Anne Hathaway @ MindSay

Since I have been thawed out from being frozen for 417 years, I have noticed that my husband, William Shakespeare, has become quite the man to talk about. I was rather confused, considering, all he did was write a few plays that were preformed by men in tights and makeup in front of audiences who, for one cent, could come get drunk and get all their cross-dressing men fantasies out for the week... Plus, when they weren't drunk, they were usually off in a corner fornicating (We liked to do a lot of that back then).

I am just baffled that there are people who have dedicated their entire lives to the life of one man. 
Like, look at this guy:

First of all, what in God's name is he looking at?? My hubby up in heaven??

Second of all, this guy, Dr. Ace G. Pilkington (which I swear has to be a fake name), got his DOCTORATE in my husband at Oxford. If you're going to spend the $30,000 a year for an education at Oxford, one of the most prestigious universities in the world, why spend it on a doctorate in one person. Why not a doctorate in English overall??

This is the type of person who gets a masters degree in Arthurian Literature: Literature written about the legendary (made-up) character, King Arthur. I can remember my bewilderment a few years back, when I visited my dear old friend while she was attending university. She was taking a class called "Arthurian Legend" taught by an professor who was an expert in this field. As I sat in on the class, I found myself completely confused. The professor talked as if Arthur was a real person and had once been alive. She spoke of various intellectual discussions she had had with other Arthurian experts about this made-up character, and conferences she had attended where experts presented their amazing Arthurian "findings" to other experts.

And also, just for the record, since I'm from 500 years ago, so I would know: If King Arthur had been alive he wouldn't look like this:

He probably look more like this:

Or, even more likely, like this:

In addition, for the record, while we're on the subject of movie versions of people's lives... My husband DID NOT look like this:

If he had, my horrific, estranged marriage would have been a whole lot better.

Yesterday, while browsing around MindSay for people who had tags of Willy's name, I came upon a young lady by the name of Stargazer911. Stargazer911 expressed her undying love for my husband, and proceeded to call him HER husband. Of course, I couldn't just sit around and read these obvious lies, so I calmly left her an adult message:

Your husband?? Your husband? William was married to me!! That dirty bastard!!! I would kill him if he wasn't already dead! (I was going to add Get your hands off of him you bitch! but I decided against it).

Her response was downright unlady-like:

Who are you and what is this nonsense about you married to MY hubby?   Don't  you call him names I say!  I see you for what you are, an imposter!  You want to rub off on his fame don't you?  Well I must warn you, don't you dare dare!!!  I am a very loyal and disillusioned wife as you can see your grace.

She then wandered over to my blog and left a message about the spiritual awakening she experienced after meeting my husband. In my time, spirtual anythings were related to God, the heavenly father, NOT to my husband. Of all people, my husband would be the worst to discuss anything spiritual with. He believed in the old Greek gods of Apollo and Olympus (look at the gods who are in or mentioned in his plays).

I find you Americans (I believe that's what a lot of you call yourselves, although I am not sure. I am still trying to figure out what this word is because it did not exist in my time) to be very odd people. I do not believe any group quite like yours existed in my time. We certainly didn't dedicate our lives to ancient people. Except maybe Socrates... or Plato... or Homer (However, I believe you study him too... Although, we had no work where he said the phrase, "DOH!" ).

     Us Weekly reports that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner got married June 29 in the Caribbean islands of Turks and Caicos. The couple is expecting a child this fall. I guess Bennifer really is working out after all. Warner Bros. has acquired the rights to remake the Japanese film Be With You. Variety reports that Garner will star in and produce the film through her Vandalia Films production company.

     The Princess Diaries' Anne Hathaway will join Meryl Streep for the big screen adaptation of Lauren Weisberger's novel The Devil Wears Prada.

     Terry George and Keir Pearson, the screenwriters of Hotel Rwanda, won the Humanitas Prize June 29 for helping bring attention to the victims of the 1994 Rwandan genocide.

     Writer-director Paul Haggis' successful film drama Crash will be brought to a television near you on the FX network. Don Cheadle, who also starred in the movie, will likely appear in and direct several episodes of the gritty race drama should it go to series.

