Bitter @ MindSay 
angry
Ladies and gentlemen, I have received my first rejection notice.
Actually, my first three. Apparently when agents don’t like you, they act fast.
Observe Exhibit A:
At least this is nice and polite. I mean, they do wish me the best of luck with my work. Although they also explain that based on the current market, no publisher would possibly want my book. So, in other words, they tell me to give up because no one is going to buy my book. But hey, at least they admit to being afraid to give me this news, which just proves how very intimidating I am.
But here’s my question, if the volume of queries they receive obliges them to respond in a form letter, how were they able to get it out to me so fast?
Oh well, at least I have this one to make me feel better:
These wonderful people don’t even know whom they are rejecting. I’m pretty sure my name is Matt, not Tony, although I guess I could be wrong. I’ve only been living with the same name for more than twenty years.
And I love the fact that they just crossed off “author,” not even trying to make it seem like it was a personal letter. And meanwhile, they rejected me, no relationship is going to be formed, so they didn't need to be personal in the first place. But if you are going to be personal, don’t cross off “author” so that we see it was a form letter, and don’t replace the crossed off "author" with the wrong name.
Despite that minor (okay, major) screw up, however, these people are very nice about their rejecting. They claim to have really appreciated the opportunity to review my work, and they assure me that it was definitely read and thoroughly evaluated. Not thoroughly enough to know what my name is, but whatever, there’s different definitions of thorough.
And finally, they left me with a little optimism. As opposed to saying, “No agent would want this damn book in a time like this, moron,” as the first agency did, these people say, “This is a subjective business and another agency may feel quite differently.” Hey, you’re right! Maybe someone else would be interested. Thank you for supplying me with some semblance of hope.
And finally, we have this gal:
Wow, wordy enough? No wonder you’ve had an impossible time trying to keep up with your correspondence, you don’t stop talking…or writing. Plus, save your troubles for your shrink, girlfriend. I don't need to know how stressful your job is and how hard of a time you're having trying to keep up with everything. I can't believe how many submissions you've recently recently as well. I also can't believe you're making me read through this crap just to get to the backhanded way that you reject me.
But to be fair, she was really nice about it. She knew my book wasn’t for her and she didn’t want me to wait around to hear that bad news. She got it out as soon as she could, which was incredibly soon. So I like this girl, even if she rejected me. Although she does kind of subliminally reference that she doesn't think my book can sell, which hurts. But still, I like her. Good luck, Sheree. Good luck with all your troubles.
I don’t mean to make light of the situation or sound too bitter. I expected to get rejected. I am just showing you these now to increase the drama of this blog, which is becoming more and more like Breaking Bonaduce every week. Just wait until next week when my wife leaves me [Note to self: Get married and then make your new bride hate her life before next week's post].
But besides adding to the real-life drama of this little reality show blog that could, these horribly painful rejection letters are a great segue into a discussion about dialogue. All three agents had a different way of writing, which is most likely based on their different ways of speaking.
So too should a writer have a unique interpretation of dialogue, which may be based on his or her personality or how that author sees the world.
Dialogue is often cited as the hardest part of writing a book. I feel bad for screenwriters, since they’re entire project is dialogue.
But dialogue is so important. Sure, Charlie Chaplin never had dialogue. And The New World is sparser with dialogue than a desert with water. But Charlie Chaplin made silent films, and The New Worlds sucks. The fact is, dialogue is vital to a good book. It can really enhance or ruin a story.
A friend of my parents has had a few books published by a really small company, and everyone who has read them has said the same thing: “The books are really good, but every time someone speaks the story just dies. It’s so hard to get through the dialogue.”
I think one of the major problems is that people write dialogue too stilted. In real life, no one says, “We are out of milk,” or “I am going to the store.” That’s just not how people speak. Therefore, that's not how dialogue should be written.
Some authors don’t like using conjunctions in their books, but you have to consider them when writing dialogue. “I am going to the store,” should be “I’m going to the store,” or even, “I’m goin’ to the store.” You could also try, “I’ll be at the store.” Either way, write it as someone would speak it.
The key is to speak it aloud. Have a friend of yours read a scene with you, as if two actors reading lines, and see if the wording works. When you get to:
”Hey, we are out of milk.”
“Well then take a trip to the store.”
