Anger @ MindSay

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

 

 

Okay so that person has hurt you or robbed you of what you think is rightfully yours. If I told you that that does not count, it does not count for a reason to strike back at the other person – that wanting to get even may hurt him yes and which will make you in turn very happy bout it too yes again. But truth of the matter is – you’re the one who’ll be hurting most by it. Why? --Because you are making yourself quite open or vulnerable for a counter-strike again and again. You are giving him permission to hurt you repeatedly because apparently he won’t just sit there taking your punches too but will punch you right back in – cause he is the type who would. And you know what, in always thinking about your rage it would only serve to enrage you some more. That’s even hurting you more than you ever know. Your own rage will destroy you. So you see the other guy is winning over you without even trying hard enough.

 

But think about this --- can he be so sure that what he has stolen from you is the thing for him that it would work well for him too? You see, wanting something just because it looks good on the other person does not guarantee that the same thing would look good or will work well for you too. Nope, that’s not how it works. One man’s medicine may be poison for another.

 

So what to do? Well, leave! Your leaving will douse cold water over his fiery temper and greed. How can he be continually angry too when there’s nobody around to be angry with or at? There’s nobody or nothing that would add coal to the fire in the furnace…his furnace.

 

And what have you lost? If you think about it, not much really because you can always get it back in your life just the way you are. That’s how you succeeded in the first place.

You said it so simply and meant nothing by,
But the things that mean little
Got caught by my eye.
I heard something more than what you said
And all I now want is silence without dread.

I told you a bit of what I thought I heard
And what you replied hurt me more inside.
You made me sound silly, girlish, and scared
When all that I wanted was concern, love, and care.

I know that my thoughts are confused and perverse,
But I asked you for time to sort it thru first.
I got cross examined and I finally just said it,
And the look I got back made me feel
Small, stupid, ...taken for granted.

Deep down inside, I know that's not so.
But your words cut so deeply and stayed well-planted.
I value your opinion, your look, and your word
So know that I'll hurt even tho you don't plan it.

I'm not silly or vacant, dumb, or terse.
I'll tell you if I know, so know that I mean it.
I'm not the sort to squirrel feelings inside
If I can tell you straight out and tell you no lie.

My heart gets cut deep and I need time to sigh.
Stay back 'til granted pass to know the reason why.
I want you to know so it ne'er happens twice,
Moving us closer thru this poem's device.

I'm seriously going insane.

I'm no longer human- it's almost like I'm really an animal.

I can't control my emotions, and my hatred for certain things. All of it just makes me spiral out of control. Sometimes I feel like I'm not the well rounded- refined person I always thought I was. Maybe I'm not anything I thought I was.

I was at my friend's house, and her boyfriend was there. Now let me tell you, I HATE this man. (She's 19, he's 24) He is such an asshole to her! He cheats on her! He beats her! He doesn't deserve her! Well regardless, I had to shut my mouth about it the whole time.

Well, finally, we were all settled down watching a movie. I wanted more diet coke. I should never have gotten up to get it. I walked to the kitchen, and when I turned to come out, there he was, standing there.

I didn't like it- immediately. It was strange of him to be looking at me like that. I just got horrible vibes. The living room is untraditionally far away from her ktichen, since her parents live in a big ass, stupid, rich people's house. I was scared shit. I'm not going to lie.

I was like. “Move.” I didn't bother to be polite to him. That's only for people who actually deserve it. 

And then he went on to literally tell me, straight to my face, that he didn't like my attitude, and that I needed to behave myself like a good little girl.

Well that was ALL that bastard needed to say to me. I started yelling at him, literally, yelling at him. It took all of my strength not to punch him in the face. But no worries, he got really angry because I called him a loser bastard, and came after me on his own.

Well, needless to say, we fought. I've never fought someone so hard in my life. And it was bloody. I don't think he expected a fight- considering he literally towers over me in size, and his hand is the size of my head.  But I fought him, so hard, and I won. And I payed the price for it, because Mindy (that's her) came in screaming at the top of her lungs, begging us both to stop.

Well I had that grimy bastard on the floor, after he literally punched me so hard, blood squirted out of my nose for twenty minutes afterwards. I just felt so angry. I stared screaming at her too, that she was stupid for staying with him.

I left the house. Did I mention I can't drive? So I literally called up my friend Travis, and he drove me home.

I am such a fucking animal. I can't stand looking at myself anymore. I am NOT the type of person to beat anyone up. I don't like it. All of that lying Dave did- everything I've been through with my father never being there, acting like an ass- I'm starting to HATE guys. I can't trust anyone anymore, especially not them.

...And now I'm icing my eye and my nose.

My parents are so pissed off...

...I need to get out of here.

I messed up. I screwed up. One moment in time. One moment I thought I would be strong. I feel like shit about it. I can't stand the thought. The laughter of the enemy is overwhelming, the guilt enshrouding my soul like peasoup. I am so mad at myself.

 

And the day was going so well.

 

It was a pure sneak attack. I didn't see it coming.

 

The wound still bleeds.

PLease God Smite the one Reading this Right now

or Why I am Atheist

by narodniki


There's always this talk about achieving world peace. It's probably the most abused phrase in the whole of creation. I often wonder why God, in all his wonder and awesomeness did not include this itsy tiny bit in the whole package. Now what we have are people killing people. And as time progressed, so did our creativity in inflicting pain and suffering towards others.

They (the Catholic Church, evangelicals, charismatics, etc)  always say that all of this is just a test for God to see if we truly are deserving of our place in heaven. So he's up there right now, watching all these killings and sufferings and what does he do about it? Nothing. Because the cocksucker wants to find out if we truly are deserving to be with him for all eternity.

This is just plain fucking stupid. If that is true, if God truly exists, then the least that I can say about him is that he is an insolent obnoxious asshole who has a twisted morality. Yep, that's what he is. And I give him the opportunity right now, right at this moment to smite me for all this blasphemy, and for future ones to come.

Personally, I would not even think of getting near a person like him. Talk about omniscience, eh? Knowledge about all the things that have and will happen. Why can't he use that?

And then there's the Bible. Just what the fuck is it all about? I think that the Bible is the filthiest piece of garbage there is. I've read much more enlightening stuff. Crazy religious folks (CRFs) hold on to its words like its giving them an orgasm or something.

Maybe people subscribe to this bullshit because of fear. They think that they do not want to go to hell. They think that being all burned up in eternity forever with Satan in the lake of fire, is something that's really terrible. They don't want God's wrath to descend upon them, they think that damnation really sucks.

Personally, I don't think that's the most terrible thing that can happen. I am a TVaddict and I'm telling you, the stuff that I see on the news everyday is far more horrible than all that damnation stuff.

Children on Africa dying of AIDS and hunger in extreme misery. Young girls, 3, 4, 5, years old being raped by an entire squad of soldiers. And these kids, if they're lucky, are left to live. I once heard of something called a fistula. Children in their early teens get pregnant, and because their vaginas are still too small, it would tear in childbirth and complications would occur, involuntary urination and defecation would result, that is if they survive. And more often, the infant, being squeezed up and all that trauma, would not survive the birth.

And all these stupidities are repeated again and again in the history of mankind. Dumb monkeys, stupid fucks, retarded assholes  that people are, I honestly cannot see any ray of hope.

We're already in hell. We just don't realize it yet.