Biology @ MindSay

Hey guys!

So. 15 days til prom!!

Ah! I can't wait.

Prom date tom and I have everything worked out. 

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Today was docudrama...

It is really cool...they have a big fake car crash, and bring in Life Flight, and a bunch of ambulances and fire trucks and cops! It was cool. It is sweet.

And recently in biology, we got to cut up clams, and earthworms becasue our chapter is dealing with mollusks and annelids.

Wahaha!

I love cutting up stuff. Maybe I just should be a biology teacher?

IDK what I want to do.

Ummm...

What else?

Madison is having boy troubles.(Don't worry dear, he will get an awful disease, and his penis will shrivel up and fall off!)

Group for prom is extremely unorganized...Angela and Michael don't have anything figured out.

And since prom date tom will be getting back from Columbus for State Convention for FFA, he probably will just come to my house to get ready, and then we might not even go eat for prom. IDK yet. But we do have everything else worked out.

Yay!

So...

I am going to go do something else. Maybe my homework.

: D

Ciao,

Mariah

 

well, i kinda feel like talking to someone, but am not sure who, so i guess i'll confide in you, mac computer in the library, and you, internet people who chance upon my ancient and ignored online journal.

so, lately i've been feeling like life is coming too fast and things are just falling apart.  i know my life is cake compared to others-- i have food, clothing, housing, and i get to go to college without having to take out loans.  but my last semester here, which i thought would be one of the most fun in college, has turned out to be much more than i can take.  yeah, i procrastinate, but really not too much more than i have in the past.  and i've already dropped a few extracurricular activities already.

i work in biological research lab here on campus and i wanted to defend an honors thesis this semester, but my experiments haven't been working at all and i haven't gotten data in two years.  i know i can write an honors thesis without data, but i really don't understand what i'm doing wrong.  they just aren't working out and i've been getting more down each time an experiment doesn't work, which has happened countless times.  over two years.  plus, i defend in about a month, and really haven't been able to start writing it.  i have no idea when i'll be able to start because i just have so much going on.

let's move on to my med school applications, which are going nowhere (and yes, i'm pre-med, and am completely aware of all the associated stereotypes).  my application essay is a disaster.  i have no idea what i'm writing and how to write it.  i have a draft, it's absolutely terrible and need to start over completely.  also, i am nowhere near getting all my materials in for the committee letter.

i applied for teach for america and got an interview, which was awesome, but my dad is completely incapable of understanding why i want to do tfa.  fyi, my dad is a doctor and is all up in my business about med school (side note: he did not push med school on me-- this was my choice; i honestly don't think it matters what i go into, my dad would probably still be too over-protective and all busy-body about my life-- if you know any traditional asian families, you know should what i'm talking about).  my dad didn't even want me to take time off after college, he wanted me to go straight to med school, but i insisted on taking a year off.  i don't think he understands that i want to live my life, not just work all the time, but for my dad, work = his life, and i think he wants the same thing for me.

those are the main worries.  there are other things, but i won't go into them.

anyways, all these problems have been here since the beginning of the semester, and for a while i thought i was dealing with them alright.  i had a couple freak-outs, but i was actually getting some things done for a while.  and then it all came crashing down yesterday.

i am competitive.  let's start with that.  but i try to keep it internal b/c i know it's annoying when someone is just always competing with everyone.  even i get annoyed by people like that.  anyways, i found out last night that a guy i don't particularly like (because he's freaking arrogant, wordy, and repetitive) got a higher score than me on the mcat.  there's not a whole lot of people i'll admit i'm better than, but i'm pretty sure i'm better than him.  when i saw the score, which he surreptitiously snuck into an e-mail forwarded to me, i couldn't think.  i fell apart.  i was in the lab at the time and had just found out that yet another one of my experiments had failed so was definitely not ready to see that e-mail.  i honestly felt sick.  i got so angry and my somewhat dislike for him turned into pure hatred.  for about an hour, i did absolutely nothing.  i went to one of my favorite places on campus and just sat there, stewing in my own anger, hating him and hating myself for not doing better.  hate is a strong word, but that's what i felt at the time.  intense, undiluted anger, which turned into sadness and hopelessness.  nothing else i was doing made any more sense.  i felt like i couldn't handle anything anymore.  i went home, watched a movie, and fell asleep (even though i needed to study for a test i have on friday (tomorrow).

