Apology @ MindSay 
[ Apology Slideshow | Browse Tags ]
sorry
Forgiveness
So, today is Yom Kippur, the day we're supposed to be inscribed in the Book of Life according to Jewish tradition.
Today is a day of self-reflection and forgiveness seeking, a chance to purge all the wrong-doings you've committed in the past year. You ask forgiveness of those you may have wronged, and hopefully receive it.
So that's what this post is. Incredibly informal and impersonal, I know... but it's just kind of a cover-all. I do not consider myself to be overly offensive or abrasive on here, but I can't guarantee it. For this, I want to apologize for any off-color or off-the-cuff remarks I may have made or seem to have made (sarcasm does not translate well on a computer, as I'm sure many of you know) that caused you pain or suffering, or just made you question my character. I enjoy my time on Mindsay immensely, love getting to read updates from all of you, and only have the best intentions when conversing with you. If I ever did or said anything that led you to believe the contrary, please let me know so I can work to repair it further.
Today is a day of self-reflection and forgiveness seeking, a chance to purge all the wrong-doings you've committed in the past year. You ask forgiveness of those you may have wronged, and hopefully receive it.
So that's what this post is. Incredibly informal and impersonal, I know... but it's just kind of a cover-all. I do not consider myself to be overly offensive or abrasive on here, but I can't guarantee it. For this, I want to apologize for any off-color or off-the-cuff remarks I may have made or seem to have made (sarcasm does not translate well on a computer, as I'm sure many of you know) that caused you pain or suffering, or just made you question my character. I enjoy my time on Mindsay immensely, love getting to read updates from all of you, and only have the best intentions when conversing with you. If I ever did or said anything that led you to believe the contrary, please let me know so I can work to repair it further.
There and Back Again
Every year, I hop a plane to D.C. for a big event my company does. I'm one of the lucky pups who gets to work his ass off, there. This year, the kickoff date was April 26.
This year, the timing was perfect. Lorelei's niece, C.C., was getting married on April 25 at 10 a.m. So I flew out the evening of the 24th to Salt Lake City. Lorelei drove down from Portland and shared a hotel room with me. We went out that night with C.C.'s two sisters, one of whom brought her hubby. (Last time I'd seen them was at their wedding.) My friend malkross and his new (to me, anyway) girlfriend also joined us as we all congregated at a coffee shop. Yes, Utah does actually have coffee shops. And, as of very recently, they also have legal homebrewing. Go figure.
The wedding the following morning was very nice, and I got to see the bride's brother and parents, as well as Lorelei's mother and her now ex-husband. Yeah, the one who, during their split, was rude as hell toward me when I went to the aforementioned other wedding.
I never really held that against him, honestly. I knew how much pain he was going through, and he's the type who needs to deflect it onto others. So I greeted him no differently than I would have if that had never happened... shook his hand, asked about his daughter and her family, and so on. At the end of the wedding, before I had to dash back to the airport, I said goodbye to him, then the rest. And when I turned to go, there he was again... for a second goodbye. He was clearly choked up, his voice quavering as he shook my hand again and said, "I'm really glad you're doing well."
Unexpected... but appreciated.
Once the business part was over, Jacquie drove me up to my friends' house north of Philadelphia before she returned home to Harrisburg. I stayed with Brent & Gina and their two boys for four nights. We had some great pizza and cheesesteaks... and Brent and I hit Monk's Cafe in Philadelphia, touted as one of the best beer bars in the world. And I was certainly wowed. They've got a beer list that was probably eight pages long, and none of them were crap beers. Mostly, they were Belgian ales, my favorites.
Brent is a die-hard Yuengling fan. And it's a decent brewery, I'll admit. But nothing like the stuff served here. I ordered him two beers that afternoon: a Piraat and a Delerium Tremens. He liked the Piraat and loved the DT. Mission accomplished.
One day, we drove up to Wilkes-Barre, where we got together with another dear friend, beccapooka, and her husband. We had lunch at a Thai restaurant and kicked around a bookstore and used record store for a while. Then it was back "home."
I'd planned to get together with siannon, but she was really sick. (Hope it's not the pig flu, hon!)
Then on Sunday, it was time to come back to Sac.
This year, the timing was perfect. Lorelei's niece, C.C., was getting married on April 25 at 10 a.m. So I flew out the evening of the 24th to Salt Lake City. Lorelei drove down from Portland and shared a hotel room with me. We went out that night with C.C.'s two sisters, one of whom brought her hubby. (Last time I'd seen them was at their wedding.) My friend malkross and his new (to me, anyway) girlfriend also joined us as we all congregated at a coffee shop. Yes, Utah does actually have coffee shops. And, as of very recently, they also have legal homebrewing. Go figure.
