Brittany @ MindSay 
hey
well yesterday was awesome:D i first went to pinewood..and guess what i got to help out with?? milkshakes:D that was awesome:D i also added up all my hours so far and i have 9:55..so im about 1/4 of the way there..with a month or 2 i should be done:) next week ill be working 4-5 hours so thats good:D
Anyways within 30 min of getting home brittany phoned me up and asked me to go to the movies:D i was so happy cause i was either supposed to hang out with jessica (who ive mentioned i am really frustrated with) or sumone eles how im also frustrated with so im glad i got to do sumthing other than sitting at home or hanging out with those people. Well anwyas when i got there it turns out sum other people i knew (and that brittany knew) were there so that was awesome:D i went to see epic movie..it was a prety good movie..very random and confusing at times..and during a fight scence u can clearly see a stunt double. But o well it was good:) afetr the movie brittany got french fries and she put so much vinegar on them me and kyle called them "acid fries" lol:P ah good times:D
In other news my room is completely done now:D ha there must of been 200 staples in my rug:| but it was worth it. I dont have pix to show u guys rite now but it looks similar to that first wall that i showed u guys.
well anyways i g2g so byebye
-:)Kristal:)
Anyway, we met and brought one another up to date about our lives. I did as much as I could at least. Finally she proceeded to tell me that she was engaged to her boyfriend. Apparently he proposed to her a few days ago. Being her "oldest" and most "loyal" friend she wanted me to know before anyone else. I had no warning. No hint, no clue, of why she'd brought me there. I can't express my surprise. Rarely someone slips one over on me, but she did.
I just sat there, staring. And for the first time I can recall I found it difficult to smile. But I forced myself. My very best smile. I delivered all the right things that needed to be said, somehow, when all I wanted was to run for the door.
I am happy for her, really I am. If anyone is worthy of that girl's heart, it's her finace. He's a good, well-rounded guy who will take care of her. He simply adores her.
But at the same time, I feel so incredibly selfish. Many of my friends are getting married and having kids. It kind of annoys me, yeah, because most of them are stupid, but it has never made me feel as I do now. Brittany really isn't being stupid. Though she's engaged she's finishing school. She's still following her dreams. She's with a good guy. But for some reason hearing of her engagement totally rips my heart out.
We grew up together and she makes up half of my childhood memories. We had birthday parties together, we got our license on the same day. We went to prom with cousins... But now she's getting married. Without me. (that sounds weird hahaha) I'm so afraid that our comradeships is discentigrading. It is with all of my friends. I can't relate to them anymore. I'm the only single one now. I don't mind being single but it separates me from them now.
Out of the group I've always been considered the most "mature." But now I'm the immature one. I'm living in the shadows of a life that is now gone. I'm the only one not adjusting. I'm stepping into the "Real World" and it's ok. I don't mind working my butt off to earn money for school. I want to support myself. I want to make a life for myself without my mom and step-dad's help. I like having responsibility. But at the same time I feel so utterly lost. I don't have my friends to escape to. I used to enjoy hanging out with them, thinking of something else, but now I'm even more out of place with them.
Time goes way too fast. People say that youth is so quick and the rest of your life is spent being “grown up,” where you basically lose all your creativity and free will and conform to a culture that’s speeding up in such extravagant ways that it numbs my mind to think about it. We devolving as a species in some respects, as things have taken a turn for the worst as we are no longer patient, attentive, original humans.
I see it happening. We're getting older and I'm being left behind.
I don't mean to become mushy but I'd like to share a poem by Alfred, Lord Tennyson that I can relate to oh so well at the moment
Tears, Idle Tears
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.
Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.
Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.
Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more
The world is going too fast for me. The people I adore are changing, evolving into someone else. I no longer know them. Lives of the people I've clung to and idolized are now fading away. It seems that when you grow up you must let go of something for everything you gain. I can't help but to wonder if it's worth it.
