Anal Sex @ MindSay 
anal sex information
so if things weren't getting fubared enough, i had just finished reading for the night last night, (i got to part 2 in Carrie n i finished the book today. its a fast read, only took me yesterday n today, n if ur considering the movie or have seen it then i recomend u read the book) when i got a new text. (10:46pm) i figured it might be phoenix bugging me some more, but when i opened my phone it said the new message was from j. it simply said "welcome back to the area!" i kinda laughed to myself, not sure what to think of this or how to respond. i wondered if maybe he wanted sex, but he'd told me a couple months ago that he wasn't interested n e more n it was only a couple weeks ago that i got out of him why. on that same day he told me that me "drawing things out" was making him consider not even being friends w/ me n e more. After some thought, i wrote n sent a message saying, "Haha thanx. That was a nice surprise :) too bad i dont wanna be here" n after a moment of no response (which wasn't surprising) i sent him another asking if he was enjoying his break so far. i guess as i had been typing that one, he sent me another text asking, "get on aim?" i told him to give me a sec because i wasn't sure if the internet was working. (it hadn't been earlier) apparently it was, n sure enough, he was there on AIM.
i didn't want to say yes right away. i actually thought about it a little bit because i'm not sure this is something I really want. its funny cuz at the last rave party ben/rob/alex had i met j's really good friend and ex from high school named Shea. i didn't know who she was at first, but she was drinking a beer n hanging out in the kitchen n somehow i ended up in there hanging out, too, n we were just talking about violence n wanting to or actually knocking the crap out of guys when the touch us innappropriately n such n it was really awesome. She made this comment about how it was really nice having someone else who was violent around n i agreed. we talked a little more n when she talked about how her n j dated in hs n that she lived in Bakersfield, i realized who she was. before i knew who she was i'd mentioned that he'd been to the strip club in humboldt n she was super shocked n i'd told her about how he gave me E on New Years n disappeared. she said he just does that sometimes, n it made me feel so much better to hear someone that ACTUALLY KNEW HIM say that.
long story short, he was a dick to her that night n she disappeared at some point n i was worried so i sent her a message on myspace the next day asking if she was ok n telling her if she wanted to vent to me about him it was ok cuz he'd been kind of an ass to me, too. (at one point that night he disappeared n she was crying n i gave her a hug n was like, "i'm sober, so i can pamper you." she gave a weak laugh n said, "thanx," then added, "asshole ex-boyfriends..." i thought for a moment n then told her, "you know today is the first time he's spoken to me in a month?" it was true, n she just gave this little grunt as if to say, "what a prick" n then slowly walked away) her n i had shared a couple of messages about his jackassery yesterday, n it was weird that here when i was so angry n was about to tell her some crap that i knew i shouldn't have, j was suddenly being nice to me in a manner of speaking again. i thought it was an odd coincidence, n perhaps that coincidence is what made me decide that it was worth a shot. if i decided i was uncomfortable n it wasn't worth it, i could break things off. besides, i figured that he'd drive here only to discover he wasn't really into this n e more n e way. while i was waiting for him to come over i actually half expected him to stand me up, and divided between that part of me half thought he'd send me a text telling me he couldn't do it n half thought he just wouldn't show up or say n e thing to me at all. at 12:04am tho, i got a text from him that simply said, "allo." i knew he was here.
the sex was good and all, but i felt distracted the whole time, like something about it was fake. things deffinately aren't like the used to be between the two of us, n i wonder if that was it. i couldn't help but wonder if he felt it, too. it just seemed so strange to me that he'd still be attracted to me, even after everything, and a little bit later in the night while we were cuddling silently on his passenger seat i began to think about some of the things my therapist had told me about phoenix n started to think of them in terms of j. maybe he keeps coming back because he feels like he has some sort of power over me? power in knowing that if he wants sex i'll say yes? i'd like to think that's not true, but it might be. but last night was different in another way, too. we talked- a lot. we talked about a lot of things, too. it started after i gave him head- i'd sucked on him a little bit, then we had sex for a while, he jizzed on me a little, n then i went down on him again, this time with me on top between his legs. i also gagged a lot. it got to the point that when he did cum again i had to keep sniffling n i really wish i'd brought a tissue. when he had me stop sucking on him, (i just like to suck dick, that's how i am), i layed half next to him n half ontop of him on the seat, something we'd never done in his car before but we'd done in bed three times now, n he said that i should be more assertive about when i don't want to do things that make me uncomfortable. i was confused at first because i couldn't think of wtf he could have been talking about. he knows i like it when guys cum on my stomach- or at least he knows its ok w/ me. he knows i like it when guys cum in my mouth- or at least he knows its ok w/ me. then he said something about the deep throating feeling good even tho i gagged, but that its much more attractive when a girl stands up and says no to something she really doesn't want to do.
I got it- he thought that i was just gagging on him to make him happy.
he tried to explain more n i cut him off n said, "but i do want to do it." he paused for a moment n then said, "oh" in a very bewildered tone. i explained to him that i really like giving head, i just have a really strong gag reflex. its one of those strange paradoxes in my life, n i had told B about it, too, only i put it as, "i love giving head but because i have a strong gag reflex i'm no good at it," to which he responded, "You give pretty good head." coming from a man-whore like him, this actually made me feel a lot better. ^-^ n e way, i'm not sure if j really understood this, but he just said, "um, ok" n he continued stroking my back. i thought about it a minute n then i asked him, "do u always tell me when ur not comfortable with doing something?"
silence.
