Bite @ MindSay

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Today's been weird.
It's been one of those rare days where I make an effort to spend time with my mam - and rarer still, it works.

I sat and watched telly with her for a while - then went upstairs to sort out my FarmVille crops.
Mam asked me if I wanted to go to Lucy's while she dropped off Lila's birthday present. She said I could see her new kitten.

So I said I would, but asked her to hang about while I sorted out my strawberries.
Mam took an odd interest in what I was doing - asking me what you did and how it worked.

I liked Lucy's kitten Smudge at first - but he's one of those little bastards who lulls you into a false sense of security by acting all affectionate, then turning round and attacking you.
All I can say is that it's a good thing I was wearing long sleeves.

Even so, his claws went through my jumper fabric and got me a few times. I have a little bite mark on the side of my hand.
He looked a bit like a mini version of Adam's old cat Alfie - and a bit like the cats roaming about the hotel in Zante.

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When we got back, I suggested to mam that we try out my tarot cards.
I've had them for about a year and we've never really tried using them.

So, after we arranged the decks into the corresponding suits - shuffled them up and read the instructions, we did the simple version where you ask a question and the cards reveal the events of the past, present and future.

I asked: "Will Shelly and I stay together?"

The cards said that in our past, we had a lot of arguments, difficulties and there was possibilities of the relationship dying or suffering problems.
In our present, the cards said that we need more time alone on occassion, though our love and closeness is building.
For our future, the cards predict marraige, healthy wealth, strong relationship with friends and a possibility of travel.

The past and present seems to be right - and the future sounds pretty mint to me. :)
I hope it's right. :D

I am so oddly enthralled with him. I fear that this is just a rebound relationship and that the wont last.  But I suppose I shouldn't think about and just enjoy what I've got in the moment.  But dude he does this thing with his hands that just - mind blowing.  I never want that to go away. I'll have to figure out how to teach the next person how to do that. Listen to me talking about the next person.  If he heard me talk like that he'd be disappointed to say the least.  I dream about the things he does to me as if I've never had a good lover before. It's totally awesome. Although I'm feeling a little broken at the moment so I'd better keep off sex for the next couple of days at least.  I got a couple fresh bite marks to remind me of the most recent shanagans. Well perhaps it's time to watch some TV and get my mind off this for a bit. But only a little bit. 

I've taken a lover.  Wow doesn't that sound proper for something that total isn't. He makes me feel sooo awesome and yet soo bad (which is great by the way). I do things for him that I never would've before.  For anyone. We've only been lovers for a couple of weeks now but he seemed to figure out my body faster than anyone I've ever been with. That is an awesome talent. 

Though this is coming with some drawbacks. He brings up a lot of memories from my past - things I thought I'd forgotten and/or moved past.  In short I used to hurt myself. Not excatly cutting, it was like a precursor to cutting but it hurt and felt good all the same. But instead of moving on to true cutting I changed to a different kind of hurting. ...just what kind of hurting probably won't ever be explained to you. But anyway, whatever it is between us or that reminds me of the past is coming back. I want to feel what I used to feel, including a little bit of self indulgent pain. Perhaps I've got a little bit of masochist in me. 

But I think it's just that sometimes the pain makes you feel more alive. 

Tonight during our shanagains I bit myself hard enough to leave bruises. I kinda like it. I'm kinda wishing bruises didnt fade so fast.  I wonder if anyone can understand this besides me.

Biting at a ceramic bowl like a baby. I know it's abnormal but it feels good and I couldn't care less. Scratch the walls at school, fall down the stairs, "fake it" on repeat. I can't be crazy because I feel crazy. I'm tired and love sleep but I don't want to go to bed. I feel so fat. I eat and I eat and I need to exercise. And I complain. and I complain. I'm pathetic and in sayingthat I am being more pathetic. I don't understand anything . I tend to put things in my mouth when I'm angry or depressed. Like when I messed up a math problem today, I put my plastic duotang in my mouth and bit it. When I played boggle and my friend ownd me I chewed the paper...

And I sniff my textbooks because they're yummy. and so are the nachos I had tonight. I;m so fucking in love. I need him. I fucking need him and he knows it and he don't care. pathetic. i wonder why he ever made time for me. he doesn't make sense. i don't make any more sense. if I could hug him I'd squeeze him dry.

i feel like rolling around on the floor. maybe if i licked a lightbulb and burnt my tongue I could focus on that. and not be so fumb. i mean dumb. or do i mean fumb. maybe i do. maybe both. yeah both.

this is a longer entry than i intentioned. i love furutal,ma. yes...that show. furturams. those who know it know what im ean. woot.

I believe I am allergic to chiggers, the side of my foot where the bite is located is swollen and red in a 4x3 inch area.  Oh. My. God. It itches incredibly bad!  I found some calamine lotion which is helping...but oh god!  Make it stop!!!