i woke up this morning and for the first time in my four years here, i felt like giving up.  i felt like doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day and for the rest of my life.  i felt broken.

somehow i got myself out of bed, on the bus, and into my first class, but that feeling is still there.  a heavy sadness, threatening to show itself, even here, in the library, in front of all these people.

i don't actually know how i'll feel when i see that guy (because i have to see him tonight at a meeting), but i haven't been able to re-open that e-mail since.

i just feel like i could just completely fall apart at any minute.  i haven't been able to concentrate on anything and i still have that freaking test tomorrow, which i haven't read for.  and it's a stupid in-class essay, which i am horrible at.

well, thanks for reading, if you finished.  and if you have something bad to say, have compassion and please don't say it.  i guess i should get back to studying now.

Soo... I had my first real evaluation yesterday.  Fourth job in my life, but first evaluation.  Been working the classifieds in a newspaper for a year.  Funny thing is, though its not been the worst job ever, I've been searching for "better" jobs and realize that these so called better jobs are not that much better at all.  One is a grunt at a lumber facility, another is a parts/warehouse spot for a local hardware parts supplier, and the best bet so far is basically being a hired back/ditch digger for a municipality.  Not really aiming the bar that high I realize, but also being realistic.  I was almost a high school drop out, whom had a short stint in the Navy, have a shabby driving record and whom has jumped around for the last couple of years.  Doesn't look so good on a resume for any position.

What really got me though, was when I was cascading through the BS of the Eval, the one question I've usually heard at make shift evals and interviews wasn't asked by them... Where do you see yourself in five years?  Instead, I found myself asking that question to yours truly.  And for once, it really struck me.  I've never looked to the future except for the next paycheck and maybe a laid back weekend.  Already I've stayed over a year in an area that I really don't care for.  If I wasn't bound by this gal I love, I'd had taken off a long time ago, but I'm pretty sure I'd still be facing the same predicament regardless.

I glimpsed upon a slew of "what ifs" while my two bosses rambled off seemingly false praise (even if it were real, wouldn't really matter... because of the hiring freeze no one is getting a raise anyhow and a pat on the back nor congratulatory speech will ease the ache of bills and taxes).  I saw myself working at a large zoo, taking care of animals and explaining their lives to curious visitors... I also saw myself working in a white lab, conditioning samples in petri dishes and studying traits under high powered, electric magnifying scopes... then I saw myself swathing paths through a jungle on the edge of the savanna, studying the animals and some of the ancient traditions still held dear by the local tribes... and finally I saw myself taking an extended vacation to Norway (hey, some people got Hawaii and the Mediterranean, I've got Norway... don't judge me monkey :p ).

I guess maybe I should start college.  Really hard though, admittedly because I really don't want to give up the few little and simple comforts I have now.  And to get a degree in a sort of biology (kinda obvious with the semi-epiphany there... 'cept for the savanna one, that might be a sociology sort... have no idea about Norway though, heheh) takes a lot more than just night/on-line classes.  And I don't have the time nor the funds to get started.  And this area's colleges are always seemingly on the line with whether or not they'll be offering certain courses or even stay accredited (though I thought once a school was accredited, it always was... hmm).

But if I keep on the path I'm on right now... I know I'll end up as maybe an assistant manager/ lead grunt for a company in which i'll just be looking for another job to jump to.

