Bizarre @ MindSay

i woke up from a dream this morning in shock again. it happens to me every once in a while.

 

i had this other life once. i was wild and free and did/said/took/created whatever i wanted. there were a few beautiful people in my life. one was just like me.

 

he was alluring, no one could catch him. he was charming and sweet and exciting to be around. he was my best friend.

 

for the last 3 years, he's been residing in a box in the ground. i think it's the most bizarre thing to place the people you love in a box in the ground when they die. i personally hope to be fed to a great white shark.

 

the whole funeral process is bizarre too. displaying them all painted up in this pretty shiney box. walking up to the coffin, still in shock, to find that when you kiss thier cheek in a absent-minded goodbye, because you still don't believe what's happened, it's only been a fucking week for god's sake, you find that cheek is cold and hard like a rock and he doesn't smell anything like the boy you slow danced with in 7th grade.

 

it's like you are pretending to grieve, going through all the motions, while somehow simultaniously convincing yourself that that thing in the box is not the person you loved. the person you loved must have faked his own death and ran away to california like you two had always planned when you were kids. he must have gotten a gig on the latest hit tv, he was handsome enough, and you'd be seeing him on the air next season and then home again next christmas. that hard rock boy could not possibly be the one that hugged you when you were sad, that was so much taller than you your whole head fit beneath his chin.

 

the real grieving happens years later. when you have a dream in which you are sitting right next to him, driving around the curvey country roads and laughing. in that dream you are happy and young and free and so glad he's here. in that dream you have the odd feeling that you haven't seen him in a while but you put that aside because how could that be true he's your best friend you talk to him about everything and you see him every day. then you wake up from the dream to hear the sound of your sobbing toddler's voice. and you're 24, and that boy you called your best friend has been dead for three years. and you're responsible for a house payment and  the safety of a two year old and sometimes you forget what it's like to be truely happy, let alone feel the wind in your hair.

 

that moment is when it hits you that he is really dead. that he is gone forever and so is the you that was reflected in his eyes. then you feel the pain. the heavy load of bricks in the equilalent to the saddest song ever written are tied to your heart with a large scratchy rope. you have no knife to cut it. that's when you sob, a long, deep sob that you couldn't have been capable of when you were 21 and he spiritually left this earth.

 

you want to run until it hurts, until your out of breath and your heart feels like it is going to explode in your chest, but you sit and quietly sob so your husband you is sleeping in the living room after bitching to you about his poison ivy all night doesn't hear you. you sob quietly so he doesn't come in and demand what is wrong and in a moment of weakness you answer that question honestly and he snarls his lip up at you and slams the door. you hold in in when you sob so you don't frighten your two year old who is playing on the fireplace stoop with the new car set you bought him yesterday at the grocery store after he screamed and crying and threw a temper tantrum until you were ready to give in to your pending nervous breakdown. you shake a little, and silent tears roll down your cheeks. you finally know what it means to grieve.

 

 

Ok, this is gross--you've been forwarned! I got the kiddos a pirate themed cake on Friday that I ordered from Sam's, and it had black icing on the edges. I mean, it was BLACK icing--so heavily pigmented that the kids and I all ended up with black teeth and lips after eating it. In hindsight, that should have been a clue...anyway, I got home about three and almost immediately got really sick. Here's the gross part: my diarrhea was purplish-greenish-black, all from that damn icing, for the next 24 hrs. BLECK! Even worse, there have been some bizarre...dye issues on parts of my body that we just won't discuss, thank you very much! I've been hoping to god that this was just me and the cake wasn't poisoned or something, since the last thing I need is half of my students ending up in the hospital for severe black diarrhea. I can just see it now: " Well, yes, Officer, I DID feed the children the cake with the diarrhea-inducing frosting, but I SWEAR I didn't know what would happen...". (playing: 'Where You Gonna Go', Toby Keith) Oh my, it's been over a week since I've written--far too busy soaking up as much time with Jay as I can to do much of anything else. Like, uh, laundry, groceries, reading, writing...it's bizarre, but sometimes when he's around I go into this bizarre semi-comatose state where everything except him is concerned. This is because I kinow that my time with him is so limited; as of right now, he'll be leaving for China on June 3. It's good that he's doing what he wants to, but...is it really REALLY wrong that I was inwardly ecstatic when he had problems at the passport office on Friday, and they told him he may not be able to leave until July 1-ish? Oh, I'm a bad, bad girl. He has been very sweet with me being all sick. Even went to Wal-Mart to buy me Gatorade and crackers today...which, sadly enough, is probably one of the nicest thing any guy's ever done for me before. I'm not sure what's worse about that--that being a kinda pathetic light on my ex, or that it made me kinda weepy thinking about it. Hmm. Well, my fever must be spiking again, 'cause that sentence makes no sense whatsoever but I have no idea how to fix it.

this fucking bizarro ass shit needs to stop. i'll explain more later, but for now i apparently need to freshen up

Okay, this is all sandyquill 's fault! She got me started on bizarre holidays and since I'm a trivia buff this fits me nicely. Here's a sample of the holidays for March, surely you will find something to celebrate this month! If you don't find anything here go to http://www.brownielocks.com/march.html and check out the entire list for March, including Month, Week and Day. They have a complete list for every day of the year.

Monthly
American Red Cross Month
Humorists are Artist Month
International Listening Awareness Month
International Mirth Month
National Caffeine Awareness Month
National Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Month
National Collision Awareness Month

Weekly
National Ghostwriters Week: 1-7
Universal Human Beings Week: 1-7
National Procrastination Week: 5-11
World Folk Tales and Fables Week: 5-11
International Internet Moms Week: 11-17
National Toad Hollow Week: 14-12
National Bubble Blowers Week: 20-26
National Cleaning Week: 25-31

Daily
Pig Day: 1
Sherlock Holmes Day: 2-4
I Want you to be Happy Day: 3
What if Cats and Dogs had Opposable Thumbs? Day: 3
March Fourth-Do Something Day: 4
Panic Day: 9
Middle Name Pride Day: 9
Organize Your Home Office Day: 14
Ides of March: 15
National Chocolate Caramel Day: 19
O. K. Day: 23
National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day: 24

Nov 8,2006


Nov 22, 2006
NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. — A woman's body was found wedged upside-down behind a bookcase in the home she shared with relatives who had spent nearly two weeks looking for her.

A spokesman for the Sheriff's Office said the woman's death was not suspicious. Family members said they believe she fell over as she tried to adjust the plug of a television behind the bookshelf.

The woman returned home Oct. 28 and greeted her mother, then wasn't seen again. Her family thought she had been kidnapped and contacted authorities. Family members scoured her room for clues but found nothing, though they did notice a strange smell.

On Nov. 9, the woman's sister went into her bedroom and looked behind a bookcase, where she saw the woman's foot. Using a flashlight the family saw the woman was wedged upside-down behind the unit.

"I'm sleeping in the same house as her for 11 days, looking for her," her mother told the newpapers "And she's right in the bedroom."

Both the woman and her sister had previously adjusted the television plug by standing on a bureau next to the shelf and leaning over the top. Her family believes the woman, who was 5-foot-3 and barely 100 pounds, may have fallen headfirst into the space."She's a little thing," her mother said. "And the bookcase is 6 feet tall and solid. And she couldn't get out."

The sheriff's office said the woman appeared to have died because she was unable to breathe in the position she was in.

Dec 15, 2006
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