The wedding the following morning was very nice, and I got to see the bride's brother and parents, as well as Lorelei's mother and her now ex-husband. Yeah, the one who, during their split, was rude as hell toward me when I went to the aforementioned other wedding.
I never really held that against him, honestly. I knew how much pain he was going through, and he's the type who needs to deflect it onto others. So I greeted him no differently than I would have if that had never happened... shook his hand, asked about his daughter and her family, and so on. At the end of the wedding, before I had to dash back to the airport, I said goodbye to him, then the rest. And when I turned to go, there he was again... for a second goodbye. He was clearly choked up, his voice quavering as he shook my hand again and said, "I'm really glad you're doing well."
Unexpected... but appreciated.
Jacquie picked me up at the airport in Washington, as she did last year. It was fairly late in the evening, so we didn't do anything this night, just headed to the hotel.
The event itself? Probably the best one, yet. Our company Prez said last week that this was the first one of these events in which he didn't receive some sort of complaint from a member. High five.
Got to do some fun stuff there, though. Got together with Lauren, the daughter of one of my co-workers, who I met for the first time on this trip last year. She's super-cool. Got to meet Lauryn, a new employee in our D.C. office, who's also super-cool. Maybe it's the name.
The event itself? Probably the best one, yet. Our company Prez said last week that this was the first one of these events in which he didn't receive some sort of complaint from a member. High five.
Got to do some fun stuff there, though. Got together with Lauren, the daughter of one of my co-workers, who I met for the first time on this trip last year. She's super-cool. Got to meet Lauryn, a new employee in our D.C. office, who's also super-cool. Maybe it's the name.
Brent is a die-hard Yuengling fan. And it's a decent brewery, I'll admit. But nothing like the stuff served here. I ordered him two beers that afternoon: a Piraat and a Delerium Tremens. He liked the Piraat and loved the DT. Mission accomplished.
One day, we drove up to Wilkes-Barre, where we got together with another dear friend, beccapooka, and her husband. We had lunch at a Thai restaurant and kicked around a bookstore and used record store for a while. Then it was back "home."
I'd planned to get together with siannon, but she was really sick. (Hope it's not the pig flu, hon!)
Then on Sunday, it was time to come back to Sac.
My flight was scheduled to leave Philly around 5:30 p.m. This did not happen. Oh, we were on the runway, prepared for takeoff. But then a woman in the row in front of me started feeling numb. Dunno if it was a stroke or, as she believed, an extreme allergic reaction to something. Either way, we turned around and headed back to the gate, where EMTs came and took her from the plane. By the time we were back to the runway, well over an hour had passed from our scheduled departure time.
And when we landed? EMTs came on the flight again to remove yet another sick person. (No details on that one, but I know a bunch of us were starting to wonder what was in the air.)
Naturally, most of us with connecting flights missed them. And because it was late in the day, there weren't any other flights from Salt Lake City to Sacramento. So they ended up putting us up in a hotel and giving us two $7 food vouchers - one for dinner and one for breakfast.
Given the late hour, though, the only food we could get at the hotel (without cabbing it to a restaurant) was Domino's. I'd rather go hungry for a night than eat Domino's, which is what I did.
Oh, I should point out that, by the time we got to our hotel, it would've been about the same time I'd have arrived home in Sacramento. Good times.
And they weren't over, yet.
My flight out of SLC was at 8:40. But the only open shuttle the hotel had for me was at 6:00. Talk about overkill. I got some good reading done in the terminal, though, before leaving.
Long story ... well ... less long ... I got home at 10:30 Monday morning, when I should've gotten home at 10:30 Sunday night.
At any rate, it's nice to be back. Lots of work waiting for me in the orifice, but I expected as much.
And when we landed? EMTs came on the flight again to remove yet another sick person. (No details on that one, but I know a bunch of us were starting to wonder what was in the air.)
Naturally, most of us with connecting flights missed them. And because it was late in the day, there weren't any other flights from Salt Lake City to Sacramento. So they ended up putting us up in a hotel and giving us two $7 food vouchers - one for dinner and one for breakfast.
Given the late hour, though, the only food we could get at the hotel (without cabbing it to a restaurant) was Domino's. I'd rather go hungry for a night than eat Domino's, which is what I did.
Oh, I should point out that, by the time we got to our hotel, it would've been about the same time I'd have arrived home in Sacramento. Good times.
And they weren't over, yet.
My flight out of SLC was at 8:40. But the only open shuttle the hotel had for me was at 6:00. Talk about overkill. I got some good reading done in the terminal, though, before leaving.
Long story ... well ... less long ... I got home at 10:30 Monday morning, when I should've gotten home at 10:30 Sunday night.
