Best Friends @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

 Alone

 

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- I was planning for my blog title to be alliterative, but I think there's only like two things I'm going to mention that start with S.

So I sort of failed there.

 

 

Adam stayed over last night (Saturday).

We started off by him coming at about half 12 - and waking me up. So I went and had a shower, and we sat around for a while, playing Guitar Hero III and watching random stuff on YouTube.

 

Then he leant me his monster turbo hairdryer, because we were sick of waiting for my hair to dry before we could go out.

 

- Yeah, on Friday, I went to ASDA with mam. We bought some stuff for Adam and I to munch on, and I bought some socks for dad for father's day today, and a card. I got Adam some hairbands and some Jelly Babies for his birthday present - as he turns 16 tomorrow. :)

 

I actually made a bit more effort this year, because I totally forgot his birthday last year.

We're best friends, and have been for like 11 years - and I forgot his bloody birthday. :)

 

I actually remembered it, TEN MINUTES AFTER IT HAD PASSED.

At like 00:10, I remembered. :)

 

 

Mam went a bit overboard, she wanted to get Adam presents herself - so she went mental, buying him a Smarties cake, a shirt, a little bracelet kit (as a joke, of course. :D), some Malteasers and some deoderants.

 

Because it was father's day weekend, ASDA had put all their birthday cards away, so there was a really shitty selection.

 

 

Lmfao, today's fucked suggested tag is "I heart Adam".

I do, but he never hugs me. Which makes me sad. :(

 

 

But when I was shooping with mam, I persuaded her to get me some Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice-cream.

It's whopper expensive.

 

It's about the same price as Hagen Daz - which is THE expense of frozen desserts.

I got a little tub, about 250ml, - £2.70!

 

I told Adam over MSN before he came, and he got a craving for it himself.

 

 

Anyway, after my hair was dry -  (I put on the new shirt mam had bought me on Friday - red and grey striped polo with a collar :D) - we went down to ASDA so Adam could get his dad and his nana presents for father's day and her birthday, respectively.

 

And we got a big tub of Ben & Jerry's half-baked. - I actually preferred the cookie dough, but they were both proper lush.

 

So we got home and shared that - then returned upstairs to play some more Guitar Hero III and mess about with anything we found - like we normally do.

 

Then we watched The Weakest Link: Blue Peter special - and I don't know WHY we watched it, either...

I think we were just bored and couldn't be arsed, so we watched telly instead of playign video games.

 

 

Earlier on, whilst faffing on with the cable box, Adam found the music on demand menu - and we found tons of music videos we could watch for free.

 

So we watched AFI, Slipknot, Gorillaz, All-American Rejects and The Ting Tings.

 

- When mam and dad came home, I forced mam to watch The Ting Tings' video. She didn't like them, but after I'd been banging on about them all week, I felt she ought to know why. :)

 

 

I made us lamb grillsteaks and chips for tea, and we watched Dr. Who. I played on my DS for a little while, because I don't understand Dr. Who at all - because I don't watch it, really.

It was alright though, it killed some time.

 

 

When mam and dad came home, Adam started banging on about playing Scrabble again.

- Last Saturday, he'd wanted to as well, and I didn't want to get under my bed.

 

I actually wanted to play it myself yesterday though, so he stopped downstairs, and I went upstairs, propped the airbed against the wall, and started looking under my bed.

 

I found a little box that belonged to my grandad, with dominoes, draughts and chess in it - magnetic!

I put that to one side, because it's awesome.

 

I also took out my Lego, which I found, (You'll see... :D) and I even found my old hymn book from primary school.

I sang some of my favourite ones to myself as I looked for the game.

 

As I stuck my head inside, the airbed fell down on top of me - so I had my head and my shoulders stuck inside my bed, surrounded and enclosed by piles of boxes and tins, with a big beasty airbed on top of me.

It took me about five minutes to get out!

 

 

- But I found the Scrabble - and Adam read through the hymnbook too, and we both felt nostalgic at our memories of singing them at primary school.

 

It was about 12 by this time - and mam and dad were in bed.

Adam said it was too depressing in my room at night, so he wanted to play Scrabble downstairs.

