Beep Test @ MindSay 
I havent been on the computer since Tuesday (which is really unusual considering before I used to use it each and everyday not mater what) so I have alot of blogs to catch up on, and I will be in a bit, but I figured I better blog first since alot has happened in the past few days...
So my doctors appointment is in 5 days...and im really nervous. Im really hoping that he'll listen to what I have to say and not just say that I need some pills, or worse: say that im faking it or its just teenage hormones or something. I know that this isnt just normal teenage mood swings, and i know its not caused because of how i look or what i choose to listen to or anything like that. This has been an ongoing thing, and in recent months its gotten even worse, so Im hoping there will be some kind of more "natural" way to help me with this, such as councilling or medatation or something on the lines of that. I really, really dont want to be put on antidepressents or things that I will get addicted to or will take over my life. People already take in enough unnatural subtances into their body through food, the air we breath, and products we use that soak into our skin like deoderant, and frankly I beilive I dont need anything else screwing with the way my body functions. I see everyday what drugs can do to you..sure, not specifically antidepressents, but drugs are drugs, and im pretty much against all of them. But thats a different story...
In other news, Friday I had to miss the first 2 periods of school (so basically half the day) to get my pasport all ready so that I can go to Florida for 2 weeks in February. Thing is though, lately Ive been having a harder time than usual getting up out of bed in the morning, so on Friday I slept in till after 10am and my Dad flipped out really bad on me until I finally got out of the house and into the truck to go to the place to get the passport all signed and stuff. But even as my dad, my mom and I were driving there, my dad was still sort of yelling at me, and my mom was trying to stand up for me. I was just sitting in the back, looking out the window trying to hide my tears from them (and I did so very successfully) until we got there, and basically for the rest of the day I barely spoke because of how shooken up I was because of that morning. It may seem like I'm sort of cry-baby like the way I talk about myself and why I cry, but seriously it really, really does take alot for me to cry, and ive been doing alot more of it lately, which isnt really good. If you have seen my dad and heard what he was saying and how intimidating he was being, then you would be able to understand, but its just something i cannot explain. I had to go to school for the last 2 periods of that day, but I was very very close to just skipping last period, because I really felt like crap. Not only did I feel like crap because of getting screamed at all morning, but on Thursday I was stupid and didnt eat breakfast and lunch and did the beep test in gym on basically an empty stomach, so I was really sore to(after the beep test on thursday i had really bad chest pains and I swear i could have passed out). But I guess everythings back to normal now...
Oh yea, I should mention that on the 21st I broke up with Ryan. Its really interesting though..last year when I dated jordan, I started dating him on a 23 (just like Ryan) and broke up with him on a 21 (just like Ryan). Of course, it wasnt of the same months, but it was still an odd coincidence. But this time when i broke up with Ryan, I was actually the one to break up with him (last time I got my friend Cole to break up with Jordan for me). And I didnt wimp out and do it over msn, so thats good I guess. Ryan and I barely spoke to eachother, even though we hung out with eachother every lunch period. He is a really, really nice and great guy, but I just never felt anything super amazing between us...
So now that I caught you guys up, im off to do things. Byebye.
-:|Kristal:(
