Breaking Up @ MindSay

Im really glad that I was never given (or will ever have) the chance to get back with cassidy. Why is this you may ask? Because my best friend (who I blogged about getting back together with her bf last week) is already having problems. apparently hes bored but still 'loves' her. can you say OUCH! god what an asshole. my poor girl is hurting.

 

dammit i told her this was going to happen. fuck why does no one listen?!

Miller

Well what a week

Monday was fun. Tor, Shaun, Stef and I hung out and had an awesome time.

 

Tuesday was scary. I got my scheulde....I have Physical Education, Instrumental Band, Lunch, Grade 11 College/University Math, Civics/Careers. And on Mondays Ill also have Grade 12 Repetoire Orchestra and on Wednesday I'll have Grade 12 Repetoire Concert Band.

Then after we got our schedules Rob, Cassidy and i went and talked to our wrestling couch. Thankfully wrestling is starting a month and a half early this year!!!! Meaning we had our first practise today!!! Yay! (more about that later). When we finally got out of school stef, her friend owen and i went and hung out at her place. Then we randomly decided to go to the mall so cassidy gave us a ride....we only spent like half an hour there before deciding that owen, being the country kid he is, needs to experience a city bus ride; so stef and owen went back to her place and i went home.

 

Uhmm Wednesday was the first full day. It was ok. I like my gym and band class. Math is ok but I have no friends in it...and civics is good but I hate the teacher.

 

Thursday was unimportant.......

 

On friday Cassidy sent me this gift on facebook that was a heart with BFF in the middle and a message that said "Im sorry if I hurt you, im sorry if I made you cry, but life is full of joy AND pain, and the hardest word to say is goodbye" on friday. So then when I asked him what was up with that he said he had to go but he'd talk to me about it later....

 

So saturday we talked...on msn .....and he basically said that us breaking up had nothing to do with me (like it wasnt my fault)...and when I asked why he dumped me he said because it didnt seem like it did when we first started dating. I also asked him 2 questions that have been bugging me for like a month....first if he regretted it..and if he still had feelings for me. He said he didnt regret it, but wondered if he had fucked up....and he said he didnt have romantic feelings for me, just friendship feelings...so to me that was almost like getting dumped all over again....and I cryed...acctualy i told annie about it and at the time we had been on webcams and when I started crying she started crying too!

 

Sunday and monday were uneventful.

 

Today was awesome. I got no homeowork and i got to wrestle! At wrestling we first all sat down and introduced ourselves. Then we stretched and then we did some moves. Next Downie had a us a sort of warm up. Then some more moves. Then that was basically the hour and 15 minute practise. Then some of us got weighed....Im 46 kilos....which means I either lose 2 kilos to get back to 44...or i gain 1 tobe exactly the wieght of the next category. I figure the 2 kilos will come off from practise...but at the same time up a category would be alright....cause I like that Ive gained a bit of weight (especially since it went to appropriate places :P). But I also like my weight....maybe i should just leave it be, my body can do its own thing and Ill adjust.

Im proud of myself, I recrutied my friend stef whos a cheerleader and she seemed to like it. But we deffantly need more people....

 

Anyways...Ill try to update this when I can. And Im gonna start commenting on your blogs more because I dont seem to do that alot.

Miller

Liz came over last night. We went to dinner together and we talked like we had just a reallllly good talk and we havent been able to do that in a while. It was perfect. I think we both needed it, perhaps her more than me, just because shes going through the breakup with Brandon. But its okay, I mean, shes okay. Shes finally at a really good place about it, and Im proud of her. Very proud. Its such a hard thing to go through. Shes handling it so well. Gah I love her.

Tara and I went to the Frist today and then to centennial park where we had a picnic. It was so super fun. I love her. I love us lol thats what I told her. She said she loves us too. So its mutual.

In other news, I am so excited about Florida!! Its going to be great and amazing and fabuloussss!

And Matt is so super cute! If he doesnt stop flirting with me I might be forced to make out with him. So he better quit it. Because I find him adorable.