"no." "why not?"
he exhales.
"dunno."
pause.
"depends."
unfortunately he still doesn't know me well enough to know that this is never a good enough answer for me, n i asked "depends on what?" "i dunno. depends on the situation." i thought about pressing further n i'm not sure why i decided not to. i just thought it was kinda strange that here he was telling me that i should tell him when i'm uncomfortable, yet he won't do the same for me. after a moment of more thinking, i said, "can i tell u something that i wasn't comfortable w/ the first time we saw each other?" i kept playing with his chest in a flirty way so he'd know i wasn't mad or n e thing. "mmhmm." "when we first saw each other, i really wasn't comfortable not making u wear a condom the whole time we were having sex...and i wasn't comfortable taking all of my clothes off in a car because i'd never done it before incase a cop showed up n sure enough, the one time i did it, a cop showed up." we both laughed a little, seeing as how we've continued to strip completely in his car everytime n no other cops have shown up, n then i continued. "but i was afraid to tell you no because i was afraid that if i did you wouldn't want to see me again...n i mean, its no big deal now because i trust you, i'm not worried about getting diseases from you." "mmhmm."
i was surprised to still hear the happy tone in his voice, but i guess it was a good thing. maybe he was just in a good mood yesterday. maybe it was because i hadn't had sex in a little over a month n my tight pussy gave him a good time. i dunno, but from there we just talked a lot about a lot of things...i don't wanna go into everything cuz this entry is long enough as it is already, but it was very strange n kinda nice. i mean, since we've had sex i don't understand why he doesn't have the ability to open up to me, but i do understand that's just how some ppl are. i'm one of the weird ones who sees it as, "well we already shared our bodies in the most intimate way possible, why can't we open up about other stuff?" but of course this has its limitations, too. limits that he gently pressed.
i'd repositioned my head over his shoulder as he kept running his fingers along my back, n then i heard something out of him that i didn't expect: "Suicidal. Give one reason." i paused in shock, horror, and something i don't know what to call in one word. i felt almost moved i guess, flattered in a way that he cared enough to ask. (it occured to me later that it might have just been curiosity) i really didn't want to answer his question, but at the same time, why should i care? i have no reason to bullshit this guy. part of the reason i didn't want him knowing that i'm fucked up is cuz i was scared he wouldn't want to fuck me n e more, but i guess what he knows wasn't enough to scare him away. (n mind u, i didn't know he was still interested until the end of the above conversation) i'd had my arms wrapped around his shoulders under his neck, n i'd been holding him tightly. i said, "i have no friends here n i get really lonely." "that's no reason to want to kill yourself." why bother elaborating on that? "give another." i thought for a moment again, not sure how much and what i wanted to disclose to him. "i don't get along with my family and i don't like my family." "you've lived with them for 18 years, there has to be something about them that you like." again, why bother elaborating on this? going into details on the pain i've delt with n how i'm having a hard time finding more good than bad? no, it hasn't been all hell with them. good moments arise, n i know they love me. but i'm their daughter, they kinda have to. n they're my parents, so i kinda have to. "give another." i began to tremble n i could feel my arms grow cold. there was one other thing i could think to tell him, my horrible secret, the one that most of u on here who read my blog know. before i didn't want him to know cuz i was sure it would turn him away, but that's not what i cared about now. i didn't cum last night n its not because my body was in the wrong place, my mind was. i'm still not sure i want this, n i guess its because i'm not sure what his motives are. turning him away wasn't what i was worried about, i was just worried about him knowing. i mean, would u want ur fuck buddy knowing that ur first boyfriend repeatedly raped you? that everything you experienced "down there" for the first time was thro rape? even being fingered? would you want ANYONE knowing that??!! i hesitated for a moment, thought about it, and i started shaking. it was very small, so he probably didn't notice, but my grip on his shoulders loosened, n feeling the sensation of tears beginning to press between my eyes, i decided i didn't give a fuck n e more n that if he wanted to know then i was gonna tell the motherfucking asshole. quietly i whispered, "and i have ptsd."
"What's that?"
the calm friendliness in his voice clashed with everything i was feeling in this moment. i was still shaking, arms still felt cold. the tears began to press on my eyes even more. "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."
"From what?"
bam. slap. kick in the nuts. naivette, ignorance, stupidity, curiosity, cruelty, audacity, i dunno what. i was shocked to hear this n i wasn't sure how to answer. i could feel the shame, the guilt, the dirty feeling that never washes away deep in ur soul welling up in me again as our nude bodies pressed against each other, having just shared something consensually that he was unknowingly asking me to talk about having forced on me. The tears were about to burst thro my eyes n i quickly pleaded, "can i answer that another time?" "mmhmm" he said again.
