Annoying @ MindSay

Oh boy , this is funny. my roomate..who has never had to work for anything... is on my back more so than my mom lately about me finding work. now i can understand u being like..hey, u shuld try here or u shuld try there, but to be like.."u need to stop sleeping during the day and find a job" is not acceptable. especially after i was explaining how my energy has been like oddly low lately. and ive had this one sided headache that has been plagueing me for like two weeks and counting. Im just really sick of it cuz its not like im not trying..and she told me that i can use her car to look for work while she is in class and all of a sudden now she is gonna "write down the bus schedule and leave me $5"...way to keep ur word.

 

and what also pisses me off is that ive been the only person cleaning the apt since dec and when ppl talk about how the apt looks.she uses the word "we" when talking about cleaning..like today i was talking to one of her friends about the ant problem the apt has and how i mopped and cleaned the kitchen and they like multiplied..out of no where she starts sayin "yea we wuld scrub the floors and they just eep coming". i swear, i wanted to be like."we scrubbed?" lol, but i was nice. She never cleans, unless its her room and thats only if a boy she likes is coming over...she'll do her room and then il do the rest of the apt...as usual. im gettin sick of it. ugh. and i was supposed to go to sleep but i got too ADD and started lookin stuff up..which sucks cuz i have to go to urgent care about my headache among other things..then i gotta look for work, and after all that buy some groceries with wat little money i have and then look at an apt my friends are interested in. life is just great u know.

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After my mood slightly rose last night with the parmo and Resident Evil combination - I suspected that I may feel slightly reasonable today. But no.
Today I've felt worse.

I would have allowed myself to cut my arms - but after mam told me that I might be going to get new shirts tomorrow - and she'd be there, naturally she'd want to see how they look on me - thus, making my arms a dangerous place to cut if I wanted to conceal them.
So I've had to opt for my legs instead, which sucks - because they don't hurt half as much.

Nobody is really helping.
Shelly certainly didn't help by ringing me up this afternoon hyper off her head.
Everyone else is always hyper as fuck or jolly and happy when I feel like slitting my throat.

She's coming to see me - but I can see it being a repeat of Wednesday.
Could even be worse if mam's not at work and insisting on taking me out. :(

I tried to continue DATWBSVOH last night and I only got a sentence out.
Sigh, it looks like I'll be fucking stuck on chapter one forever.

But, one positive I suppose:
Resident Evil: Code Veronica X - Nosterafu is dead, finally. And he didn't manage to poison me.
I'm onto Chris' scenario, but I might save that for when I have an audience.

I feel so uncomfortable today. I can't find anything to wear, it all just feels annoying. I don't really feel like doing anything, either. The boyfriend has been feeling unsociable lately, and has been playing xbox for the past 3 days...

He says it's probably a phase, and that he finds everyone -not just me- revolting.

Which, I can partly understand because I felt like that before. But... it's still worrying me, and it's upsetting to know he's on xbox all day, and doesn't feel like talking to me.

He told me to be patient. I'm trying...

Since it's been awhile since I've been here and I have no one specific item to share at present, I will take this opportunity to just expunge on a few thoughts before the weekend.

Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. Seriously (and I say this every year), it really doesn't feel like it. Aside from the normal social expectancies that most people assume will occur in their lives by this age (ie; marriage, kids, house, inability to smile), I have avoided the personal interest traps that many willingly dive into by this age. Most people by this age it seems are all too willing to give up what they were once so passionate about in order to blend into the herd more easily. Why bother attempting to stand out when you can buy a bag filled with Affliction t-shirts and learn to like Bon Jovi and Dancing With The Stars? Pass. I've long since embraced my personal interests and nerd-isms with no slowing down. Though it may not net me that kind of life others desire until they actually acquire it, I still feel I'll get more out of watching Afro Samurai and Frisky Dingo. All I seem to share with married people in my age group at this point is the lack of intimacy (at present), but not of my own volition, I assure you.

As a birthday present to self, I went to the Chicago Theatre to see Speaker Series 2009 with Bill Maher and Ann Coulter. Being that this is Chicago, the crowd heavily leaned left but there were Ann Coulter fans to be found. Overall, it was an excellent experience and, for me, a chance to see Bill Maher live as I am a fan. At one point, Ann Coulter took it upon herself to refer to the entire crowd as "a room full of idiots". Prior to this, she made a point to state how she does not like to judge people for their personal lives and decisions. Interesting how this woman thinks one thing, does the other and deludes herself into justification in her own head. In a way, I'm sort of jealous that she can be so delusional and live in her own head the way she does.

As for this weekend, I have some plans in the works of sorts. Actually, it's back down to the theatre district to see "A Bronx Tale" at the Cadillac Palace. It's kind of weird to me that I feel like I'm becoming somewhat of a theater fan, but I do like the change of pace from movies and the like.

I have been so unbearably tired this past week.