Anxiety @ MindSay

Right now, I can't sleep.  I don't want to see anyone.  I do not intend to go interning tomorrow.  I still have the six papers I need to write that i had before.  I'm filled with an anxious exhaustion that makes me wonder why I didn't go through with seeing a shrink again.  I guess these things surge and recede and then you think you're "pretty normal."

I read an article on "Understanding the Anxious Mind."  It's nice to know I'm probably just biologically predisposed to the kind of insanity I deal with.  I recognize that I had an adaptive function for the anxiety at some point, not too long ago.  How do I replace the current maladaptive formation with an overlay of the previous adaptive one?  Or do I need to create a new format?

Additionally:  My name is Luke.  I write here infrequently, and rarely with this much coherent angst.  That's usually saved for LJ.  But, what can I say?  It was the Mindsay Reunion Tour.  I had to post something.  If you want to see something different, read back a few entries.

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Avoid sources of negativity. We all tend to get a daily hit of negativity whether we like it or not. It's part of our routine and our society. Panic attacks are based on the way you think about yourself. It is easy to be tough on yourself so learn to stop doing it. It only serves to put you down when the people around you aren't. Stop telling yourself negative stuff like your boring, dumb, useless, ugly.

What does an anxiety attack feel like

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FUCK SOCIAL ANXIETY.

Monday I find out that I'm supposed to take a test on Wed. That's today. I didn't have enough notice to tell SAS(Student Accessibility Services) where I go to take tests normally. They give me a small cubical type desk, and extra time to take said test because of my anxiety. So, now, I am taking the full day to study, it's not until 5:30. I have been writing the definitions for three chapters since 9:30am. I am writing so much that my hand and wrist are killing me, and it is actually making me sick to my stomach. I have to take the test with the rest of the class. No space of my own to keep me from getting distracted or anxious, and no extra time to make up for the anxiety. Uh-oh. There goes my B.

House update: We are almost done fixing all the walls. We have patched almost every hole. We will be able to sand and paint all but three rooms maybe by tomorrow. Which means that everything the appraiser needed us to fix is done. So, I will call the appraiser and make an appointment for them to come out and re-appraise the property. However, since we have changed our lender, we have heard nothing about being approved for the loan. I have to pay for the appraiser to come back out, and I don't even know if the lender is going to give us money to buy the house. We have put probably around $1500 into a property we don't own yet. the $1000 is earnest money, so, $500 non-refundable funds at least are into this as it is. I don't know how much the appraiser will want to come back out, and there is another $300 that will be refundable if they cash the check to process my loan application. Plus we will still have to put down the rest of the down payment, and all of closing costs. Then we want to fix the place up. Oye-vey.