naivette, ignorance, stupidity, curiosity, cruelty, audacity, i dunno what. his tone was still calm n friendly, not neccessarily happy i guess. i began to relax again n held him tightly again. a little while later i asked him if he knew what PTSD is n he said loosely. i asked him what he knew n he said it was, "one's ability to cope- or inability to cope, rather- with a traumatizing incident. it's most commonly..." he hesitated a moment, as if he knew something in this list was going to upset me, n i could feel my fingers unwillingly grip his chest tighter in the terrified anticipation of hearing him name the category i fell under, hearing the word that i can't believe i typed out in this entry just a few minutes ago that also makes an appearance in the tags on this entry. i didn't realize it until he slowly and carefully listed war vets, rape victims, and victims of traumatic accidents. his deffinition had offended me a bit. its not that i can't cope, its how i have coped. PTSD is like a defense mechanism for me, something that puts my brain in full and constant alert so i don't wind up in the situations that i've been in before. i told him that for the most part he was right, except for that one part wasn't quite the right way to put it. i told him that he should research the topic more thoroughly before i answered his question, n he said, "ok."
i don't know if me opening up to him like this made him open up to me, but for some reason he did last night. he told me about how he doesn't trust ppl n that it doesn't bother him. that he doesn't swear much unless he's angry. (something i've noticed n i told him that) that he thinks his body is flabby and he doens't like the way it looks. (not only did i tell him i liked it the way it was, but i also told him his body reminds me of Clive Owen's in Sin City, which is true) n he told me about that girl more, the one he mentioned in the conversation. we'd switched sides n we were just cuddling again when he said, "i'm jus
sex related things to do before i die:
have sex in the raindo double penetration (vibrator & cock)gave sex in a parkhave sex outdoorshave sex while drunk
did that really just fucking happen? did we really just walk here having that conversation n then fuck outside? well, it was anal when it started raining, so i guess tecnically i still haven't met my goal, but seriously- oh my fucking god. the only thing that could make tonight better that could realistically happen would be him spending the night.
fucking kim! why the fuck of all the nights does she have to be here tonight?!! lol. we need to do that more often.
Sex related things to do before I die:
Spooning position (vaginal intercourse)
I've been pondering off n on over the day how many and what details to include because I know that some of u enjoy reading about my sex-capades on the rare occasion that i have them. i have homework to do so i wanna keep this thing short, n once again stupid Scrubs hit a little too close to home n reliving the memories of last night/this morning make me feel kinda sad, but as with writing a book about the rave, i do post these details for my memories, too, so yeah. i'm gonna Tarantino this n talk about last night, n then in some other entry Saturday night, n then in some other entry today. :P so let me take a deep breath to shake some sadness before i start...
ok. Usually J calls me somewhere between 8:00pm n 10:30pm when he wants nookie, so i assumed that last night i wasn't going to hear from him, even tho the time i spent the night at his house he did call me at like 1:00am n last year in the dorms at least once he IMed me at like 11:30 asking "if i wanted to go somewhere." (he always says that. its so cute! there's only three exceptions to this- the last time we saw each other before him n C got together he asked if i was "up for a bit in the car tonight," the time before that which was when i spent the night at his place he asked if i wanted to come over, n then that one time we had sex on my period he asked if i wanted to see a movie n then "get a good fucking :P" XD that's the only time he's ever said n e thing about sex! oh, n the first time he asked if i was free tonight, lol. he's so cute ^-^) i masterbated, went to bed, w/e. i heard someone sign on AIM at about 12:15am, but it wasn't J. oh well.
sometime in the night i woke up to hearing my phone. I don't know if this has ever happened to n e of u out there, (w/ cell phones or regular phones), that someone called u in the middle of the night n u were so disoriented when u woke up that u didn't realize the phone was ringing because someone was calling you. well, last night- or this morning, i should say- i heard it go off n for some reason i thought i was getting a text message. i figured i'd look at it in the morning. Then my phone began to vibrate n started ringing again, n that's when i realized someone was calling me n had called me right before, n i picked up my phone n looked. To my shock n disbelief, i saw J's name on my phone. I opened my phone n answered as fast as i could cuz i didn't want him to think i wasn't interested, n i tried to pretend that i'd been awake but after saying hi to each other, he gave a little laugh n said, "I totally just woke u up, didn't i?" "oh its cool!" lol. he asked if i wanted to go somewhere n i said yes, n he asked if it was ok if he picked me up in about 10 minutes.
i thought about it. my room is a huge mess, but Kim wasn't home...
"umm, I'm just trying to think. My room mate isn't here so u could come over if u want, but my room is really, really, really, really, really messy!"
another little laugh.
"That's cool, i guess i'll just come over then."
