played a few songs on WT, before I changed my mind and decided to play Brawl.
We played for around an hour, playing 2 VS 2 team matches.
We started out against level 6s, but we slowly moved up to level 8s - finding the lower numbers simply too easy for us. As always, I was Peach, Adam was Shiek.
We're a pretty epic duo.
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I'm not sure what actually caused me to snap - but I was bored, as we both were - I also felt very shit.
Brawl pissed me off, due to one of the ridiculous challenges, so I threw the remote and lost one of the batteries - so I couldn't use it.
So, the combination of depression, boredom and anger made me snap, I'm guessing.
At one point, I actually suggested to Adam that he just go home.
I was laid on my bed, trying to stop myself from either screaming or crying - so as a result, Adam and I didn't speak for about 45 minutes.
He was on my computer - occasionally turning around and trying to make me smile, but it never worked. :/
Mam came up at one point - asked why I was ignoring Adam.
I said I wasn't - and Adam backed me up, telling her I wasn't, which was sweet of him - although it was so obvious that I was.
Not purposely of course - he hadn't done anything to upset me, so I shouldn't have done - but I couldn't really help it, I felt that shit, all I wanted to do was hurt myself, but I had to fight that.
I apologised to him later though. I hope he understood that much.
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Ian came round later on the night - I'd lightened up ever-so-slightly by then.
I was talking to Adam again, at least. Perhaps even cracking the odd smile.
Ian, Adam and I held a short discussion about games and The Backloggery.
I told him I'd beaten Ruby and Emerald WEAPON on FF7 - gloated a little bit because he hasn't beaten Ruby. :D
I went downstairs and said to mam I wanted a parmo.
This was the best move ever - Ian and dad backed me up and they ended up ordering a meal deal.
Pizza, parmo, chips, salad, donner kebab, garlic bread and Coke. :D
So we shared it out between us - Adam didn't eat much, but he ate most of the salad and I gave him a bit of parmo.
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The two of us finished off the night with some Resident Evil: Code Veronica X.
According to Ian, Adam and the guide - I'm very close to the end.
I got pretty far in - but due to my refusal to save when it's vital, I got killed by the bastard boss, and now I've lost a lot of the progress I made...
Grrrraaahgggh!!!
Either way, I forgot to pick up a vital weapon I would have needed to kill it, so in effect, it's a good thing...
At least I know what I have to do next time. There shall be less blundering about.
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I've added an old friend on Facebook. We're currently talking on MSN.
A huge year gap really does give you plenty to talk about.
It was a good start though - we both like the same type of music, we're both gay and we both hate chavs - there's a few hours worth already. :P
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Elemental sencillo,
Se compro en Coconucos un rancho de ilusion
Esta parado sobre un temblor de guaduas,
En el blancor estraño que solo da la cal
Su puerta y sus ventanas por las que apenas cabe la luz de la mañana,
Las vigila en silencio
Un cerro majestuoso
Que se quedo parado cuando paso corriendo
La cordillera immensa
Huyendole al diluvio y a la mano de Dios
El rancho de mi hermano,
Elemental, sencillo
Como su corazon
Se rie de los palacios porque se siente rico
De frisos y cornisas
Cuando cada mañana lo dora con sus rayos la plenitud del sol...
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MY BROTHER'S RANCH
My brother the doctor
Elemental and simple,
He bought in Coconucos a ranch of illusions
Standing on some guaduas,
It is white as chalk
While the morning light
Comes through its door and windows
It's Looked after by a magestic hill,
Left standing when the immense mountains
Ran away from the deluge and the hand of God
My brother's ranch
Elemental and simple like his heart
Is full of corners and flowers
Tanned by the sun and age
Rich and full of enchantment
I may have mentioned before that I have a half brother "out there somewhere in the world", son to my dad. We are two months apart, I was born in January, he was born two months earlier in November (yeah, pretty shitty). I've never known his name really except when my dad told me once when I was small but it takes hard thinking to remember. Never seen a picture.
My sister and I got messages in our MySpace inboxes two days ago, the subject reading, "Looking for my half sister...?" We freaked!
Yup, it was him. My long-lost half brother, Johnathan. Apparently he and my dad made contact about a year ago and have been getting to know each other. All this time I have been seriously wanting to get in contact with my dad. I've been doing random internet searches for him almost every month, and one time I even paid a very small fee for info (which turned out to be no help!). I did find my paternal grandparent's phone number and have thought about calling them to get my dad's contact info. But I haven't found the guts to do it, because I know I would have the info and they'd tell him I contacted them and I'd be obligated to call him. And faced with the reality of getting what I want, I'm suddenly nervous about it and not sure if it's what I really want...