 

 

- And we were there for two hours!

 

 

Everything is so much funnier when you can't make any noise... Seriously.

 

Our first few games of Scrabble were quite good - and it also gave us something to piss ourselves over all night.

 

See, we were coming to the end of one of the games, and I had some really shitty tiles like F, X, J and Z.

Earlier on, I'd been desparate, and put down 'HEN'. - A proper shitty word, worth proper nothing.

 

Out of boredom, frustration and annoyance, when Adam wasn't looking, I added the Z to the end of 'HEN'.

So it then became 'HENZ'.

 

And I was proper laughing into a pillow, so he realised summat had amused me - and he didn't realise for ages, but when he did, we were both adding it randomly into sentences and pissing ourselves.

 

 

- When we were setting the airbed and the sheets upstairs - bear in mind, this is at about half 2 in the morning - Adam forgot to get the extra cushions, and he goes: "Oh wait, I just need to go get the HENZ..." - and I was crying at it!!

 

 

Before we went to sleep properly, after we'd set the airbed up, and Adam was laid on it, and I was laid next to him in my own bed - we were playing on Pictochat on DS.

 

Of course; we were drawing pictures of hens, or HENZ, should I say. :)

Then we started our Guitar Hero piss-taking again.

 

 

Hit Me With Your Best Henz - ROFL.

She Bangs The Henz - LMFAO.

Through The Fire And Henz - PMSL.

 

And so on. :)

 

 

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Next day, today - we woke up at about 11 - well, my mam woke us up - coming in the room, shouting: "SOCKS!", and putting a bag down on my computer desk.

 

 

We played some more Scrabble, and I got a proper legendary streak.

 

I put down 'DYKE' on a triple word score, and got about 30-od points.

Then from it, I added 'FETID', and got another 30-od, thanks to the triple word score.

 

Then Adam owned me in the next two games, of course.

 

 

We had our showers, then played some co-op Guitar Hero III.

 

We haven't played it together for a long while, and we've gotten a LOT better.

We were going from 3 stars to 5 stars on Expert-Expert.

 

 

Then, I got the wonderful Lego, and I built myself a castle. :)

- I was doing most of it whilst Adam was washing his hair and browsing YouTube.

 

...And I have photos. :D

 

 

 

 

Here's my castle from the front - notice my two identical guards. :)

 

 

Here's an arial shot. :)

I'm going to explain each part now, with a close-up shot of each. :D

 

 

 

This is the main living quarters. :)

 

At the back, you can see the king's treasure chest, laid out on his royal red carpet.

To the right, that's the king's throne, and his table - complete with a large ice-cream knickerbocker glory, and a pack of cards - because my king is a gambler. :D

 

At the front, that's the king's sleeping quarters, and his pet cat Soda sitting on it. :)

 

 

 

Here's the kitchen.

 

Complete with two water-pumps, a large mixing cauldron, and jars of spices on the wall. :)

There's also some bottles of beer and lemonade for his majesty's liquid nourishment.

 

 

 

Here's the guardrobe - or the toilet. :)

 

You can see some weaponry and a broomstick at the front - they're kept in a barrel in case they're needed. :)

For the comfort of the king and his knights, I enclosed the toilet with some walls. :D

 

Oh, and I added a mirror, so the knights can squeeze their spots. :)

 

 

 

The best part of every castle - the dungeon! :)

 

That's actually made with some jail bars I got from a Mega Bloks cowboy set. :)

Luckily, Lego and Mega Blocks usually fit together. :D

 

I even added a festering skeleton inside. :)

Oh, and some moss growing on the ceiling!

 

 

 

Here's a close-up of the guards.

 

I was going to give them helmets, but I only had three, and none of them matched.

Oh well, they can be subjectible to headshots. :)

 

 

 

Here's the royal archer, perched on the right battlement. :)

 

 

And on the left battlement is the king's trustworthy knight. :)

 

I love Lego people - and all the accessories you get with them. :D

 

 

 

And here's our foolhardy king - doing a little dance on the front turret. :)

 

Behind him, you can see the head of a traitor to the castle.

