Blessing @ MindSay

"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace."    (Numbers 6:24-26 NRSV)

I posted a few days ago concerning an interpretation of Barak Obama's name.

Some one may have a more complete understanding of names and words, and correct me if they want to.

 

As I was discussing the name with a freind, I remembered an event from my younger days.

 

I was renting a room from a Jamacan man in New Jersey. I was 19. There were 2 other rentors there besides me, one was a typical white guy, the other was a fairly new citizen who came from Romania or somewhere in that area.

These things are significant.

The Jamacan had a black cat he called "Sootie", because she looked like she had been playing in soot. The man pronounced the name with his accent "Sue-tee".

The Romanian came to me and asked me one day why the Jamacan was yelling sue-tee all the time. I told him it was the cats name. He laughed a little and told me that in his native language the word pronounced sue-tee means "Shut up".

 

You may argue about words and meanings if you like. But if you are a religious person, a God fearing one, perhaps you will acknowledge that it was the tongues that were divided at Babel... They could hear what each was saying, but they could not understand what they heard.

My last name is often mocked because of the modern pronunciation and spelling. But it does not reflect the origin of the name or its meaning.

Barak= Blessing

Obama= Fallen

The Blessing has Fallen. Interpret it how you will.

You came into my life unexpectedly, and knocked me off of my feet with your ability to spill your guts onto the page, spewing your pain and sorrow in such an eloquent way, leaving me wondering how one person could contain such pain and sorrow and still live to tell the tale.

But tell the tale you did, and reading your work wrenched my heart, wringing it out like a washrag, causing a longing in me to save you from your agony, yet helplessly looking on as you spiraled down into the oblivion of depression and heartache.

You were like the little girl who had a little curl in the middle of her forehead, whom my mother had always told me about (and accused me of being like).  When you were good, you were very very good, but when you were bad, you were horrid.   One moment you would be there, playing scrabble with me, as cheerful as a lark, as though yesterday had not happened, when you had not been able to contain your grief.  I knew then that you had serious problems, but you insisted that your medications took away that creative edge that your readers loved, and you refused to take them, all the while self destructing, addictions keeping you in their vice like grip, refusing to drop the stranglehold they had on you.

We instantly became friends, in those times when I could tolerate you, or when you would turn up after days or weeks of not coming by, when you were wallowing in the mire of your depression, drinking to take away the pain, yet causing vicious cycle after vicious cycle.  I recognized myself in you, and where I could have been, but for the grace of God.

You, as did I, questioned a God who would allow a person to go through such mental anguish, allowing you to cry out in pain, and yet, not coming to the rescue.  I had prayed the same prayer, and tried to escape addictive behavior but there was no God in sight and His people frowned on Psychiatric help in favor of "turning to Jesus, who took stripes on His back for you".  I know now, as do you, that He was there all the time, and allowed things to happen for a reason, but that He gives wisdom and knowledge to caring physicians who know the illnesses of the mind.

You disappeared two years ago, just as quickly as you had come.  Now you were here, and I had found a friend, with whom I felt an empathy, and just as soon, you disappeared.

I sorrowed over you, for it felt as if a part of me, a person who had known what it felt like to be me, had been wrenched away, like the rib from under Adams' breast;  but you did not become a new creation for my pleasure as his rib did. It seemed you had gone forever, leaving a consistent aching in my side.

Time dulled the ache, but never erased the memories of you, or stopped me from hoping against hope, and praying that you had not taken your own life, as you had so often wished to do.  I just prayed that the spark of potential that I saw in you would somehow have ignited a spark in you to take control and do something to turn your life around.

"And suddenly I turned around, and what do you think I found?" (lines of a song i love) There you were! When I saw your picture, I thought at first that I had seen an apparition, for surely if it were you, you would not mind me talking to you, communicating again after all this time, which meant, YOU WERE OKAY!

The gift of today, was a present I could only dream of.  Here you were, my friend of friends, back in my life, but to tell me that you had sought help again, and had stumbled on a wise doctor who was able to diagnose and treat the core of your problem.  And, joy of all joys, you are still able to write.  But this time, instead of pain bursting forth, regurgitated onto the page, there are words of joy that come from a soul who has, at last found peace.

We spoke, and each found that we had found help, hope and inner quietude that we thought could not exist.  You are with the wife of your youth, and have the favor of your darling daughter....a miracle you thought could never happen.  We have both received second chances at this life that at one time spun out of our control. 

There may be inner demons for a while, even years to come, but with the help of God, as well as medication and wise physicians, we now know we can overcome and stay healthy and at peace.

I am so glad you are back, my friend, and that you are the one I saw in you from the first.  For now, you are not HORRID at all, but very very good!

This friend is crushgroove67 if any of you wish to skip over to his blog and welcome him back after his two year sabbatical.  This one's for you, JB, my friend!

Well ... I knew this day would come, and frankly, I thought it would come faster than it has, but that doesn't make it any easier.  You know how some possessions take on special meaning because of the circumstances one might attach to them?  It's true.  Silly, maybe, but true. 

 

I know lots of people have gone through the emotional and psychological process of divorce both online here and in my circle of friends.  Each of us deals in our own way, of course.  Perhaps the hardest thing for me through that time was the feeling that such a big part of my life had been "wasted."  Fortunately, I have 3 incredible kids to prove that is not an accurate assessment!  :)  Nevertheless, those thoughts swarmed me for about a year after our separation.  It was during this time, after losing my teaching position, my marriage, and our family van within a few months, that God blessed me with the Mustang convertible!  I received it as a "love gift" from Him.  I have thoroughly enjoyed it, but ... it now has 140+ thousand miles on it (63k when I got it 4 yrs ago), and ... well ... it's time.  Time to move on ...

 

My son is laughing at me, but ... I'm saying goodbye to a "friend."  Some of you will understand ... maybe!  :)

 

Thanks for your indulgence ...

 

~ B

A close friend of mine called a little bit ago.  Her son, who is 17 is going to be a father. The mother of the baby is 16. The parents of the pregnant GF have told her she can only stay living with them if she adopts the baby out. The father to be knows he can't handle this situation either for many reasons... and she called today to see if tomorrow when they all meet to discuss all options, if they could mention us as a possible family to adopt.

 

Um.. Yeah! :)

 

............trying not to get hopes up, but definetly praying and ......well,. hoping.

 

Dawn