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
i asked if he was walking or driving, n i didn't hear what he said at first so i asked to check if he was walking n he asked if he'd rather he drove n i said i didn't care. (cuz i don't) i almost asked if he wanted me to meet up w/ him like he did w/ me when i went to his place, but i knew it would be better to work on cleaning up my room n he didn't ask me to, so i figured it was ok. looking back i wish i had met up w/ him. :( but n e way, i looked at the time. 2:03am. Nice. i guess house calls are just meant to be made in the middle of the night. XD normally it would bother me that a guy was so horny he had to call me twice, but i think J knows that i would have been really pissed with myself if i'd missed his call, lol. n he's still such a huge sweetheart! :D but yeah, i got up, took out my retainer, (i probably sounded a little funny so that's probably another reason he thought he'd just woken me up) n started cleaning my room cuz i wasn't sure when he'd be over. i know it takes me between six n ten minutes to get to his place from mine, n originally he said he'd pick me up in 10 minutes, but since he was walking n he didn't have to warm up his car or n e thing he may be here sooner than 20 minutes. i took the towel off of my head, threw off my bathrobe n threw on my long sleeved Sum 41 shirt, n cleaned as i waited. At 2:16am i heard a knock on the door, n i felt so happy when i opened the door n saw him again, hehe! i let him in n i asked, "its not too cold out there for u, is it?" n he said it was very cold outside. i gave a little, "awww," n put my arm around him n started rubbing him again like i did after the rave while we were in SF looking for a bathroom. he gave a little laugh n as i locked the door he was like, "So i've never been to ur house before..." i told him to just go up the stairs n that i'd be up in a sec, but the light in the hall is dead n i didn't want him to trip on a chair or something so i waited for him to get where it was light before i turned the living room light off. "Yeah, n this is my horrible room." he said something about his room being messy too n he sat on the edge of my bed. As i turned off the light i was like, "yeah, its like this cuz i'm lazy," (i'd been prepping before he got there w/ all these excuses for why my room is a mess, n ultimately i told him the truth XD n i turned off the light not cuz i'm insecure about my body, we've had sex twice now when it was daylight, but because if he was spending the night i wasn't gonna wanna get up after we fucked to turn it off :P), n as i sat down next to him i continued with, "n sometimes I come home drunk n i'm like, 'i'm gonna watch a DVD!' so i throw shit everywhere," i smiled n looked at him, "n watch a DVD." He smiled back n said, "Good times," n then we both leaned in towards each other n kissed.
I love kissing this boy so much. it just feels so fucking GOOD! omg! because of how we were sitting we didn't hold each other as much as we did last time when we were making out, but that's ok w/ me. when he first started caressing my stomach up my shirt i made a little noise because his hand was so cold, n when i started caressing his body under his shirt he was like, "ur hands are cold; u've been in the house, they're supposed to be warm!" hehe, silly boy :P throughout the night, tho, we started something new that i really like when it comes to kissing, n we'd actually kinda first did once or twice when i went to his place a couple weeks back. I like to gently bite his lower lip, n what happens is when he kisses me he'll lightly suck on my upper lip, which makes his lower lip stick out for me to bite onto. omg, its so hot! n there was still much touching n soon enough we were both sitting nude on my bed, (yes, socks n all), just kissing and caressing each other. I was about to gently push him onto my bed and get on top of him when he asked, "Can you please suck on me?" hehe, i love how he always says please. ^-^ only twice when he's asked for head has he not said "please"- when i spent the night at his place, (altho i did it later w/o him asking n he said "thank you for that" :D), n the last time i saw him before last night, but he did still ask that time, hehe :)
i said sure n as he sat back a bit i started going down on him. he laughed a bit. "Here," he said as he wrapped an arm around my hips n i knew exactly what he wanted n i'm sooo happy he wanted it. i've wanted to do a 69 w/ him for a long time, n we finally got to. it smelled like he hadn't showered that day, or at least not before he came over, which stuck out to me cuz i'd been thinking about how he usually doesn't smell n how my ex n the first Sean i saw smelt like they had a dead whale between their legs. at least his dick still tasted fine, lol, n i'm sure my pussy smelt a bit, too, even tho i'd showered only a couple hours before. (my hair was still wet n i'd forgotten to put it up before he got there, which made things kinda interesting, lol) i did feel bad cuz i haven't shaved in a while, tho. one more thing i could have done while i was waiting for him if my room wasn't a mess.
i was on top of him, n that was probably the best oral i've ever gotten. i even came semi-close to cumming, n that's never happened before! :O (for those of u who don't know, i've never had an orgasm from oral sex) but i could tell he was having a REALLY good time, hehe. he was moaning so much n so loud, omg. he even moaned my name! :D lol, it was so hot! unfortunately, tho, i still can't deep throat cuz of my gag reflex, n i know he wanted that. :/ i'd try to stick it in deeper n he'd moan more, n at one point after we'd been doing this for a while and i slowly went down as deep as i cold n pulled my lips up his dick, he moaned softly, "I want more of that!" i gave a little laugh. the thing is, its not like i hadn't been trying. i'd try to take it in deeper or he'd put his hand on the back of my head (he wasn't forcing my head down, he was just holding it in place. other guys force it down) n start thrusting n i would choke. n because we were 69ing n i was on top, he could feel my whole body spasm as i choked and as soon as he felt/heard it he'd stop. besides, i love hearing his little moans when i'm almost at the right spot. i love the tease it gives him n in each of those little moans i can hear him begging for more. ;) but i also know that J isn't the type of guy to really go for a tease, n i've ALWAYS felt bad ever since i first started giving head that i couldn't take it in deeper because of my gag reflex. After J's comment n my little laugh, i lifted my head up n i said, "I'm sorry, but I'm trying!" as he laughed he said, "Don't be sorry!" awww, hehe. when was the last time a girl heard a fuck buddy say THAT? n then he added, "But thank you for trying." a little pause. "Thank you SO MUCH for trying!" XD!! he's amazing.
