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well, its been awhile again...I haven't been myself since July-August probably and I didn't feel like writing any.
The Dixie Classic Fair was fun though,but I got very tired that day.. That it how its been . I get so tired doing anything and stomach problems too. I was glad when my Doctor appointment finally arrived over a week ago now. All my blood work came back with great results. No thyroid problems or Liver problems and I'm not perimenopausal either... Cholesterol levels were great as were blood count, etc.. so, Dr. said it sounded like depression. All the stress from this year...Yes, worry is a sin..I don't handle it very well and I give it to God, but I always manage to pull it back..Not what you're supposed to do...so now I'm back on my Zoloft after being off it for well over two years..Starting to feel like me again. Last friday at the West/Reynolds game I had the best time. My friend I haven't seen in a long while, Trace' Cave Cunduff came. and wonders of all we saw John Sherrill too! We haven't seen him in years! Long years! LOL He has not changed a bit! He's still John! haha.. we had a great time picking and carrying on..just like the old days again! I knew I was gonna be okay then..
I can almost pinpoint a time when I really felt lowest...The day we got that Certified letter from our mortgage co..I had to sign for it and my heart sank...I prayed so hard while opening that letter, and called James crying my eyes out...That was hard, as I have written before. I just kept praying though, and I knew God would answer in His time, but I was being honest with Him and asking Him to hurry up. :)  Not what you're supposed to do either, but He knows me and we are all human and live in this imperfect world.
Meanwhile its been getting cooler and having crisp nights. There have been some Indian Summer days though. I was able to not turn our heat on for almost 2 whole weeks.
Then Monday came. I was working at home on Quickbooks trying to get it straight for Biogreen. I get a call and answer it. It's Lynn. She's been helping us deal with our mortgage co..She said"They are sending you a package out Fed Ex and you should get it tomorrow.. Your interest rate dropped to 6.375% and your new payments are like $848.00"... My skin started prickling and I cried... I felt relief wash over me.. She didnt know the rest of the details..we'd find out from the letter.. I stayed home again on Tuesday and worked on Quickbooks again,finishing it....James came home for lunch like he always does...I see the Fed Ex truck back into the driveway... James goes to meet him and signs for the letter... we sit together and open it. I read it...
"James, it says that this is for the next 365 months!"  Oh my! Here come the pricklings again!!! We look at each other.. "So this is the new payment for the rest of the loan?" "Yes!!" Hallaluha!!  after trying 3 times with them to get this Loan Mod, we get it and it's great! we didnt know if it would be just 6 months as most are or a year, but the life of the Loan!! That was such a blessing !!! A burden lifted!! I thanked God all the rest of that day and still am....
another prayer was answered too on Tuesday. Ariana was able to trade her Jeep and her $2500 for a 2002 Saturn! It only had about 75000 miles on it. Her jeep broke down over a week ago and it was a pain trying to get her to College and picked up and to work and me to work.... it was a mess but we did it.. and she had to buy the $84 dollar part and Jeff fixed the jeep for her, but it still needed a battery...she'd go somewhere and have to get a jump to start it... Not good..plus it was eating gas and ate oil like crazy too. She had to put 3 quarts in every two weeks or so.. she did cry though...The jeep was her first car... She didn't really want to give it up, but she knew it was for the best. Now she 'll have a good car when she goes to UNCC in a year or so..
and Morgan. He had to buy a new car too. Late September his old car starting acting up and stalling out on him, so James looked around here and found him a "97 Grand Am with only about 65000 miles on it.. and Morgan could afford it. he just had to borrow $1300 from Grandma to do it and he'll pay her back in Jan. when he gets his financial aid $ again. It cost him $2800.00. Both of the kids cars are white now! That is odd! I wont know who is who until I can see the whole car coming in!! LOL
So many blessings this week..... I am feeling better on my medicine and getting things done now that got neglected over the summer...Whew..now on to the next problem..figuring out how to pay our taxes of $1800.00!!! since we inherited that 7 acres of land, our property taxes went up...big time!! 
We signed the papers from the Mortgage co. and Fed ex'd them back all on the same day...we should hear soon about when payment is due and all that... 
There's still the matter of Christmas too. I told James we could not afford to buy for everyone this year... We will get the small ones something, and try to figure out how and what to do for Morgan and Ariana... I just want us to be together...I don't need one thing! After all what is Christmas all about anyway? -The Birth of our Lord and Saviour!!!! When you realize that, nothing else matters. Enjoy the season of Love!
Thanksgiving coming soon! Time to Thank the Lord for all our blessings! But we should thank Him on a daily basis... He does so much for us..look for the small things and the big things..There's always something! I remind myself of that daily...
 
