Birth Control @ MindSay

...Use rear entrance.

(This entry is inspired by Zipdrive's Entry "Jumping on the Sign Bandwagon")

Are sperm and ovum alive? And if so, are they a part of human life?

 

So why didn't anyone show those Pregnancy Pact Teens this preview? 'Course I still maintain that they should just ask to borrow a newborn for a day or two. Two benefits. Trust me, they won't want babies for many years. And incidentally, it'll give the poor new mom a break and some Mommy Time. Ugh.

sex related things to do before i die:

• have sex while stoned

i don't really know what to write about, but i figure i should write something, even tho as always, when i start posting entries about how happy i am, no one comments, lol. anyway, i guess that really is all i have to talk about, is how happy i am. cyn is still back home with her family, so i've spent pretty much the whole week with albert and its been awesome. there's so many little things he does that remind me how much i love him that i can't remember them all, and at the same time he's sure to make sure i never think he's perfect. i don't mean like he acts like an asshole or anything, but its something that we've talked about. he doesn't want me to think he's perfect because he's scared that when he fucks up it'll hurt me really bad, and i told him he should be scared. anyone who really knows me knows that that's true. i've been really careful about the things that i've told him and what i've trusted him with so far because i know that if i tell him about the whole ptsd thing and if he slips up and we watch a movie with rape in it or something and he didn't tell me first, it'll be really fucking bad and to be honest, i don't have the faith in him that he'd remember that kind of thing in a movie. Nam never did. fuck, he didn't even tell me about the tree scene or the molesting in the evil dead movies! and that fucker was WITH ME when all that shit was really bad and all the symptoms developed and...yeah...so if he couldn't do it, i don't know why i should expect albert to. i mean, last night we watched American History X. it was my first time seeing it, but not is first, and there's a scene in the movie where edward norton's character is in prison and he gets ass-raped in the shower...for some reason rape scenes in movies that involve men don't get to me the way the ones with women do, probably because i'm a woman that got raped over and over, not a man, but it still bothered me and being stoned deffinately helped it not hurt me as much...but yeah, since albert doesn't know about any of that stuff i have no reason to be mad at him about that, whereas if he did i probably would be. i know logically to most ppl that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it does to my stupid crazy brain.

anyway, back to happy stuff...its funny because i have a new room mate now and i'm like never home because i've been with albert this whole time, but when cyn comes back i want to give them some alone time, especially because i'm on my period and i'm not really interested in sex right now, so i can sleep by myself and organize my room and such at home and hang out with them during the day for a while, and then when school starts i know i won't be here NEARLY as much cuz if i was then the three of us, or at least me and albert, would never get anything done. i remember when i was over here during finals, all the two of us would do is flirt and stuff, lol :P

speaking of sex... we didn't last night, but i think like three of the past six nights we've spent with each other alone we've gotten stoned and had sex. that's not the only reason we got stoned, but we'd still be stoned when we were going to bed and then we'd have sex before we went to sleep. it makes me feel so much closer to him emotionally, like i just get lost in him. its almost like i forget that he's there entirely, and then i remember. it makes for a really intense emotional experience, but its not like we need to be stoned to feel that, either. we've been having sex in the mornings, too, when we've woken up, and its still awesome and its still beautiful and its just...i mean, shit, SEX MEANS SOMETHING!! for the first time in my life, SEX MEANS SOMETHING!! it took 8 guys for me to experience it, but i'm so glad that i am now. i feel like i really know what the meaning of making love is now and i can feel it when we do it, i really can. (yeah yeah, hippy emotional bullshit, get over it.) not only that, but this is the most sex i've ever had in my life. after we first had sex we did it everyday for 5 days in a row, the most i'd ever done, and then we skipped a day, had sex again, skipped another day and then i got a UTI (urinary tract infection.) we didn't have sex for about 10 days after that because i needed the infection to go away and we seperated for the break, but after him and cyn picked me up from santa clara n we went to his parents' house in fresno, (actually its in kingsberg, but fresno's the closest big city to that), i promised i'd be quiet and we had sex then, and we've had sex at least once a day everyday since then up to yesterday because my period started. i mean, i do get really horny during my period, but there's two reasons i choose not to have sex during my period:
1) my flows are usually pretty heavy, and since i'm usually really wet during sex anyway, the two together basically over-lube my vagina so i don't really feel anything. the guys usually seem to be able to pick up enough friction to enjoy it anyway, but i barely can, and i especially can't if we're using a condom because just about all of those come already lubed, too.
2) since my flows are usually pretty heavy, (they ALWAYS were REALLY heavy before i started the pill), its just really messy to have sex on my period and i really don't feel like cleaning that shit up.

