Astro @ MindSay 
And I plan on doing a post in a bit ...... but
Has anyone seen Astro or know what happened to him????
Is he gone????
For real????
TALK TO ME .......
Peace. J.
They all told me that I seem, cold, distant and at times unfriendly - and I do realize that from time to time I may seem like I have a wall up...a fence really... okay so it's the highest castle walls in the sky, drawbridge drawn up tight, and the moat is filled with piranha. I swore I would never let anyone in again and me being me must have left a back castle door open somewhere, I must have gotten forgetful. That and the universe has made it so that I can't hide. Not that I was really trying to... more like trying to hide in plain sight...
So one of the bf's said to me that life was circular (mmhmm, sounds very familiar) and obviously (and I'm paraphrasing here, telling you all what I got out of this conversation) the universe has sent me back here to resolve all old issues so that I could keep going, I believe spiral was the exact word, and upwards would be nice... we all know you can't go upwards dragging baggage (not that I haven't tried... not that we all haven't tried)
And do love has found me again. I wish we had English words for types of love~ we have romantic love, sexual love, friendship love, family love, puppy love (and of course cat love) and not one of us can live without love. We all have it to give, and maybe if we just let ourselves.... we can accept it too...
Which leads me to my next confession, there's a reason I hide, that all this hurt has built walls... x0ximissyoux0x if you're reading this... I've been there, don't let it ruin your life like it ruined mine. Know that it will never go away, never heal in the way you want... but heal you will. Tell. Tell the world, don't keep it in, secrets will kill your soul. And suddenly you'll find yourself one day wishing the pain would leave but never knowing how to make it go away. You'll carry it as I have done, healing everyone else but myself... and suddenly one day you'll come face to face with your past and if you're as blessed as I am someone will love you enough to help you heal, several someones if you're as luck as I am.
I've been blessed enough to have someone, again, several someones see me for who I am. Usually I am the one who sees, not this time.... I've been seen.
So...
It's my time to heal, to spiral upwards if I can... and I'm not alone.
And x0ximissyoux0x? Neither are you... we're here, we're all here....
Seal ~ Love's Divine ~
Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time through a prayer, to me
And all around me became still
I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes
'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name
Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me
'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name
Love can help me know my name.
Okay folks, the lovely and vocal Goddess I am working with is Brigid! And let's just say I think I perfered Mauve's subtle influences in my life with her preferences then Brigid's..................not that I don't enjoy Brigid's influence *said in a tongue in check voice while grinning*
So how did Brigid get me today? Well as some of you know (the ones that actually read my blog) Randy and I are having some issues. They could be major or the could be minor but either way they have been issues that have been burning for some time now. And one of them is concerning the vechile I drive. Or don't drive in Brigid's case. Right now I am driving a 1992 Astro Van. High in miliage but great on gas. Old looking, dirty on the inside because the last owner never steam cleaned it but other wise cleaned of all trash. We have a 1995 Chevy Lumina sitting in one of our sheds in pretty dayum good condition. The only problems we have with it are the doors. The driver's side doens't open at all and the passenger side door only opens from the inside. Brigid knows that I have been sooooooooooo tired of fighting lately and the past few years I have only really been opening my mouth to Randy on big issues that I have been letting the small ones slide because I just don't have the energy anymore to keep arguing over the same dayum things.
Well she spoke up about 3 weeks ago and told me to get after Randy to get the Luminu up and going before winter hit. I told her that it wasn't a good time right at the moment because I jsut dropped a hundred or so on new brakes on his truck. Well next thing I know Brigid the lovely Goddess made sure the passenger side window of the astro wouldn't go back up. It took me 3 weeks to get Randy to attempt to fix it and what does he do? He shatterst he window in the door! Brigid is laughing the whole time and tells me to start opening my mouth again and to fuck everyone including family memebers who have a problem with me telling it like it is. That is also one of the things she wants me to work on.........I stopped opening my mouth to family memebers because they either ignore me or blame me for issues or say they care about me and then turn around and treat someone who isn't as close to them or not even blood related as queen or king..............she wants me to open my mouth again because so many in the family need to be knocked off their pedestals and I will never get past her to another goddess if I don't start opening my mouth again!
Anyway I have been driving the van as is and driving the truck when it rains (it's got brakes now yaya!) and I had a total unexplainable blonde moment from the neitherworlds! I don't even know how the hell it happened! Until I heard Brigid laughing manicaly in the back ground and Coltin going "MOM! The Truck!"
What did I do? Can someone explain to me how I parked Randy's big ass BLUE truck behind my RED van last night and this moring, I load the kids and myself up into ..........the VAN and promptly back into the TRUCK! I was awake! We weren't running late! Brigid blinded my ass and the kids' asses to the truck sitting behind the van until the back doors of the van went *CRUNCH* and being the Goddess of Metal, she made dayum sure Randy's truck was just fine. A red mark and a few scratches on the chrome grill guard but otherwise just honeky dory! Insurance won't pay for Randy to get a new Grill because it was an add on.......doesn't matter that in the Midwest grill guards are a safety feature! Oh well maybe next year I will buy Randy a new middle peace for his grill guard.
Ya think maybe Brigid wants me to act a lil bit quicker with her influence then Mauve? I think so. It isn't like I don't know how to voice my opinion. TRUST ME! I DO! The last few years I have just stopped voicing it to those who have constantly hurt my feelings, have written me off in various ways, and as Brigid says: "Girl, you have a lot of people you do for both close to you in life and those that live far away and they treat you like crap and think they are the shit! It's time for you to start opening your mouth again and let them see the FIRE in YOUR HEAD and kick them off their pedestals!" And Brigid wants me to start close to home. This should be interesting!
Randy isn't to happy because even though the Astro Van is drivable it looks like a pure rezed out ghetto hoppied ass van now and I refuse to drive it; thus on his three days off for Labor Day.............he is going to get the driver's side door working, he is going to handle the kids, and going to finish his Honey Do List so I can start making the winterizing the house list of things I can't do for him!
I'm not sure what to write really just If you need anyone to talk to I'm all ears or eyes more likely.
I'm into astro stuff,and wicca I'm not judgemental and I don't expect you to be,I'm a simple girl who wants to live a simple life doing what I love with the people I love.