Ok so a couple of days ago my friend Brittany found out that she has a tumor in her head. She told me and acouple close friends. I have known brittany for a really long time and to think she would ever had that is crazy. When i first found out i began to cry. She is like my sister. Anyway, brittany doesn't come from a good family, her mom is a drunk, her father left them when she was 4, and her stepfather raped her had been raping her for the past 5 years when she was 13. she never had the courage to tell her mom but "someone" eventually did.at first her mother didn't believe her, hated her and kicked her out of her house and she never wanted to go back but, one day her mother came by and asked her to come home, that she believed her and she did. Her mother kicked the stepfather out. and brittany has never been closer with her mom because that's when she started drinking. Now, brittany was going to move to arkansas and we were supposed to go on a road trip with a few of our friends. She really needs surgery immediately and we wont be able to go to the road trip.
Im sorry Seth. Im sure you'll understand.
I was supposed to get a truck with the money if i didn't go on the road trip but, now i am giving the money to brittany for her surgery, because of her situation. it is very possible that they might not be able to help her even if they do the surgery and if it doesn't work she could die in 6 months considering how fast the tumor is growing. She was once part of my family. She lived here for a while and my parents see her as their own too. so we are all helping and hoping that she will make it through ok.
Yesterday, was also i bad day. I received a call from my parents and they told me that my grandfather was very ill, that he was on his way down to Nogales and that we needed to go pick him up bring him back to phx and take him to the hospital immediately . My father started telling me that he had only once in his life seen him cry and that he always sucked up the pain no matter what.A very independent man. But, now he even had my uncle Eugene travel with him and he is ready to give everything to him (Eugene). A house, a restaurant, a bar, and acouple of acres of land that he owns. Eugene is a man who abandoned his family, a wife, and two little ones, a little 3 year old girl and a 2 yr old boy. he is also somewhat of a drunk. This is how bad my granfather is, to be willing to give everything to him. And we sit here and ask our selfs "why?" My grandfather is ill from his heart and was afraid that he might have a heart attack on his way here that is why he had my uncle come with him. So, we went down there and when we were almost 30 minutes away from Nogales or the border, we got a call. it was my grandmother. She said that he woul arrive around 9:00pm and not 5:00pm. We went to a theatre and we killed sometime. It was finally time to go get him and when we arrived and he walked through those doors i saw i weak man, worried and desperate. Most of all he was worried and wanted to get to a hospital here. My grandfather has always been a laid back kind of person, never worried, and always helping other ppl out. Now, he didn't even let me hug him when i saw him. He had his eyes opened wide as if he was trying to stay awake or alive. He couldn't walk at times while getting to the car and didn't speak much at all. It was also hard for him to breath. I went to the car and got him a blanket so he didn't have to walk in the cold while getting to the car. It actually halped him and half an hour later he was talking and just couldn't seem to stop. He seemed less worried and was even joking around. i didn't turn the AC on the whole way back (three hours) so everyone was really hot and sweaty, it was gross, but, granpa was happy and the more hot it was the better he felt. so, i didn't want to open any windows or anything. By the time we were half way home i got pulled over by a stupid cop. I thought that i was doing fine in speed but, he said that i was going 26 over the speed limit. and i told him that the sign said 75 and he said that it changes like 10 mile back then goes lower to 50 then back up later on the road. So, i got alittle pissed because there was NO FUCKEN SIGNS! well, then i decided to be sneaky and told him h=that my grandfather was very ill and that is why i was kinda in a rush but, it wasn't my excuse... he asked my to see my licsence and registratiom and i gave it to him like if i was in a hurry to leave,just then my grandfather started coughing really loud and alot...i got worried. The cop leaned in and saw him and only gave me a ticket for going 64 and not the 26 over speed limit. so, i got away with only having to pay 34 dollars :) then when i got back on the road i asked my grandpa if he was ok....come to fi out he put up and act and was fine. it was kinda funny. then, finally we got home at around 2:00am maybe earlier. I asked him if he wanted to go the hospital and he refused so, i left him my room and i slept on the couch. At night i got up to the bathroom and passed by my room and the door was opened...i saw him sleeoing on the little couch in my bedroom sitting up. I could only imagine how uncomfortable that must have been. He couldn't lay down at all. This morning we got up and dad cameand got him and took him to the hospital. He is ther now and i should get redy to go see him and how he is doing.
i wish brittany and grandpa best of luck.
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