At any rate, it's nice to be back. Lots of work waiting for me in the orifice, but I expected as much.
[Blog #113] --- Depressed --- [Wednesday] - ...Why?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #113
...Why?
...Why?
Today was the last time I'll see Dianne for a fortnight.
The cancellation of next Wednesday's counselling session couldn't have came at a worse time.
That means I have to go from today until the 13th of May without talking with her.
That means I have to keep in two weeks worth of shite, as apposed to the usual one.
And what happened today AFTER I'd been to talk with her, that couldn't have came at a worse time either.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was sat in the counselling room with Dianne - telling her about my issues with my creativity, my issues with failing and my issues with self harm.
I'm not just cutting myself now - I'm starting to burn myself, hit my head on walls, bite myself and purposely triggering my asthma.
The fire alarm went off during our session, so we wasted about 10 fucking minutes stood in the car park.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ash was nowhere to be seen - even after we'd waited around for her for ages - so we went into town without her.
I bought sausage rolls instead of a sandwich and we sat on the black slabs to eat them.
I walked back to college holding hands with Shelly.
I've never really held hands with someone - but I really like it.
I even hold Ash's hand sometimes when we're just sat together.
I like affection, and I like to give it to my friends - people who I like. I'm glad I've made two friends who don't mind that.
We found Ash upstairs in the art rooms.
She's doing extra work to finish off her A2 certificate on Wednesdays now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We sat downstairs in the alcove near the vending depot.
Lewis came and sat with us for a while, waiting for his C block lesson.
Ashleigh wasn't appearing - so I went to find her.
I found her on the tables - texting.
Obviously texting us to see where we were.
So I did my Monday trick, snuck up behind her, grabbed her shoulders and yelled: "TEXTING YOUR MATES ASHLEIGH?! GOT NO FRIENDS TO SIT WITH?!" - proper loud.
Then I took her by the arm and literally dragged her from those tables to the alcove.
Not once did she touch her wheels - I did all the propelling work.
It was so fun. :)
Ash didn't even question the fact we suggested she eat from the refectory.
Then we told her we'd already been to town and couldn't be arsed going back.
This is a part I don't remember:
Shelly, Ash and Lewis all started to laugh at me for some reason - but I can't remember why that was.
I got angry, so I flicked Shelly's nose. I went to flick Ash's - but somehow, I didn't open my hand - so I punched her square in the nose.
It shocked her - she was silent for a few seconds, then she started to cry.
Naturally, the last time I upset Ash - I went home and carved her name into my arms - so I felt guilty and upset.
I cuddled her, apologising, trying to calm her down - but I constantly thought I was just making matters worse.
I couldn't cope with how shit I felt after a while though - I snapped the metal attatchment off the end of my pen, used the sharp point to cut myself a few times.
Ash said she forgave me - so I mopped her face with some tissue, squeezing her hand, telling her I loved her.
I don't understand how I was able to hurt someone I love as much as Ashleigh...
I couldn't sleep tonight - it was bothering me so much.
The cancellation of next Wednesday's counselling session couldn't have came at a worse time.
That means I have to go from today until the 13th of May without talking with her.
That means I have to keep in two weeks worth of shite, as apposed to the usual one.
And what happened today AFTER I'd been to talk with her, that couldn't have came at a worse time either.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was sat in the counselling room with Dianne - telling her about my issues with my creativity, my issues with failing and my issues with self harm.
I'm not just cutting myself now - I'm starting to burn myself, hit my head on walls, bite myself and purposely triggering my asthma.
The fire alarm went off during our session, so we wasted about 10 fucking minutes stood in the car park.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ash was nowhere to be seen - even after we'd waited around for her for ages - so we went into town without her.
I bought sausage rolls instead of a sandwich and we sat on the black slabs to eat them.
I walked back to college holding hands with Shelly.
I've never really held hands with someone - but I really like it.
I even hold Ash's hand sometimes when we're just sat together.
I like affection, and I like to give it to my friends - people who I like. I'm glad I've made two friends who don't mind that.
We found Ash upstairs in the art rooms.
She's doing extra work to finish off her A2 certificate on Wednesdays now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We sat downstairs in the alcove near the vending depot.
Lewis came and sat with us for a while, waiting for his C block lesson.
Ashleigh wasn't appearing - so I went to find her.
I found her on the tables - texting.
Obviously texting us to see where we were.
So I did my Monday trick, snuck up behind her, grabbed her shoulders and yelled: "TEXTING YOUR MATES ASHLEIGH?! GOT NO FRIENDS TO SIT WITH?!" - proper loud.
Then I took her by the arm and literally dragged her from those tables to the alcove.
Not once did she touch her wheels - I did all the propelling work.