after going down on each other a bit longer, my head n hand finally got into a rhythm w/ J's hips n i knew he was gonna cum. I was so excited. i was gonna do it. i was gonna make him cum from giving him head! i took my other hand n started to caress him n hold onto the back of his thigh, which he seemed to like n he moaned more as i did that. i couldn't believe it, he was gonna do it. my saliva was all over my hand n it was getting all over my face n it was totally disgusting, but i held out for him because i knew it was gonna happen...n e second now...he...was gonna...his moans intensified. he got louder n stopped playing w/ my pussy. i kept going, i wasn't gonna quit, n with one more moan i could soon taste his orgasm in my mouth. i did it! yeah, i didn't do it by myself, but that is only the THIRD TIME i've ever gotten a guy off with my mouth, (the first time it was just my mouth w/ that guy Niel, the second it was my mouth n my hand w/ Doug), n its not like we haven't tried to coordinate myself w/ his hips, it just never worked out until last night. n trust me, hearing the way he said, "Thank you SO MUCH for trying" sealed the deal in my mind that he was having a hell of a good time. :D i kept sucking on him after he climaxed cuz that's just something i like to do after a guy cums, n usually he just swats me away when he's done. well, this time he let me play around a bit n he kept licking my clit. XD i usually don't really get to play with J when i go down on him cuz he doesn't like being teased, but now was a nice opportunity n i could tell by the little sounds he was making that he was enjoying it, hehe. i started to lick his balls a bit n then he gently started to push my head away n i went back to sucking on him. his dick slipped out of my mouth a couple times, n both times he moved it back in my face. XD (i love it when guys move their penises w/ the muscles in that area, i think its like the coolest thing ever)
after a bit he said he wanted to go under the covers cuz he was cold so we got under the blankets n he started playing w/ my nipples, which is always amazing. i had to blow my nose quickly after he started because both my nose and my eyes had gotten all watery from choking so much on his dick. we started kissing again n then he started playing with my clit, which is also always amazing...most of the time. :P (it got a little sore later on, lol) our bodies were so close together, so warm, n i finally whispered, "i want you inside of me..." after a moment, he said, "Turn around." i was so excited- we were gonna spoon! this is a position i've always wanted to do w/ sex n never had. (altho me n Nam did anal that way all the time, lol) i kept curling up to try to get him inside me, n i grabbed his cock n tried to put it in. He said, "Greedy greedy!" n i thought it was because of that. I looked back n said, "Fine then!" about 30 seconds later i found out it was because i was stealing all the "covers" as he kept calling them XD i didn't even realize i was doing it! lol. i threw the blankets back behind me n once he was covered, penetration occured. n it felt amazing. i wanted to say something about how this was the first time i'd done that position simply because it felt so good, but at the same time, i didn't wanna talk...i wanted to take it...cuz it felt...sooo....good...i finally managed to say, "I think i have a new favorite position," n if he'd done me harder i probably would have climaxed in that position, but alas, it didn't happen. shortly after he started, tho, he somehow ended up w/ all the blankets n even tho i noticed i didn't say n e thing because i didn't think i was in n e position to be accusing someone of stealing covers. (no pun intended i guess, hehe) besides, he felt so good inside of me that i was much more focused on that than the cold surrounding me, (good thing he fingered me a bit first while he was eating me out, that's all i can say), he suddenly said, "Now you have no covers!" n he moved the blankets back to make sure i was covered! aaawwwwww!!!! do u see why i love sex w/ this boy?!
after doing that for a while, (it was more difficult to keep that position than i'd anticipated), he pulled out n got on top of me, which was also super hot. it just kinda sucked, tho, cuz by that point i was so wet that there wasn't enough friction for me to really get n e thing. :/ it still felt good n it still felt better than sex w/ n e body else i've had it with, but i knew that unless i wiped down a bit i wasn't gonna cum. i was wondering when he was going to be ready to cum again, because usually after the first time n before his second orgasm he tends to be very quiet, almost as if i'm getting more out of the sex than he is, but he always does it n he keeps coming back for more, so i guess he enjoys it. n he does cum again eventually, lol. :P but n e way, it was really nice to have him on top because at first his body was pressed against mine n we held each other as he thrust into me. then he lifted up his body a bit n i looked up at his face as he fucked me. he's so hot. and the way the shadows hit him i couldn't see his eyes, but he was still so sexy to watch. he paused for a moment n gave a little cough, n he gave an embarassed laugh n apologized. I smiled n asked, "Do you want some water?" another little laugh. "I think i'll be fine." ok i said, n then we kissed a bit more n then he was over my body again. he played w/ my nipples some more for a bit, fucked me a bit longer, (n that's when it felt REALLY good cuz i was able to coordinate my hips w/ his n omg, it made him moan, too!), n then he got close to me again. "What do you want?" he asked. "hmmm...." i tapped on his back as i thought. (i'd been running my hands along his back as he was on top cuz i know he loves it) it was a tough choice- part of me wanted to get on top, but the other part..."I want you to do me from behind." i watched him as he got up, n it looked as if he hadn't really wanted to do that, but he was willing to n e way. i should have said something. :/ if he doesn't get a gf within the next two weeks i'll ask him what he wants like i did when i saw him a couple weeks back. and i could have been wrong- he told me once last year when i was giving him "chills" as he calls it, (fuck he's so cute, lol), that i looked bored n the honest truth was that i wasn't. i like doing that to him because i like making him feel good, especially cuz i have a feeling that's something unique that he hasn't gotten from n e body else. (the "this is better than cumming" when we first saw each other, hehe;))