Mwah, that will serve as a warning to others. :D

 

 

And then, I started taking funny pictures with them. :)

 

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I knew it wasn't safe to stand on that turret!

Our king took a plunge into the horses' feeding trough, his sheild and sword scattered, and his cape seriously splattered.

 

Yes, I like my alliterations. :)

 

 

 

Our king punishes the unruly and lazy guards.

 

Of course, medieval style - he chains them up by their feet from the front turret. :)

 

 

Here's a closer shot. :)

 

You can almost hear their screams of pity as the blood rushes to their hairy heads. :)

 

 

 

And what's a castle without a few beheadings?

 

The royal knight beheaded this guard with his own axe - now THAT'S harsh. :)

 

 

 

Now that's an ice-cream fit for a king!

I think Soda would like a lick too. :D

 

 

Ah, Lego is fun. :D

 

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After Adam had gone, I downloaded some videos from YouTube - ready to go on my future iPod.

 

After being reminded of the Powerpuff Girls by hearing their song in a background of another video, I scoured YouTube for some full episodes.

 

It took some doing, but I have found some.

I've downloaded all the ones I could find - INCLUDING ONE OF MY FAVOURITES!!! - and I've even got to watch three new ones I hadn't seen before. :)

 

 

so here's a story.

on April 18, 2008. i lost the only girl i would ever consider as my best friend.
i'm being serious.
and why? you'd never guess.
boys.

for real.
girls may be poison,
but boys are death.


i think this is why i was so afraid to befriend boys when i was younger.
that seems so off because i'm gay, but i seriously just didn't want to be around guys. not even as friends.
now i do, seeing as girls are ridiculously stupid. boys are more laid-back and straight forward. more athletic, so we actually do things instead of sitting around talking shit. it's great fun.
but anyways.

this is what i think i was afraid of: the bisexuals.
Bisexuals aren't my favorite anyways, in fact, they're worse than straight girls.
for the most part, obviously. i'm not speaking for all bisexuals of the world here. just my experiences.
this included.

so, boy meets girl. have a great time.
sorry kids, good things aren't forever. it ends.
stay friends. that's good. at least it's not awkward? of course not.

so, girl ruins boy's friendship with other boy.
or at least tries to.
boys' friendship is too strong for girl. girl backs off.

so, girl goes to other girl.
other girl that both the boys hang with.
other girl that likes girls. that's known her forever.
that is her best friend since 7th grade.

fine, right?
well girl likes this girl she's just gone to.
girl that's friends with the boys, doesn't care much.
she's not interested in anyone too badly.

so, girl that left the boys wants more with the other girl.
other girl says no. she doesn't want to hurt her guy friends.
even if those boys are over it and have moved onto other girls.
other girl doesn't want to do anything and doesn't want to seem like a stealer.



ruined.

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

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Right, let's be chronological.

 

The last time I blogged, it was a day or two before I went down to Southend.

And I was worried about going because of the cuts on my arms.

 

So when I was there - first day, I wore my green striped hoody, second day I had an arm-warmer on, and the third day, I wore the hoody again. And I slept in long sleeved pyjamas.

 

 

That aside - I only had one battery for the mp3 player I borrowed from my mam, and it lasted up until the morning of the last day. Not bad.

 

I shared a room with nana, and we got free sachets of coffee, tea and hot chocolate with a kettle and stuff - so I had hot chocolate each night before bed.

 

I took the extra one home with me, and I drank that a few days ago, because it was really nice.

 

Nana brought ham sarnies and chicken drumsticks and Jaffa Cake bars for on the journey down - and we stopped at a Little Chef to eat on the way back.

 

And it was there that I had my most expensive crisps ever.

They were 99p - and I've had better ones for 10p.

 

 

When we were in Southend, we went to see the family down there.

My great Aunty Betty and Uncle Roy, we went to see for about five hours on Saturday, and for another three on Sunday morning.

As they do every single time, they made us ham sandwiches on Saturday, and cheese on toast on Sunday morning.

 

They're both really nice - never stop talking, never run out of things to say.

