Blah Blah Blah @ MindSay 
blah
I am trying to help an old friend through a great trouble. We've been friends since the first year of high school and the fact that I can't take away what has happened to him, is so frustrating.
My son called today though, and we had a really nice talk. I am thankful for that.
It's really freakin' HOT this week.
Speaking of old friends---- there is a working guy in the local supermarket, who I have known for about twenty-five years. It appears he is the "Produce Manager" there. Back
when I was married the second time, he was a family friend. My ex and I have literally ate, drank, and made-merry with this guy, Larry, for many years. He is the brother of my
ex's best friend. Why do some old friends pretend they don't know you in public? That has
always puzzled me. Can anyone explain that? Is he embarassed at his position? When he sees me, he looks the other way or walks in another direction. He has only spoken to me once, and that was because I initiated the conversation. When I see his wife, she is friendly,
and normal acting. I shouldn't let this bother me, I know, but I am in that store often, as
it is only a couple of blocks away. I guess I am a little hurt.
A little surprised at my insistence, I think, Peter blinked and smiled, gathering his thoughts again for a moment before continuing.
“Cardinal and He Who Changes His Life sat at the shore of a lake, on the pebbly beach. The stars were overhead, horizon to horizon, like a sparkling canopy above them. She leaned on him and he had his arm around her. The water lapped at the beach, and the night breeze rustled the leaves of the hundreds of trees around them. Crickets chirped, and frogs croaked. It was just a little cool and a perfect night. Moonlight and starlight sparkled on the water.”
Tears stung at my eyes and I didn’t even know why, as I struggled to control it so he wouldn’t see.
“And they promised each other that nothing in the universe could separate them. Not ever. That their love was strong enough to overcome anything, even the veil between life on earth and the spirit world.”
I remembered mention of “the veil” in my dream. Finally a tear fell without restraint and I wiped it away. It was not only a sweet story, but I felt sure it was a story about “us”--about me and Peter. I can’t explain how I knew that, but I did.
Our eyes met, and I asked him softly, “What happened to these two people?”
He swallowed and blinked, as tears filled his eyes as well.
“It’s a good day for a reunion.” he said softly.
Feeling a swelling in my chest, and putting my face into my hands, I freely cried. I knew he was right, and although it seemed to make no sense, that it was true.
Peter came to me and crouched down beside me, rubbing my arm up and down with his hand, speaking softly, slowly, comforting words in the Ojibwe language. I smelled leather, and when I looked at him, he was no longer looking like Peter, but instead like an Ojibwe man. Taking my elbow, he pulled me upwards and took me into his arms, as I leaned into him like we had been together always.
“I am He Who Changes His Life” he whispered firmly.
I repeated his name in a whisper, as if I would not be able to exist without it.
Burying my face into his hair and into his chest, I just held on and cried the tears of happiness and release. I felt more secure and comforted than I had my whole adult life, probably since I was a child. His voice, smell, arms and presence were like a precious gift to me. For a long time, as the world went on normally, we just held onto each other.
Finally, after some time, I pulled back from him and retrieving a Kleenex, wiped my nose and eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to murmur.
“This is difficult for you, I know.”
And then I got a good look at him as he stood before me.
He Who Changes His Life looked incredibly handsome and impressive. He was no longer looking anything like Peter; he had truly transformed. Broad of shoulders, and about six feet tall, he also had very strong muscular arms and legs. His hands were large and powerful looking. He wore a dark buckskin outfit, with pants and a longish tunic. The tunic was fringed at the hems and also along the insides of the sleeves.
His coloring was a soft tan color, but his eyes were huge, dark brown expressive almond shaped eyes. His teeth were large and white. He had long, straight and black hair, hanging loosely down his back and about his shoulders, glossy and smooth. But at the back and top of his head was a topknot, with feathers sticking out of it.