 
   
 

Silence
There is a whisper within the clouds and while the answers lay out of reach I know its truth and run towards its chain.
 
 
 

   
Incompetence or Quota?
See, "SRCC Certifications. An Unexpected Reality. (Last updated 02/13/2009)" above this entry.....


When one encounters responses that begin to push the limits of rational thought, I think it is reasonable to start thinking that maybe there is “something else” going on that is not necessarily oblivious or above board. An example. Suppose you have been friends with John for a long time. You are a Republican, he is a Democrat, however it really had no effect on the relationship other than some good stimulating conversation. Both of you are fairly politically active in the community. Now, John gets the opportunity to run for a very well positioned office, in line with his party choices. As the weeks tick by you feel like John is pulling away from you. You mention this in a tactful way and various reasons are offered up, none of which have to do with politics. Time continues to go by and the gap widens. Answers are not overly available but the result is unmistakable. The separation is almost complete. Now upon one final Q&A seeking answers, only the ridiculous and all ready mentioned come forth. Now, if you have experience or brains in your head you know what the real reason is for the pull back. Politics to money will cover it…

There are literally countless examples one could create or put forth from experience showing these kinds of processes. Such is the feeling I am getting with my most recent business experience.

http://www.propeller.com/story/2009/01/31/srcc-certifications-an-unexpected-reality/

The responses are getting so off base and absurd, you have to start asking what is really going on here. Is it monumental incompetence or some other agenda being filled. Rather than create for you all the easy plots which all boil down to money, one way or another, I would like to hear from you on your experiences. What business situations have you found yourself in that the other party had alternate agendas to fulfill, that explained their behavior towards you, even if it involved deception and lying? Please fell free to answer…..

 
 
   
 

Unhealed Wounders

            I see a lot of empty people everyday. They are searching for some sort of entertainment or relationship that will fill the void in their lives. They don't realize that the enemy has wounded them through their childhood. They don't know that there is a reason why they feel like no one understands them. How can others understand you if you don't even know yourself?

            I see some people crawl up in corners and try to become invisible. Others scream out through "rebelling" and being “different” together with others who are also angry and desperately in need of love. They don't realize that their lives are controlled by the people they want to be the least like. To "get even" or to make a statement against someone, the person's thoughts and actions become molded, confined, and fiendish trying to hurt the one who hurt them. When will the cycle of pain stop? When we realize that in our broken humanity we cannot save ourselves? 

            If we try come up with answers from ourselves to solve all of our own problems, I'm afraid we're going to be going around in circles forever. Even if we did get an answer or two, mere head knowledge will never bring healing to the soul or give us the reason to live a fulfilling and joy-filled life. We need help.

            Only One can show us where we've been wounded and how deep the scars are. He knows everything that has happened to you and wants to show you that there is something so much better for you. He is the only One who actually cares and loves us so much that He cries with us in our pain.  He holds us and asks us if He can carry the pain-filled, dry and heavy shell of a heart we’ve been dragging along and give us a joy-filled, vibrant and living one instead.

 
 
 

   
Happy Ridvan 165 and my answers to some questions
Happy Ridvan!  Tonight at sunset the first of the 12 Days of Ridvan began, which commemorate Baha'u'llah's declaration to those in attendance, in a garden outside of Baghdad in the mid 19th Century CE of his Station as a Manifestation of God and the Promised One of all Ages, the recipient of Divine Revelation equal to that of the Bab, Mohammad, Jesus, the Buddha, Zoroaster, Moses, Krishna, Noah, Abraham and Others before Him.