we started doing it doggy style, which was also amazing, but i started getting really sore at this point n so was my clit. like, it still felt good, but it was becoming a little too sensitive now n it was starting to pain me more than please me. we were on all fours on my bed, n he did his best to make sure we were both covered. (Such a sweety! :D they all ended up falling off n e way, but he still tried! awww!) After cumming a few times, (and moaning his name XD i guess it was only fair cuz i got him to say mine earlier, lol), he took a little break. "Did u cum?" "Oh yeah." lol. after a moment he went back inside me n started thrusting really hard again. "Come on, cum for me again, Jennifer." i did several times, n i could hear that he was moaning now. he was ready to cum again, n i was ready for him to. like i said, the sex still felt good, but i was getting sore. Part of me wanted to tell him that, but at the same time i pride myself on being able to outlast guys, and damn it, that's not going to change! lol. at one point he said, "Question." hehe. "Yes?" "Do u keep arching ur back in pleasure, or to get away from me." "ummm...." at the same time we both said, "A little bit of both," lol :P he started going really slow which felt awesome, n the whole time he was behind me he'd start caressing my back again. He even leaned forward n started kissing it a couple of times, omg. amazing! n a couple times when he did that i reached behind me n ran my nails along his back the way he likes it, too, hehe. :) i think he knows that my back is a huge pleasure spot for me now, hehe. (Nam's the only other guy that ever figured that out :P) he'd reach around n play w/ my nipples every now n then, too, which he'd been doing pretty much consistantly since we first went under the covers, n i really enjoyed it cuz he didn't really play w/ my nipples at all the last time i saw him before last night. i even watched him again for a bit, too, n watched him play w/ my clit again thro my legs, n eventually he stopped. He pulled my body up towards his like he did after doing me doggy style the morning i spent the night w/ him. my back was against his chest, both of us sat w/ our legs folded under us and opened, one of my arms was over our legs on each side, n his hands ran over n caressed my whole body as he kissed my neck n shoulders. i loved it, every second of it. sitting with him like that and feeling him makes me feel so beautiful. it was interesting working around my hair the whole night, but even now as it hung around me it just completed the picture and feeling of me as a goddess. i bent my head back n we kissed a couple times before i rested the side of my face against his n he kissed down my throat. his hands ran up my arms, over my breasts, my stomach, down one side of my neck as he kissed the other. i felt amazing.
n i waited in anticipation for his next move. i knew he wanted to cum again n i wanted him to. when a guy can make u feel as gorgeous as he looks, why wouldn't you? finally when my head was forward again i heard him ask something i'd been expecting to hear but had become so entranced in the night's previous activities that i'd forgotten completely all about. n normally i'm not so in the mood for it, but now, especially cuz i know its something he's wanted to do, n its something i've wanted to do with him, not to mention how sore my pussy now was. my perineum stung! :( (look it up, lol)
"Do you have lube?"
i knew exactly what he wanted it for, but before i could even say yes, he quickly added,
"Can I have anal?"
based on how quickly he asked it, i think he was expecting me to say no. but i mean, how could i? "can i have anal"- just his word choice in asking. so sweet! i said "yes" n i grabbed one of the two little packs of lube that the health center on campus gives out from time to time n i got on all fours on my bed again. i didn't bend over this time like i did when we were doing doggy, tho, because i wasn't sure i could take it like that and as it turns out i was right. i put my hair up quickly n half-assedly as he opened the lube, n after he first did he reach around my body n started rubbing my clit again n i gently took hold of his wrist and slowly moved his hand away n with a shy laugh i said, "No more of that, please." i felt bad saying that, but one of the things that's amazing about having sex w/ J is that rather than tryin again or tryin to talk me into letting him do it some more, he listened to me n stopped. he respected me. He respects me. and it always amazes me every time cuz sure he's not perfect, but c'mon, how many of u have had fuck buddies that would treat u as good as he'd been treating me even just tonight? making sure i was still warm under the covers n everything! i still felt bad, tho, cuz i know he was just trying to please me n its not like he did n e thing wrong, its just that my clit had been getting pretty much constant attention for about 45 minutes straight at the least now n its not used to that kind of contact. usually when we see each other he doesn't rub it that much, maybe 20 minutes at the most, but it started w/ oral n continued all the way up to this point. the pain was now outweighing the pleasure, n i felt bad because i didn't want him to think he failed or n e thing. he didn't say n e thing about it, tho, n he just used both hands now to lube up his cock n my ass.
I'm not sure why guys feel the need to lube up the while crack to the point where it meets my lower back, but w/e. i was about to suggest that he finger my ass a bit first before he tried to put is cock in there, but just as i was about to say it he did it. he'd been very generous with the lube n that made me really happy. Andy n the second Sean i saw both under did it n seem to think that the asshole is just another vagina on a girl, which it isn't in n e way, shape, or form. i was very glad that J knew what he was doing. i thought about asking him if he'd done anal before, but he knew what he was doing so well that its a pretty safe bet that last night was not his first time doing it. i tried to tell myself to just relax n it wouldn't be so bad, n then he started.
