Black Women @ MindSay

• The car is finally in for surgery.  It's going to cost me $737, so now that I will soon be mobile and free from my prison, I won't be able to go anywhere because I'll be broke! I don't mind though, I miss my Angel! She's been a good car.  When I got her she was a year old and had 33,000 miles on her.  Now she's 10 years old and she's got 97,783 miles on her.  She gets fantastic gas mileage, too.  When Environgirl, Tristaprez and I took her to New Orleans, we didn't even have to re-feul.  We still had an eigth of a tank left when we got into New Orleans.  We probably would have had more gas left if we didn't have to sit in really bad traffic for an hour.

 

• It has come to my attention that some of us are so self absorbed that we tend to make everything about us even when it clearly isn't.  On three separate occasions either Environgirl or I attempted to blog about some issues within the black community that we as the black community should address. The first issue was brought up by Environgirl.  It was the issue of why some black men who date white women or women of other races do so not because they just happen to fall in love with someone of a different race, but because they consciously decide not to date black women. OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE MANY CASES WHERE THEY JUST HAPPEN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OF A DIFFERENT RACE, but there are some black men and black women who say, "I don't date black men / women because they are ___".  Egirl also wanted to address the issue of why black women are so angry about this phenomenon.  For some reason many of the white people who replied were offended. Why?  She specifically stated in her post that she didn't blame white women for any of it, she said that the problem existed within the dynamics between men and women in the black community.  Never-the-less, she got some angry responses from white women. No matter how many times she stated, "I'm not blaming white women for any of this." It fell on deaf ears or blind eyes.

The second issue was the issue about how some black children consistently chose a white doll as the "good" or "pretty" doll in a repeat of an old experiment done in the 1950's.  Her point was if black children still had a bad perception of themselves over 50 years later, then we (meaning the black community) have not been doing a very good job of raising our children to value themselves.  Oh my Lord, the responses she got about that experiment and that post!  For some reason a few people felt she was somehow blaming white people for this.   How could she blame white people for black parents not giving their children a better sense of self?  They were blasting the experiment itself, criticizing the young 17 year old film maker, and insisting that all kids felt bad about themselves in some way. Yes, most kids feel bad about themselves in some way, but a kid with a big nose or curly hair can change it. You can't stop being black. Do we honestly need to internalize everything?

 

Finally, the latest issue was an issue I brought up on another post that was about how shoddy and unscientific measuring intelligence was.  I wrote that my brother refers to himself as "Wesley Snipes black" meaning he's very dark skinned. The whole point of writing that sentence was to point out that you wouldn't know by his phenotype that we had a half Irish great-grandfather and a Creek Indian great-grandmother. Therefore, the whole idea of racial differences in aspect to intelligence is difficult to measure in a country where no one is pure anything. Someone innocently replied that she didn't know what "Wesley Snipes black" meant. I explained what it meant and that there was an age old rift between light skinned and dark skinned blacks. I told her is was a ridiculous rift and that most people who aren't black don't even make the distinction between dark and light skin tones when it comes to black people, because to them black is black.  For some reason even that issue was taken personally and another big misunderstanding emerged. Somehow even though the problem was intraracial, it appeared to some people that I was blaming it on white people, therefore one person tried to go out of their way to prove that issue didn't exist.  It was absolutely absurd! It would be like someone saying, "Ya know, red heads are looked down upon because it is a throw back to how people discrimated against the Irish." and then me discounting the notion by saying, "Oh yeah? What about Lucille Ball or Conan O'Brian?".  What in the heck does that even accomplish? How does the fact that Lucille Ball or Conan O'Brian have red hair negate the fact that "ginger kids" were and in some cases still are looked down upon?  The whole phrase "I was treated like a red-headed stepchild" didn't just come out of the blue. 

 

Usually when I get this pissed off, I step back and look at a situation as if I were studying a case study.  I guess, there is a tendency for people to try to insert themselves into your problems and make your problems about them. How often do you find yourself talking to someone about something that bothers you and find that the person you're talking to ends up talking about themselves instead?  You want to say "Hello? I'm talking about me here!"  I guess that's what happened in those cases. 

 

• GO AWAY GOOGLE BOT!

Savage! Shocking! That's what it says on the cover and that's what you get, gentle reader. Kyle Onstott is the author of Mandingo and for those who have read the book or seen the movie, you know what to expect.