Also i got one of those questionnaires emailed to me recently and decided to post my answers here.  Some of the questions i replaced with ones more to my liking.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? during my marriage
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? only when i write slowly and carefully
4. WHAT IS THE FIRST MOVIE THAT COMES TO MIND THAT YOU LIKE>> RIGHT NOW!? The Lord of the Rings trilogy
5. CAN YOU PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT? no but i like to sing
6. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES/SPORTS? aikido, tai-chi, cycling (in America or the E.U. where there's less traffic and more bike lanes!), tennis, skiing, walking
7. HOW OFTEN DO YOU DO ANY OF THOSE FROM # 6? once or twice a week... ideally... hasn't been the case for close to a year, though.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS AND APPENDIX?  Yes
9. WOULD YOU SKY DIVE? Possibly, if i could do it for free.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD? Bran flakes mixed with granola with Soy milk or rice milk.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Usually.
12. WHAT'S THE FIRST BOOK THAT YOU LIKE THAT COMES TO MIND RIGHT NOW!? Dune
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? chocolate
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes and smile
15. RED OR GREEN?  monk's red
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?  dry skin and occasional knee problems
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?  my parents
18. WHAT THE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT TO A GOOD MARRIAGE? weekly prayerful consultation
19. WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO BE RIGHT NOW? Bahji or Haifa
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? crackers with peanut butter.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? J.B. Eckl and Eric Dozier's album: Badasht
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? deep orange, similar to my blog's color but not quite.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?  freshly broken cinnamon stick
24. DO YOU LIKE TO COOK?  i don't mind cooking i just don't like the time it takes to do it! (I'm very slow at chopping vegetables, etc.)
25. FAVORITE ARTISTIC THING TO DO?  Act or write poetry
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  football, but i hardly ever spend time watching sports except maybe for the world cup or Olympics
27. THEATER, BALLET, OR OPERA? THEATER
28. HOW MUCH TV DO YOU WATCH? very little actual TV, maybe a few hours a week, but i watch some TV shows online and i do watch lots of DVDs each week.
29.DO YOU EVER WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses all the time, because contacts make my eyes all bloodshot.  I'd like to get corrective laser surgery done sometime so as to not need either!
30. FAVORITE FOODS? My mum's cooking, Indian, Middle Eastern, Chinese, Thai, Mexican, Japanese, etc. Out of all these Indian is my favorite of favorites, though.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?  I like happy endings. I only like "horror" movies if they are horror-comedies more comedy than horror.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Brick (last night).  A classic "Film Noir" plot but set in a modern high school.  And The Business of Being Born today, a very good documentary about home birthing with mid-wives (vs. in Hospitals).
33. WHAT COLOR CLOTHES ARE YOU WEARING? mostly Black (I also like wearing more colorful clothing, though!)
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?  I like all the seasons in different ways.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?  Hugs, if short, when saying hello or goodbye (to anyone-- but not in China where it's not part of the culture), kisses only with wife after marriage.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate cake, or pumpkin, apple or blueberry pie.
37. HOW MANY CHILDREN WOULD YOU LIKE? 2 seems like a good number but depends on the financial situation.
38. WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADOPT IF FOR SOME REASON YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE WEREN'T ABLE TO HAVE ANY? Yes
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? A fantasy novel, but it's not as good as J. R. R. Tolkien!  This morning i read from the Qu'ran.
40. DO YOU LIKE READING, DO YOU READ MUCH?  Yes and yes!
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?  My house-mates where watching Ocean's Twelve and i was in the same room but mostly paying attention to my computer.
42. FAVORITE SOUND(s)? The wind through the leaves, birds, waves, flute, sitar, guitar...
43. STONES OR BEATLES? The Beatles.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? I haven't been any further than planet Earth yet!
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Reading out loud, drawing, acting, poetry
46. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A TATTOO? WHAT KIND?  Yes, if i could get one for free.  Maybe a nine pointed star and a celtic design with a dragon and or wolf.
47. WHICH THREE COUNTRIES WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO LIVE IN FOR SOME TIME OTHER THAN WHERE YOU ARE NOW? China, India, New Zealand.
48. WHICH FIVE other COUNTRIES that you've never visited yet WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT FOR A HOLIDAY? Turkey, Canada, Australia, Ireland, Nepal.
49. IF YOU HAD THE TIME, SPACE AND MONEY WHAT PET WOULD YOU HAVE IF ANY? a dog (a malamut or Labrador or retriever).
 
 
   
 

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