But I do feel sorry for them, they're both in their early 80s. Betty doesn't get out much because she has dodgy hips and knees.

 

She likes me though.

I like her too.

She seems to have high aspirations for me... I can't understand why.  

 

  

Then we went to see Alice and Charlie - who are in their mid-80s.

They scare me, they scare me a lot.

 

Then there was Robert, my mother's cousin - who I hate with a passion.

I sat there in silence for the entrie time.

Of course, mother said I was ignorant, but she can piss off at the moment, which I'll explain why further down...

 

 

...So, the week at school.

This week.

 

Hmm.

 

The only good things are that I've got myself a B for my Science coursework, and today I managed to round off all of my IT coursework.

 

 

Parry has signed me up for counselling - and despite how much I protested, I was forced.

I was downright fucking forced.

 

I do not like the idea one bit - I know I'm being unfair, as everyone says, I'm not taking their advice, I'm throwing it back at them, whatever.

I know I'm being unreasonable, I'm well aware of that.

 

But the worst - oh, I was betrayed.

When I first started talking to her in year 10, I was told my parents would never need to be told about my self harm issue.

 

Yes.

So mother was called in on Thursday afternoon, and told everything.

 

Somehow, I don't think that's quite keeping it fucking quiet.

 

 

So my mam told me what she thinks of me.

She hates me - she says my only good quality is my intelligence, and that she'd rather have a thick kid who was nice.

 

Apparently I'm the most horrible person in the world, I'm ignorant, anti-social, lazy and ungrateful.

 

Yep, that's me.

 

 

And today I've had two of my friends leave me, because they're cunts.

 

 

Though, Emily loves me, she's always there for me.

Adam loves me, he's not going to leave me after 10 years.

My new friend Reiss loves me, he's there to listen.

Sammie loves me, she said she'll never let me go.

 

 

And my daddy loves me.

He's being so nice to me.

 

He bought me a squishy puffer-fish toy and made me pancakes for  breakfast.

He keeps tickling me and babying me.

 

I poured my heart out to him yesterday, told him about my self harm and how I want to end life.

He said even if it doesn't help, I'm always welcome to talk to him.

 

I love my daddy, and my daddy loves me.

 

 

Dixie currently feels:

 Unknown

 

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I don't know how I feel right now.

 

I'm partially pleased, because I managed to get another 100% on Hard on Guitar Hero 3.

I'm partially glad, because I've finished my Science coursework.

I'm partially dreading, because tonight is the final night of the Easter holidays.

 

I'm partially lonely, depressed, suicidal, alone, desparate, needing, upset, worried and nervous - my darling Emily needs me, and I need her...

 

 

I was woken up by a DOOR this morning.

The window was open in my mam's room, and it was blowing the door, which kept banging open and shut again. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but it did my head in.

So I woke up and tried to ignore it.

 

Then I snapped, went and slammed the window, slammed the door, and sat down on my bed and sighed at the wonderful silence.

 

 

I went downstairs to make myself some lunch.

I made some mini cheeseburgers.

 

They're so cute.

The buns are soft, the meat is tender, and the cheese is a wonderous processed plastic-y sort of cheese.

 

They're about an inch and a half in diameter - and I eat them in two medium bites, or three small bites.

 

I ate those, and some Fridge Raiders, and some Monster Munch - as I watched some KUA.

 

Then Stephen came online, saying he finally had wi-fi, and he wanted to play on GH3 with me.

He insisted we do an Easy pro-face off.

 

I groaned so loud.

 

But he wanted to do TTFAF.

So I picked Raining Blood - and got 99%.

 

Then we did TTFAF, and I got 99% again.

He wasn't expecting me to do that well - so he was sad.

 

I was annoyed at hearing that - I'M ON EXPERT.

 

A phrase I often use now.

 

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When a Medium player beats me on a face-off.

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When someone insults my abilities, when they can't play Expert themselves.

"Yeah but, know what? I'm on EXPERT." - A quick way to own someone in an argument.

 

 

 

Then I lay on my bed for a while, listening to music - mainly Maximum The Hormone - watching more KUA, eating chocolate mousse, and attempting to draw something, which I gave up on.