Falconhurst Fancy takes place several years before the events of Mandingo and is the story of the Verder family of Dove Cote and The Patch plantations. Dovie Verder, our heroine, after tragic events, buys a "pure black stud" for her plantation. Named Colt, he is called a "fancy" because of his rare beauty and strength. Instead of breeding him with her "wenches", hot pants Dovie decides she wants him for herself and everything goes to hell at a quick pace.

I am not sure how to categorize this novel. It fits best as southern gothic horror, if anything. The twisted southern morals of the time are revolting and cruel. One can hope that most of this is exaggeration, but there is a large grain of truth to all of this that leads the reader to really examine the institution of slavery and what led up to race relations as they are today. Why is it when a Black man dates outside his race, it's thought of as a move up, like a weird racial promotion, while Black women are looked down upon for dating outside of their race? The issue is deeper than this type of novel can explain, but the fundamental truths are there.

Stereotypes abound- the pure, gentle southern woman who knows nothing about sex and becomes a fornicating fiend capable of every type of debauchery once she is deflowered; the crafty white-trash scoundrel who hires himself out to plantations as a stud (!!) to produce "yeller" skinned children who are more prized on the slave market; the genteel southern gentlemen who hold their women in the highest esteem, while satisfying their lust with their Black slave women. 

Falconhurst Fancy is exploitative trash through and through. That's what makes it such a compelling read! I finished it in 3 days!! Admittedly, I am a fan of this type of garbage. I am collecting all the books written by Kyle Onstott, Lance Horner, Ashley Carter, and Saliee O'Brien (O'Brien's works are more tasteful, but just as explosive and macabre.) Fearless readers, dig in!

Book club members, our next book is The Night of the Moonbow by Thomas Tryon. More racism, yay!

You know what I figured out......? White women are too what's the word I'm looking for? ......Boring......Cliche......Obvious....I don't want a white woman anymore...Who says just because I am white that I have to date someone white?

    From this point on I am desiring me a black woman............ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh   yyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhh

They are so hot.....yeah they are!!!!! That's at the top of my list of women I wish to desire and here it is

 

1. Black women-Oh my God! Anything but boring and so hot
2. Asian women-Just somethin about those girls....
3. Hispanic women-Fiery and it doesn't hurt to have a partner if you run in to a fight...lol...j/k
4. white women- Too long with them, not sayin' they're all crazy but.....it's time for a change

So there is my list....... and I hope ur happy about it, and if ur not....too bad I'm not changin' it, so I am gonna go find me a sister and have some fun, bye!!!!!!!

Well I only saw about 3 comments on the regal beauty of Sudanese stunner Alek Wek. I guess I am not so shocked about that. Interesting thing that I want to point out is that the responses that were recieved were in defense of white women which was not the aim of the last post. 

Okay to clarify the post was not an attack on my fair-skinned sister-femmes. It was however an observation on a practice that is pervasive throughout the black community. Black Men who refuse to date/marry black women.  What does this say to an entire race of women? What does it say about the standard of beauty in our collective culture? These are the questions that we (black women) are left to deal with in the wake of our ever growing invisibility.  The black male body is feared but at the same time heralded as a form of beauty.Check out Boris

 

 <

 

What of his sister counterpart? /

 

Surely there is room for us in this dance of love.

 

Sound off, French a sister and be as safe as one can!p>

Okay, That is it! I have had it God-Damn It! Okay, Okay I will fill you in. It is the Month that is set aside to tout the contributions of certain Americans who have been overlooked in times past. This post aint about that month directly because I dont feel like hearing a bunch of stuff about why we do or do not need it. My post is about Black Women in particular and about who loves them at all.

 

I have not had a black (male) lover in years, hell since high school and I am in my 30s now. Why is that? I raised my brothers, both black men now. They both are married to black women. Fine, great even but what of the "brothers" who opt out of "sister" love. Hold on tight folks this is gonna get ugly way before it gets pretty.

 

Back in the day, when blacks were chattel, black women were relegated to raising the children of white owners and in some cases gave birth to more of masters children than the mistress of the house did. This caused the black female to be characterized as hyper-sexual.  It certainly can't be ole massa's fault.  Okay, so the mistress, instead of coming to the aid of her sister (fellow female) and cracking the skull of the man who has made her a cuckold she further characterizes her sister-femme as whorish, untrusworthy, an enemy and rival (this mentality is still pervasive and works against the solidarity of sisterhood, how will we ever make men our willing slaves if we dont come together ladies).

