Bad Friends @ MindSay

i was just talking to my friend on msn...well one of my really good friends..well he says "best mate"..lol.. i have been friends with him for like a decade and that is no exaggeration. our older sisters are/were friends, our younger sisters were friends and our parents are good friends.

i hadnt spoken to him in ages, well a couple of weeks anyway, but still that is a fair time.

i love it how you talk to someone and you havent spoken to them in ages but when you talk it is like you just saw each other yesterday, you never run out of something to say. that's how it was tonight. it was really good to catch up.

i had been meaning to ask him something since july. i have just wanted to know what he thought about the whole situation and if his opinion of me had changed. i finally asked him tonight. i didnt expect anything bad, but it could have been bad for me though if he did decide to take sides. his answer was really comforting and sure did put a smile on my face. i guess it is like what he said "true friends will always be friends"

it is nice to know where you stand in a relationship, even if it is just friends. it is so nice to hear someone say that you are best friends.

if you are feeling insecure and they say that, it is so relieving and just makes you feel better even though there was no reason to even doubt it in the first place.

The Spirits

Grandmother's voice

leaves a sound in the empty house

years after her death

her wisdom lives on

the deserted house

is my refuge

a safe harbor from the world

walking around

looking at the home

she created

and what it is now

a place for spirits

to come and rest

their tired souls

tired from walking

"Son, grab a chair

and sit at this table, boy

I got some stories to tell"

drinking green tea, inhaling deeply

and remembering, reminiscing

"... this world is a different place now,

you've got to move ahead,

you've got to move faster than

the rest"

silence is golden

in front of the fireplace

saying nothing, but again

words don't speak

whispering soft words of comfort

but don't let anger be brought in here

for hell will break loose

for they are spirits,

and spirits don't play

Weeping Willow

don't got nothing on

Mary Ann;

the tragic mulatto story

who had dreams

but no guidance,

but now here to guide those

who seek the advice

of the spirits

hearing my grandfather's troubled spirit

creak through the house

wondering where the family went

"did not they loved us in life,

why depart us in death"

but still pleased by the thought

that a blood son still returns

often

to seek advice

the spirits

have stories

have secrets

have wisdom

to tell

about baby Jo,

who died 4 days old

an embarrassment

to Aunt JoAnn

who killed herself in

anguish

her room is still haunted

the spirits are my second

family

my relief place

get away from the world

a refresher

a breather

'"come, sit,

have a drink"

the spirits...

are waiting.

today is a weird day for me, but one thing was clear: friends are phony as fuck and you should watch your back when you are dealing with them, because they say a lot of shit about you to your back and to your face act all lovey dovey and shit.

not that this happened to me, but it happened to someone that i love very much

i still haven't told nilly nile how i felt about her, i've been called almost every name in the book and still i won't tell her

my feet are hurting from playing basketball and ballroom dancing

i went to every class today, but i fell asleep in biology and i didn't dress up in gym

but i hope you like my poem, it's an old one i wrote about 4 months ago.

happy reading, spread the word

justin

aka

DiStAnT vOyAgEr

I saw this guy today, *******, a friend of ******'s (yours).

At the station.

It was very weird.

I looked across and he was staring at me.

So I waved.

He waved back.

But kept staring at me.

I played with my mp3 player and wondered if I should go say something.

But I didn't.

Ha.

Too scared.

I've never really seen him (when I am) sober.

Apart from once

And we had to be talking then.

I think if he wasn't yours I would've had a *thirteen-year-old-crush* on him.

With his beanie and black eye-makeup.

Not to say he is yours I suppose.

I worry about you.

I worry so bad that you are often the only thing I think about.

And I get mad at you, but I can't tell you.

Cause you'll either laugh at me or hurt yourself.

and I don't want you to do any of that.

I wonder what she would say if she knew how many letters I've written her.

How many blogs are about her.

How many songs make me think of her.

And now everyone's starting to hate you, cause you tell them you feel harder than them

and brush of their problems cause your's at worse

And you know what?

Maybe they are...

but I'm never gonna know that if you don't want to say what's wrong.

And I'm getting sick of just taking people's word.

Can they not take mine in return?

At least it's come to show me something.

Maybe I suck at making friends.

(I mean, six weeks in and I still eat lunch alone)

But I'm getting good at keeping them (note=getting)

and you aren't.

All your friends are mad at you and you don't even know it.

Scratch that.

all your good friends who aren't my friends.

are mad at you

and I don't think you know it.

and my best friend.

she's mad at you to.

I have NEVER heard her say a bad word about you.

I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker

I guess that's how this one's gonna end

sometimes i worry that you will die and i will never get to tell you anything i mean.

Once I told my friend that I'd stopped eating. I told him it because I was drunk.

But it was actually true.

I just didn't eat for a while.

Which is a bitch when you start drinking.

He laughed at me to my friends in the morning.

He said 'haha you told me you weren't eating'

and my friend started singing I've Been Eating (For You)

and THAT was THAT.

but just don't ask about my appetite
i didn't lose it tonight
it's been gone half my life
it's just i
i've been eating for you.

LOVE rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck

Those tire tracks zigzag your torso like a Devil's self portrait. The car accident       the skin graft treatment               the flower baskets                          the wincing relatives you bid her farewell then got in your car and that's the last thing that you can recall. and when they pulled you out you didn't know your name exploding semi truck blurred your face with flame you met Jane four years ago today dancing at some vomit-stained frat party. Her newspaper gown                       glowing headline brown                     her violent gypsy dance                                                         her tired underpants love love love love love love love love love love love love rhymes with pity now love love love love love love love love love love love love rhymes with sympathy now Jane let you touch and feel her she was so free like a pineapple in a tree You said it's dangerous to be so intimate You know it's dangerous  dangerous  dangerous. Jane said when she laid on her back the sun hit her body like an ugly landscape. But some things never get better like used cars and bad livers. So you traded her in for a better looking brand. One with fake porno tits a pad lock on her lips disposable tan biodegradable hands. Back at the hospital you got no visitors at all. She visits you in your sleep, but that newspaper gown is always on fire but that newspaper gown is always on fire She met him a week after you left her when you tossed out her touch to the garbage collector. He talked her out of her skirt in his beer-soaked apartment and then they did all the things you never said that you wanted. And the sirens are laughing underneath your skull. And your thoughts are turning dull, callous and cold. Yesterday you gave your burden a name. Yesterday you gave your burden a face. But your burden looks an awful lot like her. love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.rhymes.with.pity.now love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.rhymes.with.sympathy.now

     

I'm kind of mad at two of my friends. Tyffani and Tim are basically going out. I know Tim is "bad", but like I've said, I honestly think that they will be really good for each other. I don't see why Jodi and Stephanie can't just let it go..It wouldn't bother me if they were just trying to be supportive friends, but they're trying to push their beliefs on Tyffani. Tyffani is allowed her own set of values and morals, just like everyone else. Drinking isn't the worst thing in the world. Drugs are definetly bad, but maybe he'll cut down, and I know Tyff won't do drugs. What's the big deal if she drinks a little, anyways? It's her life, not theirs. It just makes me so mad how "sheltered" they are..and how just because they don't approve of it means that everyone else shouldn't approve of it either.

I worked tonight, it was ok, I guess.

I don't feel too good. My throat hurts and every now and then my stomach hurts too. 

I don't know, not much else is new. We have semi-finals on Saturday, and I work tomorrow and Friday..