my period started yesterday morning and i hadn't noticed until we'd already had sex once because when i got off of him and took the condom off, i noticed there was some blood on it. its not that i've never bled during sex, but we weren't doing anything hard core (i was on top of him) and whenever i bleed during sex, i usually know it because, well, it hurts. usually not enough to tell the guy to stop, but enough to draw a little bit of blood. this time it didn't hurt at all, so i knew it was probably just my period. i told albert that i thought it had started and we just cuddled in bed naked for a while...which turned into grinding...which turned into some discussion as to whether or not we should have sex again. i really wanted to, but the problem was that even tho my period had just started, i could already feel that i was wet enough that if we used a condom, i'd be lucky if i felt anything. however, if we didn't use a condom, could i trust that albert would be able to pull out before he climaxed?

we layed there and talked about it and why i'm not sure i'm ready to have a guy cum in my vagina yet and such, and ultimately i decided that it was ok to have sex without a condom and if he didn't manage to pull out before cumming that i would be ok with it, but i really really wanted him to try. he said ok, and then we started having sex in the spooning position.

now its time for me to back up a little bit and explain a couple things. first off, albert has a lot of piercings. if i ever get around to posting a picture of him and cyn, you'll see that. the thing is, they're not just in his face. he also has his nipples pierced, two scrotal rings, and yes, albert has a prince albert, or PA. this is the piercing that goes from the underside of the head where the foreskin connects to it and into the urethra and then out, (i'm sure if u do a google image search, u'll see one). so yes, my boyfriend has a ring on the end of his cock that i've had an interesting time getting used to when i give him head. it was kind of annoying at first, but i'm starting to learn how to play with it now and stuff, which is pretty much the reason why he got it in the first place. the thing is, the only time albert and i had had sex with out a condom up to this point was when we did anal for the first time a couple mornings ago, and yeah, i could feel his ring and it kind of hurt. (we showered after that to make sure his piercing was clean and everything.) so secondly, yesterday morning was the first time i had sex with albert without a condom. sure, i am on birth control, but we get condoms from planned parenthood for free and i like the extra caution. i know i wouldn't enjoy sex as much if i was always worried that i was pregnant, and i've been especially worried about it this month because 1) my pills came a week late so i started this new pack a week late and because 2) the antibiotics from my UTI make the pill not work. i figured tho that because my period had now started, but would be ok not to use a condom especially if he pulled out. i know that it's possible for a girl to get pregnant while she's on her period, (and if u didn't know that, yes its true), and i know its possible to get pregnant even using the "pull out method," but i figure that if i use that with the pill then i'm probably ok.

and it was weird.

we actually ended up having sex twice- the first time he jizzed on my back, the second time on my stomach- and i could feel his ring the whole fucking time. i'd never felt it before because i guess the condom just makes it feel like its another part of his cock, but as wet as i was, i could tell what that damn thing was and where it was. and it was really weird. i'm not sure if i like the way it feels or not...it kinda hurt, but it kinda didn't at the same time. i had the same experience with it when we did anal, except then i couldn't feel it as well. i didn't think i'd be able to feel it, i have no idea why, but i just didn't. i told albert all this sometime afterward, and he said that the first time him and cyn had sex without a condom when it was fully healed, they did it doggy style and, "ooooooohhhh did she fall in love with me all over again." XD and yes, we did shower afterwards to clean ourselves up and again to make sure his piercings were all nice and clean. we didn't have sex this morning even tho we did want to cuz i didn't want to make a mess, (we actually did get a little blood on the sheets yesterday :/), and we didn't have enough time to do it in the shower before he had to go to work. he said maybe when he gets back, but we'll see, lol.

right now i'm at his apartment because i'm a dumbass and i can't find cyn's spare key that he let me borrow so i can leave and lock the door when i do. when he gets back here he needs to clean the place for cyn anyway, so after that i can go and clean up some shit around my place and then i can come back and hang out  here again. i kinda wanna sleep in my own bed tonight, but like i said, i also want to give him and cyn some alone time themselves so maybe i'll wait until tomorrow night to sleep by myself. its not that i don't love him, its just that sometimes u need time to yourself, u know? n hopefully he won't be too mad at me about that key...:/