Bleed @ MindSay

At work, one of my guy friends and I were debating about weapons (I really have no idea how we had gotten onto the subject in the first place, other than our fondness for them), but we had gotten to which weapon would cause a person more fear; a gun, or a knife.

What he said surprised even myself:  "If a guy pulls a gun on you," He said carefully, "You would be afraid, but you would know that in one shot, point blank, you would be dead.  But, if you were to pull a knife on somebody, they would piss themselves.  Why?  It's so much more intimate, getting close to them; cutting, slicing..."

I felt heat come to my cheeks, and I knew my chest was hot as well.  I'm a visual creature, and imagining that had triggered my blood fetish incredibly quickly.  Thankfully, a co-worker had come up to ask him a question, whilst they were talking I had turned away in time, my face reddened more because I was embarrassed that thinking about it had gotten to me so intensely.

I keep thinking about The Number 21, and the scenes in it...god I wish Cal was here...mm-mm good...:)

I'm in such a vampiry mood right now...the show TrueBlood has me all revved up...:(

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

(Well what else is new...?)

 

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Yesterday was a bank holiday Monday, so I spent the day at Adam's house.

 

We played a few songs on Guitar Hero III co-op, and got him a couple of groupie points.

Then he burnt me Parappa The Rapper, and I tried it out, did the first few levels, and got the "U Rappin' Cool!" rank on level 1.

 

When I got home though, I kept failing level 1.

Which was annoying...

Almost as annoying as the fact that memory card slot 1 is broken on my chipped Playstation, so I'll never be able to save PTR, because it will only save to slot 1.

 

Anyway though.

We sat around drinking Cherry Coke, eating Oreos and sweets - milk bottles and cherry cola bottles - then crisps and salted peanuts.

 

Adam then suggested he get out the old PS1 and we play Resident Evil 3.

Of course, he played it, I watched and offered my hints. :)

 

It was great fun actually.

 

The weird thing was though, every time I seemed to speak - something would happen.

And this happened like five times - every time I started talking, either zombies would jump out of cars, dogs would jump out of windows, or Nemesis would burst out of a door.

 

 

 

Today's been shit though.

 

It's weird though - I don't think I've done ANY schoolwork today.

 

- OMFG THERE'S A SPIDER ON THE WALL BEHIND MY MONITOR...

 

 

...But yes.

Umm...

 

Lesson 1 - IT, exam prep, I'm not doing the exam again, I had nothing to do, I went on FPC.com.

Lesson 2 - English, revision, I didn't do a lot, just listened and read.

Lesson 3 - Science, Cowley just talked us through our coursework.

Lesson 4 - Maths, Wilson wasn't even there, we were down in humanities 2, and Miraan, Amanda and I just played hangman for like the whole hour.

Lesson 5 - Media studies, down the CLC, Sam and I just sat there playing hangman on the PC, because we can't really do an awful lot on our project.

 

 

Though, I felt depressed all day.

Just listening to a certain set of people who used to be friends with me until they met each other - talking and laughing down the aisle next to me.

So I cut myself a little bit.

 

At dinnertime, I did my left, and I did my right after school.

 

Which was a bad time to do it, because as Mrs Mac was talking to me, she took me by the right wrist - as she often does when she talks to people - but she pressed her fingers right into the fresh cuts, and it KANED.

So I just stood there wincing, trying to keep silence, despite how much it hurt.

 

Tomorrow I have to go and see those people, and I'm not looking forward.

At least mother isn't coming.

 

Sigh...

So i gave blood today at school, well tried to. I sat there hooke dup an hour and only managed to drain like 1/4 a pint. it was rediculous. In the matt world, we went to breakfast on sunday andhe asked me to go to the movies, no popcorn throwing this time. I know he is the person writing the messages on socialmoth anonymously. they are always so sad or about how he isnt over erica. i wish, i could help him... i wish he could know for sure that i would never do to him what she did. How can you date someone for 2 years and then just cheet on them for no reason right in front of them. You would have to have steel balls. and i feel like its compleatly changed the person he was, he used to be so happy go lucky and optomistic. But i know what that feels like to have someone do that to you, i know all too well exactly what it feels like, look this is what he wrote:

 

Your my first thougt in the morning
My last thought before bed
I loved you more than anything else in my life
And I was even going to ask you to wed.

In one day my entire world was destroyed
2 years later i'm begining to heal
In all this time of pain and tortue, one thought in my head
Why does this have to be so real?

I love you, I really do...

 

 

 

arg, i dont know what to do, i know i should just wait, but its hard just being a friend, and i want him to move on but i know its only going to happen if he wants it to. I know hes dated like 3 girls since erica, and i think it all ended horribly, and i still want to be his friend, and is he really sleeping with julia(like its any of my business) and what is he making me for xmas, will he make me anything. God i have it bad for him..... and the truth is im not compleatly over my lost relationship with fabio, but i have to be strong because he will be here for xmas and wants me to hang out with him and take some snapshots, so idk

So I get home, happily eating my sweet n' sour chicken, drinking my ginger tea, when I see Willow licking herself, nothing out of the ordinary, but I saw pink under where she was licking, so I got up, thinking she was missing fur from her and Jax fighting, but oh no, the inside of her elbow was flayed open, and her cut flesh just hung open.

My jaw dropped.  I checked again just to make sure it was as bad as I thought it was and...umm, yeah, I could see the muscles of her arm.  I immediately purchased a ticket for one on the freak-out train. I threw on my coat and ran outside to Cal, choked up, and I waved him into the house frantically.  Willow wasn't bleeding, surprisingly, and she was keeping her wound very clean.  Cal called his dad, having him come over immediately to take me to the 24-hour emergency clinic.

We got there, and I was put into a room immediately with Willow, the vet tech came in, checked Willow's vitals, and examined the deep cut.  We spoke shortly and she left.  Then the vetrinarian came in, she checked the vitals as well, and examined, showing me a couple things in the cut.  It was a very clean cut, and easy to stitch up, and she showed me the blue main vein of Willow's arm.

Just a millimeter.

One more millimeter and we wouldn't have our cat anymore.  I was shocked, but then thoroughly relieved.  They got her into surgery immediately, I said goodbye and went out to pay the whopping 400$ emergency vet bill, but I know she's worth it :)

 

Moral of the story:  Black cats are the luckiest sons of b*tches on the earth, deal with it.