Anyway, over their first lunch together my dad told Johnathan that he had two half sisters. Johnathan wanted to know more but my dad didn't know what to tell him because he hasn't seen us for six years! So Johnathan got our names from my dad again and did some searching of his own. He found us!
What kind of upsets me is that really, if my dad cared, he could have found our information easily. My mom is listed. A quick google search pulls her up. But maybe he's not computer savvy. Or maybe he doesn't care. Or maybe... Well, I'll tell you this first:
Johnathan told me that my dad saw our myspace profiles and was excited to see pictures of us. It's weird knowing that he knows who I am now. I have definitely talked many times about how I'm afraid that my dad thinks we don't like him and that's why he's given up. So we have me feeling like he doesn't like me, and he feels like I don't like him, and thus we haven't seen or talked to each other is six years. Well, Johnathan comfirmed that I was right. My dad told him that he tried contacting us but he feels like my sister and I and/or my mom don't like him and don't want anything to do with him. I told Johnathan that couldn't be further from the truth. This was all through email. Then we chatted and Johnathan told me, "hold on, I have a present for you." He gave me my dad's email! But my keyboard froze and I thought it was the computer so I shut everything down without saving the email. So I messaged Johnathan from the ipod and asked him to give my dad my info. We'll see what happens...
As for Johnathan, he's a really cool guy. He looks just like our little sister, Julia! Only he has facial hair and a longer, more masculine nose. He's really laid back and goofy and introverted like Julia and I. Hopefully we will get to meet in person soon. I'm so excited to be in contact with him now. I never expected to be, but I really have a brother now... We both were telling each other how we already feel close just knowing that one another is there. Like he said, it's not like meeting any other person on the net who might reject you for some stupid reason. We're family.
So that's the big news in my life! Ta-da! :D
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Dixie currently feels:
Neutral
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Blog #69
LOL, 69.
Shelly woke me up this morning. I think it was around half 10 - she came in my room and shook me by the arm. I mustn't have answered her, so she just climbed in with me and started cuddling me.
Ashleigh came in shortly after and sat on the computer chair.
I still have a slight dislike for her at the moment... She doesn't know how rejected she made me feel last night. She really doesn't.
For breakfast, I ate more spaghetti on toast.
I didn't know how to work nana's electric tin opener - neither did Ash.
Then I ended up pulling a part of it off, and I couldn't get it back on.
Shelly was pretending that she didn't know how to use them - but in effect, she did know.
When she admitted that and fixed it - pissing herself laughing at Ash and myself in the process - I went off on one and sulked for a while.
I said I'm going to get her back for it - and I will do. :)
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We spent a lot of the day playing on World Tour - either Shelly or I on vocals.
Ash is usually on bass now.
She doesn't have the option of drums at the moment, because I didn't bring them to my nana's with me.
(The Guitar Hero Community has fucked up too - it'll let me log in, but it keeps redirecting me to this form that I've filled out about TEN TIMES every time I click on something. Swear to God, if I have to make a third account, after my Metzgermeister account has fucking 14,000 groupies on it...)
Ash is trying to improve, so she's playing on Expert bass.
Expert bass is a good way to start if you're moving on to Expert.
I can already do Expert, so there. :P
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I made Ash noodles for lunch - and she nommed those stupidly fast. :)
Shelly and I had potato Rosti and chicken goujons.
Both of them went home at around 4 - I was very sad.
But honestly, Shelly.
For a lot of the time, we were in the bed, under the duvet and Ash was on the computer chair.
Shelly kept on touching me up underneath - at a time, she actually WAS fingering me when ASH WAS IN THE ROOM.
Hey, not to say I didn't enjoy it, but it was difficult to look like I wasn't experiencing sexual pleasure. :P
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Ian and Lisa came to pick me up at around 6.
I spent the night at their house.
We watched the Dancing On Ice final and ate loads of sweets.
Ian went out to Costcutters and bought blackcurrant juice for me too.
He starts his new job tomorrow - I hope all goes well for him.
Lisa and I watched the beginning of Shallow Hal when Ian was in the shower.
I wish life was really like that - yeah, like you go and ask a girl for her number and you end up instantly loving each other. Pfft. Life is proper shite compared to its film representations.
Those bastards. :)
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