You will realize that it doesn’t sound right. Your prose might move along at a quick pace or have an eloquent flow, but as soon as a reader hits dialogue like that, the faucet will shut off and the steady flow will cease. Stilted dialogue actually makes the reader stop to reread the words in order to absorb the whole thing. It shouldn't be like that. It should zip right through. I'm a big fan of fast, zippy, witty dialogue that just keeps moving, maybe even quickening the pace of the prose instead of slowing it down.
And hey, I don't want this post to slow down because I rambled on for too long, and I don't want to pull a Sheree, so I'll stop here. But this topic is too broad to end at this point, especially since I didn’t go into very good detail, so I’ll be back next week to discuss using adverbs in dialogue (i.e. “He said angrily”) as well as coming up with other adjectives for “said,” and how you shouldn’t even need to write “said” in the first place.
Meanwhile, why don’t you tell me some of your favorite bits of dialogue from books, movies, TV shows, or plays? And there better not be any Danny Bonaduce quoting.
FROM THAT BASTION OF LIBERALISM AND ELITISM ;~)
The editorial in today's SFChronicle, Obama's "Clumsy" S.F. remarks
Sen. Barack Obama was hardly the first one in modern American politics to observe that voters who are embittered that prosperity passed them by would "cling to guns, or religion, or antipathy toward people who aren't like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment, or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustration."
All you need to do as look at recent history to realize there are political points to be scored by playing to fears that have little or nothing to do with the underlying economic stresses of people's lives.
Politicians from the right and left pander to these anxieties. They go into towns reeling from lost jobs - and watching their young people go off to an aimless war in Iraq - and the politicians focus on concerns about gun control, same-sex marriage, abortion, an immigrant "invasion" or the horrors of globalization. Whether it's Mike Huckabee flashing "Christian leader" or President Bush lacing his speeches with code words to assure Christian conservatives that he is one of them, religion is invoked in an open appeal for votes.
So if it's "elitist" or "insulting" to note that voters who are otherwise left behind in the global economy sometimes have misdirected frustrations - which can be exploited for political gain - then Barack Obama has plenty of company.
Naturally, Obama's principal foes, Democrat Hillary Clinton and Republican John McCain, are exploiting the remarks for all they're worth. Who could blame them? It was a rare misstep from a candidate who has been frustrating his adversaries with his deftness at identifying and articulating the electorate's craving for a message of hope and inclusion.
The fact that Obama said those words in San Francisco - in an off-the-record setting with his contributors - was an "aha!" moment for those who are suspicious of a Harvard-educated lawyer with a gift for the soaring oratory. For his critics, the setting itself proved the context was of condescension.
But the preface to Obama's "bitter" quote conveyed a clear strain of empathy with such frustrations. "You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, a lot of them - like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them," he said. "And they've gone through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate, and they have not."
Obama erred in assuming that a "private" fundraising event was truly private. He also was wrong to try to give perfunctory treatment to something as nuanced and treacherous as characterizing a wide swath of voters.
It was, as he acknowledged, a "clumsy" moment. But it's neither elitist nor insulting to observe that fear and prejudice too often carry the day in modern American politics.
ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod
I'm out to Suncorp tonight to watch the Roar's last home game of the season. In the lead up to the start of the match the league ladder looks like this, with one round to play.
1 Central Coast Marriners Played: 20 Won: 9 Drawn: 4 Lost: 7 Goal Difference: +3 Points: 31
2 Newcastle Jets Played: 20 Won: 8 Drawn: 7 Lost: 5 Goal Difference: +3 Points: 31
3 Queensland Roar Played: 19 Won: 8 Drawn: 6 Lost: 5 Goal Difference: +6 Points: 30
4 Sydney FC Played: 19 Won: 8 Drawn: 6 Lost: 5 Goal Difference: +4 Points: 30
Out of the 8 teams, only those four matter, as they are the only teams contesting the finals, let alone the premiership.
A win and a draw in Queenslands final 2 rounds should see us claim the Premiership, as well as the double-chance a top 2 finsh gives. in the championship series. 2 wins will definatly seal it
At the moment we are 5.5 hours away from kick-off and I am absolutly PUMPED! It is going to be huge! Our most hated rivals, who knocked us out of the Championship last year by keeping us to a draw, the state that every Queenslander has been bought up to hate.
