Rancette: Brad, congratulations on your Golden Globe nomination for
Babel.
Brad: Thanks.
R: But since you and I both know you’re not much of an actor, let’s talk about the women in your life.
B: Yeah, Jack Nicholson is totally going to kick my a**.
R: So the tabloids say you’re getting back with Jen.
B: Who?
R: Aniston. Jennifer Aniston.
B: Rubbish.
R: Late night phone calls?
B: Well, only a few. But that doesn’t mean we’re getting back together.
R: So what have you been talking about?
B: Old times. Once she broke up with Vince Vaughn, I used to call her to console her. Now that Angie’s had the baby and she’s bitching about everything, it’s great to talk to Jen and she’s so nice and she’ll always say the sweetest things to me.
R: So you’re not going to leave Angelina?
B: Heck, no. I mean, Jen’s a great distraction. But Angelina and I have a kid now. Shangrila or something.
R: What?
B: The kid’s name.
R: Shiloh?
B: Yeah, I can’t keep these kids’ names straight. And Maddox and Zappa Unit One.
R: Zahara?
B: Yeah.
R: Zahara’s a nice name.
B: You know it is. It’s just hard to remember. And when we have another kid…
R: So Angelina IS pregnant?
B: Yeah. She pulled a Britney on me. Getting pregnant right after having a baby.
R: Uh oh, if your storyline follows Britney’s, you and Angie will split right after baby #2.
B: Yeah, but Angie and I aren’t married like Brit and Kev were. And technically this is baby #4. You know, adopted children count too.
R: Whatever. So you said you’re going to kick Jack Nicholson’s a**?
B: No, he’s going to kick my a**.
R: You know it’s funny. The week after
The Departed was released, he fell and broke a rib. He looks tough on screen, but you could totally kick his a** in real life.
B: Baby, this
is real life. I’m playing it cool with Angelina and I have a real live Golden Globe nomination for
Babel.
R: Next stop Oscar-ville?
B: Totally.
R: Who are you going to bring to the Oscars, Jen or Angelina?
B: I’m thinking, my mother. That’s who Kevin Spacey brought to the Oscars and he won.
R: Interesting thinking. You need all the help you can get though. I hope that strategy works for you.
B: I really need this Oscar. Angie has one so I want one too.
R: I see. Maybe you should adopt a child of your own and name it too. Shangrila was a very interesting name that you came up with.
B: Rancette, the name’s Shiloh. And Shiloh wasn’t adopted. She’s our own flesh and blood. One day she’ll be an actress of Oscar winning parents.
R: You haven’t gotten the Oscar yet. You haven’t even gotten the Golden Globe yet.
B: Just wait and see.
TO BE CONTINUED…