 

Quite the legacy to live down- MAID-NURSEMAID/WET NURSE-WHORE, period. Now I don't see in that combination anything about mothering(any and all children), loving (any man of one's own choosing), religion (christianity was/is the order of the day). So the black female has no dimention where as her fair-skinned counter part is characterized as docile(riduculous because I know some white women who don't play that shit OKAY), pious (I also know some who are friends with me and that alone kills their claim to piety LOL),  status symbol (unfair to the white female as it suggests that she is a vapid trophy--BULLSHIT).

 

Okay so black men are raised and protected by black women all their lives (in some cases they are raised by white mothers but that is an entirely different blog entry and must be a heck of challenge for those women) They become successful contributing members of society and what happens next? It is time for a wife, now instead of choosing a woman who is like the woman who raised and supported them they find a trophy, staus symbol (as touted by mainstream perceptions of beauty). OUCH! Quite the slap in the face.

What happens to the psyche when all of the information you recieve tells you that you are unworthy of love. What if you are a young black girl of adolescent age? Nothing about you is worth seeing unless it is in a music video or a Pine-Sol commercial. You get the message pretty damn quick I'm afraid 'You can fuck or You can clean' take your pick.

 

Now if you have forward thinking parents (like many of the friends I had growing up) you might learn classical music, read extensively, study the people you came from. You will speak well and have external knowledge of your America and your place in that America. Wonderful yes? Well of course until you start to date and the black boys tell you that you are not "black enough" and the white boys find you "interesting or exotic". Do you keep chasing the black men? Do you date white men? The answer to both is yes. You chase black men because you want your brothers to love you the way that you love them. You date white men because someone wants you and the truth of the matter is that everyone wants to be wanted DAMN-IT!

Now personally I like all men and will date anyone who has the same interests as I do and is nice and respectful. That still doesnt change the fact that my last black boyfriend was about 12 years ago. Truth is most hear me speak and say "that I am not black enough". Maybe it's my fault, I mean I do love Barry Manilow and Punk music, opera and feminist literature. Not to mention that I dont straighten my hair (a lot of us generally get relaxers to straighten our hair to fit into a mold that will never accomodate us).  I either wear an afro or sport braids. I wear concert t-shirts and have a ridiculous collection of Chuck Taylors. Yep I am ALL AMERICAN just not of the Ambercrombie/Hilfiger America!

 

Now this was just a little something that I needed to get out so don't panic and start saying that the Femigog hates white women. Quite the contrary, the status quo damages my sister-femme as well. *insert "some of my bestfriends are white" here*. This was just something that was on my mind, and as always I encourage feedback positive and negative alike. Name calling will not be tolerated as you all know so don't get personal or I will hand you your ass! That said have a good day and

be as safe as one can!

 

Here is a comment made by Myclette on the subject of this entry:

"

"Black women are some of the most underappreciated women in the world! Sometimes we end up raising our kids alone, working 2 and 3 jobs and for what?  As soon as some of our brothers make a little money, they head straight for any other woman, but a black woman. I read a study that said that black females are graduating with college degrees at double the rate of black men. Maybe that's a bit intimidating. Of course some of the most highly degreed black men, decide to marry non-black women.

 

It seems like we are more appreciated in Europe than in America. I get hit on by Englishmen all the time. An American black man would look at me and turn up his nose. Either my skin isn't light enough (as you know the worst thing a black woman in America can be is dark skinned. It's ok for black men to be dark, hell Wesley Snipes is a damn sex symbol), my hair definitely isn't caucasion enough. My ass is too big (of course if you're not black and you have a big ass, it's sexy) and I'm not a size 0.

 

In Hollywood, the black actresses are so scarce that all of the good parts are going to Halle Berry or Gabriel Union. I haven't seen Angela Bassett in a movie since she did that bad sci fi movie where she played a body guard. Queen Latifah is the only leading black lady in Hollywood that even halfway looks like me. But even she's fair skinned.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against interracial dating at all. I've dated white men and hispanic men -- more often than black men. My problem is when black men come up with cockamamie (sp) excuses about why they don't date black women like:

1) Black women are gold-diggers

2) Black women don't take care of themselves as well as white women

3) Black women are too loud and bitchy.

I've heard these reasons way too many times. How can black women NOT be angry. Who wants to be rejected by their own race?"

 

Hey I encourage everyone to sound off! There is room for all opinions and discussions so dont be shy.