I think I shall go to bed now. <3 Night


EDIT/PS:
I forgot to tell you, that I told that bad news guy to um.. bugger off. Only I didnt say bugger. But you get it. Not going to have to see him anymore! :)

You left me on a weekend

Written on 4-4-07 (not finished)

Took place 3/05

 

There I was all covered in sweat trying to make some money from that old Corvette.  You came walking up the drive, looking-good, the kind of way that makes a man feel alive.

 

Looking back, I know you had planned out… to say you had to go…

It’s funny, but I feel for you baby… it must have been hard – yet you followed through

 

In the place I was then, I just through up my arms a yelled GO – well then just GO!

I think we both had a moment of peace- it does seem easy at moments like that just to let it go.

 

I had enough of the games and life seemed to be going nowhere…  so what would it matter?

But memories of how we came to be and things that I left to say remained… made it all the sadder.

 

I finished that old car and made a few bucks like I said I would.  Yah, and you moved on, found a new man …  like I new you would.

If you are easily offended, then please read no further.

 

16 (year 11):  First boy kiss (strangely enough, from Nick, who I married 8 years later).

16/17 (year 12):  Awful and confusing year. Hated it. Total dork. No boys.

17/18 (gap year):  Strange year. Nothing meaningful. Kissing and cuddling and getting felt up. Still a dork.

18 (first year Uni):  First sex. At a party. Not sure if I remember his name correctly and I never saw him again. Didn't like it and was disappointed by it.

18/19 (first year Uni):  David the med student for about 6 months. I got dumped without mercy.

19/20 (second year Uni):  Lots of flirting and one night hook-ups. Casual stuff.

20 (third year Uni):  Sarah for about 2 months. Full of guilt because it was a *gay* relationship. Dumped her. Hurt her. I've been remorseful ever since (and Sarah and I are good friends now).

20/21 (third year Uni):  One night hook-ups. Nothing meaningful. 

21/22 (fourth year Uni):  Mick the post-grad for 9 months. Hot guy. (Coincidentally, he was from same town in SA where my mother grew up). I got dumped from a great height - it hurt. Took months to get over him.

22/23 (fifth year Uni):  Dan the bogan engineer from Sydney (are there any other kinds?) for about 5 months. I got dumped again. Pregnancy scare after I got dumped.

23/24 (sixth year Uni):  Concentrated on finishing degree and starting PLT. At end of year, parents encouraged me to go out with Nick.

24:  Started dating Nick and married him a few months later (against my sister's advice). Andrew was Nick's best man.

25:  3 months into marriage, discovered that Nick was screwing a Law Clerk in his office. Big argument. He promised to stop, but didn't. 2 months later had another big argument where he said "I don't understand why you're getting so upset. It's only sex. It doesn't mean anything." Left him for a while, but our families pushed us back together again.

26:  Nick still screwing other girls. Spent most of our time together arguing. He'd disappear for several nights after each argument. Left him for the last time about 18 months after we were married. I moved back to parent's house. Spent days at a time in bed crying. Took lots of time off work.

27:  Divorced Nick. Continued to cry a lot. Took lots more time off work.

28:  Nick married Deb (he had dated her before marrying me, and may have been sleeping with her while we were married). My darling Andrew kept me sane. I kept crying. Quit my job. Went to US for long holiday. 

29:  Had to get away from Melbourne. Got a job in Perth.

30:  Moved in with Terry (T) - platonic relationship. Nick and Deb's first child born.

31:  Met Greg in Perth. Enjoyable while it lasted. Good company and good sex. After 4 months, found out that he was moving back to Sydney in a week's time, but hadn't bothered to tell me. Then I discovered that he had a long-term girl-friend in Sydney who he was moving back to live with.

31:  Met Wynand, a blonde Afrikaaner mining engineer who went back to South Africa (he looks a bit like Schalk Burger). I thought about moving to Cape Town. Few months later, Wynand got engaged to a lovely South African girl.

 

I'll survive.