Kind of bums me out though, thinking about careers and what not.  Don't know about you, but I remember when i was a kid and a teenager I had a vivid imagination of having wild adventures and ruling my own lil piece of the world as soon as i was outta the house.  Remember when in the movies and stories, the year 2008 would have flying vehicles, mass space travel, wars that tore the world apart and new governments taken over.  Heheh... maybe next year.

Basic Intro to Apologetics:

Apologia

 

Atheism:

Atheism Succinctly

Brief intro to atheism and issues relating.

 

Atheism’s Assertions

Consists of 45 essays relating to atheism (as of Dec 07) including discussion of morals, logic, cosmology, etc.

 

Richard Dawkins:

Richard Dawkins – Zeitgeist Weltanschauung

 

Sam Harris:

Sam Harris – Myth Buster or Myth Maker? (Blogger version)

Sam Harris—Myth Buster or Myth Maker? (Squidoo Version)

 

Dan Barker:

Dan Barker’s Assertions

The Freedom From Religion Foundation’s very own Dan Barkers many claims and fallacies examined here.

 

New Testament Apocrypha:

Regarding the Gospel of Judas (Blogger version)

Regarding the Gospel of Judas (Squidoo Version)

 

Archaeology Documentary:

“The Lost Tomb of Jesus” (Blogger version)

“The Lost Tomb of Jesus” (Squidoo Version)

 

The Da Vinci Code:

Thank God for The Da Vinci Code!!! (Blogger version)

Thank God for The Da Vinci Code!!! (Squidoo Version)

Discusses the book/movie and includes a section of the Salman Rushdie incident and comments by Richard Dawkins.

 

Roman Catholicism:

Roman Catholic Maryology

Roman Catholicism's Doctrine of Eucharist

Roman Catholicism's Doctrine of Purgatory

 

LDS Church:

Mormonism – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint

 

Islam:

Islamicus

 

New Religions:

The Bahá'í Faith

This religion, which derives from Islam, believes that its founder was the return to earth of Jesus Christ. According to them the second coming took place in the late 1800s.

 

Life and Doctrine:

Contains 51 essays (as of Dec 07) on the various apologetics topics including theology, aberrant Christian groups, inspiration, discernment, logic, hermeneutics, misc.

 

For Fun:

Life in Albuquerque

I wrote this just for fun about living in the state that many people think is a foreign country.

 

Books:

No End Books

Many books for sale at frugal prices.

 

T-Shirts:

Grand Design Graphics

My t-shirt designs.

 

There are no races.

There is no biological meaning to the sentence "That person is a member of [XX] race."

This is not merely my opinion. It is the overwhelming consensus of experts in the field. "Race: Man's Most Dangerous Myth" by Montagu is dense but worth reading for its devastating and total refutation of the idea. A much more readable book covering some of the same subject is The MisMeasure of Man by Gould. Online resources that set forth the refutation of the idea of biologically meaningful races include: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_%28classification_of_human_beings%29 and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_and_genetics.

In the face of the above, you might think it unnecessary to propose yet another refutation of the idea of race. However, since so many people taken the existence of races for granted, since books, newspapers and magazines regularly reinforce the false idea by referring to people in racist terms (for example: saying Obama is black), it is necessary to make the argument mathematically.

Here is my mathematical refutation of "race" as a meaningful biological way to classify humans.

1. Those who defend the concept can not agree on how many races there are, or how they are composed. If humanity were actually divided into real races, then the number of races would not be in dispute. (For those who say that there are actual races but the definitions are "fuzzy" and the border lines are vaque are being sophomoric.)

2. Suppose, for the sake of argument, that there were, at this moment, exactly 4 (biological) races, and that every human could be assigned to one of them. Even if that were true today, it would not be true tomorrow because babies will be born whose parents come from different "races". It will never be possible to assign those babies to one of the existing (biological) races because the combination of genes possessed by those babies will be outside of the combination that defines the race of each of their parents.

In other words, even if there existed a moment in time in which all humans could be exactly assigned to a finite number of biological races, it would not be possible to do so in the very next moment in time.

There are no races.