Around his neck was a necklace of long beads, made of shells, painted bone, freshwater pearls and copper tubes. His ears were also pierced, in multiple places, and he wore long, dangling, beaded earrings made of the same materials, but with much smaller beads. On his left wrist were a number of silver bangle type bracelets. On his feet were fringed, deerskin moccasins with puckered seams and colorful, elaborate beading.
Whatever remnants of doubt had been in the back of my mind, they had been eliminated when I saw his transformation. My “real husband” was before me, and I knew it.
“Am I going to die, “ I asked, thinking of my kids, “Are you here to bring me to the other side?”
“No, no……….you’re probably going to be here a long time yet. I was afraid you would think that!”
I realized I wouldn’t have minded. With a comforting presence such as his, if it had been my time to go, I would have accepted it. Yes, I had my kids and friends on earth I would miss terribly, but I also had many loved ones on the other side. And someday…somehow…my kids would have to see me off no matter what. I would have just gone with the flow of things, just as I was trying to do now, and I wouldn't have fought it
Working at french fry hell. 3-11.
So here is an intriquing dialogue I had with a lovely customer.
Me:"Hi Thanks for stopping. Can I take your order please?"
Valued customer: Hi. I want $20 worth of food( he didn't actually say that, but that was what it amounted to, and he had a bunch of picky stuff like no pickles.). OH! And while you are trying to ring that all up, right in the middle, I want to add a wrap, and a 5 piece nugget.
Me, trying to straighten everything out. : That double cheeseburger was blah blah blah, and the Big Mac blah blah blah, right?
OH! And we don't have 5 nuggets, we have four and six. ( I'm thinking in my head, you F*n retard.) OH! And what kind of wrap do you want.
VC: Chicken...
Me( think you are a dipshit.): They come ranch, honey mustard, bbq. And crispy or grilled.
VC:Honey mustard.
Me: Do you want it crispy or grilled?
VC: Oh, grilled.
Me: OK( you f*n dipshit) that will be blah blah, at the first window.
Well, now you know what a day in the life of me is like at Wonderful Mcdonalds. SO if you go to McDonalds, please, don't be stupid. I'll kill you. Or wish I could.
: -/
Ciao,
Mariah
So this was a bit of a blah week for me.
I have been procrastinating about doing a whole lot of things. I have also noticed that I have been feeling way more creative now that I am off of my medicine. Back to the world of middle of the night drawing/painting/writing poetry that I thought I lost years ago. I was worried that I wasn't a creative person anymore... I missed the feeling of lying in my bed not being able to sleep because there is something stuck in my brain that I have to get out, and then running out to a pad of paper and putting it all out there.
Sometimes the things that are stuck in my brain tend to look weird to other people, but it is all a huge part of ME and how I learned to cope. So I am happy to have found that side of myself again.
The creative me has sort of blocked the constructive me from accomplishing things though, so I have to try to get some concrete things accomplished this weekend. (like sending out wedding thank you notes... can't believe I haven't done that yet)
I also have to start planning this years fundraiser, it will be the fifth one this year, can't even believe it. I think I am intentionally putting this off to protect myself, but if it is going to be in October I have to get on the ball now.
There is absolutely nothing interesting in this entry... I think my brain just sort of threw up on the screen... whatever, at least I am still adorable! :)
what's with people and relationships these days??? wtf is so hard about finding a decent guy who doesn't give you shit, and doesn't give shit about the past, who just wants to make a better future, who will be there endlessly, but not obsessed or stalker-ish??? is that really too much to ask for??? it seems as if the guys who want to "talk" to me seem to either just want the bonus, or they love me too much, that it's just awkard at times...wtf??? blah blah blah blah blah that's what my heart is saying at the moment...
and girls, blah don't get me started on those...it's nice to have a girl that you can chill with, and no not sex or anything like that, but to be able to have that mutual "attachment" to her, and just be ok with it...
I'VE GOT BIG BOLAS!!! I AM THE BIGGER PERSON!!!
now i only hope that is actually goes well...i'm so effing nervous, why did i have to freaken say hello???
blah!!! fuck it...here we go...
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]