Break @ MindSay 
spring
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dixie currently feels:
Content
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #260
Happy Birthday To Me...
Anyway, today is the day Dixie turned 18.
I don't feel any different. I don't want to be 18.
For one, I don't like the number 8 - and for two, I don't like this immense burden of suddenly being an adult now on my head.
The only good thing is, now I can legally buy porn and sex toys. :)
Hello Ann Summers! :P
I still had college today, regardless of the pile of presents by the fireplace.
I didn't have time to open them when I woke up, so I only opened the cards that were there and put them on the mantlepiece. Mam had gone a bit mad with the decorartions - banners, balloons and foil tinselly things all over the place.
I should have opened the presents though - because for the entire day, I was left wondering what the box on top of my PS2 was.
When I came out of the house, ready to walk for my bus - this chav was walking by, and he was proper staring at me.
I didn't actually know why - until I realised he wasn't staring at me at all, he was staring at the banners and the balloons on the window behind me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
College was pretty meh.
English was relativley boring, but thankfully - not too tormenting.
Media Studies was reasonable - another lesson on those horror films.Watching clips and taking notes. Very easily done. I love the old horror films too. Especially Nightmare On Elm Street. :D
Freddy Krueger - definatley my costume of choice this year for Ian's halloween party.
Today I had a beasty 3 hour break - Shelly walked down to the docks with me. We both bought sausage sandwiches and I got myself a bottle of water.
We went to the paved part down by the river and sat on the benches for a few hours, cuddling and talking. Shelly gave me lots of kisses too. We were in a really secluded part, shaded by trees and bushes, so nobody was there to bother us. It was freezing though - and despite Shelly's best efforts to keep me warm by cuddling me close to her - we only retreated back to college for the remaining 45 minutes of this beasty gap purely based on the fact it was far too bloody cold.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I got back, mam was in - and I finally got to know what was in the box.
An odd surprise - Shelly said it would be Guitar Hero 5 - but the box was WAY too small to have a guitar in it, and too big to be just the game - so I knew she was wrong. I had a feeling it might be something silly, like one of those daft novely keys - but it was far too heavy for that.
I opened it and I found a sexy DIGITAL PHOTO FRAME.
Fucking PHWOAR mate. :D
It looks fairly complex to set up, but I have a few ideas. I'll have a fiddle around with it - get some of our epic Saturday trio photos on there and show Ash and Shelly the next time they're round. It'll be a sweet addition to my desk - turned on for guests and when I need cheering up. :)
She'd also got me a mug with a cuddly troll inside it and a silver pentagram pendant. Sexah. :)
Paul had been and dropped off a card and the two Maximo games he'd ordered for me. Maximo and Maximo VS Army Of Zin, the sequel. And apparently, there's something else coming in the post for me. Oooh, I wonder. :)
And lastly, another jiffy bag with one of the games from Shelly - Ed, Edd 'N' Eddy: The Mis-Edventures. :)
Mam scorned my immaturity. Nah, she's just boring. I know how to have fun. :P
I wanted to go and play my new games, but mam fucking swayed me with a season of Desparate Housewives. Damn her. :)
While we watched this, I ate some instant macaroni cheese that smelt like sour milk and vomit, but tasted really good. :P
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ian and Lisa came later on the night - and they'd brought my card and their present actually did contain Guitar Hero 5 - proving Shelly's idea partially correct. :)
Mam then did let me set up my PS2 - and we played We Love Katamari - took it in turns doing some levels.
Mam thinks its a pointless game. Nah, she just doesn't recognise genius gameplay when she sees it. And she's also shit at it, so that probably contributes some too. :P
I was talking to my friend Cynthia today about a bad break up she is still recovering from. Cynthia and Clive remain happily married; the break up was with her good friend.
Cynthia and Monique met through a mutual neighbor friend. They immediately hit it off and became inseparable. Cynthia was really into Monique because she was missing having a close friend around since I had moved across the country. I think that’s why the relationship progressed as quickly as it did. I did warn her to slow down, but sadly my advice went unheeded.