at first his head halfway inside my anus hurt a lot. a LOT. i tried to just tell myself to relax. maybe he needed to put on more lube? i took a couple deep breaths n braced myself as i slowly felt more pain, but once his head was all the way in, the rest of his penis slid in smoothly n it felt incredible. Its difficult to say whether or not last night was the best anal i've ever had because it was so intimate and loving when Nam n i would do it. it was so meaningful that that's one thing that made it so beautiful, but considering that its all about just physical pleasure for me n J, this might be at the top if not a tie. He deffinately used the perfect amount of lube, but as i had guess, whenever i tried to bend down it started to hurt a lot, so i just stayed up on my arms n that was perfect. n of course, as soon as he was in all the way i knew he'd be wanting to fuck my ass again sometime. "oh god." j never says that during sex. (he'd had me pretty much screaming it earlier when we were doing doggy style, only it was "oh dear god" n once i only got as far as "oh dear" XD) but he said "oh god" several times. he moaned a lot, n each one was deep. i always get compliments on how tight my ass is when i do anal with a guy, n J didn't need to say it cuz i could hear that he agreed n he loved it just as much as the other guys. i wondered if he was gonna cum in my ass or pull out n come on my back. regardless, he was deffinately gonna cum quick. then he softly asked, "Can I cum inside you here?" (hehe, he's so cute ^-^) i said yes, n without much hesitation he started thrusting faster. it felt really good, n i actually did come really close to cumming with him. (because of the angle or whatever of what we were doing, it was putting pressure on my bladder, which in turn put pressure on my clit from the inside, n that's what made me almost cum...at least that's what it felt like was going on, lol) i love hearing him cum, n i can tell he's having a really good orgasm when he gets really, really loud, n then right at the moment he starts ejeculates he gets completely silent, n after that first squirt he moans again n eventually gets quieter as he finishes cumming. i love it, hehe. :D
as soon as he was done he pulled out n he sat back on his legs again behind me n i stayed on all fours. we were both panting. that had been really intense for both of us n we both needed a moment. i also knew that if i sat up right away, all of J's little soldiers were gonna come marching right back out again all at once n that was not a mess i wanted to deal with at the moment. (luckily there wasn't that much semen cuz he'd first jizzed only about an hour earlier) after a bit, tho, he put a hand on one of my shoulders n pulled back gently, and again we were sitting up against each other as we had been before- only this time as my body relaxed, my vagina kept queefing. that sucked. it had happened a couple times when he'd been doing me from behind, but now it KEPT HAPPENING while we were in this beautiful position that we'd been in before. i gave a little giggle. "I'm queefing, i swear!" i'd queefed a couple times the last time i saw him, too, n at the time i hadn't thought much about it. however, i realized sometime later that day that boys can't tell the difference between a queef n a fart. they both sound the same, only a queef has no smell to it because its just trapped air escaping. ever since thinking about that, tho, now queefing embarasses me a lot cuz i'm not sure if he knows what's really going on. :/ but after i said that he just gave a little laugh n he kept caressing me even tho it kept happening n i reached behind me to run my nails over his shoulders. "Will you give me chills? Can I lay down?" he asked the questions almost as quickly as he'd asked if he could have anal. i said yes n he layed down on his stomach n i sat over his butt so i could reach and see all of his back, n i started to caress him like i always do.
after doing that for a bit i looked at the clock above my bed on the window sill. i was cold n i was feeling tired. it as 3:40am. i looked down at J's body under me. ok, so he wasn't as sexy looking down on his back as he is looking down on his front, but that's ok. i figured that at 3:50am i'd be done with this n as i caressed his back i kept thinking of a tactful way to stop because i felt rude doing so if he wasn't ready for me to do so. :P i started rubbing his back, too, n it went from being chills to giving a massage, which he also loved. once tho he was trying to give me directions on what to do, n i sweetly said, "You're talking into my pillow, i can't hear you!" lol. at about the time i was going to quit, he rolled over onto his side n i crawled under the covers n layed down next to him. at first his head was down by my breasts, which i thought was really sweet, but it wasn't very comfortable for either of us, so we moved so that we were on our sides, each with an arm around the other n the arms to the sides we were laying on between us, (my hand was on his arm for a bit :)), face to face, n then he rolled over onto his back n i put my head on his soulder up against his neck n he put the arm to the shoulder i was resting on around my body n over my waist, i put the arm i wasn't laying on across his body, n he put his other arm over that one. we even had our legs wrapped around each other's at first. ^-^ it was so fucking warm n it felt so good...except for his stubble stabbing my face, lol. he looked up. "3:53?" "yep." "oh jeez..." "when do u have class?" "8." :O 8:00am?! well shit, its not like he hadn't been having fun...lol, it it was 2:00am when he called me. why was he up so late n e way? lol.
he got to sleep before i did, n unlike when i spent the night at his place, i was able to sleep last night. it was weird because i kept having these dreams that he'd left, n then i'd suddenly snap awake n there he'd be, right next to me. i thought it was funny cuz its usually the other way around- i'm with him in a dream, n then i snap awake n he's not here. kind of interesting i think...lol...but n e way, he snored a lot, which he had a little bit when i'd slept with him before, only it hadn't been nearly as loud or consistant. he was sleeping with his mouth opened n that made me worry about him, so i tried to move my arm so i could re-adjust his head. J, however, had the magic G.I. Joe Kung-Fu grip on it. it was so cute! he was holding onto my arm so tight that i couldn't move it, lol. my only other option was to try to nudge him with my head n i did. however, every time i did this he would move his head, it would stop for a moment, n then it would start up again. at least i tried, right? n then he started talking in his sleep. on the way back from x-mas break, him n C had been talking about how he apparently used to talk in his sleep. and as i found out last night, he apparently still does. (he didn't at all when i spent the night w/ him before) it was funny cuz a couple nights ago i had a random dream w/ him in it in which he'd been sleeping n he started saying fucked up shit in his sleep. i don't remember what it was in the dream now, but it was like super racist crap like what my room mate says. most of what he said last night, tho, was just jibberish, which was super cute.