It was so fun. :)
Ash didn't even question the fact we suggested she eat from the refectory.
Then we told her we'd already been to town and couldn't be arsed going back.
This is a part I don't remember:
Shelly, Ash and Lewis all started to laugh at me for some reason - but I can't remember why that was.
I got angry, so I flicked Shelly's nose. I went to flick Ash's - but somehow, I didn't open my hand - so I punched her square in the nose.
It shocked her - she was silent for a few seconds, then she started to cry.
Naturally, the last time I upset Ash - I went home and carved her name into my arms - so I felt guilty and upset.
I cuddled her, apologising, trying to calm her down - but I constantly thought I was just making matters worse.
I couldn't cope with how shit I felt after a while though - I snapped the metal attatchment off the end of my pen, used the sharp point to cut myself a few times.
Ash said she forgave me - so I mopped her face with some tissue, squeezing her hand, telling her I loved her.
I don't understand how I was able to hurt someone I love as much as Ashleigh...
I couldn't sleep tonight - it was bothering me so much.
Disaster!
I'm trying to remember if I've ever cancelled a show. I'm sure I have once or twice, though no particular instance stands out. Last night was a first. After driving in rush hour traffic to Long Beach from downtown LA, we arrived at the Blue Cafe about two hours early. We stopped by and checked in with the staff, who were very friendly, and then took a stroll through my old neighborhood before sound check. We were about a block away when I got a phone call from them saying a water pipe had just burst in the building, and they had to close for the evening. Hm. I don't know what I learned, but I apologize to anyone who might have driven out to see the show. It will be rescheduled.
My Day,
My day was great. In Math, we got to eat pie. :) Because we were learning about Pi (the 3.14 thingy that goes on forever and never stops), and I asked a really stupid question:
"Why is Pi Pi?"
My teacher told me it was a Greek letter.
"What letter? P?"
She never replied to me. XD
I also apologized to Randy, because I snapped at him yesterday. As I embarked out of my History class, with him following at my heels, we was poking me and touching my hair. I wasn't in a good mood, and sorta shouted at him (well, not shouted, but you know). He asked me what was wrong, and I told him to leave me alone.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you... The other day."
"What?"
"You know, yesterday... After History."
"Nah, it's okay. I deserved it anyway."
"No, don't say it like that..."
"I did! I was poking you."
"And I don't care. You're a very touchy person. ...How many people do you touch throughout the day?"
"Uh, about 20."
"And do you touch me more than you do with other people?"
"Kinda."
He was giggling as that conversation was held. Boys. I wonder if I'll ever understand them. :)
English was crap, actually... Just because we forgot to do something absolutely correct in our essay, means we failed it. I swear. It's not really fair, since I've never really written an essay before - so I'm inexperienced. I think I failed the Practice test. If I did, I'm seriously gonna cry... Or something...
History was kinda blah. Did some seat work. In Computers, we worked on Microsoft Powerpoint some more.
My cousin asked me and my bro if we wanted to go and babysit her kids tonight. I accepted, so that's where I'll be tonight - hanging around with a 6 year old girl named Olivia, and a 4 year old rambunctious boy named Brody. I love them both, they're really cute. :)
"Why is Pi Pi?"
My teacher told me it was a Greek letter.
"What letter? P?"
She never replied to me. XD
I also apologized to Randy, because I snapped at him yesterday. As I embarked out of my History class, with him following at my heels, we was poking me and touching my hair. I wasn't in a good mood, and sorta shouted at him (well, not shouted, but you know). He asked me what was wrong, and I told him to leave me alone.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you... The other day."
"What?"
"You know, yesterday... After History."
"Nah, it's okay. I deserved it anyway."
"No, don't say it like that..."
"I did! I was poking you."
"And I don't care. You're a very touchy person. ...How many people do you touch throughout the day?"
"Uh, about 20."
"And do you touch me more than you do with other people?"
"Kinda."
He was giggling as that conversation was held. Boys. I wonder if I'll ever understand them. :)
English was crap, actually... Just because we forgot to do something absolutely correct in our essay, means we failed it. I swear. It's not really fair, since I've never really written an essay before - so I'm inexperienced. I think I failed the Practice test. If I did, I'm seriously gonna cry... Or something...
History was kinda blah. Did some seat work. In Computers, we worked on Microsoft Powerpoint some more.
My cousin asked me and my bro if we wanted to go and babysit her kids tonight. I accepted, so that's where I'll be tonight - hanging around with a 6 year old girl named Olivia, and a 4 year old rambunctious boy named Brody. I love them both, they're really cute. :)
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
Quick Links
Latest Comment
Re: Wild Goose Chase - It's been awhile since I eated goose. Mmmmmmmmmmm
| Terms of Service
| Privacy Policy