After a couple years of close friendship with Monique Cynthia hit a wall. She felt like she had heard all Monique’s stories. She felt like she could predict how Monique would react to any neighborhood gossip, kid scenario, or husband trouble. Sometimes having that knowledge of and familiarity with another person is wonderful. Sometimes not. This was one of those times when the relationship had run its course. What once was fun and light became boring and predictable. Cynthia decided a few months ago that it was time to cut the cord and move on. So she did. I warned her it wouldn’t be easy. She ignored me.
It wasn’t easy. As break ups never are. She did miss her former friend. As is the case with break ups, we only remember the good times with the person, never the bad. She called me many times in a panic that she hadn’t done the right thing. Calling to whine that she wanted her back. I talked her down. As I had many times over the years with boyfriend break ups I told her in time she would feel better. I told her to keep busy. I told her to put down the phone. I told her to focus on other friends. All the things you console your friends with after a break up. And in time, she reported that she did feel better. As I told her she would.
But the next hurdle to overcome was the issue of who gets the friends after a break up. Cynthia and Monique had mostly friends in common. And while Cynthia did an admirable job of not bringing their friends into their own break up drama, she wasn’t sure how to proceed with Monique or said friends in common. She knew she would have to see Monique around and didn’t want it to be weird. But Monique didn’t appear to have any problem making things weird. At least in Cynthia’s opinion. So Cynthia was at a loss. I consoled her again. I told her in time it would get easier. I told her to be the bigger person and make small talk. I told her to be friendly, be polite. Be a grown woman, not a 15 year old girl. So she did. And things got better, as I predicted.
Cynthia and Monique started chatting again. Having a good time again. And before you know it Cynthia was having dinner again with Monique. I said what are you doing? She said she didn’t know. I said I thought you were done with her. I thought you were ready to move on. She said she knew that but one thing led to another, they were chatting, it was fun and the next thing you know they’re going to dinner. So I asked her how was it. And she said not good. As is the case with all break ups, once you have cut the cord you can’t go back and uncut it. They went out to dinner and instead of fun and light it was boring and predictable. This was of course why she had broken up with her in the first place. I told her she was crazy. Once again, she ignored me.
So now she’s sent mixed messages to Monique and she feels right back where she started. Not good. We both sighed and sat in silence. So now what I asked her? She said she wasn’t sure. I told her maybe the moral of this story is to not get caught up in what used to be but move forward in what is. And to appreciate what you have, i.e. fun chatting at the pool, and not push your own expectations and agenda on someone else. She said she hoped she never got divorced from Clive because breaking up is hard to do. I said amen sister.
After that last post, him and i tried to be friends. Although it hurt me like crazy knowing that he is with someone else I tried to hold it in and keep the friendship.
His gf found out about me and gave him the ultimatum of losing her or me. He chose to lose me.
We stopped talking on the 8th of May and havent spoken since.
He did poke me a few times on facebook but i just removed them.
Yesterday he msg me on msn "hey sally* =[". I just ignored it.
I have became stronger than before, i must admit.
I remember that night when he called me to tell me what his gf said to him when he came over to her house. He cried when i said that i respect what she said and that i am more than happy to let go of our friendship in order for him to keep his relationship.
He can't keep having the best of both worlds and I really wish that he becomes a better person for his gf.
I hope that he will find his morals, goals, religion again. I've prayed every night for him to be a better person...even if that means that he's out of my life forever. I can't bear it knowing what he's become and what he is capable of. I wish that he could just remember how he had felt, how his mother had felt and what they went through when his father cheated on them. Please be a better person, Dai.
I remember that night I'd asked him why he was crying...he said that he doesnt know and that the person who should be crying is me. If he doesnt know why he's crying than he is not worth my tears. Having said that I did cry that night. Max* called me and comfort me for hours. I dont think i would've done it without Max*
But now the problem is that Max* is starting to like me. I'm not ready for a relationship and I dont want to.
Dai is now just a fragment of my memory. Soon he will fade with everything else...
There are no more pain...only memories...
i light a fire, for entertainment value
I hear your breathing,
and i feel the shiver behind me.
don't worry, sweetie...
I won't be here long.
i'm doing this for you tonight
the concrete walls around you shelter nothing
and if i scream, i'd split the seam in your eyes
so many things could go wrong right now
but as long as those blue eyes stay swollen shut
i wear my smile like my pride
and my heart on my sleeve
soon you shall see,
but for now I light this fire between
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