A settler in the pub pre-game is not going to be nearly enough, I'll need 4 or 5.
God, I can't wait.
My sister is getting a nice new digital camera for Christmas.
From the age of thirteen until I got my shit together and moved at the age of nineteen, I asked for a camera every year. Fuck, I almost went to school for Photography, I got accepted. They wouldn't even buy me one then.
She's getting a new one for Christmas. To replace the one they got her last year.
I got a pair of socks and a Pink Floyd shirt.
I fucking hate this time of year.
A creation born of ignorance
The secret place,
His voice...it left me
This time.... I'll fight.
A world between
A forgotten world
The gathering
ENDLESS
I feel so alone at this point in time,
expressing my sorrow in this childish rhyme.
Tears well up and roll down my face,
even now I cannot hide in my imaginary place.
Nightmares haunt me even in my mind,
leaving me no peace that I can find.
As I reach for the blade I take a deep breathe and count to three:
One for the pain
two for the tears
three for the blood pounding in my vein.
Oh why won't my suffering end?
At least for a little while so that I can pretend.
I look up at my reflection in the mirror;
the pain in my soul suddenly becomes clearer.
I think back onto the days had shown me a kinder side,
back before all those tears that I had cried.
It was back when the sun would shine and the birds would sing,
where you could always be giddy and giggles about every little thing.
As I reach for the blade I take a deep breathe and count to three:
One for the pain
two for the tears
three for the blood pounding in my vein.
Oh why won't my suffering end?
At least for a little while so that I can pretend.
The hand gripping the blade begins to shake,
and I start to wonder if everything was just one big mistake.
Lowering the blade the touch the cold metal to my skin,
I hoped that this would be a battle that I was going to win.
"Dear God please forgive me for all I’ve done,
I wish now that it could all be undone."
As I slide the blade across my wrist I close my eyes and count to three:
One for the lies
Two for the mistakes
Three for the pain to end as I say my final good byes.
Never
never say I love you,
if you really don't care.
Never talk about feelings,
if they really aren't there.
Never hold my hand,
if you’re going to break my heart.
Never say you are going to,
if you don't plan to start.
Never look into my eyes,
if all you do is lie.
Never say Hi.
If you really mean good-bye.
If you really mean forever,
then say you will try.
Never say forever,
because forever makes me cry...
Don't Leave Now
Come away with me,
such sweet tempting words,
but my heart said let me be,
and he left right after he heard.
I just need some time,
and time is what I got.
That clock chimed,
His plane came for him and he left.
As I watched him fly away,
A tear ran down my cheek,
And suddenly on that cloudy day,
I found the words coming from my lips and I could finally speak.
The words I shouted into the rain,
they were helpless now that he was gone,
they were filled with a loss so deep that I could feel the pain.
What if what I had done was wrong?
I let him go off to fight in the war,
He said it was what he needed,
He said he had to settle the score.
And I could not stop him, no matter how I pleaded.
For every sunset that you missed,
for every moment that passed by,
I'll wrap everything up in a sweet long kiss,
and then just hold on and cry.
Now here I sit on this hill alone,
you are here in my heart,
you are still here at home,
And in that special way we will never ever be far apart.
Loosing Touch
I find myself slipping,
slowly each day.
There is nothing to keep me here,
from slipping away.
I am sick of falling,
And getting back up.
After all this stalling,
I have had enough!
Now what would you say,
If I let go from this slender thread?
Would you not care at all,
if I ended up dead?
So why do I keep struggling,
up this mountainous hill?
Is it because I think you will feel sorry for me?
Or maybe, it’s because I think you will love me still.
Well Maybe I'm right,
Maybe I'm wrong,
But one thing remains,
I will always be strong.
For in my heart I know,
you should have never have come back,
and now that you're here,
you continue to hack.
Slowly each day,
I feel like I'm dying,
Because of you,
Now I'm laying here crying.
Go away forever and never come back!
I hate you for what you did to me,
so leave me alone now,
and then maybe you'll see.
You disgust me!
Tortured Soul
I'm shy, I'm quiet, I'm an angel in disguise.
I'm loud, I'm noisy, I'm a devil inside.
You think I'm an angel so let’s make a bet,
because if that's what you think, you don't know me yet!
I look like an angel and act like one too,
but you never know what this angel will do!