     Variety reports that Brian DePalma and producer Art Linson are reteaming to develop The Untouchables: Capone Rising. The prequel to the filmmaker's 1987 hit will follow a young Al Capone rising through the ranks of the criminal underworld. Who will play Capone?

     Warner Books will publish the memoirs of British actor Rupert Everett (My Best Friend's Wedding, A Midsummer Night's Dream) in the fall of 2006.

As some of you MindSayers know, for the past two years, I have had the amazing experience of spending my love-life with another fellow MindSay resident: Mullows  This weekend, Mullows took me out for a birthday surprise, one I was not fully expecting. He took me to the ballet - to see a performance based on my dead husband's play, Romeo & Juliet.

Once I got past the bewilderment of WHY my present lover would even think of ever taking me on a date that would make me think all night about my former lover, I was able to sit back and let the excitement sink in. I was FINALLY seeing one of my husband's most famous plays! Yes, that's right folks. I, Mrs. Anne Hathaway-Shakespeare, had never seen Romeo & Juliet. By the time the play was on stage, I was so SICK of hearing about it, and so I refused to attend any showing of it. Oooooooh, Will was so angry! It was great!!

But I couldn't let my dear Mullows down, and so I put on a big smile and let the curtain rise...

However, after viewing the beautiful, elegant dancing displayed by the actual couple who played Romeo and Juliet, I began to wonder about the story itself. I was appalled by a few details.

1. Is Juliet like 12-years-old? This baffles me. Does she even have her period yet? How can she fall in love and get married? Isn't that a little young? William leads you to believe people from my generation got married that young. That's wrong. While yes, with parental permission a girl could marry at 12 and a boy at 14, but that was unusual. The legal age of consent (without parental permission) was 21. That's three years more than it is today!

I think Will was trying to write out his sexual addiction. He had already been arrested once for child rape when he started writing Romeo & Juliet (although, he was not charged, which is why you'll never find any record of it - Plus his publicist wanted to keep it all "hush hush"). His advisor (I think you call shrinks or therapist today) had suggested Will "write out" his sinful feelings. Act them out on the page, instead of in real life. It was a very horrible time for us... For me. I had never expected Will to go for the little ones. He was always attracted to older women, which is why he went for me (I being 26 when we married and he 18). I felt like Mary Kay Letourneau when Vili asked a freshman to his senior prom!!

2. Why are we supposed to believe Romeo is actually really, truly in love with Juliet? Isn't he just some horny teenage boy?? I mean, in the beginning of the play it seems he's in love with Rosaline, and then ALL OF A SUDDEN he's "in love" with Juliet?? Hmm... I think maybe he was just following the pull of his little willy. Kind of like how Big Willy did when he was away in London all those years while we were married...

3. Soooo, the priest has magical potions? Who was Friar Lawrence- St. Valentine? Where did he get this magical drug that put Juliet to sleep and made her appear dead? I think Willy was wishing he could've produced some magical drug such as this to get out of our marriage! I don't know what you call people who make potions like this these days, but in my day we called them witches and we burned them at the stake.

4. So Romeo and Juliet just kill themselves in the end? The whole time I was watching the ballet, I was waiting for Romeo and Juliet to run off together. They come from rich families. I'm sure they could've afforded to steal some money and run off in the sunset together. Instead they killed themselves? This really made me laugh because it makes it seem like Will was a softy - a real hopeless romantic. HILARIOUS is what I say!! Juliet was an IDIOT. Instead of marrying that rich, handsome Paris her parents wanted her to marry, she chooses horny, hormonal, obsessive Romeo? The guy was a stalker!! If, after a day of knowing him, Mullows came to my window and climbed up onto my balcony, I would scream "RAPE!" That's creepy!!

 

Overall, the ballet was very beautiful and very enjoyable (of course the company was enjoyable as well). I just think William may have written most of the story of Romeo & Juliet while crying over a few too many bottles of ale. Poor Willy... HAHAHA. Yeah right.