 

Then I did my Science coursework, sorted out my backpack, and went to relax on GH3.

 

Then my darling Emily came on, and we played  a 5-match co-op, me on bass.

 

 

I shan't say that I miss Emily - because she's not actually gone.

She's still there, thinking about me... I hope.

 

If Emily did forget me without a trace, I'd slit my throat right there and then.

It's the biggest fear that weighs over my head.

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to be absorbed in myself.

Holding conversations with Emily in my mind.

Thinking of her, gazing at her photo in my planner.

 

I'll sit down my aisle at lunch and write poems for her.

Anything that takes her off my mind is not worth thinking about.

 

 

Emily darling...

We're going to have to be patient this time...

We'll have to wait things out...

 

Please don't forget any of the words I spoke with you...

Any of the files I shared with you.

Any of the secrets I told to you.

Any of the memories we hold together...

 

I love you Emily... And I always will do.

 

Don't ever lose sight of that, my darling.

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

When You're Gone - Avril Lavinge

I've never felt this way before...
Everything that I do reminds me of you...
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor...
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do...

When you walk away I count the steps that you take...
Do you see how much I need you right now...?

 

When you're gone...
The pieces of my heart are missing you...
When you're gone...
The face I came to know is missing too...
When you're gone...
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok...

I miss you...

Dixie currently feels:

 Bored

 

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Quote of the day:

 

"Eee, imagine if some Christian came in here now? They'd try to EXCORISE your Playstation!"

- Adam

 

 

And this came about, as I was playing Haunted Tomb on Spyro 3 - and the game crashed just as I was charging a glass jar.

My gem number had froze in the top left corner - 5666.

With 666 supposably being the number of Satan - who's existance, I still question from time to time - Adam blurted that out, and I proper laughed for ages.

 

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As we go...

 

Adam's been here since 2.

It's now half 10.

He's staying the night. - For the first time in our 10 year friendship.

 

He's got this DS hacking cartridge, which you can download games onto.

He says he'll never have to buy any of the games again - because he's cheap. :P

 

So far, I reckon he's downloaded about £390 games today.

And the cartridge itself was only £40. :)

 

 

Rofl, he's complaining that I'm advertising his piracy.

Oh well, such is life. :P

 

 

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So today, whilst he's been sat beside me playing on his DS - I've been giving my 12-year old Playstation some hardcore time.

 

So I've had a shot at Spyro 3 - and gone from 8% to 77%.

I've done the first 5 missions on Hogs of War.

I had a quick go of Final Fantasy VII and mastered a few Materia crystals.

 

I'm getting the urge to play some Harvest Moon: BTN.

Best bargain I ever got - only £7.

 

Though, Pikmin was £8.

But Pikmin's nowhere near as good as BTN. :)

 

I've done another 10 battles on Mt. Battle on Pokémon Collosseum with Emily the Espeon and Volvic the Typhlosion.

They're both on level 82 now.

 

But Mt. Battle is so strenuous and boring - I just want to rip my skull out after a while.

 

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So Emily...

You asked me to blog - and here I am.

 

I don't really know what to say. :)

 

 

Well, as I mentioned to you - please let us both stop dwelling on the crappy past.

I try to forget things that have happened in my past alone - so can we put everything that's happened in our joint-past behind us?

 

All the tripe things, of course.

 

Let us not forget some of our wonderful moments...

 

- The day we started FoG...

- FoG's first anniversary...

- Christmas 2007 - our first VC...

- New Year's Day - the candy cane caper. :)

- And how can you forget the "I want an Echo...", before falling into my door and manically laughing?

 

 

Can you remember?

 

We laughed at every little thing....

- We still do.

 

We were always there to comfort each other...

- We still are.

 

When we'd had a crap day, one was always there for the other....

- We still are.

 

We'd share our secrets, share our feelings, share everything with each other...

- We still do.

 

We promised we'd always stay by the other's side...

- We still will...

 

 

We might have matured Emily...

We've gone through all the tough times together...

We've made it through, we're still alright...

 

We're older,

We're wiser...

And our friendship is so much stronger.