Be Careful @ MindSay

The following: A Reply To A Blogger Who Purports to Be 12 Years Old.

Just hours ago, I think, on my WIKI [what is it anyway?] I let you know that maybe, MAYBE I would or would not have some comment to make per your "I am 12" blog.

Well, other than to convey now that I have some admiration for who you present or "reveal" yourself to be here, I am still at a loss for words as to how to react or respond to what I "know" about you.

If all that you present here is factual; if all is true I can only state that I am in awe. You amaze me beyond belief child because of your age. Unbelievable. I cannot fathom such physically mature beauty and astuteness of mind in a twelve-year-old. I cannot. 

As a 'heads up" to some disturbed, dysfunctional and or perverted minds out there who might be intentionally being "setup" by this blog "to capture a predator" you could gain me some welcomed, even invited notoriety by your not heeding this subtle warning:

 Be careful!

You could get snatched by the pretty little snatch pro-offered here intended for you to catch.

Really, really, really!   I would love it if at some point I received a message saying something like: David, I was so, so fucking dumb. You warned me about going after that jailbait snatch. You know where I am at now?

Or, maybe on DATELINE or some such I will hear the TV guy say: You were warned, weren't you, by the blogger NAMASTELAOSHI. Yes? He told you that you could be walking into a covert snatch operation.

Either way it would be so, so cool for me and really great for my ego. Ya know? Sincerely, Namaste Lao Shi

uh oh. be careful what you wish for.

that's what i've figured out now

even if its not like wish on a star, ooh i just wish this would happen to me

even if, out loud, you wish for the exact opposite

be careful. even if its just an internal hope that you don't even put into words.

watch out.

because i wanted adam to like me.

and, secretly, i wanted him to ask me out

and he did.

and now i'm more confused than ever

because i do like him

a lot

but to date him after just breaking up with chris

that's way disrespectful

what if he thinks i don't like him though?

and like it's just an excuse?

because it isn't

i really want to get to know him a little better first too though

not rush into anything.

then figure out there's no way it'll work out.

wouldn't be the first time.

so yeah.

that's pretty much my dilemma.

     I found this thingy in an e-mail I got from a friend and I thought it was kind of cool...it also made me think about tons of stuff...things that didn't even have to do with it. But here it is:: Be careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib--not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. She came from under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved...

     I don't realy know why it got me thinking, but it did, and it confuses me sometimes how many different things can be going through my head at one time. I had a ton of things though.

     First, I started thinking about Alan. I don't know how I got in this deep, but I don't ever want to be here again. A few people have asked me lately if I really want to get over Alan...or if I'm just saying I do. The answer is yes--I do want to get over him. I haven't ever gotten this far in with feelings for a guy, so letting go this time is hard because I don't exactly know how to, or what to do in this situation. I've tried the things I have in the past to get over a guy, but they don't work. I want to be with him sooo bad, but at the same time I want to give up because I'm so sick of getting hurt, and I don't want to hold this burden anymore. When will this feeling end? When will I be able to let go of him? I don't know. I want to...I really do. I'm not kidding. I'm sick of crying all the time over a guy who's not even mine, and I don't want to have to like him anymore and not have him back. For once, I want to be the girl on the other end of the line...not sitting where I am right now.

     I feel really lonely lately. I don't know if it's because I like Alan and he doesn't like me back, or if it's because of something else...something I just haven't realized yet. Why me? I sit here and think of how good things could be if only I take a step forward from some of this pain....but what the hell do I do with it all--ignore it or push it away?! I can't do that. Maybe the reason I feel lonely is that I don't even really connect with my parents (most of my other family), and I haven't seen my friends in a long time. I don't know. I sit here thinking a bunch of thoughts, sadness running through my veins, confusion taking over, and loneliness settling in. Why can't I even figure my own self out??

     I really miss my aunt that died of cancer in 2003. August 26th is nearing, and that's the day we found out she had cancer 3 years ago. That day makes me so sad. I was close to her, and she got taken away from a loving family, a husband, and 2 daughters. A lot of songs remind me of her, and I get tears in my eyes whenever I hear them. I wish she was still here. Even after almost 3 years, I still miss her a lot...and when her husband and two little girls come over and walk through the door I half expect her to come walking in the door with a huge smile on her face...but I know that won't ever happen again, and that makes me sad. She was the person who could walk in a room, and her smile and laugh would light it all up...and even after a funeral she always had something to say that would make everyone smile and feel better. I miss her...

     Some days it feels like the world is caving in on me. Like there's so many things going on and so many weird thoughts going through my head that it seems like nothing can help me...like I'm giving into the pain or something.

     How come so many girls get hurt by the simplest things and cry over guys that probably aren't worth it in the end?? Maybe our hearts are too fragile, and our emotions are stronger than ever...I'm not sure. It just seems like a lot more girls are getting more fragile than they were before. I guess I'm one of those girls, but I'm trying to be as strong as I can be...living in this world where I'll never be the pretty girl is hard, and where I can't even find a guy who's worth it, or where I shed so many tears I think I should've ran out by now. I'm so sick of being an emotionally fraigle person. And maybe the reason for me is that I bottle things up inside a lot...mindsay is my place to vent (well so is friends).

     Wow, this entry was worthless.

- -Nicole Lyn- -

P.S. I'm working on getting AIM back onto my computer!!