at one point when i'd fallen asleep, tho, i thought i heard him say, "Take it off" n i thought i felt him tug on my arm. i wasn't sure if this was part of a dream or not, so i held him closer n then he said, "Take it off completely!" n he kinda threw my arm off of him, lol. i continued to lay next to him on my side, tho, n he still had his other arm around me. After throwing off the arm i'd had across his body, i put it along my side n he moved his hand so it lightly touching where my breasts met. (seeing as how i was laying on my side, they were laying on top of each other) his fingers moved around against the skin there, n he didn't touch my nipples or n e thing like that. he just kinda moved his fingers around there, barely touching them, almost as if he really wanted to grab them and caress them, yet he was afraid to, n by the way his hand moved it almost seemed like that fear was coming to him because he didn't know what they were, lol. it was so cute! he probably did that for 30 seconds to a minute, n then he put his arm back over his stomach n relaxed as if nothing had happened. i waited a moment n then i put my arm back over his body, n he got this happy little smile on his face n he put his arm over my arm n squeezed it to his body again. hehe, it was so cute! i think one thing i loved about it even more is that when I visited Anna in Ohio she did something really similar the last night i was there- i was cuddled up to her w/ my arm over here n she was sleeping on her back the way me n J were, n then she threw her arm off of me, told me a bunch of jibberish, n rolled over onto her side with her back facing me. :P only i didn't try to cuddle up with her again, i just let her be, lol. a few minutes later J told me a bunch more jibberish, n i listened to him, wondering what the fuck he was trying to say, n then we both fell back to sleep.
my alarm woke us up at 7:00am cuz i needed to take my pill n i figured it wouldn't be a problem cuz that would give J enough time to walk back to his place, get ready for class n go. "What time is it?" "7" "Fuck!" he jumped out of bed as i swallowed my pill, n at first he wasn't sure where his clothes had gone. (he still has that white sweatshirt Mark let him borrow on new years n i'd been wearing white sweatpants, so that's why he was confused.) i moved behind him n said, "urs are those ones" n i pointed to the little pile of his clothes. we both got dressed because i was going to walk him out, n i sat next to him n hugged him. i asked when he had class on tuesdays n thursdays n he said he has to work @ 8:00am. ouch. i told him i could never do an 8:00am class, n theh he decided he wanted a power nap, lol. i set my alarm for 7:26am. we cuddled again, only this time he had his back to me n i had an arm around him. He wore his shoes in my bed! lol, how many girls do u know that would let a guy do that? :P they hurt my feetsies. :( so i just tried not to touch them, lol. i kept checking the time because he didn't get up when my alarm went off, but when i tried to reach behind me with the hand i had around J, i realized that once again he had a tight grip on it n would not be letting go. even now that we had clothes on he was still so cuddly w/ me, hehe. ^-^ time passed n as i whispered to him that it was 7:30 he said he knew. i wasn't sure if he was just telling me that or if he actually did know, cuz from where i was it looked like he'd put his hat/cap on his face to block out the light. (he took that damn thing off as soon as we started kissing this time, it made me so happy! lol) i whispered it was 7:35 n then he told me he wasn't going to his first class. "Are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure." i wasn't going to press it more than that, n i cuddled up to him wondering when he would leave n if it would be before Kim got back home. i asked when his next class was n he said 9:00am n i told him my class was at 10:00, kind of as my way of letting him know that i was gonna have to get ready soon. at 8:00am, he said, "Time to go." I started to get up n he rolled over n looked at me. "Good morning!" we hugged, n then he said "bye-byes!"
i guess he thought i was just gonna lay in bed, which was tempting because it was oh so full of J warmth, but it would have been so rude for me to have done that, especially cuz once we got downstairs he wasn't sure how to unlock the door. we said bye again, n then i watched him walk away throw the window. he put his hood up over his head n pulled the strings tight. poor guy. i wished i could have kept him warm somehow on the walk back, n i felt rude that i couldn't again. i saw him turn the corner, n then i ran up here, posted the previous entry, showered, (which may have pissed off my roomie, but i can get to that another time. her n ruben are here tonight, too, so good timing on J's part!), made breakfast n went to class. i couldn't get back to sleep after all that, and until about 10:30am i was ok, but that's a story for another entry. :)
when i went online after taking my shower after j left my place yesterday morning, i went online n he was on. XD i IMed him, "did u sleep well?" partially as a joke n partially cuz i really wanted to know cuz i slept so terribly at his place, lol. i think he did, tho. :P i'm not surprised that he didn't respond because by that time it was almost 8:30 n i figured he just went on really quick before he had to leave for class, n sure enough, a couple minutes after i sent him that he signed off. its probably gonna be a while before we see each other again, tho, cuz my period is gonna be next week. :( then again, if we're alone i could always suck him off n "give" him anal again. XD i think its so cute the way he says that, hehe. he's really giving it to me, but w/e. damn, with how happy that made me i'll bet he has another gf by now.
*sigh* this is just lame. back to homework for me now.
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