Broken Hearts @ MindSay

As for the fairy tale romance, it went the way of most all fairy tales. It is no more, since July.  All was not lost – we parted on good terms…at least so far as he thinks. Much was learned from this incredibly disruptive experience...as with many intense learning processes, a significant amount of pain was involved, and recovery has been a long, slow, stop-and-go, off-and-on process. Long story short, the old flame did not turn out to be the man I had believed him to be and it is now safe to say, the torch I carried for that fantasy for 16 years has been permanently extinguished. He could drive back into my yard again, once more promising the moon…maybe even actually having the moon tethered to the back of his car…and he would not be a temptation to me again. In many ways I am a better person for having known and loved him…and now a much better person still, for having rid myself of him. Nuff said on that subject.

Sojo is back! I feel like myself again…at least for today. Old, forgotten passions and interests are slowly but surely re-emerging from the ashes of a rather bewildering season of personal drama (can you believe I did not take ONE photo during the months of July and August?!). Motivation and a general love of life have been re-ignited with renewed health and the beloved feeling of autumn in the air. Autumn is without a doubt my most favorite time of year, followed closely by spring. And the weather here promises to be wonderful this week! If only I wasn’t destined to be cooped up in a cement office building during daylight hours for the next few days…

In my conspicuous absence from the world of Mindsay, I have managed to lose 27 lbs and have taken up weight training and running as new pastimes. On second thought, I’d be tempted to refer to my weight training and running more as outright ADDICTIONS now, rather than pastimes. I train 6 days a week and usually have to FORCE myself to take that 7th day off. I was recently forced to take a week off due to an injury brought on by over-exuberance and over-confidence and I felt like a junkie going through withdrawals…I felt like I was going utterly mad. As soon as I was able to put the running shoes back on and enjoy a fresh jolt of those divine endorphins, all was well with the world once again. 27 lbs down, about that many left to go – it is INCREDIBLE how much more difficult it is to lose weight at 55 than it was at 35! If I had trained like this at 35, I’d have lost 50 lbs in 3 months instead of a mere 27. But then perhaps that is nature’s way of protecting middle-aged losers from looking like a family of gypsies moved out their skin, as that is likely what they would look like if they lost weight as quickly and easily as when they were much younger. EEEWWWWWW.

For those interested in my nutritional complements to the exercise program, I swing back and forth from Atkins Induction Phase, to South Beach, to Weight Watchers and all manner of modifications in between. I’ve hit a couple of plateaus and the only way to break through is to switch things up – drastic changes to the eating plan or even a week off of dieting altogether; ease up on the exercise or change it up by introducing some new form of exercise (from bench to stability ball or from weights to resistance bands – running to speed walking, etc.). I’ve had to work at getting over my obsession with the scale. One week I GAINED 2 lbs but actually LOST a total of 4.5 INCHES? Weird. Wonderfully weird.

Anyhoo, consider yourselves up-to-date on the latest from the Nuthouse Estate. I do hope to stop by much more often, though it will likely be mostly weekends, as my current hours on the job royally suck donkey balls and once I’ve made my escape, the last thing I feel like doing at home is looking at a computer screen.

Just for fun, for anyone who has ever suffered from a broken heart (SURELY there are at least a COUPLE of you!), check out this blog...it’s HILARIOUS!

I have noticed that a lot of people that I love and care about are having doubts about their love lifes or if it will ever happen for them.  My mom and I have been talking alot about her situation and I gave her some advice that she felt has worked so far, and it seems to work for some of my friends that I have told it to, but I am sure it won't work for everyone, and that's ok, I just want to say it and hope I can help at least one person. 

 

Sometimes we feel we will never find the love of our lifes, and I think maybe sometimes the reason for this is because we are insecure about ourselves, it might even be a couple of insecurities, but I also think that if we are not completely comfortable and happy with ourselves, it will be hard to find the person we want to spend the rest of our lifes.  We may not have grown to the part of being able to handle a relationship as serious as the one who we are supposed to spend the rest of our lifes with.  There are also the givers, who give and give and get nothing in return, because unfortunately there are alot of people who would take advantage of that, mainly controlling people.  These people may find that they are happy giving and giving and not really see that there is no 50/50 there, or they may think it will happen later on in the relationship.  Love is never learned, it is a natural feeling that is just there, but respect can be learned and it can be earned.  There are all these great people in the world looking for love, and unfortunately the person you are supposed to end up with is on a different path.  I believe we each walk a path, we take a road and if it meets up with a past love that we thought wouldn't that is great, but if it doesn't then we head straight and wait to see who we bump into next.  Sometimes we jump onto another path which makes us closer or farther from the one we are supposed to end up with, and that might be because of certain circumstances in our lifes and that's where I believe the age comes in, people who are older feeling like they will never find someone, that they are too old for that. What I believe is, soulmates will meet up with each other, as time allows us.  We sometimes have to do things differently then we are used to, to find the person we want to spend the rest of our lifes with.  We sometimes have to try new things, because our same old routine might be the problem.  Sometimes we are just so sick of being alone that we settle or are blinded, that we long to be in love and when we are shown a glimse of what we could have or want, we jump on it, but find ourselves getting hurt because people will take advantage of that. 

I think once we learn from our past mistakes in relationships and have a good sense of what we want in a person and are not willing to settle and are happy with ourselves, we will find true love.  I also believe, no one has the right to tell you how many chances a person gets, it depends on the circumstances and on the person, and also what you are and aren't willing to put up with. My last piece of advice is, live life the way it makes sense for you and not anyone else. 

 

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

~anonymous~

 

 

A wonderful woman posted this for me because she knows that I am facing tough times right now and losing sight of what is important to me. She helped remind me to live my life to it's fullest, that hearts are going to be broken, but we can't dwell on the heartache and pain suffered. We have to move on, smile often, hold those dear to you close by letting them know you love them. Forgive those who have hurt you in the past, start anew before it's to late. We face many rough spots in our lives, we need people to help us through them.

Memories are just where you laid them
Dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember anything I said when I said,

[Chorus:]
Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding

Oh hold me now I feel contagious
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries her life is like
Some movie in black and white
Dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries

[Chorus]

And I watched as you turned away
You don't remember, but I do
You never even tried

Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again, oh

 

{Hemorrage [in my hands] by Fuel}

 

 

<3 Katie

 

 

 

Pay attention my love cause its over
At the tip of my tongue is the price you weren't willing to pay
Still this is something akin to a breakdown
And your impression of a woman supposed to be easy to see
That there'd be torn up photos and lonely nights
Cursing crying and drawn out fights
Make up sex and a brand new start
Broken promises for broken hearts

When you look back now was it special?
Or was it nothing but anecdote that you can tell now and then
I delude myself it was worth it
Even though from the beginning I could see exactly how it would end

That there'd be torn up photos and lonely nights
Cursing crying and drawn out fights
Make up sex and a brand new start
Broken promises for broken hearts
Torn up photos and lonely nights
Cursing crying and drawn out fights
Make up sex and a brand new start
Broken promises for broken hearts

I wanna wish you away, I wanna wish you away
I wanna wish you away, I wanna wish you away?
I wanna kiss you away

Torn up photos and lonely nights
Cursing crying and drawn out fights
Make up sex and a brand new start
Broken promises for broken hearts