Brokeback @ MindSay

I've been watching really sappy chick flicks recently and idk what provoked me to do this but i decided to watch brokeback mountain. (i think it had something to do with the fact that my grandma thought it was "squirmy" and i didn't get what she was talking about completely) And it is a pretty great film. I know it's an oldish movie and that people were hating on it and if you've seen it you'll probably get why but i think it takes an extremely strong person to be gay and to accept that you're falling for a member of the same sex must be crazy scary. i mean in our society that's "against human nature" (pshh err). Imagine yourself in the position that those guys from brokeback mountain were in... (i don't care if the storys not real or whatever)... that's 2 straight men "falling in love" and acknowledging that there's no way out of it and that they'll always be in love. Think of how much they would have to love each other. I'm a straight 14 year old female and i have yet to meet that special someone so I've never been in love. (I've loved plenty of people but I've never been in love) But i cannot imagine loving someone that much and then going against all you've ever learned to be with that person i think it's crazy. I hope someday i can meet someone that loves me as much as those guys love each other (i think I'd like a guy though... no girls for me.) This is written really badly i just went back and read it and it really has no point but my heart literally hurts from that movie. It's better then the titanic for me because when you see titanic they were on that boat for 2 days and then boom they were in love. These brokeback mountain guys were out in the middle of nowhere for 2 to 5 months or however long it was maybe I'm completely wrong but then they didn't see each other for 4 years and after 4 years they still love each other... i don't know it's just crazy. Also i love love love the casting in that movie i love all the wispering that only real nerds like me can catch... (when ennis sighs into jacks shirt near the end and when ennis goes into the tents (their first kiss) if you're a big brokeback mountain nerd and haven't caught that go watch it turn it up real loud i think it's real cute!) i don't know there's no point to this i just wanted to talk aboutthis to some..thing... so anyway i'm going to bed.

I'm lolly-gagging on my way to job number one.

 

I have to work at job number two tonight and on Sunday.

 

I have to pick up my materials and get ready for the Christmas rush for job number three.

 

I need to finish this BORING novel for class and study for my final in my Psychology of the Arts class.

 

THANK GOD I HAVE THE WEEK OFF FROM JOB #1 AND CLASS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm tired!

 

....on an unrelated note, male bonding is so touching! It's so beautiful man.  *wipes a single tear from eye*

What a wonferful day with Kei and Whitty yesterday. It was certainly your lucky lucky lucky day Kei Kei...hahahahahahahha

 

Things have been amazing lately, sometimes it makes me wonder if some humanized higher powers really exist. Have they picked me out of the whole bunch of living things and are now working their plan on me?

 

A walk around LKF again makes me all thrilled by that metamorphosis plan of mine, it's strange that this place where I've only been to like, three times for all these 19 years, can energize me and light that flame in my heart whenever I stroll up and down the stairs, checking out all the fancy pubs and restaurants there, seeing all the happy faces of the people enjoying themselves.

 

Okay so all these things I've mentioned were not our plan yesterday, our plan was to watch Brokeback Mountain. The Cyberport cinema was a nice cozy theatre, but that Cyberport, well, was like a deserted island.

 

 

 

The sadness just lingered in me when the credits moved slowly up the screen and the light gently illuminated the theatre. I couldn't forget that moment when Heath Ledger pulled the two shirts out from the closet. It's so sad. It's like the sadness quietly creeps underneath your skin and slips into your heart, and it sinks deep inside and remains there, and whenever everything quiets down and you're alone, it floats and haunts you.

 

It's the Brokeback mountain. A Brokeback mountain that everyone keeps in their heart, that dreamy too-good-to-be-true happiness yet it's never allowed to be told, to be shared and to be exposed in the reality. Everyone has that untold secret or regret in their heart, and the sadest bit is, you try so hard to keep it away from people, you think that you have better reasons to keep that secret than to get it off from your chest, you think that people around you will never know about it, yet, these people you're trying so hard to conceal that brokeback mountain from, all silently sense it, they may even have seen it with their very own eyes, yet you, and everybody else, just go on their life as if nothing had happened. And when you can't stand the darkness of secret anymore, when you think finally there's a way out, that brokeback mountain just collapsed and vanished. You live the rest of life in remorse, regretting that lost opportunity you once have, just one step, one tiny step you could have made, can change the whole thing, but you've missed it and the brokeback mountain's gone forever.

 

The movie itself is beautiful. It's poetic, that sadness and beauty of love was translated by the intense emotions behind the controlled expression of the actors. That landscape of Brokeback mountain, those borederless greens and running water, seemed to symbolize the endless love, the forbidden love in the safety of nature, yet when the two protagonists were back to reality where there're deserted houses, huge open cement ground, they're eaten up by the cruelty of reality and the conservatism of society.

 

Heath Ledger is wonderful in the movie, used to think that he's no more than a pretty face, but that struggle between cowardice and heroism in face of brutality in life potrayed through his sad eyes and silence has totally changed my opinion of this actor.

 

Brokeback Mountain, it certainly deserves an Oscar, though the politicalized or Americanized Oscar is no match of Lee Ang's bold antagonism against the mainstream.

I asked my friend Shiny to give me some insight on an issue that has been weighing heavily on my mind. Someone who I cared about had to make a hard decision. By making that decision, I ended up getting the shaft (and not in the good way damn it!). Now, I have come to terms with the decision they made. I understand the situation was complicated. What I don't understand is why this so-called friend didn't even apologize for putting the screws to me. Shiny and Causticveracity are the two people I go to in order to get some smidgen of understanding of the male mind. Let's face it ladies, men just have a different train of thought than we do.  It's not better or worse -- it's just different.  When I've done something hurtful to someone I care about, I apologize right away. It's CATHARTIC and CLEANSING to at least acknowledge the fact that you've hurt them. Apologizing to that person can even PURGE you of some of the guilt you feel.  Shiny  told me that it's typical for men to feel so shitty about what they've done, that they are too embarrassed to apologize. Fine. Okay. So where does that leave the wronged party? In my case I was left with no answers --  no dialogue, no "go to hells" or "fuck offs". I was left with silence and absence.  All I could do was speculate, and believe me when I start speculating it can get ridiculous!

 

On a previous post, I blogged about my pet peeves. One thing I find UNACCEPTABLE is when people don't apologize. I think it is arrogant and insensitive. I think it shows that a person is unable to accept responsibility or acknowledge that they've done something wrong.  To me that is disgusting. My mother is one of those people who never apologizes. She and I have never really had a close relationship. I'm beginning to think this is why I feel so strongly about this subject.