Antidepressents @ MindSay

Hey all

Its been a while since i sat down and actually wrote an actual blog that was more than a few sentences (since like, july :|) Ive wanted to for a while to write an update blog, so, here it goes...

Grade 11 started a few weeks ago. Its been pretty hectic. This semester goes: Chemistry, Physics, Biology, Grade 10 math. Easiest classes right now are grade 10 math (were basically doing grade 9 review right now(and in case anyones wondering why im taking grade 10 math when im in grade 11, its because i slacked off severly last year) and physics. Hardest is Biology (chapter we are finishing up is about different kinds of sugars (glucose, glycogen, etc) and their structures..its just not  sinking in with me....however, my teacher assured us its going to get easier) Chemistry is somewhere in the middle. We are basically doing mostly what we did in the grade 10 chem unit right now, so its fairly easy.

Besides classes and everything though, my attitude is alot better towards homework, and I'm doing most of it:) Basically i just make sure i understand whats going on, and if i dont do all tyhe homework beyond that point, it doesnt matter to me. So im really happy about that:)

In more personal news, Mikko and I are doing great. Our 9 month was on the 17th:) My longest relationship before him was 6 weeks :|

Also, I am still on prozac, and it has been about 9 months of that to. It helps alot with mood swings and the such, but i still have my days. The one thing VERY noticible its doing is that everynight for the last, 4 months or so, i have weird and random dreams. Examples: One night i had a dream one of my guy friends was in my math class and we were putting on lime-green mascara:P Then the teacher took my glasses away because i was lying on my desk on my stomack :|:P:P LOL. Another time i had a dream where i was in a concentration camp and I was pregnant so they tried cutting open my stomach (i was awake, not medicated) to get the baby out. Outside of the dream i forced my eyes open (not with my hands, just with well...my eyelids) because i didnt want myself to dream that because it was terrifying. This isnt lying either. It was probably the most horrifying dream I ever had :|:|:|

And in just in case your wondering, i DO check mindsay pretty much everyday, its just i havent blogged in forever.

anyways, thats all for now. till later,

-:PKristal:|

I havent been on the computer since Tuesday (which is really unusual considering before I used to use it each and everyday not mater what) so I have alot of blogs to catch up on, and I will be in a bit, but I figured I better blog first since alot has happened in the past few days...

So my doctors appointment is in 5 days...and im really nervous. Im really hoping that he'll listen to what I have to say and not just say that I need some pills, or worse: say that im faking it or its just teenage hormones or something. I know that this isnt just normal teenage mood swings, and i know its not caused because of how i look or what i choose to listen to or anything like that. This has been an ongoing thing, and in recent months its gotten even worse, so Im hoping there will be some kind of more "natural" way to help me with this, such as councilling or medatation or something on the lines of that. I really, really dont want to be put on antidepressents or things that I will get addicted to or will take over my life. People already take in enough unnatural subtances into their body through food, the air we breath, and products we use that soak into our skin like deoderant, and frankly I beilive I dont need anything else screwing with the way my body functions. I see everyday what drugs can do to you..sure, not specifically antidepressents, but drugs are drugs, and im pretty much against all of them. But thats a different story...

In other news, Friday I had to miss the first 2 periods of school (so basically half the day) to get my pasport all ready so that I can go to Florida for 2 weeks in February. Thing is though, lately Ive been having a harder time than usual getting up out of bed in the morning, so on Friday I slept in till after 10am and my Dad flipped out really bad on me until I finally got out of the house and into the truck to go to the place to get the passport all signed and stuff. But even as my dad, my mom and I were driving there, my dad was still sort of yelling at me, and my mom was trying to stand up for me. I was just sitting in the back, looking out the window trying to hide my tears from them (and I did so very successfully) until we got there, and basically for the rest of the day I barely spoke because of how shooken up I was because of that morning. It may seem like I'm sort of cry-baby like the way I talk about myself and why I cry, but seriously it really, really does take alot for me to cry, and ive been doing alot more of it lately, which isnt really good. If you have seen my dad and heard what he was saying and how intimidating he was being, then you would be able to understand, but its just something i cannot explain. I had to go to school for the last 2 periods of that day, but I was very very close to just skipping last period, because I really felt like crap. Not only did I feel like crap because of getting screamed at all morning, but on Thursday I was stupid and didnt eat breakfast and lunch and did the beep test in gym on basically an empty stomach, so I was really sore to(after the beep test on thursday i had really bad chest pains and I swear i could have passed out).  But I guess everythings back to normal now...

Oh yea, I should mention that on the 21st I broke up with Ryan.  Its really interesting though..last year when I dated jordan, I started dating him on a 23 (just like Ryan) and broke up with him on a 21 (just like Ryan). Of course, it wasnt of the same months, but it was still an odd coincidence. But this time when i broke up with Ryan, I was actually the one to break up with him (last time I got my friend Cole to break up with Jordan for me). And I didnt wimp out and do it over msn, so thats good I guess. Ryan and I barely spoke to eachother, even though we hung out with eachother every lunch period. He is a really, really nice and great guy, but I just never felt anything super amazing between us...

So now that I caught you guys up, im off to do things. Byebye.

-:|Kristal:(