I love you.
You break my heart into a thousand tiny pieces and say it’s because I deserve better.
So take this razor and sign you're name across my wrists,
so everyone will know who left me like this!
I clipped cupid's wings so he couldn't fly,
all because you made me cry!
Find a razor blade, put it to my skin.
Push then drag back and forth, wait for the bubble of blood, then enjoy it, then do it again!!!!!
Did I tell you that I'm sorry?
Cause I'm sorry. I'm a liar, I'm addicted, I'm so tired, but I missed it.
I said that I wouldn't.
That's not what I need!
But I wanted so badly to watch myself bleed.
I can't cry, but I still can't make the tears dry.
And I'm sorry that I lied to you.
But I meant it when I said it, just like I always do.
I'm always depressed,
I don't know why I'm always lonely,
I wish I could kill myself.
False Love
Love is despair and heartbreak.
Love is not joy and happiness,
it creeps up on you like a parasite and when it leaves,
it leaves an aching pain in your heart.
When I hear the word love,
I do not think of happiness and joy,
but darkness and pain,
for it leaves just that when it is gone.
Sweeping Out the Cobwebs
I remember the time you spent with me,
all of those happy little moments,
knowing it would only end in insanity.
So I let the madness commence.
At first it was nice,
it seemed like nothing could ever go wrong.
Then my world shattered and turned to ice,
like the sudden crashing end of a perfect unending song.
You said it would never work,
so why did I listen?
You ended up being a jerk,
and leaving me to stare alone at my torn wrists,
as in the sunlight they glistened.
So now I sit here alone in this cold unfeeling room,
thinking only of you.
When I think I am alone I seeing a broom.
I walk over silent, knowing it will not help,
it’s just another thing someone else left to do.
I look at the broom's handle and notice something,
there are carving of names.
People have carved their them there to show I am not alone, and that I can do one thing.
Sweep up these terrible remains.
When all is cleared and all is gone,
I stare around myself in wonder.
The room is no longer dark, the shades have been drawn.
There is nothing left to hide under.
So simply was I to break apart,
I never saw inside my own heart.
In the dark I got lost,
And at a terrible cost.
My life was torn,
And now it is fixed,
I do not mourn,
Instead I am left to finally live in peace.
The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you.
And I can't sleep
I need to tell you
Goodnight.
When we're together I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you I fall apart.
All you say is sacred to me.
Your eyes are so blue, I can't look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me;
"Baby, Marry me.
Promise you'll stay with me."
Oh you don't have to ask me.
You know you're all that I live for.
You know I'd die just to hold you,
Sat with you.
Somehow I'll show you
That you are my
Night sky.
I've always been right behind you.
Now I'll always be right beside you.
So many nights I'll cry myself to sleep.
Even though you love me I can't love you back.
I never thought I would say that.
I just cannot marry you.
In utter despair I lay here in this hospital bed.
So much to fear, the endless beeping in my ear. So close to the end.
Blackness wells inside of me, and I wish so much for it to leave
But then, this was my only friend, this black despair.
I feel my heartbeat subsiding, someone near crying,
My breath fades, and I'm left all alone with my one and only friend.
I expected to see hope, or a light, or an angel
But none, only a deep blackness, an ever-deepening sorrow,
And Longing for something...
I remember the crying, after an eternity. Who had been crying, for me?
And then I saw the face of someone who I knew
Someone so familiar, his name was on my tongue
And I couldn't stop saying it, I knew that the longing was gone.
Oh and the name was there, what was it?
Black Despair.
Innocent lullaby.
You started with me,
You hear me all day
At night when I'm near
You hear me say
"Don't be afraid,
When the light comes to play
Remember the darkness that is me
Don't cry now
I'm here for you"
You've been with me
Watching me entwine your heart
You've taken my soul
With your loving art
Just let me whisper:
"Don't be afraid,
When the light comes to play
Remember the darkness that is me
Don't cry now
I'm here for you"
The light bothers you no more
I'm always here.
And never, never have you once shed a tear.
Please let me sing:
"Don't be afraid,
When the light comes to play
Remember the darkness that is me
Don't cry now
I'm here for you"
Because you know I'm there for you, to.
Take you, embrace you,
Because I promised.
You started with me,
You hear me all day
At night when I'm near
You hear me say...
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